Alcohol & Boredom: Why You Keep Drinking / EP 134

Ever notice how boredom seems to whisper... "Have a drink?"

What if that urge has less to do with boredom... and more to do with how alcohol has trained your brain?

In this episode of Sober & Lit, Ruby and Susan unpack why everyday life can feel dull after years of drinking... and why that's not your fault.

Inside this conversation:

• Why alcohol rewires your brain's reward system
• The surprising upside of boredom
• Coach Ruby's powerful 4 Boredom Buckets coaching tool
• Simple ways to create new habits that actually stick

If weekends, quiet afternoons, or "nothing to do" moments are your biggest drinking triggers, this episode could completely change how you see boredom... and yourself.
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Do you find yourself reaching for a drink simply because you're bored? Download my FREE Alcohol & Boredom Worksheet to discover what's really driving the urge... and explore simple, meaningful ways to create a life that feels more fulfilling than a glass of wine.

🧡 Get your free worksheet now: https://coachingwithruby.com/AlcoholBoredom

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Connect with the Podcast Hosts:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Sober and Lit, the podcast for women who want to get sober, stay sober, and live a life that's way more lit than it ever was with wine.

SPEAKER_01 0:09

We're your hosts, Ruby and Susan, two alcohol freedom coaches keeping it real with stories, tools, and zero judgment.

SPEAKER_00 0:16

Whether you're sober, curious, or all in, you're in the right place.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Let's feel lit alcohol free.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Welcome. Hello. So excited to be here again. Yeah, so another life that has written in and given us a question that we're gonna answer today, which is a common thing we hear a lot in our coaching, right, Ruby? Yes. Yes. And I can relate to this question big time. Okay. So I'm gonna read the question, which is I went over 30 days about a year and a half ago. I'm losing control again. I have been for a while. Need to just stop. Oh, I can feel the pain, right? I want to be the best me I can be without alcohol keeping me from achieving it. I've realized that boredom is a huge trigger for me. What strategies can help me cope with boredom, especially during the times when I drink out of being bored? So, Ruby, yeah. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Yeah. Well, I want to first. I think it's uh always a good idea to like kind of delve into the science a little bit. I like to do that. So, yeah, so psychologically and neurologically, alcohol's definitely impacting our brains, you know. And let's let's just I'll just shed some light into why it can lead to this feeling of boredom. You know, alcohol affects the brain's reward system by releasing dopamine, and it creates a temporary sense of pleasure and satisfaction, you know, that dopamine. However, you know, over time the brain starts to associate alcohol with pleasure and other activities without it, it seems like things are just less re rewarding, our regular things are just less rewarding. So this can lead to a cycle where non-alcoholic activities feel dull because the brain's threshold for pleasure has been artificially raised. And it makes it harder to find the joy in simpler everyday experiences. So let me give you like an example would be like let's think of someone who enjoys painting, you know, and initially they find it relaxing and fulfilling to paint. It's like something they love. And but if they start drinking regularly, they might begin to feel that painting is less enjoyable without a drink. And as the alcohol starts to alter your brain and your reward response, you know, it it just feels like less fun to do the fun things. Like another, like I love hiking and I get like that natural high from exercising and hiking and being out in nature, but eventually that just doesn't compare to that buzz you're getting from alcohol because it's so artificially high. I mean, there's nothing in nature that gets your dopamine raise that artificially high. It's so high, and then you have that, you know, low afterwards. And you start to like instead of hiking or exercising, you want to just drink. I hear this all the time. Like, I used to run in the mornings, you know, or I used to hike in the afternoons or whatever. So you start to yearn for the drink, and then you shift, and this can then be of a cycle, a cycle that just, you know, and alcohol only starts to provide like the what you think is let not bored, boredom, right? It's like so for my story, okay. I want to just share a little bit about me because I really, really relate to this. Like, bored would pop into my head. It would just literally, it was like almost like seeing the sentence, I'm bored, and the very next millisecond was drink. Like that was like there was no even gap in time. And but when I think back now, it's kind of interesting. I realized that I was the most boring person drinking. Like, not only did I drink because I thought I was bored, but the things I did once I started drinking were just like watching TV or staying home. So it's so interesting. I love this topic. We have a really great episode for you. Now that I've gone to the science, so Susan, why do we think boredom is so bad? Like boredom, bad. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:44

Well, I think that in our culture, we've been kind of taught that being bored is bad. Like, for example, when you are a kid and you're like, I'm bored, at least in my family, it would be like, well, I'll give you something to do, you know. So it was like, ooh, being bored was bad. You didn't want to tell mom you were bored because then she'll find you something to do, which is usually chores. So it was sort of like it was negative to go to your mom and say, you know, or your parents and say, you know, we were bored. And I I also remember I have this great story from my French teacher, and she was from France, and she was always like, Oh, you American children, you're always saying you're bored. She goes, you know, in French, I am bored. Je m'enouis means I bore myself. And then it's like, oh, okay. So that's like bad. Like if you bore yourself, then you're boring, just like you said. So there's like a lot of negativity around being bored. I also think that a lot of it is not necessarily that we're bored, but we may, I found this with myself, is like I had become through drinking and just the busyness of our culture and life, that I become very disconnected from myself. And then to this listener's point, like I would find myself with a little bit of extra time on a Saturday afternoon, and I wouldn't know what to do with myself. And I that would make me anxious, and then that would make me drink. So just being disconnected from ourselves and not used to being with myself, and then having unsupportive coping mechanisms, because my only coping mechanism was drinking, then I would just reach for a drink and day drinking, you know, on the weekends when I would be bored. And so yeah, it's but actually, again to the science, there is an upside to boredom. There is good that can come from being bored. And scientifically, boredom boosts our creativity and allows for curiosity. So when you're bored, if you can just get a little curious, and you know, curiosity is one of those words we use all the time. It's part of the alcohol-free journey. So if all of a sudden you're bored, you can be like, oh, you know, what's going on? Why? Oh, I'm feeling a little bored, and get curious about it and just allow yourself to just kind of be bored. It can lead to important breakthroughs, maybe on a personal level. It can give you some insights, maybe to try new things, right? To give you a little kick in the butt of like, well, maybe I'll try this or maybe I'll try that. So, I mean, what do you think, Ruby?

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Yeah. The upside to boredom, I mean, boredom really can be a good thing. Like it really can. Like it can prompt us to seek out new experiences and hobbies or challenges, and it can actually be a signal that our current activities or whatever we're doing or our environment is not stimulating enough. Like it's it's there to inform us. That word pops into your mind, you know, it's it's a place to possibly expand or be creative, like you said, or discover yourself, or use this as an opportunity for personal growth. And I think you kind of moving through the boredom is where you can actually find a really rich life, I think. I think it's part of it's part of this whole alcohol-free journey, I think, is is figuring this boredom piece out. And and maybe changing, right? Changing, we talk about turnarounds or shifts and you know, boredom is bad to how about boredom is pretty good.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

And yeah. Or if you're not ready for that complete turnaround, it's like I'm curious about what could be good about being bored. I think also sometimes this just came to me. We can conflate boredom with just being uncomfortable with relaxation. Like I'm not good at relaxing. I'm just not. I need to, I do need to can even now still work on this. But I think, especially in the beginning, if I was conflating just the, you know, a natural rest and relaxation state that I was not used to being in with being bored, it would make me anxious to have nothing to do. And naturally, when my alcohol-free journey, because it was during COVID, there wasn't that much to do. But there was a piece about it because you couldn't go do anything. So there wasn't that pressure of I should be doing something. That's the pressure I always put on myself. So I would have this time in the afternoons and I wasn't drinking, and I would just be wandering around the yard because basically that was the only place I could go, right? During COVID. And I was so grateful to have a yard. And then I would just sort of wander around. And then one day I found like these flagstones that were like under the deck, and I'm like, oh, and I started pulling them out, and then I started making a little path around my garden. I didn't have that as a plan to do. That just came out of me just having this time being bored and just wandering around my yard, and then I'd found something to do, which was, you know, make this little path. So yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

I mean, being bored is actually, I think it's something really important. We, we, we were having a little chat earlier before the episode around children and and actually if we're so busy as adults or children, and we're just go, go, go, go doing our to-do list, doing our chore list, you know, work, and then we, you know, I think about it like those parents, you know, the parents that just have their kids, you know, doing one activity to the next activity, and that, but there's something so beautiful to being bored. And and like you just said, what comes out of that is creativity a lot of times. And maybe something really profound or new or you experience something new, a new hobby, a new I don't know. You can even, even with your phone, you can go down like rabbit holes, which are really fun. But uh, I really want to talk about this. You're like, well, how because the original question is like, what can what was the actual question? Like, how can I like what's a tool?

SPEAKER_00 11:10

What strategies can help me cope with boredom, especially during the times when I drink out of being bored? So, what are some strategies? And I know you have one, Ruby.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

Yes, I have a good one. I love this strategy. I call it my four boredom buckets lists. So, so like boredom, whenever boredom pops in your mind, I want you to go to this list that you're gonna prepare. And I want this list to be big if you can, like meaning put all kinds of even some crazy stuff on there that you don't think is even possible, but just for fun. So the four buckets are I'll say them first and then we'll go through each one. So self-care, okay, like friendships or connection or community, whatever you want to like friends and you know, people, projects and hobbies is number three. And the fourth one is like move your body in some way. So like get up and do something, right? So for self-care, you know, you can ask yourself this question what do I find that's soothing and comforting? And it's not all about like getting a pedicure or go having a spa day. Self-care is just we talk about it a lot, but there's it's so much more than it's that relaxation piece that you were talking about earlier, Susan. Like self-care, what's soothing, what's comforting? You know, do you have you want I want to get your what are your like top two or three self-care Susan?

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Self-care, what I would do is I like reading. Reading seem is, I mean, that's an ing activity that could also be in like an activity. Self-care. Oh my gosh, I probably need to work on this. You're stumping me, Ruby. I probably need to work on my self-care. I mean, I go for a walk. If I feel like I I'm anxious or I need self-care in the moment, walking with no podcasts, no nothing, just going being out in nature is my self-care. Like I just love being outside and in nature. I would go do feet up the wall, maybe if I can't go outside, doing a little yoga snack, just move my body with, you know, I call a snack, is like a five, a 10 to 15 minute yoga session. Um, doing your nails and stuff sometimes. Sometimes doing my nails feels more like a chore than self-care.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

My latest kind of self-care is anytime I can find like just five minutes. I have a deck now right out here. And I just for five minutes, I like sit in the sun and I just let the sun kind of bathe me. And oh my gosh, that to me is like so soothing and comforting. Anyway, I can't wait to hear your list. Like, you know, join our Facebook group and let's post some of these ideas. But okay, so friendship, community, connection, that's number two. So some ideas I have are like call a friend or put a like a coffee date with a friend on your calendar.

SPEAKER_00 14:04

What ideas do you have, Susan? Yeah, I would, I mean, all of my family's out in California. So then it's like, oh, I haven't talked to my sister for a while. I could call her, call my mom, text my daughter. She doesn't answer her phone very often. So I text her. Yeah, connecting with my family, I think is really important to me. And I am super busy right now. It's really funny that like I'm like self-care. I don't know. I don't have any experience. Well, you go through those periods. I know, yeah. So yeah, calling and yeah, connecting with, I have a friend that we love to just go on walks and hikes and reaching out.

SPEAKER_01 14:39

Yeah, yeah, reaching out these alcohol-free communities can really be so you don't feel so alone, you know. Like the if you're involved in any alcohol-free communities or like our Facebook group, like I said. So let's go on to number three projects and hobbies. So the questions you could ask yourself are like, what did I used to like to do? Like, think back before drinking, maybe. Or what are some fun things that you would like to try? You know, maybe something might be on your bucket list. Like, put it down. Like, I want to learn how to surf. Oh, I'm I put it down. That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Yeah, I think that's great. Yeah. I had a client who just recently flew, like went into those chambers where there are the zero gravity and the and the air that that like lifts you up and was flying and posted a picture and looked like a superhero. She looked like you know, superwoman, like flying.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

That's so cool.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Yeah, it was really neat. It was really yeah, but that's not something I would ever think of. But it's like, I really want to try one of those floating pools where you you what do they call zero gravity floating pools, the salt pool where you lay there where it's sensory deprivation, it's all dark, or there's just little stars and you lay there. I've never tried that. So putting that on the list, I would really?

SPEAKER_01 15:58

I've done it, yeah. I used to do it all the time until it closed down. I closed down during COVID in our town. But how fun! Like, yeah, what I hear oftentimes is once you like really think about projects and like hobbies, or maybe for example, you used to play the violin or you used to go hiking. I mentioned hiking earlier, or just what have you like dropped off your radar after drinking? It might kind of surprise you and make maybe make you a little sad, like, oh my gosh, I used to paint, or I used to whatever it is. And so I want you to again, we're just creating the list right now.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

Yes, yes. Well, I want to learn. I mean, I did sort of teach myself how to play piano. Now I'm between piano and guitar because I want to be able to play and sing. Cool. So whichever one's easier. I'm not sure between guitar and piano, which one I could learn easy enough to be able to sing and play at the same time. So that's when I retire, that is one of the things that I'm going to look forward to doing.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Cool, Susan. You have so much. And the reason why I know this is we shared a hotel room and she was singing all the time. You don't know that, but you sing all the time. You just sing little songs and it's beautiful. But and then number four. So again, you're gonna picture a piece of paper and you're gonna have four columns. Yeah, yeah. And then the last one is like moving your body. You could see it as exercise, but it's really moving your body. Like I love yoga and walking. I, you know, you could the pickleball's the new rage. I mean, what would you put on yours, Susan?

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Yeah, pickleball, we just started trying, and it actually is easy enough to where you can get good enough to play with people pretty quickly. So that's been really fun. Yeah, any just a short walk, yeah, yoga. I love yoga, just even just putting music on and dancing around a little bit. One time I was doing that, and then my husband walked in, and I'm like, hello. He's like, What are you doing? I'm like, dancing, dancing, like no one's watching. Yeah, yeah. And that was kind of fun. Um, yeah, what else? Move, just move, yeah. You don't have doesn't move your body like exercise, like quote unquote, like I'm going out for this big power walk or anything.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

I love move your body rather than exercise. Because to me, exercise is like work, sweat, you know, like to do the things where I don't have to sweat that much necessarily. But okay, so then you've got your wait.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Oh, what about wandering? I have a good what about wandering? Just wandering around your backyard or wandering around the neighborhood looking at rocks. Like that's when I put my I've been doing this practice where I put my feet in the grass, which you talked about, you know, earthing, and I've been doing it. So I've been going out and doing it and putting my feet in the grass, and then I've just wander around, and then I find myself weeding and you know, oh, there's a weed, and I pull that, but I just wander around. I just wander. Feels it feels very relaxing. It's kind of fun.

SPEAKER_01 18:58

Yeah. Because again, we're so busy, busy, busy, busy that it's it's it's different to like wander and have that time that we're technically bored, but where creativity or relaxation really can can get into our bodies inside. So you've got this big list, add even more. What if you could have like 20 things or more for each of those categories? Like all the different people you could call for the or you're, you know, maybe you have a church group or a book club group, or you could just all the different communities and people and all the different projects, even put things like clean out my closet. Because when you stop drinking, you're gonna have so much more energy to actually do all of these things that are gonna that you're gonna put on your list. So then here's the trick you have your list out, and when that pops into your head, it will, it is just like I'm bored, just like pops into your head. And that's when you're gonna drink, get so instead of drink, you're gonna go to this list. You look at the list and you're gonna whatever calls you, whether it's move your body is calling you, or you really need to talk to a friend is calling you, you know, which one of those or self-care or move your body. So you're gonna just pick pick something, and if it pops into your head again, go back to the list, pick something else, keep adding to it. You can make this list super long. Yeah, so that is the tactic or tip or strategy that we were gonna share with you today.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

Yeah, I love that. I love it. I love the I love having suggestions because when you're a little bit hijacked, right? If that bored thought comes in and then you think to drink, and then you kind of have a craving, right? Because that's sort of how it works. The cue is the thought, I'm bored. And then you get the craving of, oh, I drink when I'm bored, if that's the the cycle that we're trying to break here. And then those moments, you don't necessarily have all you're in kind of crisis mode in that moment of the craving, and you don't necessarily have all your thinking brain power. So when you just have this visually available to you, and you just like pick one, pick one.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

It's like yeah, another thing you could even do is like put them all on little pieces of paper and pull out out of a hat, you know. I I've heard of that too. But this way, I think I think I like having the four buckets because you can really then start to listen within. What do I really need right now? If you're lonely, you might need a friend. Yeah. But if you're, you know, anyway.

SPEAKER_00 21:25

So well, asking yourself what you really need, so important. Just conce always when you're drinking, because you're drinking to change the way you feel. And this is the I think just the fastest way to start to get out of that drinking cycle and that boredom drinking cycle. So we have to, you know, we have to interrupt that cycle, interrupt the wheel of self sabotage going on there because you know, this this listener is saying, I don't want to drink, I have to stop. And I had been stopped for a while, and now I started up again. Because of this reason. So there's a self-sabotage going on there. Yes. We need to interrupt that. And this is a great way to do that.

SPEAKER_01 22:07

It's a game changer. There's many, many, many clients where this was like the tool that really moved them on to the next level of their journey, the next, the next thing. We are just we're picking out all the different things that beliefs or reasons why you drink or reasons why you cope. And yeah, this is how the journey works. It's yeah, it's pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 22:33

All right. Yeah. Drinking is just a maladaptive coping mechanism, right? And I think when you an addiction is is exactly that. It's that we've used this maladaptive coping mechanism, and we keep using it because the substance that we're using is an addictive substance. And so it gets sticky and then it repeats itself. And you get onto that wheel of self-sabotage, and then you need these tactics to help interrupt that. I I feel like that it just takes the shame and blame and it just sort of it just makes sense, right? And then it's just like, oh, okay, this is what's happening. So it takes all that like I'm a bad person, there's something wrong with me out of that whole equation. It's just like, oh, I've been using this as a coping mechanism. I need different coping mechanisms now or positive.

SPEAKER_01 23:22

And if we go back to the science, it's like, yep, you drank, so your dopamine was raised so high. Um, and then you just can't get that in nature anywhere. So your brain, it's just gonna, it creates that cycle. Yes, cycle, and it's truly 100% not your fault. It's not your fault.

SPEAKER_00 23:45

And it's reversible because then once you eliminate alcohol, you start to feel pleasure from these real pleasure, not faux pleasure of the high dopamine hit. You start to feel real pleasure when you see when I'm out in nature with my feet in the grass, when I hear the birds, I love hearing the birds. We have crazy birds around here. Sometimes they're like fighting, and like and you know, you just take the time to listen to them. I'm like, they're having a conversation over there. What is going on, you know? Or just seeing the beautiful flowers blooming, you know, at this time of year, and just all of a sudden you do feel joy, but sometimes it takes some time. And so that's where yeah, the stress.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

That adjustment, yeah. And there's adjustment period where your dopamine and other brain chemicals need to go back to homeostasis. So, but it you just start to notice that you feel better, you feel lit over time. I'm like, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

I love it. Yeah, and you can explore. So now you've written this big long list, and then we want to also be curious and see what do you notice when you do this activity? Does it really bring you a lot of pleasure? Was it fun? Was it, you know, something so then you can hone your list of like these are my top 10 here, or these are my top five in each of these buckets, these are my go-to's, and then you have your own personalized toolbox for when you have when you need a coping mechanism because you can use these boredom buckets in other areas too. End of exhausted day. You go, okay, you know, I feel like reaching for a drink. No, I'm gonna reach for this instead, you know, one of your buckets. So yeah, yes, that bucket's really good. Okay, well, feel lit. Ruby, you got the shirt on, and it's your turn to tell us what you do to feel lit. So, what do you got for us today?

SPEAKER_01 25:36

One of my most favorite things I want to share with you guys, you, Susan, and all the listeners. I've been doing this practice for I think about four and a half years now. Almost every single day. I listen to a guided meditation that's called Today is a New Day. And the whole guided meditation is about 10 minutes. And I'm not going to share the whole thing with you, but and you can find these types of guided meditations out on YouTube. And the one I had, I found on Audible. But here, you know, basically, while I'm getting ready, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, getting all ready for the day, I have this going on in the background, and it's words like, today is a new day. You know, you can get stuck in the continuity of what life has offered you so far. And it's hard not to feel that string that holds us to the past and the perceived string that links us to our future. But today is absolutely a fresh start. It's never happened before, it will never happen again. And you can ask yourself, you know, where where do I want to go? Where do I want to be? Where do I who do I want to talk to? And instead of just doing the same things every day that you've done yesterday, you can experience the grace of today and say, I am truly blessed to be here today. I get to experience today. And there is so much power in that. That's great. Yeah, and that you can just ask yourself, you know, the next decision that you make, you can do the things that make you smile and feel good to your core. I know it's not easy if you're going through a rough patch, but today truly is a new day. So it's just kind of that like over and over. It's really beautiful because I think I think we forget that. Yeah. That we really only get today for sure. You know? Yeah. I mean, most likely we're all gonna be here tomorrow, but like we're we're here for sure today. So let's take advantage of today.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Wow. I know that you did that. And we have shared a room, and you've shared. Well, I love the song that you wake up to every morning, unless you've changed it. We should I still do that? Okay, I'll put that on for another feel it. Okay, yeah, I love that song. And it comes up now. I have it on my playlist and it comes up and I love it. Yeah, no, that's beautiful. Doing a guided meditation. I love that. That's today's a new day. There's a tapping exercise too. There's a tapping meditation. It's the same thing. Today's a good day, new day, making it you know the best day. Just like really, you know, going through the whole tapping, which is awesome too. Yeah, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

Four and a half years. Wow. It is a big part of my life. I think it makes me much more grateful for today.

SPEAKER_00 28:32

Yeah. Yeah. And gratitude is so important in this journey as well, or just in our life. Gratitude changes your brain. So that's amazing. I love it. Another thing I have to try. Ruby, you have the best things to try. So you do too. If we can link to that one in Audible, and then if people have Audible, they can find that one or they can find their own somewhere. But just this idea of today is a new day, even waking up to that.

SPEAKER_01 28:57

Today is a new day. And yes, and the first things you do in the day are so important. And I'll bring this up with that song on another one. Okay. So we'll do that one.

SPEAKER_00 29:08

Okay. Okay. Well, this is the time when we usually close down. It's this has been a great episode. I feel like it'll be really, really helpful and useful to listeners. So let us know when you try some of these tactics. Like we have a tactic in every or one or more in every episode. And we would love to hear from you about how they're working for you and if you've tried anything and if it's been helpful. So please, please, please get in touch. We love to hear from you. And we will say goodbye for now. Thanks so much for listening to the Sober and Lit podcast.

SPEAKER_01 29:44

If you enjoyed this episode, we would love it if you would subscribe, rate, and review. It really helps get the word out. And remember, do something today to help you feel lit. See you next week.