Dating, Divorce & Sobriety—The Secrets No One Talks About / EP 64

What happens when you take alcohol out of dating, relationships, and major life transitions? Does connection get harder—or better?

In this episode of Feel Lit Alcohol Free, Ruby and Susan sit down with Jeanette Levitt, a certified coach who helps midlife women navigate drinking, divorce, and dating—without losing themselves in the process.

Jeanette gets real about the unexpected challenges (and surprising joys!) of dating without alcohol, how sobriety brings next-level clarity in relationships, and why choosing yourself is the most powerful move you can make.

If you've ever wondered “Will I ever feel confident on a date without a drink?” or “How do I build real, deep connections alcohol-free?”—this episode is for you.

Get ready for game-changing insights, real talk, and practical tips that might just redefine the way you approach love, healing, and self-discovery. Let’s dive in!

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Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle.

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Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are two former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Ruby [00:00:35]:
Hello, and welcome back to the feel lit alcohol free podcast. So excited to be here. We have another special guest. Welcome, Jeanette Levitt. 

Ruby [00:00:51]:
I'm so excited to have you. I'll do a brief bio, and then we'll dig into this really exciting topic. So Jeanette lives outside Chicago, Illinois, and she's the mom of four adult children. Wow. She's a certified coach through This Naked Mind Institute, and Jeanette specializes in helping midlife women who are struggling as she once did. So at the intersection of what she calls the three d's, drinking, divorce, and dating. I can really relate. Can't wait to get into this.

Ruby [00:01:23]:
Yeah. So Jeanette understands this world intimately and how disorienting and fraught it can be. She also knows the beauty of life on the other side where alcohol is irrelevant, post divorce, family life, and co parenting is healthy and positive. And there's a new love. So Jeanette feels privileged to support women in breaking free from alcohol's grip while navigating midlife challenges with confidence. So welcome, Jeanette. So excited to dig into drinking, divorce, dating.

Jeanette Levitt [00:02:00]:
Yes.

Ruby [00:02:01]:
Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:02:01]:
Yes.

Ruby [00:02:02]:
Yeah. So please introduce yourself more and provide just a bit of background to your alcohol free journey. Yeah. We'd love to hear a little bit about your story.

Jeanette Levitt [00:02:12]:
So good to see you guys. I loved getting to meet you in person. What was that? Last spring, I guess. So getting to see you is awesome. I know. That's crazy. That's crazy.

Jeanette Levitt [00:02:23]:
So my niche, as you kind of described, is around drinking and dating and divorce, and that's because that was my story. That's when alcohol became a thing for me. I wasn't really much of a drinker, maybe a little bit in my twenties and then I got married and started a family in my early thirties and just drinking was not a thing for me. But then I had a really difficult event which was a divorce, in my late forties. That was a surprise and it was really devastating and just really hard for everyone all around. And that's when I kind of started to turn to alcohol. And I guess it is really a perfect storm because the divorce and dating world are coming together. And so you've got all this mix of, like, really difficult emotions, but you find yourself, you know, in a different you know, there are times when you don't have your kids. So now you're socializing differently.

Jeanette Levitt [00:03:22]:
You launch out into the dating world, adding a whole new twist. And I found myself both using it to cope with the difficulty of the divorce and all the emotions and just hard stuff around that. And then launching out into the dating world, it was what people were doing. So it was just yeah. That was my story, and it, you know, it gradually got worse and found myself binge drinking a lot, yeah, until I discovered this naked mind. So

Ruby [00:03:55]:
Yeah. I hear this a lot from clients. Divorce is the, you know, the accelerator event we talk about or the thing. But then when you add you're so true. When you add dating, it's like, what do you do when you go out dating? You meet at a bar often, or you go out to dinner and you're drinking because you're nervous. Mhmm. Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:04:14]:
Yes.

Ruby [00:04:15]:
Totally relate.

Jeanette Levitt [00:04:16]:
Yeah. I mean, it's all about meeting for drinks. That's what most people's first thought is. Let's meet for drinks.

Ruby [00:04:21]:
Yeah. I remember, like, being in my car and actually having a little bit of a tantrum where I'm like, how am I because I've been single for a real life, but how am I gonna date without drinks? Like, I was just I couldn't even fathom it. And I was like, I remember being so angry. Like, that means I'm just gonna be alone forever. Like, my brain went there.

Jeanette Levitt [00:04:44]:
Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're not alone. I mean, that's what so many people fear. Me too. I mean, I was really scared that this was not gonna work out. I mean, we all have so many beliefs around that that you just can't be in the dating world if you're not drinking. And that's what it's all about.

Jeanette Levitt [00:05:01]:
And people, you know, you know, we just, in our minds, think that men are gonna think we're an alcoholic or we're no fun or we're not sexy, we're not whatever. All of these things that it must mean about us. So it does not have to be that way for sure. And I mean, I've done half of the time I was drinking well, I've been alcohol free for three years now, three plus. And so Thank you. Thank you. So, but for a long time, I was dating in the dating world in and out. I mean, in some long term relationships or longish term relationships and in between would have some time single, but was in and out of the dating world.

Jeanette Levitt [00:05:43]:
And I've done it both, you know, alcohol fueled and alcohol free. And I can tell you definitively, alcohol free is so much better despite all my fears about it. So yeah.

Ruby [00:05:57]:
Yeah. It's

Jeanette Levitt [00:05:58]:
It's so doable.

Susan [00:06:00]:
Well, what's the difference? Like, what advice would you give someone trying to change their relationship with alcohol and having that fear? Like

Jeanette Levitt [00:06:07]:
Mhmm.

Susan [00:06:08]:
How is it different?

Jeanette Levitt [00:06:09]:
Yeah. Well, I I mean, I think one of the things that people can do that makes it a little bit easier is if you're, you know, for dry January, you've got this thing that you can say, you know, I'm doing a dry January. And it's just I mean, so many people are dabbling with that, you know, taking breaks. So I think, you know, having that as I don't wanna say a crutch, but something that, you know, sort of explains it. And, I mean, I think it's just I think it is easier these days because there is a movement and people understand that it's not just an all or nothing, you know, a black and white thing where you're you're either an alcoholic or or you're a normal drinker, and there there's this gray area. So it does not have to mean something, you know, about you that you are automatically an alcoholic, not that there's, and we're not even using that term. But, wherever you are on the spectrum, you know, I just think it's a little bit easier to be not drinking in the dating world these days than it may have been in the past because there is a little bit of a movement. But

Ruby [00:07:15]:
Yeah. And you mentioned that it's definitively better alcohol free. Like, what? Tell me give me some examples or what's the difference? Mhmm.

Jeanette Levitt [00:07:25]:
Well, just I mean, you're you're clear. You're engaged. You're, you know, you're, you're present as you meet people. And so that just in and of itself is just so much better. And I think you make better decisions. You know, you weed out people that aren't right for you better. You know, I was kind of on autopilot a little bit when I was drinking. I wasn't being thoughtful enough or intentional enough about who I was meeting.

Jeanette Levitt [00:07:52]:
And so now I just think it puts you in a better space. I know I'm gonna tell you a little story.

Ruby [00:08:00]:
I love love stories. Oh, I was gonna tell you a story too. You go first, and then I'll tell you. Okay. Sorry. I just

Jeanette Levitt [00:08:07]:
so three years ago, when I first was still I never necessarily thought that I was leaving alcohol behind, although I'm so excited that I have. I mean, I kept wanting to be a better, you know, normal, quote, unquote, drinker, moderate drinker. And I did a dry January, and I did the live alcohol experiment on January 22. And I actually had a first date with somebody on January 2. So I had just started this thirty day without alcohol. And we actually went out to dinner. He ordered a glass of wine. I ordered sparkling water or something.

Jeanette Levitt [00:08:42]:
And he said, oh, you're not drinking? I said, I'm yeah. I'm doing a dry January. And he said, oh, then tick back. I don't need my wine. I don't need to drink. And we ended up dating for six months, and it was a wonderful relationship, but it did ultimately end. It had nothing to do with alcohol. But I just think, you know, it kinda showed me that, like, I could do this, and there were men who were totally fine with me not drinking.

Jeanette Levitt [00:09:05]:
It turned out he was a drinker. And, actually, he drank, I think, most days, but one or two drinks. But he was happy to drink less. He was happy that I didn't drink. And I actually found the men that I have dated a few men since then in these last three years, and all of them have drunk, but not heavily. That's what I was attracting, you know, because I was more intentional about who I was looking for. I was more intentional about what I was putting out there for my own vibe and my own, you know, dating profile because I was doing online dating apps. You know? And I just found that it was not that hard to attract men who were just light take it or leave it drinkers, you know, were absolutely perfectly fine with somebody who didn't drink.

Ruby [00:09:52]:
Yeah. It's difficult.

Jeanette Levitt [00:09:54]:
So what was your story, Ruby?

Ruby [00:09:55]:
Oh, well, just that when I think back to when I was drinking, more heavily and dating, I wasn't making good decisions just like you were saying. I remember, like, going out on dates, ordering alcohol. You might even have two or three. And I just would connect with them or I thought I was connecting with them, but I wasn't my authentic true self. And then all of a sudden, I'm dating them. We're, like, dating, and I find out later that we're literally not compatible. Well, it's not the right person. But I think that alcohol fueled this kind of, like, sense of, well, we got a lot in common or we had such a good time, but it wasn't true.

Ruby [00:10:39]:
Like, it just wasn't true. And, yes, I think dating Yes. Free is

Jeanette Levitt [00:10:43]:
so much fun.

Ruby [00:10:45]:
And I do the opposite of what I actually go on dating apps, and then I I, will put I'm alcohol free that I I'm in you know how you can check off, like, who you're looking for? I say, you know, nonsmoking and no alcohol. But I don't think the other guys are looking at the actual they don't look. They just look at the picture. I swear to you. Yeah. And I'm like, alcohol free, and I'm looking for someone alcohol free. And the reason why I made that decision is because I think I just don't want someone that's not authentic. I feel like I'm so much more present and authentic alcohol free that I want that in my partner.

Ruby [00:11:24]:
Yeah. Yeah. So

Jeanette Levitt [00:11:26]:
No. I think that's great. Well, you bring up I mean, right there, your clarity around it is so great. Like, that you're clear about what you wanna need and you're intentional. I mean, that's what's so great when you're out there in the dating world. I was gonna say I was just gonna relate to one of your stories, Ruby, about the, you know, dating somebody and drinking all the time. I mean, I had a six month relationship where I thought we were, you know, pretty connected, and I was enjoying it and having a fun relationship. And I looked back, and I realized, I think we drank every single time we were together.

Jeanette Levitt [00:11:59]:
Yeah. And I think, what kind of a relationship is that? And, you know, and I'm not it wasn't his fault. It was our you know, together, we both drank. We both drank too much. And yeah. So but that was one of my experiences back then. Yeah.

Ruby [00:12:17]:
And it's so common. So many clients that are married even say they have their whole relationship. They were drinking. They started you know, they dated, drank, got married, drank, you know, and it's you who actually changed your personality. Don't you think, Jeanette? Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:12:34]:
Oh, yeah.

Ruby [00:12:34]:
Drinking?

Jeanette Levitt [00:12:36]:
Yes. No. I totally agree. Yeah. You're just not different. It's different. And I think so many of us are scared to let it go because that's what we know. And we don't know how good it feels to be really clear and present and how that's, like, you know, I'd rather be lit up that way than by booze.

Jeanette Levitt [00:13:01]:
You know? So just, anyway.

Susan [00:13:06]:
Yeah. That's what we think. That's what we hope. Yeah. I have to feel it podcast as we like being lit.

Susan [00:13:12]:
And I can relate.

Susan [00:13:13]:
You know, when my husband and I met, we didn't drink initially. That wasn't, like, you know, how we connected. But as our marriage progressed and, you know, both of us having stressors, etcetera, we did you know, that was the way we connected. And so that was a big thing when I stopped drinking is to figure out a way to still connect. And I find that, you know, like Ruby said, a lot of times when we have clients, that is a big deal in their marriage when one of them shifts their relationship with alcohol and how that affects the marriage. Well,

Jeanette Levitt [00:13:46]:
it's

Ruby [00:13:46]:
so interesting with the dating apps. Like, when I'm looking. Right? So there's guys looking at me, and then I'm looking at them. And do you know how many photos where they are holding a beer or wine or a cocktail? And I literally think that's okay. They might say in their profile, "What is the phrase? It's like a moderate drinker or no. I'm a social drinker. There's, like, these funny little

Jeanette Levitt [00:14:13]:
Social. Yeah.

Ruby [00:14:14]:
Social drinker, I think. But then if the pictures all have alcohol, I'm like, no. No. Thank you. So, honestly, I'm the best version of myself, and I wanna date someone who's the best version of them themselves. So I'll just swipe whatever that is the wrong way. No. I think his left is no.

Ruby [00:14:32]:
Right? Yeah. Always get whatever. Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:14:35]:
Yeah. No. That's funny. You mean, the pictures that you're bringing up is I mean, that's key when you're looking online is to be watching for those. And I think you can tell a lot if

Ruby [00:14:48]:
Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:14:48]:
You know, I know on Bumble, which is, I think, the most popular dating app right now for at least middle aged women. And I think they give you slots for five photos, five or six photos. And if every photo, they have a drink in them or every photo, they're in a bar. That might tell you something about them. Now maybe it's just all the photos they had. Maybe they just don't take pictures when they're out hiking. But, you know, I think pay attention to those things if that's what, like, you I mean, and especially if they've said I mean, hopefully, they've not said that they're a non drinker, but that's obviously, a red flag if they've said that they are that they don't drink, but then they have pitchers holding a beer. Although it could be a NA beer.

Jeanette Levitt [00:15:28]:
So but, anyway, I do advise people to kinda pay attention to that and, you know, be aware of what or or their interest. You know? If they're writing their interest is going to wineries and breweries, that says something. You know?

Ruby [00:15:42]:
That does.

Jeanette Levitt [00:15:43]:
Yeah. So

Ruby [00:15:44]:
And it's a little let's so I probably like, if the dating world for me is a hundred people, if I eliminate alcohol, it feels like it's about 10. It's like I Mhmm. But you know what? That 10% is the people that are gonna be my people. So it's worth it to me. Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:16:05]:
Right. Absolutely. It's great to know that. Like, just not you know, have an abundance mentality, you know, as we say. Like, because you really are you're gonna hone in, but it's gonna be you are gonna eliminate a lot of people in saying you want a non drinker, but that's good. That's what you want. And then the group of people that you get are so much more likely to be Exactly. You know, a match.

Jeanette Levitt [00:16:30]:
You know? Mhmm. I mean, obviously, there's lots of other things to consider, but

Ruby [00:16:34]:
Yeah. So now what I do is say, let's go out for coffee instead of drinks. Right? If I've said that, let's go out for coffee for a first date. Or what do you do?

Susan [00:16:45]:
Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:16:45]:
No. I think coffee in general well, first of all, I almost always have a video call first. I don't just meet them. I think it's just yeah. I think I always advise a video call first. I've I've I've regretted it.

Ruby [00:16:59]:
Learning. I'm learning now. I usually meet for coffee, and then I'm like, oh, we already met for coffee. That takes a whole hour. Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:17:06]:
Yeah. No. I think it really helps. I mean, you can find out quite a bit just by having a twenty minute chat. You know? Okay. Okay. If there's been a number of times where I've gone I thought on paper, looking at their profile, that they might be a decent match, and I could tell very quickly in a phone call. So I think that's good.

Jeanette Levitt [00:17:26]:
Especially if you live you know, sometimes for me, if it's a person right in my city, you know, that's not a big deal. And so, yeah, me for coffee, whatever, if you feel very confident and feel like doing that. But I think most of the time. I remember I had a date with this years ago. And, like, fifteen minutes into it, he told me that he was polyamorous.

Ruby [00:17:46]:
And I thought, dude, you couldn't have

Jeanette Levitt [00:17:48]:
told me that before? Like, you wasted my time. Anyway, I would have found out had I had a call with him. I think he hopefully would have told me. So, anyway, but let's see. Where were we going with that? Yeah. Coffee, you know, just a walk. But I think keeping it a walk. As well as the first, you know yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:18:08]:
Just meeting for maybe something where you can chat and talk. I mean, it's harder when it's winter and it's cold out. But, you know, I think a morning and and just like meeting in the morning or early afternoon or something is just a more casual kind of vibe. So you know, it also makes you less nervous. I mean, I think meeting, you know, if you're meeting for a full on dinner with somebody you've never sat down with, that can be a little bit nerve wracking. And, you know, that's

Ruby [00:18:36]:
And I put on my profile that I'm, excuse me, alcohol free if they read it, and that I'm looking for someone alcohol free if they read it. So sometimes I'm already having coffee with them, and then they're talking about going to wine tasting and drinking and bars. And I'm just like, do you know my profile? Mhmm. I read. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They do read a lot.

Ruby [00:19:02]:
But when I oh oh my god. I have a funny story. Somebody, like, saw that I was this naked mind coach and the word naked. So then he started, like, doing all these jokes about being naked. And so I was just like Joe I was just, okay. That's just the name of the coaching certification. And then he's like, I have to tell you, I'm a nudist. Just like the polyamorous.

Ruby [00:19:28]:
Like, what? Just it's it's crazy out

Jeanette Levitt [00:19:32]:
there. Yeah.

Ruby [00:19:32]:
Dating world.

Jeanette Levitt [00:19:33]:
I know. It's a wild world, Ruby. Yeah. Well, it's funny. I mean, so you must be on different apps. I'm only on well, now I'm not even doing one because I actually am in a relationship now. It's new. I mean, it's not. I think when I wrote the bio that you read, I was in a longer long term relationship, which actually, broke up.

Jeanette Levitt [00:19:55]:
He broke up with me the day before my sixtieth birthday. Anyway, you're going to die. Yeah. So that was a sad day. But, anyway, everything was fine. Yeah. So I'm on yeah. I'm on well, I was just going down a different path of saying that I have newly started dating.

Jeanette Levitt [00:20:14]:
So I had a breakup a few months ago. I've newly started dating somebody who I really like and all that. But but but, thank you. But Bumble, Bumble does not ask you what you're looking for. It just fills out what, you know, what your status is and and that yeah. And it has a question about, you know, do you drink? And the options are interesting. The options are yes, sometimes, rarely, no, and sober. So I would say so I think when they check yes, that may be an indication that they're a fairly regular drinker.

Jeanette Levitt [00:20:54]:
A drinker is a part of their life because they also have the option of saying sometimes or rarely. Or rarely. Yeah. And yeah. No and sober. And I check no. I don't check sober. So many but that's just just food for thought.

Jeanette Levitt [00:21:09]:
I mean, a lot of men do fill it out very quickly and not very carefully. And so maybe they just say they see yes and no and these other options, and they just go, yes. I drink. Blah blah. You know? But even that, I think, is a sign of Right. For me. I like somebody who I think put thought into it. I actually, like I kind of when I see a profile that I can tell was done very hastily with little thought, I'm usually,

Susan [00:21:35]:
like, left.

Ruby [00:21:37]:
Swipe left. I started doing Facebook dating. It's just part of Facebook. And what's interesting about that is you can see friends of friends. Right? So you kinda somebody pops up, and then you're like, oh, they're friends with Mary and Sue, and you're like, oh, well, I could reach out to Mary or Sue and ask them. No. Yeah. Oh, that's interesting.

Ruby [00:22:02]:
Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:22:02]:
That is interesting, yeah. I actually found the man that I'm dating now for a year and a half. Somebody when I saw his Facebook, he was Facebook friends with somebody that I know. And it turned out because they were in a relationship for a year and a half. So I thought that so I would've anyway, I just thought that was interesting. It was a great sign because I really like this woman. So Perfect. That actually was sort of validation about you know? And he and he did talk to me about the relationship and why it ended and things.

Jeanette Levitt [00:22:33]:
But I've never done Facebook dating. And I don't when you were talking about your other app, was that Match or Ruby? Or what have you

Ruby [00:22:43]:
Oh my gosh.

Jeanette Levitt [00:22:44]:
What have you done besides?

Ruby [00:22:45]:
Single. I've been single. I divorced twenty six years ago. So I've tried SilverSingles, Match, Bumble, plenty of fishes at one point. What are some Oh. Hinge.

Jeanette Levitt [00:23:01]:
Oh, there's Hinge. There's a lot. I've not

Ruby [00:23:03]:
done Hinge or Tinder yet. But Bumble is what I liked about Bumble for the women out there, I know we have a lot of women listeners, because women have the power with Bumble. Yeah. So if you're a single woman listening and you wanna date, you Bumble's really easy to use, and you get to, like, have the power to say yes or no, which I like.

Jeanette Levitt [00:23:28]:
Right. Right. You have to initiate the conversation. Yeah. Men cannot initiate the conversation. So Oh, okay. Yeah. It's great, it is a good model.

Jeanette Levitt [00:23:38]:
Yeah. I like it and that's why I'm the one that I've used pretty much. When I first was in the dating world, I used Match mostly and then kind of found Bumble and also Shen. I used Hinge a little bit here and there. But, I mean, I have found Bumble is kind of easy, but it's thorough enough. You get enough information, and I like that you have to reach out to them.

Ruby [00:24:03]:
Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:24:03]:
And they also put time frames on things too, which is nice. You have to do it within a, your match expires after a day. Mhmm. So if you match with them, you both swipe, you both said yes and you match, you can't just sit on it. And I like that. And they can't just be so true. I think they can't. Well, maybe that's not true.

Jeanette Levitt [00:24:22]:
Maybe they have more time to respond. But Mhmm. Anyway I think

Ruby [00:24:25]:
you know

Jeanette Levitt [00:24:25]:
what I'm saying. 

Ruby [00:24:27]:
So you're going out on a date, alcohol free. Will you give our listeners more tips? Or since we can both think of some some tips, like, how to navigate, you know, navigate and

Jeanette Levitt [00:24:38]:
start all your time. Yeah. I think I mean, well, first of all, like, go into it knowing that your fears might be wrong. That actually might be good. That you know? So try to put aside your skepticism and, like, this is gonna be awful. You know? So try to go into it that way. I didn't have a plan, a game plan for how you wanna talk about it if that comes up. I mean, if you're meeting for a coffee date, it doesn't have to come up at all, like, on your first date.

Jeanette Levitt [00:25:07]:
I mean, there's no reason why it needs to. If it does, but, you know so if it does, if they say, oh, I noticed you you don't drink. Is that, you know, have you been a non drinker for long? Whatever. So just know how you wanna talk about it. And I think for me, I was quiet. I didn't necessarily go into a lot of detail and just kind of quick and easy, non defensive, you know. I mean, definitely just keeping it out of the realm of bars and things, I think, in the beginning is good. Know what you wanna mean, if and when you are in a restaurant or a bar kind of knowing what you wanna order is a good thing to do too. I mean, especially I mean, it depends on how solid you are in your alcohol freedom journey.

Jeanette Levitt [00:25:53]:
You know, if it's if it's really new and you are worried about you know, that you might just drink to try to fit in, that's when it's really good to have kind of settled into your, you know, your decision beforehand. And that like, and that's why planning out and kinda knowing what you're gonna drink or knowing how you're gonna talk about it is really helpful.

Ruby [00:26:15]:
Yeah. Because we always say amazing things. Yes. You know? If you go to your first date and go, well, let me see how it goes. Maybe I'll drink. If he drinks, I'll drink. Yeah. Right.

Ruby [00:26:26]:
Free planning is such a good idea, Jeanette. Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:26:29]:
Yes. Yeah. No. You're not drinking and, like, kind of get into that space with yourself before you head out the door. So

Ruby [00:26:38]:
Yeah. Awesome. So do

Susan [00:26:40]:
you feel like somebody who is in the early days of changing their relationship with alcohol should still date, or do you think they should sort of wait? Or, you know, I know in the AA model, they say don't do anything for a year. No relationships. No. You know? Don't change your job. You know? And so I wonder, though it sounds like you had a date on your second

Jeanette Levitt [00:27:01]:
Yeah. Two days.

Ruby [00:27:02]:
I did. I did. Yeah. I think it

Jeanette Levitt [00:27:05]:
it depends where you are in your relationship with alcohol. I think if it's a really difficult problem for you and you're really struggling and you're just not in a healthy place at all and I think that goes with anything in life. Like, if you're if you're also just in a bad place in general, whether it's in your relationship with alcohol or whatever, maybe I think getting to a better place is healthy first. So, yes, with yourself before you embark. Because you wanna put your best foot forward, and I think you don't have to be. I mean, no one's ever in a perfect place in their life. Like, I mean, is everything always you know, it's that's pretty rare. So no. I think you can mean, I was certainly a gray area drinker? It was a problem.

Jeanette Levitt [00:27:49]:
I was drinking too much, but, you know, I was aware of it and kind of working towards a different heading down a different path. And so no. I think you can. I think the secret is just being intentional and thoughtful and kind of having a game plan, having a support network, a tribe, you know, not necessarily going it alone completely. And so just start to dig into that identity and think of your start thinking of yourself differently. But yes. So you can do it. I just think if it's a really big problem in your life, no.

Jeanette Levitt [00:28:23]:
Start to make some changes first. And then when you're feeling a little bit more solid, you know, then that might be the time. But

Ruby [00:28:32]:
And I like to say you can just go into the dating world and say you're making new friends. Just start, like, start like that. Just making new friends and then seeing if that love spark happens. But sometimes you're dating and and you're just like, oh, this this guy's like a new friend, and then it can turn into a love interest or or, you know, right off

Jeanette Levitt [00:28:52]:
the bat.

Ruby [00:28:53]:
Like, I remember you saying, you know within your video call, you know within minutes, you said, if this is the right fit around.

Jeanette Levitt [00:29:00]:
Yeah.

Ruby [00:29:01]:
Yeah.

Jeanette Levitt [00:29:02]:
What I mean, it's just I think there's so much overlap between the alcohol journey, the dating journey. Like, we don't have to put this forever mentality on it. You know? Mhmm. We don't. It's not helpful to, like, be you know, put that pressure on ourselves and on this, you know, this journey that we're on. So you don't have to have a first date thinking, I mean, oh, is this gonna be my man forever, my person, my whatever, forever.

Ruby [00:29:29]:
Should I plan a wedding?

Jeanette Levitt [00:29:31]:
No. And then yeah. Exactly. You don't have to do that. And the same for, you know, alcohol freedom. You don't, you know, when I started down my thirty day that turned into, you know, three years, I wasn't necessarily thinking of forever. But I just knew this is where I wanted to be. I want to kinda start taking some steps in this direction. And so, yeah, you don't, you don't have to plan the wedding.

Ruby [00:29:54]:
Same with a job. You know? And I hear this a lot too. Same with a job. It's not that it doesn't have to be forever. You know? It could be Right. It could be a job that's just for now. Like and you I love this. I love that you're putting that in all these different areas.

Ruby [00:30:11]:
So cool. Jeanette, this has been such a great

Jeanette Levitt [00:30:14]:
conversation around dating.

Ruby [00:30:16]:
I've been having so much fun.

Jeanette Levitt [00:30:18]:
Yeah. I love it. It's a good subject.

Ruby [00:30:21]:
Yeah. It really is. So this is a point in our podcast where we ask our, you know, our guests, what do you do to feel lit alcohol free? What do you do in your life that gives you joy? You know?

Jeanette Levitt [00:30:35]:
There's yeah. There's a lot. I think so much opened up when I became alcohol free. I mean, I'm I obviously, I love the coaching and just being part of this movement, helping people break free. And, also, I mean, I started writing. I'm working on a memoir. I'm taking a lot of writing classes. You know, I'm out there with my dogs every day for a couple hours taking them on walks.

Jeanette Levitt [00:30:57]:
I volunteer a lot. So there's all kinds of things that I do, but I think at the same time, like, when I think of feeling lit, like, I feel lit. I know this is gonna sound really, like, goody two shoes Pollyanna, but I feel lit all the time in a way. And it doesn't mean I don't have bad days, and I can be, like, you know, grouchy and sad and whatever. But I think getting rid of alcohol is what's really helped me to just feel lit in general and know that even when I have crappy days, even when I'm in a darker place, I'm gonna come through it. You know? And I think because I learned how to feel things and that these things aren't dangerous and, I mean, the feelings that I can process stuff. I don't know. And that's why being alcohol free is so great. And I know you guys feel the same way.

Jeanette Levitt [00:31:45]:
I mean, that just like, you feel it even when you feel crappy. You know? Because you know Yeah. You know it's all gonna be okay.

Ruby [00:31:52]:
Well, we used to feel crappy and have a hangover. Like

Jeanette Levitt [00:31:57]:
Yes. Entwine it and then feel crappier. Yes.

Ruby [00:32:00]:
And feel crappier. Crappier. So even when we feel crappy, at least there's not a hangover attached to it.

Jeanette Levitt [00:32:06]:
Right.

Ruby [00:32:06]:
Yeah. Right.

Susan [00:32:07]:
Right. Well, the emotional work that we do during our journey helps us realize that we know how to regulate our emotions. We know, you know, that it's okay to feel sad and that this will pass, and the joy is on the other side versus grabbing a drink to just drown the sadness or drown the anger or whatever the negative feeling is that yeah, and and it lasts longer when we do that because we're just pushing it down versus just being able to feel our feelings and emotional sobriety that, you know, we talk about.

Ruby [00:32:39]:
Yeah. So that's so good.

Jeanette Levitt [00:32:40]:
Exactly.

Ruby [00:32:41]:
I love

Susan [00:32:42]:
that you say you feel lit all the time.

Ruby [00:32:44]:
I love it too.

Jeanette Levitt [00:32:45]:
Well, it's probably obnoxious to say, but because I don't I mean, I obviously have bad days.

Susan [00:32:51]:
But even your bad days are lit.

Jeanette Levitt [00:32:52]:
But it's even my bad days, like, you have this deep knowing and faith that things are okay, and you can get through hard emotions and feelings. And you and you want to, like, I'm okay feeling them. You know? So yeah.

Susan [00:33:07]:
That's beautiful. Beautiful. 

Ruby [00:33:10]:
Jeanette, this has been so fun, and thank you so much for coming on our podcast. Susan and I, thank you.

Jeanette Levitt [00:33:18]:
Thank you.

Ruby [00:33:18]:
Yeah. Thank you so much.

Jeanette Levitt [00:33:20]:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having me. It's great.

Ruby [00:33:24]:
Yeah. Bye bye. Bye.

Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show? All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellitpodcast.com
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time!