Anger Management Mastery: Embrace Emotions in a Sober Life / EP 59

Welcome to Feel Lit Alcohol Free, your go-to podcast for navigating the empowering journey of living alcohol-free. We’re Coaches Ruby Williams and Coach Susan Larkin; today we’re tackling a potent emotion that many encounter on this path—anger.

A listener's question sparks a rich discussion: How can we process and understand the raw feelings that inevitably resurface in the absence of alcohol? Ruby and Susan explore how anger can mask deeper feelings like fear, embarrassment, or shame. Together, we'll peel back the layers of this fiery emotion, revealing its hidden connections to our past and its role in our present.

We'll share personal stories, uncover the significance of setting boundaries, and offer practical, transformative strategies to channel anger constructively. How can we allow, process, and release anger in ways that empower us rather than holding us back?

Whether you're on an alcohol-free journey or curious about emotional wellbeing, tune in to discover how embracing our emotions can lead to a healthier, more vibrant life. Ready to dive in and feel truly lit? Let’s get started!

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Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are two former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Susan [00:00:17]:
Welcome, welcome. Welcome back to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast where we talk about feelings, feeling lit and all kinds of other feelings. And that is the topic of today's question from a listener, and we hear this so often. So I'm really glad that this listener wrote this in, and we can address this topic. So let me just read the listener's question.

Susan [00:01:06]:
Alcohol helped me escape from these feelings, and now they just feel so raw. Now I have to learn to sit with them and face them and maybe start to let them go. I feel I'm in a place to review it all with understanding, compassion, and forgiveness. Nevertheless, to be honest, there's a lot of anger there that I always worried would just erupt if I didn't keep pushing it down. How can I start to process and understand the raw feelings that have resurfaced now that I'm not using alcohol to escape? Wow.

Ruby [00:01:43]:
Such a good question. You know, we hear this so often in our coaching with people, and, really, experiencing anger is actually so normal. And if this is happening to you, it's really a part of your alcohol free journey.

Susan [00:01:59]:
Yeah.

Ruby [00:01:59]:
If you think about it, you know, we're we are. We're shoving down our emotions with alcohol, and we just wanna numb our emotions, all emotions, you know, is what ends up happening. Not only what we consider the negative emotions or the ones we wanna avoid, you know, for painful reasons, it ends up numbing the “lit” emotions too. Right? Because it's numbing all of us. Yeah. I mean, anger is so interesting when I think of anger because it's actually what we call a secondary emotion. Mhmm. And I'm gonna share the feelings, wheel really quick.

Ruby [00:02:35]:
Because I was just showing that. I have a big one.

Ruby [00:02:38]:
So, if you're watching them, you're watching for this one. Yeah. It's really big. And, what I noticed was that, you know, anger or being mad, there's actually layers of emotions underneath. Like, you first might experience it could be, I don't know, fear, embarrassment. But what is really underneath? Because, you know, when anger comes out, it's gonna pop up later. Like, it keeps resurfacing. And we're gonna talk about all of this, and, you know, it might come out unintentionally.

Ruby [00:03:16]:
And my story is that it definitely happened to me, where in my early alcohol free, like, the first year, it would just pop up. And, yeah. And then, we wanna look at that underlying underneath. You know, again, it could be like a fear. It could be embarrassing. I mean, a story I was thinking of is, like, when my son, Cosmo, was a toddler. You know? We're at the grocery store, and he has his little tantrum. And it's embarrassing.

Ruby [00:03:48]:
That was, you know, like, oh, what is everybody else thinking? Am I a bad mom? Because he's having a tantrum on the floor because he wants his candy? And I said, No. And it's real and then I get angry at him and I actually like to yell at him or something or, you know, put him in the cart and leave the store. I remember doing that one day. I actually put my son in the cart or just grabbed him, and I said, we're leaving. Ran out. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, what other underlying or secondary emotions are there besides, like, fear, embarrassment, hurt, defensiveness, maybe worry, like, you know…

Susan [00:04:25]:
Like, you think about when they're teenagers and they come home late and we were worried about them, but then we react in anger but the underlying emotion was really worry.

Ruby [00:04:36]:
Mhmm.

Susan [00:04:37]:
And shame even. Like, sometimes I would see this now as I've worked on this. You know, I would feel shame about something and then get very defensive and then get angry.

Ruby [00:04:49]:
Mhmm.

Susan [00:04:49]:
So the anger was really covering up the defensiveness and the shame about whatever I was feeling in the moment. And yeah. And so I definitely drank over my anger or drank to mask anger because I felt like, you know, if I was feeling angry, that wasn't okay. Like, I would call that my going along to get along drinking. And so sometimes, though, when we have this our anger is a signpost that maybe a boundary has been violated. And I also felt really angry about my drinking. Like, the question, why can't I drink like everyone else? And I see this with clients all the time. They're at this point.

Susan [00:05:35]:
They know they wanna change their drinking. They kinda know that moderation's not gonna work for them, but then they're just pissed off about it. Right.

Ruby [00:05:43]:
Right. I totally was. Yeah. Why? She was like, why me? Why can I drink like everybody else? Yeah. I would like to remember that.

Susan [00:05:51]:
I know. And that question is just a shame cloud. It's a shame minefield. It's saying, well, there's something wrong with me. Right? That's basically what you're saying. There's something wrong with me Mhmm. If I can't drink like everyone else. 

Ruby [00:06:06]:
But we're broken. That is in “AA speak”, that I have a disease. Yeah. You know? We say alcohol use disorder now, but why do I have alcohol use disorder? Yeah. Or it appears my friends don't have a problem. You know? We never truly know.

Ruby [00:06:22]:
Yeah.

Susan [00:06:22]:
But what's underneath that? Mhmm. Is it a worry that people would think you do have a, quote, unquote, “problem”?

Ruby [00:06:29]:
You

Susan [00:06:29]:
know? What's the worry there? Do you even think about worrying that there's something wrong with you, that you're defective, that you know? And then that is that shame, and then the anger comes up to mask that shame. I feel like that was a huge part of my story. And until I got to the point where I'm like, wait a minute. There's nothing wrong with me. You know? I just yeah. There's nothing wrong with me. Alcohol is an addictive substance. My body and brain were doing exactly what a body and brain would do.

Susan [00:06:58]:
Like, would I feel shame if I smoked a cigarette every day and then all of a sudden was addicted to smoking? No. There's just this stigma around alcohol that goes back to that same old story that there's normal drinkers and then there's people with problems, and that is not the truth. It's a spectrum disorder. And so many people drinking on a regular basis are in the ‘gray area’, a gray area drinker. So really turning around that question of and just saying, you know, that question of why can't I drink like everyone else and and just doing, you know, doing the work to just abandon that question. But another area where I would drink for anger would be just to be nicer. Right? I'd feel angry about something. I'd come home from work and then, you know, for whatever reason sorry.

Susan [00:07:49]:
My nose is running. For whatever reason, I would, you know, feel angry or and I would drink to feel nicer. Right? Or I'd feel irritated. Right. And I would drink to feel nicer. But then instead of speaking up for myself, instead of saying, okay. Why am I feeling this feeling of anger? What do I need? I would just drink and push it down. And then later, it would totally backfire.

Susan [00:08:17]:
After I'd had two drinks, first, it would make me nicer. I'd be like, la la la. Oh, nice Susan's here. And then after a second drink or maybe third drink, it would backfire and mean Susan would come out, the person that had abandoned herself, and then fights or snarky comments. So the question is drinking to keep your cool or drinking helps me not erupt is actually not true because it comes back and backfires. And then I erupted. And then I would wake up the next morning and go, why are you mad at me? Yeah. It's because I said all these mean things.

Ruby [00:08:52]:
You know? And that leads exactly into what I was gonna share next is about the part of the question from the listener that, you know, they have a fear of erupting in anger, so they would drink. Yeah. And, yeah, alcohol can push down your emotions. Right? It's an anesthetic. It actually diminishes your eyesight. It softens the edges. It creates tunnel vision. But, actually, like you said, the mean Susan comes out.

Ruby [00:09:22]:
I actually have a phrase with a couple (I hope they're not listening), a couple of my friends I know when they're drinking because they get snarky and mean and bitchy. Right? 

Susan [00:09:31]:
And I'm like, oh,

Ruby [00:09:32]:
bitchy, yo, friend, it's coming out. And it's really obvious now that I'm not drinking. I never noticed it probably when I was drinking. We're both drinking. But it's really obvious that, you know, you become irritable.

Susan [00:09:44]:
Yes.

Ruby [00:09:44]:
You get into tunnel vision. Tunnel vision is about… think of when bar fights happen. Not that I've ever been in a bar fight, but you see my movies and whatever. Yeah. But it's like people have tunnel vision, and all of a sudden, you're like a jog with a bone, and they might like somebody, like, maybe bumped into them, and then it's like it is so, I mean, the statistics are crazy and are probably old and might even be higher now. Seventy five percent of child abuse deaths are related to alcohol, fifty percent of violent crimes, and this one's super scary. Ninety five percent of college sexual assault or just sexual assault. I mean but it's really dangerous.

Ruby [00:10:33]:
It's very dangerous because alcohol narrows your focus. You can't actually see outside, see the bigger picture. You're going to maybe get irritable on little tiny things. Like you were saying, Susan, like maybe your husband did something tiny, and then all of a sudden you're like, This means Susan comes out. And then, like, for example, think of it like a sports team. You know, you're at a football game or baseball game, and you hear about those big- People who go nuts. People go, they're drunk, and then everybody's drinking. But, normally, if you're sober, you bump into someone and they say, oh, I'm sorry.

Ruby [00:11:10]:
Oh. Sorry. Oh, that happens. Of course. You might bump into someone. But, oh my gosh. When you're drinking, you would just lose your prefrontal cortex thinking and you might react with aggression. Yes.

Susan [00:11:22]:
You know what I was thinking? Yeah. What I noticed with two people in my family, and I won't name them, but they get mean eyes. I called them mean eyes. Like, I can tell well, I will name it my husband when he's been drinking and I don't mean to be like the alcohol police, but I can totally tell when he's been drinking because he's got his mean eyes. And it's and he's not necessarily mean to me, but he's just meaner, like, in general. He's crabbier. You know, he reacts crabbier to things. And I just noticed it in his eyes and there's one other person I've noticed too that's close to me.

Susan [00:11:57]:
It's like the mean eyes come out, and I'm just like, oh, yeah. Mean eyes. And I did that too. I'm not saying I was you know, for me and especially in a marriage, it's like that old argument comes out. It's like, once you've drank too much, then you're just gonna rehash

Ruby [00:12:12]:
Right.

Susan [00:12:13]:
The same old dang arguments that you've had a million times. And it's just yeah. It's just not productive. So I

Ruby [00:12:23]:
think of a lot of examples too where, like, I remember going wine tasting with a group of girlfriends, and we had a limo. But when you have that experience, you really drink even way more. And I remember at the last winery, we'd been drinking all day. We had way, way, way too much. All of a sudden, I started picking fights with my dearest girlfriends. Like, I'm, like, just being mean, and I and I kinda realized I was doing it at the time, but I didn't know how to stop it. Like, maybe I changed my personality. That is not my personality.

Ruby [00:12:57]:
My personality is to be kind Ruby, sweet Ruby, empathetic Ruby. So I didn't like who I became, this kind of anger or sometimes it was sad. You know, we're gonna talk about how we just thought we'd do a lot of different emotions, but, like, sometimes the sad ruby came out or the depressed. Yeah. Yeah. But anger. Yeah. So I wanna talk about processing anger because that was really the question.

Ruby [00:13:23]:
So yeah.

Susan [00:13:23]:
Like and You get worried about erupting. So how do you productively handle your anger?

Ruby [00:13:29]:
Exactly. And for me, I now can process my anger in real time. You don't wanna wait and stuff it down or use alcohol to numb it. But, like, go into your bedroom and scream into a pillow. Like, scream as loud as you can. I mean, that is effective. Or I pound my fist on my steering wheel, not when I'm driving, but, like, when I'm parked. Like, I remember so vividly.

Ruby [00:13:54]:
I remember saying that and I was so angry. How can I go on a date without drinking wine or drinking you know, I because I'm single, and I was like, how? Like, it's not fair. And I remember I was parked, and I just started dang. Because so that's an example of how normal it is that you are going to have these examples of anger that'll just, like, erupt Yeah. Throughout your alcohol free journey too because you're we're, you know, you're you're processing your emotions differently and not just numbing them with alcohol. Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:14:26]:
Oh, I love that. I love, like, also, like, get a bat and, like, go beat a tree, poor tree. Or and there's this chapter. It's called the burn book, the sober lush book that really resonated with me. And one of the authors of the book in this chapter talked about anger and the things she did, like, beating a pillow with, you know, like you said, beating a pillow. But she also talked about getting, like, some used china or glass and going out and just throwing it against the shed and just getting all that anger out and just discharging it. Just discharging it. Yeah.

Susan [00:15:01]:
Like you said, why? This isn't fair. How am I gonna do this? Just letting it all out and or, you know, writing it out in your journal, having your mean journal, your anger journal, you know, like writing all the or writing poetry. One time, my daughter, when she was processing her own stuff, was starting to write poetry, and she wrote something that was, like, really mean towards me. And I was so upset. And so then I just wrote my own poem back in my journal to her. Like, getting it out creatively, drawing. Right? Like,

Ruby [00:15:32]:
just lots

Susan [00:15:32]:
of different ways to discharge that and to feel it. Just go ahead and feel it. You know?

Ruby [00:15:37]:
And then remember there's an underlying emotion. Right? And that's where Yeah.

Susan [00:15:41]:
You

Ruby [00:15:42]:
you so you get rid of the spell, process And then go get your fear. And then go, oh, is it embarrassment? Is it a worry? Is it fear? Is it a hurt? You know, like and then you can you know, especially with a coach, you can work with the underlying issues all the time with our clients Right. And to help them move through this. Right.

Susan [00:16:03]:
And we always come back to what you need right now. So if what's the underlying emotion, or if the anger is a signpost, it's a red flag, then what's the thought or feeling underneath that, and then what do you really need? So sometimes even speaking up for yourself. Anger is a signal that maybe a boundary is being violated. Maybe you're too tired to cook dinner tonight. And instead of just sucking it up and being angry about it and slamming things around the kitchen and making dinner and then saying, I need to drink over this emotion because I'm so ticked off that I have to make dinner, you just say, let's get a bucket of chicken or whatever it is. You know? My husband and I realized I had a lot of anger about making dinner. I don't know why. I mean, yeah.

Susan [00:16:46]:
I've been doing it for thirty five years, you know? And we had four kids, and so every night, we had to feed everyone. But now it's just me and my husband. And so we have this deal. Like, we have different nights. It's my night or his night, but we all have the deal that either one of us could just go, you know what? Even though it's my night, I'm too tired and too much craziest stuff happened today, and let's get Thai or let's get sushi or let's

Ruby [00:17:08]:
I love it.

Susan [00:17:08]:
For that. Yeah. And so we were so because I always had the feeling that I had to.

Ruby [00:17:15]:
Now it's like I love to cook dinner. But can I share one more thing I just remembered? In my family growing up, I might have shared this on the past podcast before, but we had five kids, two adults. Let me talk. There was anger, especially during the teenage years, and we had a punching bag in the garage Oh. And punching gloves, and that was our thing. My dad or my stepmom would say, go punch it out in the garage. And that's what I mean. Like, you can exercise your anger too.

Ruby [00:17:48]:
If you're, like, an exerciser, you could go to the gym and, you know, do StairMaster. But there's a lot of ways. You wanna process the anger quickly, like, actually, in the moment if you can. Now you might get a job or something and you can't quite, but maybe you could go use the restroom and, I don't know, just Run up and down the stairs

Susan [00:18:09]:
just to do that. Go you know, because most buildings have some sort of stairs and just go run up a flight of stairs. That'll do it, man. That'll make you breathless. Think of the word discharge. How can I discharge this feeling of anger and what even 10 jumping jacks in your office or Mhmm?

Ruby [00:18:28]:
Right, Ruby? Mhmm. Totally. I love 10 jumping jacks. I do it all the time

Susan [00:18:32]:
I know.

Ruby [00:18:32]:
For stress or yeah. It's one of my staying above 50% things.

Susan [00:18:37]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. And, like, asking ourselves, what do I really need right now? We always come back to that, that curiosity and taking care of ourselves. Self compassion, self care. And self care isn't no use for bubble baths and manicures. Sometimes I need to eat some protein. I feel under 50%.

Susan [00:18:57]:
What you know, what is this red flag of anger, or do I need to speak up for myself? Yeah. And if you don't feel like you could do it in the moment because you're too angry, it's like taking yourself out of the situation and going, you know, I'm just gonna give myself a time out.

Ruby [00:19:12]:
Right. Yeah. Time outs. Yes. The mommy time outs or the adult time outs, we need them too. Yeah. Yeah. Scream into a pillow.

Ruby [00:19:21]:
We love it. So

Susan [00:19:24]:
and, really, that question, why can't I drink like everyone else? Turn it on its head. How is it sometimes we ask, what is that, how does that question make you feel? How does it make you act? And then the result, if the result is drinking, that thought is, you know, a destructive thought for you. Right? And what does that even mean? What is everybody else? Like, let's define that. Or sometimes we even say, how is that thought helpful? Is there another thought you could think that's true or truer or more helpful? It's like, yeah. Like, maybe it's really just about it's not really even about your drinking. It's about just being human. Mhmm. You know? Mhmm.

Ruby [00:20:06]:
Yeah. I don't personally but I've had the full mind shift around that. But why would I wanna drink?

Susan [00:20:14]:
Like everyone else. Everyone else or anyone else.

Ruby [00:20:16]:
Why do I want to drink? And keep getting curious about that underlying emotion again. Is it embarrassment, like, shame? Is it fear? Oh, what are people going to think? What are people gonna think? I think that comes up a lot. But you know what? Yeah. As I've been working through my alcohol free journey, it's about empowerment and, like, just and and self love. I think, like, loving myself so much, why would I care what anybody else thinks, first of all?

Ruby [00:20:47]:
It’s difficult to take a lot of time to move through a lot of these beliefs. I had to work really hard turning them around. But once you do this work, this self work, then it's just it it's the joy of missing out. Right? With your question, like, the fear it's the fear of missing out versus the joy of missing out.

Susan [00:21:06]:
Yeah.

Ruby [00:21:06]:
And I just love my alcohol free life so much. There's no reason why I would want to drink like anyone else. Yeah.

Susan [00:21:13]:
Yeah. That's so good. Or just replace it. Like, why can't I eat cheese like everyone else? Or why can't I be whatever like everyone else? Like, is there any other thing in our life that we put in that category? Right? Right.

Ruby [00:21:29]:
Why do we have to explain why we're not accepting a glass of wine? Yet, if you say something simple, like, I can't eat cheese, like, yeah, I'm lactose intolerant. Yeah. Can't eat pizza like everyone else.

Susan [00:21:42]:
Although, when I think if I couldn't eat pasta, I would be like, why can't I eat pasta like everyone else? Although that's okay. But there's no stigma attached to that. Like right? And so then it comes down to these cultural norms, these cultural beliefs, and really back to that old belief that's really perpetuated by AA that they're these are normal drinkers, the normie thing, which I hate, and alcoholics. And that's just not true. It's a spectrum. And all of us, anyone, not us because I don't drink anymore, but anyone drinking on a regular basis, is on that spectrum. And so it comes back to how do you feel? Like, I felt so much better not drinking, so why was I torturing myself with that thought of, but I need to be able to do this so that I'm like everyone else.

Ruby [00:22:30]:
Mhmm.

Susan [00:22:31]:
It's like, but I feel so much better, and I operate so much better, and I'm such a better Susan. If I don't drink, why would I wanna be like everyone else?

Ruby [00:22:40]:
So if you're in this place, we were just talking about this this morning. We want you to try it out. Like, the we love, like, like, like a month, like a dry January or a fabulous February. But, like, try it out and see what you really feel like after a week, alcohol free two weeks, thirty days. And it's really normal to, like, have a thirty day break maybe and then go back to drinking, but then you're more aware and you realize. And when I work with clients, it's like one of the first things. How much time have you had? Oh, you had two weeks alcohol free. How did you feel? And then it's so funny.

Ruby [00:23:17]:
They're like, oh my god. I was sleeping so well. I was getting up early and working out, and, oh, the relationship with my husband was better. I'm just like, okay. And, and, and, and. Okay. So you feel so much better. Yeah.

Susan [00:23:30]:
So then we start working on, well, yeah, your underlying beliefs. Yeah. Or to the point of this listener who wrote in this question is or you realize, wow, I have all these emotions that I've been drinking away, and I get to have the opportunity to, like, work on them instead of shove them down even though that's uncomfortable. So sometimes clients are like, well, I feel better, but I got all this stuff. You know? I also feel irritable, and I feel like all of a sudden I'm having all these feelings, and I don't know what to do with them because we're so used to not feeling our feelings. And so then it's like, okay. But that's normal too.

Ruby [00:24:08]:
Yeah. It's you know, the emotional roller coaster is really Normal. Normal.

Susan [00:24:12]:
And then that's an opportunity. Can you see it as an opportunity to, like, explore those things? Can you see it as an opportunity to find out places where maybe you're abandoning yourself, drinking to go along to get along, which is definitely what I did around anger, around any feelings I was feeling, but I called it my drinking to go along to get along Yeah. Is self abandonment. And self abandonment never feels good, and it's never gonna go to a good place for you. So like you said, Ruby, you know, the empowerment of choosing not to drink and making that a choice and then working through we call it emotional sobriety, then working through all of the feelings and emotions. And, I mean, when I was not drinking in the beginning, I did start to assert myself, and it was like, I'm not doing that, that, and definitely not that. Like and my husband was like, okay. Well you know?

Susan [00:25:08]:
And that's an adjustment too where people are like, woah. Woah. All of a sudden you know, if you're if people are, you know, are used to you being a doormat, let's say. You know what I mean? And then they have to adjust to that. But they'd have to adjust to that because you're not gonna self abandon anymore. That's where this they've so

Ruby [00:25:26]:
to witness. I love witnessing people's transformations. Even in a mirror, ninety days, it's just like yeah. I love this so much when I see the transformation. It's like it's something I just adore about being a coach is seeing the changes, and it's amazing. Yeah.

Susan [00:25:49]:
Alright. 

Ruby [00:25:52]:
Yeah. 

Susan [00:25:54]:
So, I'm going to ask you, Ruby, what are you doing lately to feel lit?

Ruby [00:26:01]:
I really got excited about this one because it goes well with the emotion of anger. And I actually chose this, because I've been speaking a lot about it. I have gone through a workshop. It's tapping, emotional freedom technique or EFT. If you haven't heard of tapping yet, I wanna just introduce you to this and explain what it's like. And then you can go out on YouTube or go out there. There's EFT. There's the Tapping Solutions.

Ruby [00:26:35]:
You and there's apps. And you can do this, but it's great for processing emotions in real time. It's also used when you're experiencing a craving or an, you know, an alcohol urge. You can use it for so many things, especially anger. And it was first developed as a cure for phobia. And it was extremely effective in helping people overcome emotional challenges, like I said, including cravings and addiction. So it's a technique. So you literally are tapping.

Ruby [00:27:10]:
It looks like, you know, tapping. Yep. I did it this morning. Yeah. Okay. So this is gonna chime in. Yeah. And so what it is is it's using, it's using The meridian points.

Ruby [00:27:24]:
Yeah. The meridian points. And what happens is you are also saying words, like, I am feeling you know, you're you're being aware of your craving or your anger. I'm feeling anger right now. And you start to dissipate it. But first, you start with, on a scale of one to 10, how am I feeling with a particular emotion? So you might say, I'm feeling a 10 out of 10 in anger. And you keep assessing it as you do the tapping process. You are assessing it and seeing if it gets, you know, better, better, better.

Ruby [00:28:00]:
Yeah. So it's a way to calm the brain. If you know, our brain produces stress hormones, and it's telling us to be stressed or angry or and we need our bodies to just relax and reach homeostasis. And it actually is so effective. I've used it a lot. And tell me, you said you did it today. Will you tell our listeners, like, your experience, Susan?

Susan [00:28:25]:
So I'm working on releasing some emotions that may be causing some of my gut issues. So I sit in front of my red light therapy, which I'll talk about another time, And I go through a tapping sequence, and what I love about it is it's about allowing the feeling. And, like, the first thing you say is, you know, I'm feeling angry, but I still love and accept myself. So tapping on this side of your hand, and then you go through and you go through everything you're feeling. I'm feeling angry. I feel it in my chest. I feel it, you know, I'm feeling angry about this or that. And you go through and you just allow it.

Susan [00:29:00]:
You experience it, the first round. And then the second round is, like, I'm feeling angry about having these symptoms or I was feeling angry that I couldn't get the prescription from my doctor, etcetera, etcetera. So I would go through the first round, and then it's like then you the second round of tapping is about releasing that. But I feel it, and I'm releasing those feelings. I feel them going through my body and releasing it out. And so you discharge it. So it's a process of feeling, allowing, and discharging the emotion. And then at the end, to your point, you then see how you feel, and then you rate it again.

Susan [00:29:36]:
So say you rate it the first time, oh, I'm feeling this at seven. Then after you're done, like, how do you feel? Maybe it's a four or a three, and you've moved you've moved some of those feelings through, and you can you know, sometimes it's like an onion. You have to keep repeating Mhmm. 

Ruby [00:29:52]:
The process has been so helpful.

Susan [00:29:54]:
And the first time I did it, honestly, I was like, this is weird.

Ruby [00:29:57]:
Yeah. You're, like, tapping around your eyes aren't you?

Susan [00:29:59]:
I don't believe in this. 

Ruby [00:30:01]:
This is supposed to be fixed.

Susan [00:30:01]:
And it does. Afterwards, I did it, and I was just like, oh.

Ruby [00:30:05]:
Oh, so much better. Yeah. I feel so much better. Home or my mom. Just work. Almost everybody will move down even a little bit, but so many people, it's, like, from a nine to a one. I mean, oftentimes, not always, but, like, you could or you do another round. So you moved it from an eight to a five, and then you could do another round, and you can move the five to a three.

Ruby [00:30:26]:
And so, I mean, this is just another tool. We have so many tools as coaches to move through cravings or to help with different emotions that you wanna process, like anger. And sometimes anger, it needs I mean, I don't know if you could sit down and do this or if you definitely give it a try. 

Ruby [00:30:48]:
But oftentimes, with anger, it's like a need to scream into a pillow. But then yeah. Then tap. Maybe that's it. Then tap through your underlying emotion.

Susan [00:30:55]:
Yeah. Just say,

Ruby [00:30:56]:
You get rid of your explosive anger, like, punching a punching bag, and then you go, okay. It's really embarrassing or worrying. And then you can work through your worry by tapping.

Susan [00:31:07]:
Yeah. So that's a good example. Primary emotion. Yeah. Because, like you said, anger is usually a secondary emotion. So yeah. This was

Ruby [00:31:17]:
such a good topic. I'm so glad that we decided to do this. Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:31:22]:
It's a tough one. It is a tough one. We're afraid of our anger, especially women, I think, sometimes. You know? Because if we are, if we do express it, if we express our boundaries, we're seen as the b word. You know?

Ruby [00:31:35]:
We're supposed to be good little girls.

Susan [00:31:38]:
All that cultural, patriarchal messaging. It's really interesting. Yeah. How and to get underneath that too and to just realize where all this is coming from. How long have we been shoving, you know, our anger or are those our primary emotions down to go along to get along. Yeah. And that's gonna change, and that's being a badass.

Ruby [00:32:02]:
You become a badass. You become empowered. You have found that self love, and it's a journey. This alcohol free journey is so beautiful, you guys. It's so worth it.

Susan [00:32:11]:
More than just not drinking. It's so much more than not drinking. Like, wow. Yeah. Yeah. So much more.

Ruby [00:32:16]:
We only knew. We're telling you.

Susan [00:32:18]:
It's so much more. Yeah. Yeah. It's so much more.

Ruby [00:32:20]:
So please trust us. It's so much more. Yeah. Okay.

Susan [00:32:23]:
So this was so awesome. Thank you so much for joining us today, and we would love, love, love to hear your comments about this or any you know, if you've tried tapping, let us know. If you struggle with anger or, you know, you want to, just just we'd love to hear from you. Love, love, love. 

Ruby [00:32:41]:
Come and join our Facebook group.

Susan [00:32:44]:
Yes. And let's join the conversation over there because we're having a really great time with the people who have joined, and we've had a lot of new people. And we have had a lot of people that did our dry January program in January and then there is the opportunity to move on with us in February. And so we would love to invite you in. It's a really lovely place. So hope to see you there. Don't mind getting the show notes. Bye.

Susan [00:33:07]:
Bye bye.

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