From Gray Area Drinker to Sober Dad: Todd Kinney's Powerful Story / EP 58

In this episode of the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast, Ruby and Susan are thrilled to welcome Todd Kinney, a distinguished attorney and acclaimed author from Omaha, Nebraska. 

Todd opens up about the internal conflicts and societal pressures he faced before giving up alcohol. He reflects on the positive impacts sobriety has had on his life, especially in his role as a father.  With his memoir, "I Didn't Believe It Either: One Dad's Discovery That Everything is Better Without Alcohol," Todd offers invaluable insights into the challenges and rewards of living an alcohol-free life. 

Join us as Todd discusses how sobriety has enhanced his personal and professional life, debunking myths and inspiring listeners to consider a life free from alcohol. 

Connect with Todd: tkinney111@gmail.com

His book: I Didn't Believe It Either: One Dad's Discovery That Everything is Better Without Alcohol

Want to Feel Lit? Grab our FREE, fun Bingo Card with 21 Feel Lit activities shared on the podcast. Feeling Lit is about about self-care, and daily practices that support our alcohol-free lifestyle. https://feellitpodcast.com/Bingo

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle.

Join our Feel Lit AF Facebook Community for amazing support and connection!

Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are two former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Ruby [00:00:34]:

Hello. Welcome back to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast. So excited to have a special guest today, Todd Kinney. So I'm gonna tell you a little bit about Todd. He's a talented attorney and acclaimed author, hailing from Omaha, Nebraska. Todd shares a vibrant home with his loving wife and energetic children and three wiener dogs. And when he's not immersing himself in professional pursuits, Todd finds joy in traveling, golfing, and spending quality time with his family, well, when they allow him to. He's also a devoted supporter of the Iowa Hawkeyes, pouring an impressive amount of time and money into cheering on his favorite team.

Ruby [00:01:17]:

But in 02/2019, Todd made a life altering decision to quit drinking, a choice he deems best he's ever made for both himself and his family. So his journey and struggles and triumphs are vividly captured in his memoir, I Didn't Believe It Either, one dad's discovery that everything is better without alcohol, published in 2023. So this is a heartfelt and insightful book that shares Todd's path to sobriety and the profound lessons that he learned along the way. So welcome, Todd. Welcome.

Todd Kinney [00:01:51]:

Thank you. It's good to be here. Good morning.

Ruby [00:01:54]:

Good morning. Hello. So, yeah, we'll just start it off with yeah. Do you wanna share a little bit about your life before making the decision to quit drinking and maybe your turning point? Yeah. I'd love to hear your story.

Todd Kinney [00:02:07]:

Sure. Yes. Then thank you for having me. So I was you know, the my my pre alcohol free days, I was a I call myself a classic gray area drinker. I think my drinking probably looked pretty similar to a lot of professionals, suburban dads and moms for that matter. I didn't drink on the on the weeknight usually. I mean, I would if we were out socially at an event, but most of my drinking was on the weekends. And I didn't have a lot of, you know, outwardly, I guess, negative effects of my drinking.

Todd Kinney [00:02:43]:

You know, I wasn't crashing my car, getting arrested, or, you know, going through a nasty court battle. The police weren't showing up to our to our house. So it wasn't outwardly, my drinking may have looked normal or or fine to a lot of people, but but in inside, it was not fine, and it was I just didn't have I never had a great relationship with alcohol. And I I I knew that for a long time on some level, but it it was it it would go it would ebb and flow in terms of how much attention I would give that. And then I'd shut it off for a while because I didn't like thinking about it, and it was uncomfortable. And it I was afraid it might lead me to places I didn't wanna go. And so that's how I always, I guess, kind of explain it to myself. You know, I don't have the greatest relationship with alcohol because that kept me from I didn't wanna call myself an alcoholic.

Todd Kinney [00:03:40]:

I didn't know if I was an alcoholic. I didn't I didn't wanna be one. I knew that. I didn't wanna have a problem big enough that I needed to quit. I knew that. So I just kinda settled on this, you know, I I don't have a great relationship with alcohol. And, well, what that meant outwardly, at least, like, kind of for my how it manifested itself in my drinking was I would I would drink too much, like, too often. You know? I was usually the drunkest person in the room.

Todd Kinney [00:04:09]:

Mhmm. I was I would I would often tell myself I was gonna have x number of drinks, and then I'd have x plus six number of drinks. And so I constantly felt this inability to control what I wanted to control. It was very common for me to wake up on a Saturday morning and, you know, feel the shame and embarrassment and regret that is so common for people with drinking issues. But why did you let this happen again? I'd have to tiptoe around my wife to see if I had pissed her off. Old eventually. Mhmm. I'd have to wonder if I made an ask to myself or if I said something embarrassing or if I did everyone notice that I was the drunkest person in the room or, you know, the beating myself up, and why can't you get a handle on this, and why did you let this happen again? And, you know, you I I I seem to be able to kind of succeed at in most areas of my life, But this one, I I constantly fail at.

Todd Kinney [00:05:16]:

Uh-huh. And the and the other part of my drinking was when I when I wasn't drinking, I was constantly thinking about it.

Susan [00:05:24]:

Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:05:24]:

You know? It it would I mean, my week would would at the beginning of the week, I would know, like, when is my next drinking opportunity coming, and what kind of drinking opportunity was that gonna be? Was it gonna be one where I could really cut loose? And in that case, I'd really look forward to that. And was it gonna be one where I had to, like, hold back? And in that case, that would annoy me. And, you know, I'd look at our weekend schedule and figure out when we'd have, you know, kids' activities. And and I'd plan my drinking around that. And if it was if Saturday morning we had to get up early, then then Friday night, I might take it a little easy, but then that gave me an excuse for Saturday night if we didn't have to get up early on Sunday to really cut loose on on Saturday. And everything revolved around when can I drink, how much? And so if I wasn't I was either thinking about it, I was either doing it, or I was recovering from drinking.

Ruby [00:06:25]:

That's so much, like, energy and, like, brain space.

Susan [00:06:29]:

Yeah. And

Ruby [00:06:30]:

I really relate to that, Todd. Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:06:33]:

Todd, I relate to your story so much. It's like I'm the female version of you. Like, yes. I'm successful in every area. Yes. I only drink on the mostly on the weekends. Maybe, you know, maybe starting Thursday night. You know? But yeah.

Susan [00:06:45]:

Oh my gosh. And and looking outwardly, like, there was no problem, but in it's that inner knowing

Todd Kinney [00:06:51]:

Yeah.

Susan [00:06:52]:

And then trying to ignore that voice, like, go away. You know? Oh my god.

Todd Kinney [00:06:57]:

And you think you're at least I did for I thought I was the only person on the face of the earth that had this inner conflict going. You. I mean yeah. Yeah. I I really did. I I thought I thought I was the only one that woke up in the morning and and immediately was like, why did you do that again? Yeah. And and and the shame spiral and the and the embarrassment and the anxiety. I thought I was the only one I thought I was the only one who who was experiencing that.

Ruby [00:07:26]:

Mhmm. I felt

Susan [00:07:27]:

so sorry.

Todd Kinney [00:07:28]:

Yes. Yes. You feel like you're on an island.

Ruby [00:07:31]:

And who can you talk to? Oh, you you can either go to AA meetings or there's so much more now out there for support and community, but, like, back then, it just even just five years ago. I'm five years alcohol free. You you you and I or all of us, we have 02/2019, I think, as our alcohol free

Todd Kinney [00:07:49]:

Yeah.

Ruby [00:07:50]:

Day or year or whatever. But was there, like, a turning point that made you decide to quit, or did something happen? Or what happened?

Todd Kinney [00:07:58]:

So yeah. Yes and no. It was like there there was a final straw, but it was also a very slow, gradual kinda run up to that final straw. And the the gradual run up was a lot of like, I always tell people, like, I didn't have a spectacular flame out rock bottom, but I had a lot of lot of nudges along the way. And some of the nudges were more forceful than others. But what really what started that process was my kids getting old enough where I started thinking about what they were seeing and understanding with with adults drinking that they saw, including mostly me. But but I I started to realize that they were they were around adults, you know, drinking a lot a lot. They they saw that a lot.

Todd Kinney [00:08:51]:

Our social life was was centered around drinking.

Susan [00:08:57]:

Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:08:57]:

And and for me, that meant usually, you know, drinking too much. And so when my oldest started to our our two oldest are, like, eighteen months apart. And so they they were they were getting young teenage aged. And I knew they were I knew they knew when I was drunk. I knew they knew when other adults were drunk. And it started to kind of weigh on me just how much exposure to this that they were getting. And I started to wonder, like, I don't know if that's the is that what we want to put in front of these kids all the time? You know, I don't know if that's the best, example to show them. And, again, this was, like, my my I co my evaluate my evaluation process in earnest where I where I seriously started looking at my dream.

Todd Kinney [00:09:48]:

It was a six year period.

Ruby [00:09:50]:

Yeah. I'm a seven year period.

Susan [00:09:52]:

Seven Was it?

Todd Kinney [00:09:53]:

Yeah. It's I mean, it sounds like a long time, but I think that's fairly common.

Susan [00:09:57]:

Yeah. It's very common. Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:09:59]:

Because it starts out like, okay. You know, I'll take a look at this and okay. I'll Right. I'll I'll go here and, you know, maybe I'll maybe I'll go a little further, but it's real at least for me, it was it was baby steps.

Ruby [00:10:11]:

Yeah. That's and and my I had this question that I was thinking of when you were saying, like, on a Friday night, if I knew I had to wake up early on Saturday, you would take it easy. Were you for me, I wasn't able to take it easier. I didn't know. I would start drinking thinking, oh, I'm only gonna have two, but then the next thing I know, I've drank way more than I wanted.

Todd Kinney [00:10:32]:

That that happened to me plenty. That I sometimes I could take it easy, but it was a lot of work.

Susan [00:10:38]:

Right.

Todd Kinney [00:10:38]:

It was a lot of work, and I was I was resentful that I had to take it easy. Like, it wasn't fair. Right. Right. Like, it it's like a wasted Friday night if you can only have two beers. Yeah. Like, what am I even doing if I if I can't get drunk and I can only have two beers? Like, what this isn't even a Friday night. It doesn't even count.

Susan [00:11:01]:

Why bother? It's like decaf coffee. Why bother?

Ruby [00:11:03]:

Well, I I love that, Susan. But can we flip this to, like, I really wanna go now because, like, we are feel it, alcohol free. Let's talk. Like, what is the impact been now now that you are the sober dad, you know? And how's that relationship changed with your kids?

Todd Kinney [00:11:20]:

Oh my gosh. It's been the the whole dynamic with with my relationship with my kids and how I feel as a dad is is what maybe the greatest blessing I've gotten out of all this. And I've gotten, you know, countless blessings. But but what it's done in that department I mean, if I would have known what it was going to do, I I I would have quit when they were babies.

Susan [00:11:43]:

Oh.

Todd Kinney [00:11:44]:

You know, I I I don't know a lot. Shut on. I know. I know. And I don't I do a pretty good job of not dwelling on that stuff. But, one thing I do dwell on a little bit is is, like, you know, my oldest was 14. So my kids were, like, 14, 13, 10, and seven, I think, when I quit. It and if if I I would love to go I wish I could go back and do, like, the toddler phase of parenting as a sober dad because I know I'd be so much better at it than I was.

Todd Kinney [00:12:17]:

And, I mean, you guys know, Todd the toddler phase takes an infinite amount of patience.

Susan [00:12:22]:

Yes. Yes. They're so fun and so cute, and you wanna enjoy it. Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:12:27]:

I know I I know I would have gotten so much more out of that phase Mhmm. If if if I had if I had quit then. But, you know, it is what it is, and it we all have our journeys, and we all have to get there.

Susan [00:12:39]:

You

Ruby [00:12:39]:

quit you quit now. You know?

Todd Kinney [00:12:41]:

That's Yeah. So I don't I don't dwell on that too long. But it I mean, it it has the so now we have three teenagers in the house, and and our oldest is a freshman at college. So you also know teenagers require an infinite amount of biting your tongue and patience too.

Susan [00:13:00]:

Right.

Todd Kinney [00:13:01]:

And the the ability I have to do that now is like night and day compared to what it was when I was drinking. I'm just so much the sense of peace and calmness that I have is, like, one, something I didn't know I needed, two, something I didn't know existed. And it's I mean, it's been I'm so much less reactive than I used to be, and all the little stupid, petty fights that you can get yourself into with your teenagers if you want to Mhmm. You know, those have those have pretty much fallen by the wayside because I don't I don't get worked up about the things I used to get worked up about, and things don't set me off like they used to. And that that is that is a % from the inner calm and peace I have now that I have quit drinking and that I had no idea what's going on inside of me when I was drinking. I mean, I knew I knew what my relationship with alcohol was like. I knew I didn't like it. I I knew on some level the negatives that was bringing to me, but I had no idea.

Todd Kinney [00:14:11]:

I had no idea that there was another way to live.

Ruby [00:14:14]:

I've done.

Susan [00:14:14]:

Isn't that funny? We we talk about that all the time on this podcast about, like, so amazing. And there's nobody who's quit drinking that we know or have talked to who are like, oh, it's okay.

Todd Kinney [00:14:26]:

No. Everyone I think I'm gonna go back because it was better.

Susan [00:14:28]:

Yeah. No. And there's so many unexpected things, like the emotional regulation that you now have and mastery and yeah. And with teenagers, absolutely. And wait till they're adults because mine are not adults. You still need it.

Todd Kinney [00:14:43]:

Oh, great. Thank you for the thanks for the heads up.

Susan [00:14:47]:

Yeah. But it's fun. When they turn when your kids become your friends too because they're adults, you're still their parent. But if you skipped into that, it's really different and exciting, and it's great when they could be proud of you. Like, my kids are really proud of me and my

Ruby [00:15:03]:

Thank you.

Susan [00:15:03]:

Choice to be alcohol free. And but how was that in the beginning, Todd? Like, how was it when you made the choice to stop drinking, and, like, how did your wife react to that? How did your colleagues I mean, attorney, you know, it's a pretty boozy culture.

Todd Kinney [00:15:17]:

Yeah.

Susan [00:15:17]:

Did we think you were nuts? Or

Todd Kinney [00:15:20]:

You know, I I I certainly thought everyone was gonna think I was nuts. And you guys know we we have all this these preconceived notions of how people are gonna react and what's gonna happen. And I have a chapter in my book called none of the bad things happened. That I thought were going to happen that were going to be terrible and none of them did. But to answer your question, in the beginning, you know, it's it's tough because you don't you you don't have the benefit of of perspective. You don't have the benefit of time, and you you're feeling these I I I don't know about you guys. I had a lot it was it was like going to your first junior high dance over and over again. Right? Very awkward and self conscious and insecure and just uncomfortable.

Ruby [00:16:14]:

Yeah. We call it the FFTs, the freaking first times. Like, the first time you do something alcohol free, it's a little awkward just like you described. But But then it gets better. It gets better and better and better. Right?

Todd Kinney [00:16:26]:

Yes. And and I think the the the trap that it's important not to fall into that that I that that's hard not to fall into is when you have those first times and you're feeling that uncomfortableness and the awkwardness and the insecurity. It's really easy to think, like, so this is what life without alcohol is gonna be like? Well, this sucks. This is not much fun. And I always I try to I try to tell people as often as I can. It's like, that's temporary. It's not always gonna feel like that. But but it's hard.

Todd Kinney [00:16:55]:

You don't you don't it's hard to realize that in in real time. But you just have to you just have to get through it. You gotta do the first times. And the only way to the only way to make the second and third and fourth time easier is to do the first time. And so, you know, I to some extent, I because this is kinda my personality. I was I kinda just wanted to jump into some of those first times just to get them over with and to to know that I could do it. And because I knew that it was never gonna be tougher than the fir you know, the the first it was never gonna be tougher than the first holiday or the first vacation or the first work trip.

Ruby [00:17:35]:

Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:17:35]:

It was never gonna be tougher than that. And so if you can get through that, then that gives you some momentum to get through the the the rest. And you're right. It does get easier, and it gets more comfortable. And and now you couldn't like, all the all the life events like the vacation and sporting events and your kids' ball games and work travel, all the things that I thought I would never wanna do without alcohol or wouldn't be very much fun without alcohol, I I enjoy so much more now I know. The sober version than I did before.

Ruby [00:18:11]:

Saying that, and it's like but you you all of our clients, everybody has to experience it that sells. But I'm like, it's truly more fun. And it it truly is.

Susan [00:18:21]:

So you just have to experiment.

Todd Kinney [00:18:23]:

Yeah. That sounded insane to me when five years ago, I would've if you would've told me that I would I would feel like that now, I would've bet you a lot of money that you would be wrong, and I would've lost that bet. I would

Ruby [00:18:37]:

But you would've saved so much money not drinking. Right? Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:18:42]:

Yeah. But it's hard to see. I then I was, one of the things that blows my mind most about this whole experience is that it it flipped something on its head for me. Like, I a a life the idea of enjoying a life without alcohol more than a life with alcohol was so foreign to me and so unbelievable to me. And then now going through it and knowing what it's brought me and how much better it is, it's just kinda you know, I don't it it's made me question a lot of things. Wow. I don't whenever I think that would never happen or no way, you know, I don't think that stuff as much anymore because I said that about I said that about a life without alcohol at one time, and I was dead wrong about that. And I

Susan [00:19:32]:

was as certain as you could

Todd Kinney [00:19:34]:

be that I was right about it.

Ruby [00:19:35]:

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Our brains, we believe, like like, the sky is blue. You but we believe it. But when you look at the sky, it also has all the colors, right? But we just can't see that. You know, I I kind of like, look at that. Todd, this is just so I'm so relating to every single thing. So, what about your lawyer friends, though? I'm so curious.

Ruby [00:19:58]:

Like, you like, I hear, like, the bar. You know? It it's like the lawyers are

Todd Kinney [00:20:02]:

are

Ruby [00:20:02]:

are, yeah, a boozy group as Susan was saying in general is what I've heard. Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:20:08]:

Yeah. No. It it's it's true. And I think the the the statistics out there are that, you know, lawyers are, like, thirty percent more likely to have alcohol issues than the general population. So it's, yeah, it it's a it's a thing. Yeah. You know, it's funny. I was somewhat lucky in that, you know, 2,000 I quit in October 2019.

Todd Kinney [00:20:30]:

So the following March was when COVID hit.

Ruby [00:20:33]:

Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:20:34]:

That obviously shut everything down. So I didn't have probably the the number of work events or work things that I woulda had to navigate normally as a newly sober person, which probably helped. But it's funny. I was I was very open about kinda what I was doing And and especially after I hit a year, I I kinda went public with everything. I mean, I hadn't kept it a secret. But some some people who weren't that close to me may not have known what was going on. So I kinda went public with all of that. But work work and I and I wrote the book, obviously, and put a lot of embarrassing stuff in there.

Todd Kinney [00:21:17]:

But work was kind of the last the last category of, I guess, where I felt comfortable, like, really and I really sharing. And I and I I don't know why. Well, I do know why. I I was I remember when I made the decision to quit, I was really worried. I thought I would lose clients because I didn't drink or or clients wouldn't wanna work with me. And I remember the the first kind of client interaction I had where it was gonna be it was gonna come up because I had a mediation out of town with a with a client I knew fairly well, and I had, you know, we I had been I traveled with this client before. We had drank together before, and I knew we were gonna go out to dinner at some point and maybe out for drinks. I mean, I I can't tell you how many minutes and hours I devoted to thinking about how all that was gonna go, how I was gonna explain it to him, what his reaction was gonna be.

Todd Kinney [00:22:18]:

And, you know, like so many, like, so many things with putting drink in, it was much more of a non event than I thought it was gonna be. He we, we, we did the mediation. We went out for dinner. He had some very nice words about he said some very nice things to me about quitting, and

Susan [00:22:37]:

it was not a big deal. Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:22:40]:

And and so that that gave me a lot of, I guess, kind of momentum and confidence to kinda take everything I had shared elsewhere and go ahead and share it in the workplace. Our firm had a panel discussion about six months ago on substance abuse and, like, wellness. And I, gave a little spiel about the book I wrote and my experience and got a lot of positive feedback as as you all know that you tend to do when you share stories like this, which, again, blew my mind also. But yeah. And I can't I've had some people come out of the woodwork at work and contact me and tell me about their own issues. Some of whom I never would have guessed in a million years had alcohol issues. But it's No.

Ruby [00:23:31]:

We don't know. Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:23:32]:

You never know.

Ruby [00:23:33]:

Private thing. You Right. You see them out, and they maybe have one drink or two, and then but then they go home and drink more way more. Yeah. That that so we don't know who

Todd Kinney [00:23:43]:

You never know.

Susan [00:23:43]:

Issue.

Todd Kinney [00:23:44]:

Yeah. You never know. So it's it's been it's been really good with work. It it it it kind of personified everything I thought about quitting drinking. I thought it was gonna be this terrible thing, letting people know and and telling them, and it it hasn't at all. In fact, my first my first two full years after I quit were my most successful years professionally that I had

Ruby [00:24:09]:

Wow. Productivity. Right? Go energy productivity. You're sleeping better. All of that. It really affects your job performance. That's Yeah. Huge.

Ruby [00:24:18]:

Huge.

Todd Kinney [00:24:19]:

And what's funny is, you know, we we cut you we come up with all these excuses why we why we shouldn't quit drinking and why we can't quit drinking. And one of my excuses was, you know, I have a job that's stressful sometimes, and and that's just the way it is. And it's and it's long hours sometimes, and it's hard work. And that that I need that relief. And I'm not gonna be as good at my job if I don't have that relief, which is such bullshit. But I but I told myself that over and over again. And then I took it away, and I realized, I think, now I'm better at my job than I was before as a I'm better at my job as a nondrinker than I was when I was drinking.

Susan [00:25:00]:

Absolutely. I love it. And so how can we shift that to where a client wouldn't wanna work with you if you were a drinker? Because I think about that all the time knowing that how many doctors drink and surgeons. And I think, oh, if I had surgery, would I wanna know, does my surgeon drink on a regular basis? Is he gonna be drinking the night before he's doing surgery on me at 6AM? Like, as a consumer, we could shift this around in you know, by actually wanting alcohol free people to to do business with that we're picking up.

Ruby [00:25:37]:

I want an alcohol free lawyer. I want an alcohol free lawyer. I want an alcohol free agent.

Susan [00:25:41]:

Yeah. You wanna be on your game. Like, you know, like you said, you're just so much sharper. You feel so much better. You're showing up, you know, with all of you know, you're not foggy and Yeah. Yeah. So that's that's pretty cool. I think that that could be and pulling it into the wellness conversation, I love how businesses are doing that.

Susan [00:26:01]:

And by successful businessmen like yourself, being vulnerable in this area just opens it up for other people and opens that conversation up in corporations. I'm working with This Naked Mind and corporation that's doing that in his business and in a couple of other businesses where they're doing a thirty day dry January and then having these conversations. And he is, like, the CEO of this company, and he shared his story.

Ruby [00:26:31]:

And it's just and it

Susan [00:26:32]:

but it blows the doors off because like you said, you know, alcohol is no respecter of persons. We don't know what goes on behind closed doors. And I hear from all, you know, people clients, you know, why can't I drink like everyone else, like all my friends? And I go, you don't know how they drink. We don't know what people do behind closed doors. They I looked like a normal, quote, unquote, two glass of wine lady to everyone out in public too. You know? So yeah. So it's so wonderful that, you know, being willing to write your book, to put your story out there, to open the conversation, to come on podcast, talk about it. Yeah.

Susan [00:27:09]:

It just sets more and more people free and allows people to think, oh, I'm not the only person that has this inner voice saying, you probably drink too much, you know, and maybe I could listen to it, and, everything's gonna be okay. In fact, better than okay. Right?

Todd Kinney [00:27:25]:

Right. Yes. Yes. I think it's what makes the world go round. When when when you've been through something and you can turn around and help, whether it's by telling your story, by by doing whatever. I just think that's what makes the world a right. That's what helped me when I when when I thought I was on an island. And and I realized I wasn't the only person who had these issues with alcohol.

Todd Kinney [00:27:50]:

That was so helpful, and so I just I just feel a pull to help as many people along the way who who wanna be helped because it's it's it's something that I I am a % certain someone won't regret if they decide to quit drinking, and I'm also a % certain it will change their life for the better.

Ruby [00:28:14]:

And their families' lives and their kids' lives. I am just so proud of you for being this vulnerable and writing the book, and it just like Susan said. And, I mean, one of my and, Yin, you shared it here. One of my main reasons is to help children. And, like, even that part of your story, like, I wish I would've, you know, stopped drinking when my kids were toddlers. Like, if we can help someone else stop drinking when their kids are toddlers or their kids are toddlers because my my vision was my son was already older, but, like, am I gonna be a grandma that's just laying on a couch? You know? And I didn't want that. I wanna be vibrant and, you know, living and playing with my grandkids, you know, or that kind of a grandma. So,

Susan [00:28:56]:

yeah, I love it.

Todd Kinney [00:28:58]:

I I just had someone from our firm email me this this past week and and say, I just found out you wrote a book. I'm a new I'm a new dad, and this is a topic that's kind of on my mind. And so I'm gonna get your book, and I'm gonna read it. And I said, that's awesome. And, you know, I said I said, I'm telling you, I was like, if I if I knew now what if I known then what I know now, I would've quit as a young dad, and I and I wish I would've. But, you know, you gotta I don't you let people have to people are gonna get there on their own pace, and Yeah. There's nothing you could do about that. And that's just the way that's just the way it works.

Todd Kinney [00:29:37]:

But the kit thing is was was so was so huge to me.

Ruby [00:29:42]:

I'm so glad you got to share that. Well, this is the time in our podcast where we ask the question, and it's our my favorite part and well, Susan's too, I think. What what do you do, Todd, you know, to feel lit alcohol free? What do you do in your life to just feel good?

Todd Kinney [00:29:59]:

You know, so well, can I give you two things? Oh. So so I don't know if you guys have found this. I I since I quit drinking, I love sunrises. And I will I in fact, I'm look at the other side of my office, there's a picture of in fact, it's on the it's on the cover of my book. It's a picture of a sunrise in Lake Tahoe that was, like, one of the it was almost like a religious experience when I saw this stuff. I was, like, two years about two years sober, and I I will seek out we were I was in Lake Tahoe with my wife, and I got up at, like, five in the morning to drive a half hour to the spot to watch the sunrise in Lake Tahoe. And it was it was unbelievable. I was like, this isn't I was like, what's what

Susan [00:30:52]:

is what's going on with me? Like, this is not I've never I've never re I've never had a reaction like this to a sunrise. But I I will I love to seek out sunrises

Todd Kinney [00:31:05]:

if I'm in another city or or somewhere where it it I can find a spot to watch a good sunrise. And I get so much joy out of that. It like, that's another thing. If you had told me if you had told me five years ago, you're gonna start, like, loving sunrises, I would I would have been like, what are you talking about?

Ruby [00:31:24]:

Because sunrises mean hangovers, brain fog, not wanting to get out of bed. Right? That's I mean Yeah. Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:31:30]:

I don't I don't know. Yeah. It just it makes me really grateful this decision that I made. Mhmm. And it's just, it's something I love doing. So that's one thing.

Ruby [00:31:41]:

Yeah. What's number two?

Todd Kinney [00:31:44]:

And the the other thing is I I was thinking about this the other day. It, this still blows my mind, and I hope, I hope, you know, I'm five years out and it's still blowing my mind. I hope this never stops blowing my mind. But I am constantly amazed at the amount of gratitude I feel, one, for making this decision, but just for the life that I've found since I made it. And and I thought, like, it's something I'm grateful for every single day. Like, there's not a day goes by that I don't, at some point during the day, have a thought, I'm so glad I quit drinking. And I thought, this is like this is we did something that brings an unending stream of gratitude into our lives. Like, who wouldn't sign up for that? I just, I just love that that's part of and again, that's you mentioned, like, so many unexpected surprises.

Todd Kinney [00:32:42]:

I had no idea that that was gonna be part of this. But it is, and it that's such a blessing to have something in your life that no matter what is going on, no matter how bad your day has been, there's a there's a source of gratitude that's there because of a decision, you know, you made five years ago. I just love that.

Ruby [00:33:06]:

I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Oh my gosh.

Susan [00:33:09]:

Yeah. It's so beautiful.

Ruby [00:33:11]:

It was so beautiful.

Susan [00:33:13]:

Oh, it's been so wonderful to hear your perspective, and I just hear the whole time you're talking, I'm like, oh, sound bite. Sound bite. Sound bite. Just, you know, talking about the blessings, like you said, of not drinking and the gratitude and the yeah. I love the sunrises. Yes.

Todd Kinney [00:33:34]:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ruby [00:33:34]:

It's like not in my head the whole time, like, sunrise, mornings, morning person, you know.

Todd Kinney [00:33:41]:

Oh, that's nice. The the mornings were were one of those things that, like, got me through some of the early early times. I've always been a morning person, but I I started to love the morning so much when I stopped drinking that I mean, I start at, like, Friday at 5PM. I start looking forward to Saturday morning. And

Ruby [00:34:02]:

Isn't that funny? Oh my gosh. Yeah. It's so cool.

Todd Kinney [00:34:06]:

But You

Susan [00:34:07]:

know, Friday morning looking forward to Friday night. Right? Friday night looking forward to Saturday morning. I love it.

Ruby [00:34:13]:

Yeah. It's great. It's like And I've seen you

Susan [00:34:15]:

at the gym, so I know you're a workout guy. And, you know, it improves your workouts. Right? Like, your physical health, your mental health, like, it just improves every area of your life. So it's like

Todd Kinney [00:34:25]:

It it really does. And, like, for someone who I I've tried to take working out, you know, I've I've done it consistently for a while. And it's so funny to me because, like, working out and and then drinking in the manner I was, it's like you're you're swimming upstream. You're just you're just putting obstacles in your way that don't need you're cutting off your progress Only. At a at a certain point. This just doesn't make any sense.

Susan [00:34:50]:

No. It doesn't. I've worked out hungover, you know, but in my drinking days, and it was just like, this does not this doesn't feel good. It doesn't make sense. Yeah. It was just, like, completely negating any positive benefits.

Ruby [00:35:02]:

So Yeah. We did a whole episode on that too. So the negative effects of drinking alcohol and then working out. Well, if our listeners wanna learn more about you or connect with you yeah. I mean, your your book is on Amazon. It's, again, it's called I Didn't Believe It Either, one dad's discovery that everything is better without alcohol. So you can get that on apple Amazon. But what else can they do to connect with you, Todd?

Todd Kinney [00:35:31]:

So, I'm on Instagram, at at t kenny one one one, and I my the website is is toddkenny.com.

Ruby [00:35:39]:

Okay.

Todd Kinney [00:35:40]:

But I always tell people, my email is is tkenny111@gmail.com. Okay. I love it when people reach out either about the book or otherwise. Don't be shy if anyone wants to reach out. I'm I'm always I mean, I meet with people on a fairly regular basis just who wanna talk about maybe quitting drinking, And it's one of my favorite things that I do. I always make time for it. I always enjoy it. It makes me feel good.

Todd Kinney [00:36:09]:

Hopefully, it's helpful to the other person, but I love doing it. So anyone wants to reach out, feel free.

Ruby [00:36:17]:

Yeah. And we'll put the links in the show notes. Yeah. Thank you so

Susan [00:36:20]:

much, Todd. Yeah. I'll put the link. Yeah.

Todd Kinney [00:36:22]:

Yeah. Well Thank you. Thank you for having me. I appreciate it. This has been fun.

Ruby [00:36:27]:

It's been a lot of fun!

Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show? All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellitpodcast.com
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time!