Stop "Shoulding" Yourself: Break Free from Negative Thoughts and Embrace Alcohol-Free Living / EP 55

Ready to break free from the crippling "shoulds" that hold you back?
In this episode of the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast, co-hosts Susan and Ruby dive into the sneaky, self-destructive habit of "shoulding" ourselves. How often do you catch yourself thinking, "I should be happier," "I should be more successful," or even "I should be able to handle this"? These pervasive thoughts can weigh you down, but what if you could transform them into positive intentions?

Join us as we explore listener-driven stories and reveal the heavy impact of these constant judgments on our lives. Discover powerful, practical tools to shift from self-judgment to self-compassion, and ask yourself: How can reframing "shoulds" change your life? What if you could fully embrace a lit, alcohol-free lifestyle? Tune in for inspiring coaching advice and step into a life where you feel truly empowered and free. 

Don't miss out on this transformative conversation. Are you ready to feel lit, alcohol-free? Let's dive in! Now, get cozy and hit play on this enlightening episode! 

Time Stamp
00:00 Avoiding Self-Shoulding
03:44 Thoughts, Feelings, Behavior Cycle
06:34 Overcoming Self-Judgment Through Awareness
10:41 Rethinking Fitness: Beyond the Gym
15:53 Awareness and Managing Negative Thoughts
17:29 "Journey to Alcohol-Free Living"
19:59 Preference Questions and Personal Experiences
25:07 Finding Joy in Daily Chores
26:56 Mindset Shift: Gratitude Changes Perspective

We want to share something exciting with you—our upcoming Feel Lit 90 Alcohol Freedom Program!   Imagine making 2025 the year you finally feel lit from within!  Choose freedom. Join us now at Feel Lit 90 https://feellitpodcast.com/FeelLit90Feb

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Your question could be the highlight of a future episode!

Join our Feel Lit AF Facebook Community for amazing support and connection!

Watch Episode on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@FeelLitAlcoholFreePodcast/videos

Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are two former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Susan [00:00:17]:
Welcome back. Super excited to be here recording the pod on Friday mornings. I know the pod drops on Tuesdays for you all, but we record on Fridays. Yeah.

Susan [00:00:45]:
Happy Friday.

Ruby [00:00:47]:
Happy Tuesday. Whatever day or whenever you're listening.

Susan [00:00:50]:
So I wanted to give a shout out to my co host, Ruby, because we record on Friday mornings. So Miss Ruby gets up early, and we start meeting at, like, 9 AM eastern time, which is 6 AM Ruby time. And so I'm a morning person. So you are a morning person.

Susan [00:01:15]:
So today, we have a really great topic that I think so many people are gonna relate to. I know I relate to it. So we have a listener's question, and I'm gonna read it, but it's about not ‘should-ing’ on ourselves. Yes. And I know I second guess myself. I should, should, should all the time, and it's just you know, that's something I fall into and I have to be really careful. When I feel my mood going down, I can kind of look at what are those red flags of what's going on in my brain. And a lot of times, “I should've done this. I should've done that.”

Susan [00:01:53]:
Literally, even just driving somewhere, I shouldn't have gone this way. I should've gone a different way. It's faster. Blah, blah, blah. And it's just like, oh, that constant chatter. Right? And it just brings your whole mood down, makes you feel glad about yourself. And so the question we have from our listener is, I'm 61 years old.

Susan [00:02:16]:
Why do I keep ‘should-ing’ on myself? I should be happy. I should be further along in life. I should have a handle on my drinking. Right? Totally relate.

Ruby [00:02:28]:
Yeah. Me too. All of those, we call them, like, negative thoughts. I just really, really want to give you more examples. Like, I should go to the gym. I should eat healthier. I should be more productive. I should spend less time on social media.

Ruby [00:02:45]:
I should wake up earlier, or I should stop procrastinating. So there's things that you should do or should stop doing. I mean, it's just like this constant you know, we have, like, 50 to 70000 thoughts a day, and oftentimes, it's this ‘should-ing’ on ourself. And I just laughed so hard when I first heard that, I think, years ago. You know, that phrase, stop ‘should-ing’ on yourself.

Susan [00:03:11]:
Yes. Because it sounds like another s h word.

Ruby [00:03:13]:
Right. Which we just did, the f word.

Susan [00:03:16]:
Yeah. It's not the s h word.

Ruby [00:03:18]:
Yeah. So we're doing bad words right now, you guys. Bad words series. Bad words series. I like it. But shoulds just are, like, adding unnecessary pressure and creating kind of a negative mindset. Right? Should, should, should. And these, like, the when you have, like we'll just call it negative even though I don't I don't know how much I like that word anymore.

Ruby [00:03:40]:
But, like, when you have, like, these negative should thoughts

Susan [00:03:43]:
Mhmm.

Ruby [00:03:44]:
And you're creating this kind of negative feeling in your body. Right? Because you know your thoughts inform your feelings or your feelings inform your thoughts, but then it also creates the behavior so and can lead to feelings of you know, like, the ones that I mentioned above and what our listener mentioned. I should be happy, I should be further along, I should have a handle on my drinking, or I should be going to the gym even, it might create sadness. It might create dread. It might overwhelm, like, all of these heavy, heavy feelings, which then inform your behaviors. So I see this as you guys, if you're watching on YouTube, but, like, it's almost like a triangle. Like, there's the thoughts and the feelings and the behaviors. It's spinning around.

Ruby [00:04:32]:
It's going in different directions. It's informing each other, and we often will say the behaviors could be like fight, flight, or freeze. You know, you've probably heard that before. And I always like to add a fourth one of, like, withdrawal. Like, that is actually a behavior too. So you're having the thoughts, the ‘should’ thoughts, and then it could lead to wanting to just numb these feelings, these really heavy feelings, and which can lead to drinking. Right? Yeah. I mean, that's my story.

Ruby [00:05:01]:
I wanted to avoid my negative thoughts, all these negative emotions, which I'm calling I wanna call them just, like, heavy thoughts or heavy emotions, and shoulds was a big part of it. Should. Should. Should. Should. Should. I definitely said I should have a handle on my drinking. Like, oh

Susan [00:05:19]:
my god.

Ruby [00:05:19]:
I said that almost every day. Like Yes. And that's putting it on me. Like, when I work with clients and we work with clients around this, like, I should have a handle on my drinking, it's that am I an alcohol it goes to, like, the label. Right? Yeah. Like, I have the problem, me, rather than the alcohol's the problem. And, actually, I was normal. I was a normal person that my brain was working normally, but alcohol is addictive.

Ruby [00:05:50]:
So, yeah, that's a little bit of my story. We'll talk more about this, but, yeah, what about you, Susan? Yeah. Well, I love the

Susan [00:05:59]:
I love the word heavy thoughts versus negative. But really what's happening is you're saying something should be the way something should be the way it isn't in reality. And so it's creating cognitive dissonance. And so we've talked about this before, and that's like creating a fight in your brain. Mhmm. And that causes pain, and our brain, we know, doesn't like pain. It runs towards pleasure, and so then that causes you to maybe want relief. And so if you're constantly in this mindset of should, should, should, should, should, it's basically a judgment against ourselves.

Susan [00:06:34]:
We're constantly judging ourselves. And when I work with clients, we talk about that's a lever we can push to feel so much better. Right? It's just starting again with our pillars with awareness, just starting to get aware of are these just these constant automatic negative thoughts, right, that are constantly this chatter going on in my head? Just even around stupid things or not I wouldn't say stupid, but for me, I will say stupid because I'm just constantly it's like I went this way to the store, and then, oh, I should have gone that way because it's faster. It's like, how is that helpful? I'm not going that way. I'm already going this way. Does it really matter? But it's just so automatic for me to just constantly be judging everything I'm doing. And so it's been real work for me to become aware of it, and then what can I do about it? How can I change that? So the first step is awareness. Mhmm.

Susan [00:07:31]:
And then the second step is self compassion again, our other pillar. Because if we're always beating ourselves up and being so mean to ourselves, then, again, it causes that pain that then leads to wanting relief, AKA drinking. Because all of these create shame and guilt and negative thoughts about ourselves, and that can really lead to the f its, right, about any of those things you mentioned. Oh, I should be going to the gym more. How does that make you feel? Does that make you feel like getting up and going to the gym, or does it make you feel like saying, well, f it, I'm just gonna sit on the couch and eat some Fritos? Makes me wanna sit on the couch and eat Fritos. I don't know about you.

Ruby [00:08:12]:
Yeah. That word should be so heavy. I think heavy is heavy.

Susan [00:08:17]:
Yeah. Yeah. So how can we change that around? How can we say instead of I should go to the gym more often or I should have a handle on my drinking, maybe just asking yourself that magic question, is it true? Like you said, is it true that I should have a handle on my drinking? Alcohol is an addictive substance. Would anybody say that about their smoking? Oh, I should have a handle on my smoking. No. We all go, no. We realize that smoking is super addictive, and it's really hard. Tobacco is an addictive substance.

Susan [00:08:51]:
And so, yeah. So maybe we would change that to I wanna work on quitting smoking, or I wanna work on creating an environment where it's easier for me to get to the gym. Or one of the things that James Clear talks about in Atomic Habits, instead of like, I should work out more, you could ask yourself more of an identity based question, like, what would a fit person do? I was doing that for when I would so I used to work on the 3rd floor, and I used to enter the basement. So it was really 4 flights of stairs up to my office. And I would come in the door every morning, and, of course, you have the option to take the elevator, and I would just say, oh, what would a fit person do? Oh, a fit person would take the stairs.

Ruby [00:09:36]:
I love that. I've done that before too. Like, what would a thin person do? Well, they would probably eat half of their lunch and take half of it to go for lunch tomorrow, for example.

Susan [00:09:45]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ruby [00:09:48]:
When you oh, I love that you said, Susan, awareness is truly the first step because It is. You cannot change what you are not aware of. Right. So what I love to say I'm going to say a few things. It's all like, I wanna say so much right now. This topic is, like, so interesting. But just just I'm gonna say this twice so it'll sink in. Okay.

Ruby [00:10:11]:
When you say the word should, you are not living in reality. Right. So when you say the word should, you are not living in reality because, in reality, you'd be doing the thing. Right? So let's just use the gym example. So I should be going to the gym. Okay. People only do what they want to do. So if you're not doing the thing, like going to the gym, then you don't actually want to do it.

Ruby [00:10:41]:
And it can totally just be a mindset. And it can be okay. So sometimes I work with clients, and we'll start with, well, what's another way of looking at the gym, or what's another word? What do you want to do to move your body? How do you want to feel when you go to the gym? Like, you dig into, like, well, if you go to the gym, you wanna feel strong or flexible or more in shape. Whatever. You know? Like and how do you wanna feel then in your body? Well, I wanna feel good in my body. Well, maybe the gym is not the right way, if you're not going to the gym so there's lots of ways to look at this. You can either decide that, well, I don't actually want to go to the gym. I want to go swimming.

Ruby [00:11:26]:
You know? And then you'll or or you so we start to, with coaching, ask lots of different questions to see what you actually want to do. And if it is going to the gym, then maybe we might work on tiny steps. Put on your gym shoes. Maybe drive to the gym. You take tiny little steps to get there to create a new habit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Ruby [00:11:52]:
And then the other thing well, I'll let you share on that, and then we'll have one more idea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:12:00]:
So, yeah, well, even taking the I should have a handle on my drinking. Yeah. How is that helping you move forward? It's just making you feel like crap about yourself, and then it makes you just feel defeated. So so a lot of times, you know, what we're saying into this thought turnaround model. And so it's, you know, the thought, I should be going to the gym more. How does that make you or thought, I should have a handle on my drinking. How does that make you feel? Defeated. How does that make you behave? Well, it makes me wanna drink, or I just go, who cares? You know? And I shared that that was part of my story.

Susan [00:12:34]:
I just kept saying, who cares? And just engaging in that automatic behavior of just drinking every night. Right? So how do you turn that thought around? What is a different thought that's gonna create a different feeling of more determination and we don't even have to use the word positive. It's more of something that's gonna help you do the thing you wanna do. Right?

Ruby [00:12:59]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:13:01]:
So what's a different thought? Could be, I am willing to take one baby step towards changing my relationship with alcohol today. And then it's like, well, how does that feel? That's like a ‘ladder thought’. Well, that makes you feel like, okay, yeah. Wow. I wanna do this. I'm gonna do one little thing.

Ruby [00:13:19]:
And if you can turn it around to almost anything up, as you said, ladder thought, it

Susan [00:13:25]:
can create hope for the future. Yeah. I wanna change my drinking.

Ruby [00:13:30]:
Yeah. Right there. Okay. But the other question I use a lot of time in coaching with shoulds is who says? A should. I know. Oftentimes, who should have said that? Oh, is that your father back when you were 10? You know? Or is that your teacher's voice? Who who

Susan [00:13:48]:
says you society?

Ruby [00:13:50]:
Yeah. Or society. Culture. Yeah. So it's really you, there's so many ways we can go with these automatic negative thoughts. But my tool tip for awareness is getting a rubber band. It could be a hair tie if you're a woman or just a grocery bag rubber band. And you might be driving around.

Ruby [00:14:11]:
That's why I love the rubber band because you can even do it in the shower. You can just have it on you. And you're driving around, and all of a sudden, you hear a ‘should’. Like you said, we should've taken a different route or just or I should be farther along in my alcohol free journey, whatever. You snap it, not to hurt yourself, but, like, awareness, like, really awareness. And then Okay. Yeah, you might wanna have, like, a little should or a little negative thoughts journal. I mean, you could write it down.

Ruby [00:14:40]:
If you're driving, though, you might have to see it as a sentence. But once you, like, actually write it down or see it, you can really start to play with the different words that we call them turnarounds again or reframes or just a different mindset. And again, we're not talking about toxic positivity. We're not saying, oh, just be super happy about it. It's about really shifting to create more hope.

Susan [00:15:06]:
Mhmm.

Ruby [00:15:07]:
Or because you only I'll say it again. We only do what we want to do, to shift it so that you might want to do it. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. Did I explain that well enough, Susan? you've

Susan [00:15:18]:
Yeah. And I think you shared the rubber band technique, which I think is really awesome. And the one that I share with clients is to set a timer because sometimes people aren't even aware of what they're thinking. So, just to start going, hey. What am I even thinking right now? Mhmm. Or using your feelings as a red flag. Also, if you're really feeling low, you can just be like, wait a minute. What am I thinking right now? But just to practice, set a timer, and then in that moment, say, okay. When the timer goes off, what am I thinking? Just to start to become aware of whatever the background music of thoughts are in your life because that's just a starting point.

Susan [00:15:53]:
Sometimes, we're not even aware that we're shooting ourselves. We don't even hear that sentence. We're not even attuned to what the silent voice in our brain is constantly chattering at us. So that's sort of a pre thought, a pre tool before even using the rubber band. Then when you start to become aware of your thoughts, when you start to recognize them using the rubber band, starting to do turnarounds, or or even asking yourself, how is this thought even helpful? Mhmm. Like, I'm driving to the store, and I'm beating myself up because I went a different way, and it's slower or whatever. Like, how is that thought even helpful? Like, just turn up the music, sing a new song, get to the store when you get there. I don't know.

Susan [00:16:38]:
And the other thing that came to mind when you were sharing too is the thought, I should

Ruby [00:16:46]:
be further along

Susan [00:16:47]:
or I should be further along in handling my drinking. I mean, that's just complete BS. Right? And that's cultural. That's coming from that message of drinking responsibly. So who says, going back to your who says you should be able to control your drinking? Who says you should be able to control an addictive substance? It's like, why can't you control your smoking? Why can't you just stick to 1 cigarette a day? Well, because it's addictive, people would say. Right? And that's the same for alcohol. So that is this idea of controlling our drinking, controlling an addictive substance is just complete BS. Right? And

Ruby [00:17:29]:
if you go back to the listener, she's, you know, she's 61. And how long have you been drinking? I am often okay. Maybe you've been drinking for decades, and it takes time to change your thinking to it's a it truly is a journey that can take it can take a lot of time to do this work, do this thought work, do the feeling work, just to start to become alcohol free to where it's small and irrelevant. This is what many people want. They just want alcohol to be a non issue and not even take it or leave it. Well, when I work with clients, we eventually get to them and they don't even wanna take it. They don't wanna go back to being what we were. We have lots of episodes on normal drinkers, but who says there's any amount? More and more studies keep coming out that it's definitely causing cancer, and

Susan [00:18:23]:
even one drop is not good. So there's no healthy amount of alcohol, period. It's definitive. It's scientifically proven, the World Health Organization, the American Heart Association, the surgeon general now, there is no healthy amount of alcohol, period. So why should we be trying to control an addictive substance? I don't know. You know? Yeah. Yeah. So good.

Susan [00:18:49]:
So good.

Ruby [00:18:50]:
It's about setting small, positive, realistic goals too. So when we go back to when I was sharing about the, like, the little micro commitments or little tiny habits I love the tiny BJ Foggs, tiny habits. You do something small, and then you can build on it. Or if you go to Atomic Habits where you habit stack. There's so many ways. So when you work with a coach, y'all listeners, we can help you so much. First of all, have a positive mindset around hope and getting you to that wanting to, and then also just a little helping you with ways and tools and tactics to get you to do the thing you really wanna do. The ultimate goal is feeling better.

Ruby [00:19:38]:
Feeling lit. Right? Yeah. Feeling lit. Yeah.

Susan [00:19:42]:
Yeah. I love that. Yeah. Because is it like you said, Ruby, do you want to go to the gym? Is that your exercise of choice? Right? If you don't want to do it, then you're not gonna do it. 

Ruby [00:19:52]:
Yeah. Or you might go for a week. You know?

Susan [00:19:57]:
So maybe you should be playing pickleball.

Ruby [00:19:59]:
These are the kinds of questions you get. Do you like team sports? Do you like classes? You know, what is it or singular things like swimming, or, you know, do you like water? Like, if I was to say you have to go swim every day, Susan, and you're like, I don't even like to put my head under water, you know, that's me. Because I know I swim in the ocean, but I don't put my head under the water that much because I get earaches. As soon as I swim in the pool or in an ocean, I immediately get, like, an earache. It's so I I I'm like the one that puts my hair up, and I'll splash water on my face, but I'm like Stop putting my head under. I'm never I'm not gonna if someone were to say that, it's not something I'm gonna do. So maybe you've heard of pocket like, I okay. Here's another example.

Ruby [00:20:46]:
This is hilarious, Susan. I heard about the 5 AM Club, which is funny. I'm a 5 AM Clubber now. But I was like, I read, I heard that. I read the book, and I heard the concept, and I was like, I should wake up at 5 AM every day. And when right when I said the should, there was no flipping way. I couldn't do it. I couldn't get my body out of bed. But now that I want to and I've changed my identity and it's taken time, but now it's a joy to get up at 5 AM.

Ruby [00:21:17]:
Like, I mean, I really love it. It's not, it's not no dread. No. So it's so much about the mindset.

Susan [00:21:25]:
Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely. And so we go back to the pillars, awareness, self compassion. How is this thought even helpful? Coming from? Why am I beating myself up? Out

Ruby [00:21:40]:
of curiosity, asking those questions. Yeah.

Susan [00:21:45]:
And it's not going to change overnight. Also, having that compassion for yourself, I'm a work in progress. I'm working on my shooting. And also noticing, like for me, noticing you work on something, and then sometimes it comes back because it is just all of a sudden recently, it's been coming back for me, and I'm having to go, like, why am I doing this to myself? Yeah. And and and then just still having and instead of being like, oh, I'm a coach. I shouldn't be doing this. I know better. Again, how is that helping me? You know? And it's just we're human.

Susan [00:22:22]:
We this is this is

Ruby [00:22:24]:
the condition. Are ‘should-ing’ on themselves. Yeah. And it takes practice. But what I can tell you is if you start to work on these automatic negative thoughts and you come up with these, what we're calling turnarounds or reframes, then that can become your new automatic thought. It really can. So instead another automatic thought is, like, a label, like, I'm stupid. I'm stupid.

Ruby [00:22:48]:
You know, I'm labeling myself stupid. And if you start to become aware of it, and then, no. I'm smart in other areas. You know, every human is not as smart in every area, so, you know, you can go, well, I'm really intelligent in this way. Maybe not so much in that way, but that's okay. I'm learning to, you know, become a better podcaster. I don't know. Yeah.

Ruby [00:23:12]:
It's so I love this subject. How about I give you guys, the listeners, something to do this week? Why not use, in conjunction, Susan's idea of a timer plus my idea of a rubber band and start to just be aware? Like, all week, 1 week, when are you saying you should. When are you saying should? And just then once your brain starts to notice it, then you can start to do the work on it. Yeah.

Susan [00:23:39]:
I love that, Ruby. Great assignment. Yes. Yes.

Ruby [00:23:42]:
Your assignment from feel it, alcohol free podcast.

Susan [00:23:45]:
Hey. People have been saying that our podcast is helping them get and stay alcohol free, and that's what our purpose is. And that just makes me feel all good in my heart. Amazing. Yeah. Yeah. So, Ruby Yes, Susan? What do you do to feel lit? I love this part of our podcast. I do too.

Susan [00:24:08]:
It's my favorite. Different practices Good. That helps us feel lit.

Ruby [00:24:12]:
I have a really good one, and it's right on topic. Right. Okay. Okay. And I said, let's not mention this until the end because it's so I hope you our listeners waited till the end because this is so fun. It's called I Get To. So whenever you think I should or I I have to or I need to, like, when you have those kinds of thoughts, you say I get to. I want you to change it to I get to, and I put it in quotes.

Ruby [00:24:40]:
So here's an example of what I did, and it's so much fun. So I'm like, oh, I have to do the dishes right now. And see? Even when I say it, I'm like, ugh. Get to. Yeah. I don't want to. I don't want to. Right? But then I changed it to, wait a minute.

Ruby [00:24:55]:
I get to. And what I mean by that is, like, I'm alive. I get to look out my window and see that you know, for me, it's a beautiful view.

Susan [00:25:07]:
I know.

Ruby [00:25:07]:
You have a great view. I bought some nice smelling soap, dish soap. I get to smell it's like a lemon verbena. I love that. I try to make it, like, as fun as possible, so I get to listen to some fun music, or I get to turn on a silly movie, and have my iPad near the dishes. Like, I try to get to a place where I really say I get to, and then the final step is I put a Post it right above where I do dishes and say I get to do dishes. Oh, that's great. And with a big heart.

Ruby [00:25:45]:
And it's just so you could put “I get to” Post-its all over your house of the things that you don't really like to do, and it can start to shift your mindset. I get to go to the gym. Like, even just that, I get to be alcohol free. Right? Instead of, oh, it's gonna be a drag to quit drinking or a little bit, it's going to be a drag to not drink tonight with my friend. I get to. I get to experience this.

Susan [00:26:14]:
I get to.

Ruby [00:26:16]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:26:17]:
How about that? Focusing on the joy of the JOMO. I love that. Yeah. I mean, you can also turn it around so I gave an assignment to my clients when they do my boot camp, which is to take a day and don't do anything you don't wanna do.

Ruby [00:26:36]:
You just love it. And just don't

Susan [00:26:38]:
do it. But then what happens is you end up so you don't do the dishes. You don't do the dishes because you don't want to, but then all of a sudden, you want to because you don't want the dishes sitting there. Right? So then it's kind of how it changes is, oh, I wanna do the dishes because I want my sink to be clean.

Susan [00:26:56]:
You know what I mean? And all of a sudden it changes because you're not forcing yourself to do it. You all of a sudden go, oh, I'm sick of looking at those. I wanna do this. Or like you said, the mindset shift of, well, there's dishes because we have food, and we're so privileged to have food to eat. So I get to. I get to have food, and so that creates dishes. So then I get to do the dishes because I have the privilege of eating food. I mean, there's just different ways of thinking of things that help change your mindset.

Ruby [00:27:28]:
But why you might wanna coach is to get you to the I get to is we dig in also, where did this come from? Where did this come from that I dislike dishes, for example? Where did this come from? And we can really do a lot of coaching around where you could just see things so differently. You can see, basically, a new reality. I don't know. Now I'm even going to woo woo, but it's really cool, this whole reality thing. Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:27:57]:
And what's the point? The point is not

Susan [00:27:59]:
Now I do the dishes, or now I'm going to the gym. The point is that you feel good in your brain, and it's

Ruby [00:28:06]:
not in your car. Kitchen. An organized and clean kitchen feels good. Yeah. Your body hasn't been going to the gym. You feel strong and lit. And yes. Like, oh, like, after you work out, those endorphins, like, maybe that's what you also like, for me, when I do my ocean plunges, no.

Ruby [00:28:23]:
It does not feel good in the first 2 or 3 minutes. You are cold. You are, like, cold pain. But then the dopamine, the endorphins, all these brain chemicals, and you feel amazing. And that happens after you exercise. That happens after you eat the right foods when you're eating really healthy foods. So all of these things. It's so cool.

Ruby [00:28:45]:
I love coaching.

Susan [00:28:48]:
Yeah. I mean, that's the kind of gym that I go to sometimes they start the workout with, this is your time. You are taking away something special for you. You get to exercise. Your body is strong. There's people that would love to be able to exercise. Right?

Ruby [00:29:07]:
Mhmm. And

Susan [00:29:07]:
not to be super negative about it, but if your body's moving, you get to lift those heavy weights, or you get to run on the treadmill, or you get to play pickleball. And isn't that, in some ways, awesome? You know?

Ruby [00:29:19]:
Yeah. By doing yoga almost every day, I get to move in my body without a lot of pain. Once I realize that, like, it's huge, because if I don't, if I skip yoga for, like, a week or something, then I feel all those pains, aches, and pains again.

Susan [00:29:39]:
Wow.

Ruby [00:29:39]:
And all I have to do is simply do yoga almost every day, but I probably do about 5 days a week. But then I just don't feel as much pain. So I have shoulder pain, knee pain, hip pain, and ankle pain. I just like it as I get older but yoga keeps it at bay. I found a solution that requires a daily practice or a daily ish practice. I love that kind of self compassion. Yeah.

Susan [00:30:04]:
So instead of I should do yoga, 

Susan [00:30:08]:
I get to. I want to do it because it helps me feel in my body the way that I wanna feel. Exactly, Susan. Yeah. So I'd love to hear from people what they think about this episode and how ‘shoulds’ plague them, and if they've had any success using the awareness technique or using the rubber band technique in just changing it up a little and then how it's made you feel. Mhmm. If it helps you feel lit. Feel lit.

Susan [00:30:37]:
Yeah. It's

Ruby [00:30:38]:
all about feel and lit, you guys. It's all about feeling lit. Your life. Yeah.

Susan [00:30:42]:
And why not? Because this is our one life. Shouldn't we feel as good as possible as we can in our one big, beautiful life? Right? Stop torturing ourselves and stop ‘should-ing’ all over ourselves. Right?

Ruby [00:30:55]:
Yes.

Susan [00:30:57]:
Yes. Alright. Alright. Well, thank you so much for being here, and we'd love for you to join our Facebook group and leave your comments, questions. Let's interact around this shooting topic in our Facebook community. So there's a link in the show notes, or you could just find us on Facebook at feel lit alcohol free podcast. We'd love to have you in our community. We have a big, beautiful group of people there that we get to interact with.

Susan [00:31:24]:
We get to.

Ruby [00:31:25]:
We get to interact with each other. Alright. Yay.

Susan [00:31:28]:
Thanks, everybody. Bye.


Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show? All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellitpodcast.com
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