Ignite Your Joy: Martha Wright’s Expert Holiday Tips / EP. 48

Welcome back to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast!  Today, Ruby Williams and Susan Larkin are thrilled to chat with Martha Wright, who went from owning a winery to becoming a leading voice in mindful drinking. Ever wondered how a wine industry insider found freedom from alcohol? 

In this episode, Martha reveals her transformative journey and shares groundbreaking strategies for enjoying social events without a drop of alcohol. Ready to discover the secret to vibrant, alcohol-free holidays? How can creativity and mindfulness make your gatherings more meaningful? Martha's insights are a game-changer.

Key Topics Discussed:
Bigger, Better Offers for the Brain: Martha delves into the concept of providing the brain with healthier, more fulfilling alternatives to alcohol, backed by neuroscience.

Alcohol-Free Lifestyle Shifts: Susan shares her personal transition to an alcohol-free lifestyle, stressing the positive aspects and the fun involved in sober living.

Mindful Social Interactions: Martha suggests mindful interaction strategies, such as preparing engaging questions ahead of events and focusing on personal expression through attire. She highlights the benefits of authentic presence, empathy, and intention in fostering genuine connections.

Creative and Engaging Events: Challenging traditional alcohol-centered social norms, Martha encourages creative approaches to gatherings.

Thoughtful Hosting Practices: The team discusses thoughtful hosting and guest practices, such as bringing non-alcoholic beverages to intrigue others or offering meaningful gifts that aren't alcohol-related.

Discovery and Learning: Martha emphasizes the value of discovering new things to stimulate the brain and maintain a vibrant social life.

Join us to learn how to stay present, forge genuine connections, and find joy in new, sober experiences. What will your next alcohol-free adventure look like? Tune in and let’s keep life lit and fulfilling together!

You can find out more about Martha Wright at: https://www.clearpowercoaching.com/
Follow Martha on Facebook, or Instagram at @makealcoholsmallcoach

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Your question could be the highlight of a future episode!

Grab our Feel Lit Weekend Guide! https://feellitpodcast.com/Guide

Join our Feel Lit AF Facebook Community for amazing support and connection!

Watch Episode on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@FeelLitAlcoholFreePodcast/videos

Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are 2 former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Susan [00:00:38]:
Hey, everybody. Welcome back. We are so excited to be here today. We have a special guest, Martha Wright, and I'm just gonna introduce Martha. And we are gonna talk about all things holiday, entertaining, luscious, alcohol free life. I love Martha. I've known her since the beginning of my journey, and so I'll introduce her. Martha Wright is a New Orleans born veteran of the wine industry turned sobriety and mindful drinking coach.

Susan [00:01:08]:
She leads Clear Power Coaching and serves as a senior coach with the snake of mind guiding small groups and individuals towards alcohol freedom. With her rich background as a winery owner and a recipe developer for Food Network Chefs, Martha's approach combines the science of habits, the uncovering of unconscious beliefs, and a sprinkle of fun and lusciousness in life. Splitting her time between Paris, Portland, and then New Orleans, Martha is always on the hunt for the best street food markets, coffee shops, and nonalcoholic venues. When she's not hosting NA meetups or playing ping pong, I love that she's inspiring others to embrace an alcohol free lifestyle with joy and resilience. Yes. Welcome. It's so wonderful to have you here. I love your background that you're in Paris and Portland and New Orleans, just all such fun, wonderful places to be.

Susan [00:02:06]:
And that you're a former winery owner turned NA beverage, you know, reviewer, and, and that's such a unique background. So can you start by just providing a bit of your background on your alcohol free journey and what led you to this place.

Martha Wright [00:02:22]:
Thank you so much. I am thrilled to be here, Ruby and Susan. This is so fun, and thank you, especially that is a mouthful of an introduction.

Susan [00:02:34]:
You did that very well.

Martha Wright [00:02:36]:
And so really what got me it is such a bizarre trajectory to go from being completely steeped in the wine business, having founded a winery and an import wine import company, taking Boursin trips to France, really hosting events all the time, because in that in the wine business, you're really, you know, sharing stories about these wines, all of that. And, all of that food background, having grown up in New Orleans, working for Food Network Chefs, What really happened to me is that once I realized, and maybe like many people, it was many years of feeling like this just doesn't feel good anymore. I'm not right, but no, that can't be. That can't be. I can't do that because I am in the industry. I am the person that, you know, kinda brings the party. That was my belief. You know, I am the one that wants to entertain and bring groups of women together over a bottle of bubbles.

Martha Wright [00:03:46]:
That would be disloyal to my industry and all these things. And then this kind of idea of, and my drinking's really not that bad. So a lot of us can get stuck in that place. And I think that's really important to have those conversations, just to, you know, make that kind of sense. That we can be in that place where what I believed is I was doing the European kind of moderate drinking, you know, wine only with meals with people. You know, that's a really big bias. Yes. Think, oh, the Europeans moderate, and they do that because they only drink with people with meals.

Martha Wright [00:04:27]:
Well, I was doing that, and you can absolutely 100% develop a dependency while drinking in that way. And so the sentences in my head were something like, you know, when I knew that I really did not want to continue drinking in this pattern, in this way, it was saying to myself that life will have no sparkle. That was really life will have no sparkle. It will be gray. I won't be able to still enjoy the things that I have loved that have meant a lot to me. So I felt like I had a really big incentive to figure out, however, what is the path forward? You know, surely it is a nonstarter, if it means giving all this up. And it was an epiphany one day to say, wait a second. What if what if I actually double down on it? You know, not retreat from it.

Martha Wright [00:05:17]:
Instead of retreating from it, what if I literally just recommit and double down on this? So at first, that attraction to finding more play and just fun and sumptuousness, alcohol free life, at first, it was really just about that, just about reclaiming and finding the fun. But as I got into it, the really cool thing that happened is the more I learned and the more I put an emphasis on this, the more I discovered that there is a ton of science behind this. So it began as an instinct, just saying, I just wanna have fun. I don't, you know, I don't wanna give up the party. I don't wanna leave the table. I don't wanna leave the party. But what I found out was that this makes so much sense from a brain standpoint, a neuroscience, how to make change, how to affect change. And so what is happening is it's absolutely essential to give the brain a bigger, better offer.

Martha Wright [00:06:26]:
And a lot of times we do ourselves a disservice because we're kind of forgetting, you know, we are animals. So you're, you know, just the way you would, you know, train your puppy. We need to give the brain a bigger, better offer than this substance that was delivering what the brain perceived as a very high reward.

Susan [00:06:49]:
Mhmm.

Martha Wright [00:06:50]:
So that would be one point. And the reason I'm gonna kinda, you know, detail these is because we're gonna talk. I'm excited to talk about all these things of, like, how can you know, let's talk about ways to make the holidays more joyful, playful, you know, spicy, colorful, whatever it is. And it could be very tempting to almost dismiss this or someone listening saying, well, I'm not sure that's the most important thing for me right now. Maybe what I really wanna concentrate on is some tactics to just stop. And what I wanna suggest is these are the tactics to stop. Neuroscience would tell us that we want to give the brain the bigger, better offer, and also that just in leaning into our sensory experience is a way to natural dopamine. So we're gonna give the brain what it wants, you know, and get this very happy brain chemical, but without any, you know, harmful side effects.

Martha Wright [00:07:57]:
And then the other thing that I learned as I got deeper into this was that when we engage with our 5 senses, we are on a path to mindfulness. By definition, when we are engaged in our sensory experience, what we can hear, what we can taste, what we can touch, what we see, we are in the present moment. Yeah. That's a pretty powerful thing. That means we've been swept out of the busy overfunctioning CEO critical reign that's telling stories and saying, you know, this is gonna be hard and I don't feel comfortable, you know, whatever. And we've come into the present moment. We're paying attention to what does this really taste like? What does this really feel like? So long way to put it, but I thought that context might be helpful that what began as just, okay, I think this is, I want to, you know, continue to enjoy things, then become more of a realization. Now I see why this is essential if we wanna find true freedom from alcohol.

Susan [00:09:10]:
Yeah. Yes. That's so good.

Ruby [00:09:13]:
There's a fun quote that just popped into my head, or I love it. Give yourself a present this holiday by being present. I just love that phrase.

Susan [00:09:23]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Martha Wright [00:09:24]:
It is so true. And that again, that idea of giving the brain a bigger, better offer. One way that I think people can think about it is if you, you know, really loved meat, but had decided that for your health or for ethical reasons, you were gonna become vegetarian, you really it's not well advised to approach that by having plain steamed or Right. Vegetables. It's not gonna work. It's just not gonna

Ruby [00:09:52]:
work. You'll be bored.

Martha Wright [00:09:54]:
Yeah. It's so boring, and all you're doing then is because everything's about what the brain is learning. All you're doing is allowing the brain then to say you see, I knew this was a bad idea. Right. So anyway but the bigger point is it is also it is, you know, just, you know, amusing and fun that brings that energy to it, then we're more apt to, you know, continue.

Ruby [00:10:20]:
So yeah. 

Susan [00:10:22]:
I mean, that's what made the difference for me is when I turned the corner and went, how amazing can an alcohol free life look like? How much fun can I have alcohol free? Just that perspective change changed everything. I love how you put that as you need to give the brain a better offer. I love that. Yeah.

Ruby [00:10:42]:
It's not about deprivation. It's about what you're going to gain, how you feel.Absolutely. You guys can just keep saying fun, fun, fun, fun, fun because I'm in Enneagram 7. So, my heart is just like, okay. This is gonna be a great conversation. Let's do this.

Ruby [00:10:58]:
Let's have some fun.

Martha Wright [00:11:00]:
Me too, sister. I am too. And I love that you just said that, you know, that you said your brain went to how, you know, how can I make this just, you know, alive and, you know, just exactly what your podcast asks us to be lit? No. Yeah. Here's my top tip then in terms of strategies, you know, how do we approach this? What you did just there is you asked a different question. And so I just love that tactic. So we can use it in every aspect of our lives. So if the original question, which we're a little culturally programmed to ask, understandably, if the original question feels something like, how am I gonna survive this upcoming holiday Yeah.

Martha Wright [00:11:51]:
When I'm not drinking? How am I gonna get through this? Or how am I gonna celebrate when I'm giving up the thing that everyone thinks is all about celebration? And that you can just see my body language, just contracted, hunched over. You know, my face is kinda crinkled up and feeling, you know, that this sounds painful. And anytime we're not happy with the results that we're getting, a great tactic is, okay, the brain is a very creative problem solving machine. So let's feed the brain a different question. And it's just like you did. So let's feed the brain, Holidays are coming up. Let's, you know, feed the brain a question that's more like, what are some of the things I can do to make this upcoming holiday feel juicy, alive, lit, but it's also whatever we want. It could be a calm, peaceful Right.

Martha Wright [00:12:58]:
Mellow Mhmm. Enjoyable, cozy. Like, you know, maybe we want that kind of Scandinavian idea.

Ruby [00:13:05]:
I don't even know how

Martha Wright [00:13:06]:
to pronounce that word of hygge. I'm not sure what it is.

Susan [00:13:09]:
I know. I see I always think of getting hygge with that.

Martha Wright [00:13:15]:
So that's important too because someone could listen to this, and, I wanna make sure that anyone just inserts the word adjective feeling that they want because all of these ideas that I'm gonna share, that you'll share, will work no matter what. We get to each one of us, we get to decide how we wanna feel. So that leads me to the second tip. The first one is to ask a different question. But now that we've asked this question, how do I want to feel? How do I feel?

Ruby [00:13:55]:
That's the question. How do I wanna feel?

Martha Wright [00:13:58]:
Yeah. We get to ask that about any kind of, any kind of party that we're going to, whether it's holidays or not. You know, even if we're just meeting up with a friend to have, you know, a cup of tea or a cup of coffee, we can do this anytime in our lives. How do I want to feel and show up? And we can think about, do I want to feel connected? Do I want to feel a little playful? Do I wanna feel relaxed? Do I wanna feel comfortable? Do I want to feel, then again, our creative brain is really there for us if we're just asking, you know, different questions. What are some of the actions and ingredients that, you know, I can provide to feel that way? What can I do? What actions and goodies could help me feel that way? So I think that can be great. Think about how I even want to approach the upcoming holiday. So, you know, I have tons of specific, you know, little ideas of ways to get brainstorming. But I love that.

Susan [00:15:16]:
And you can always go back to those activating questions in the middle of even the event. Like, I always talk to clients about getting back to your why if you've done some of the work. Like, I have 5 steps to surviving any event. You know? And it's like, in the middle, if you start to feel yourself going south, it's like, okay. Look at what's going on in your brain. Like, for me, one time at Christmas, I started looking around and went, I'm the only one really not drinking. I'm left out. And then I went, wait a minute.

Susan [00:15:45]:
I had to say I always say, is that true? And then I looked around. Of course, my nephews weren't drinking. My dad only has one beer. He's like that unicorn that you know? And that was, like, 6 hours ago, so he really wasn't drinking. And so I just had to ask myself that. And then the other activating question is, how can I have more fun? So I asked myself a different question. Instead of asking myself, how come I'm so left out, I asked myself an activating question in the moment. How can I have more fun right now? You know? And instead of keeping one like, I even tell clients, keep 1 in the like, on an index card or something in your pocket.

Susan [00:16:23]:
Or if I was hosting, I kept it in my junk drawer, and I could go in the kitchen and pull it out and, like, remind myself in the moment if you start to feel yourself getting wobbly for, like, the first timers. You know? When, you know, those thoughts come because our brain is used to those getting a reward for those thoughts. So, you know, if you would if you had had data points or drink over that kind of thought in the past, you know, kind

Martha Wright [00:16:48]:
of push the

Susan [00:16:49]:
f button as they say and said, oh, forget it. You know, this is too hard or whatever. So just setting yourself up for success by using those activating questions, which is Yeah.

Ruby [00:16:59]:
I'm really resonating with the question, how do I want to show up? Because when I was drinking, I was not showing up as my authentic self in those. I wrote them down. Like, I wasn't connecting. I thought I was being playful. But to be honest, I was just focused on where and when I get more alcohol and just letting the kids play? Now I play games with all my nieces and nephews and the kids, you know, rather than just sitting with the adults drinking. That was the old Ruby.

Martha Wright [00:17:31]:
That's my favorite. I like that when you say that, because, really, when we're drinking our you know, we do get our vision, our vision really both literally and figuratively starts to narrow. You know, our parts of our brain are not communicating, so all of that slows down. And we, you know, can't be as empathetic and thinking about others. We get really fixated on getting, you know, getting another drink. And I do love that as a strategy. And a lot of us, you know, again, we do get to decide what it is how we want to feel. And also, I just wanna say to keep in mind that for some people, this holiday season might not be, delight might not be resonating.

Martha Wright [00:18:21]:
Someone could be in grief. And so they would have a very different list of things. How can I chat about this with a client and we kind of work through this, the same idea you could say, what are some of the ways that I can honor and be present with my grief this season? And it could include activities and attending a somatic, you know, kind of yoga class or something that really is designed to move energy, tears through our body. So that you, you know, you could look at it that way too, but just to acknowledge that not everyone is gonna be celebrating. But to, for, for many people, there might be the thought of this, this really is about time together, bonding, feeling connected. And it is amazing when we really start to get honest about how alcohol inhibits that, in so many ways. We have a lot of societal mythology that alcohol connects us. But what I love is, you know, I could have kept drinking, but I love and I feel grateful so much.

Martha Wright [00:19:42]:
I feel so grateful to this journey because it's just given me the opportunity to get way more intentional and to think about things like what really makes for a good host, What really makes us good guests? And then thinking about this intentionality. If the goal is to feel connected and bonded, what are some of the things that I might do? Who is this event important to and why? And how can I show up in support of that person? Sometimes we are gathering with people that we might not see again for quite a while. And these days, I actually put thought into that. Wow. You know, there are things that I would like to express because I really think it's gonna be a year or more. I don't know. Maybe as we get older too, we think of these things. Nothing is guaranteed.

Martha Wright [00:20:46]:
I really don't know when I'll be with this group again. And there are some things that I want to express, or there is a way that I want to show up. And I love how you brought up, you know, the younger people or teens. I remember family reunions where the adults just, you know, put the kids in front of videos. And by the end of the week, I did not know my nieces and nephews. Exactly. I had nothing more to say to them than the week had started. And now I just like you, Ruby, I see it so differently if this is a golden opportunity.

Martha Wright [00:21:24]:
So maybe I've thought ahead of coming into an event saying, you know, I just want to feel open, interested, playful, engaged, you know, have a question or something like that and we can gamify things. You know, we can bring games and things into it. But if you want, we can talk about some of the, you know, really specific kinds of ways that are Yeah.

Ruby [00:21:54]:
I'd love that.

Susan [00:21:55]:
I have a client because I just met with her yesterday who's like, you know, she's been alcohol free now, almost 2 years. It'll be 2 years in January, which is amazing. And here we are for the holiday season, and she's like, okay. So the dinners are starting up, and we're going to a friend's. And she's like and I was thinking of I'm worried that they're gonna be like because her husband is not drinking either, which is amazing. And she's like, I'm worried that they're gonna be like, what do we do with these 2 who don't drink? You know what I mean? So she said, so I'm gonna bring something for me to drink, and I'll bring them a bottle of wine so they know that I'm not, like, antidrinking or whatever. And so what suggestions would you have for, you know, for a guest like that? You know? And, Well,

Martha Wright [00:22:41]:
I love that she's already going into it with this, you know, thoughtful attitude of absolutely. I need a round wine and it's fine. I can give that, but I'm also gonna have a beverage that I like to drink. We can, you know, plan to bring our own. And I would suggest for that person, make sure to bring enough. You will be surprised more and more. You will find that when you bring them there are products now that are very thoughtfully produced, artisanally produced. They have a little bit of a story.

Martha Wright [00:23:18]:
There's something interesting about it, and you bring that to a party and, you know, don't be surprised if few other people are interested and want to try it. Love thinking about, I think it's normal to have these kinds of anxieties about, will I seem lame? Will I disappoint the host? Yeah. I think it is great. I think a tactic is for us to think about, well, what do we like in a guest? You know, who and to really think who are what are the types of people that we really enjoy having as a guest and would love to have back? And, you know, when you ask that question, when you really ask that, very few people will say, it's the person that drank the most. It's Right. So when you are entertaining, how lovely is it that when you invite someone, they say yes right away, and they let you know, absolutely. Thank you for inviting me. I'm so in.

Martha Wright [00:24:26]:
Right away, you know, before the events even happened, that is an expression of, you know, someone being all in, and that matters to a host. So when we come into an event, it doesn't mean that we're saying we have to come in and be the life of the party, whatever that means. It is really just coming in with the energy of, I appreciate this invitation, and I'm really showing up with my whole self and my whole authentic self. You do not have to pretend to be a personality that is not you, but just showing up in a way that says, I'm here. I'm ready to engage. You know, certainly, as a host, I love when guests come in and they are just open to meeting other people. They might, at some point, say, I just wanna let you know how much I appreciate the invitation, or is there anything I can do to help? Or, you know, here I brought this thing. You have those thoughtful kinds of touches, but the guests that I love are the ones that make me feel good as a host.

Martha Wright [00:25:41]:
Yeah. Yeah. They might be, you know, again, very little touches, like texting later and saying that it was really thoughtful of you to host the event, and it meant a lot to me. Surprisingly little. And then there are things, again, to gamify it a little bit. You can, you know, invent, a question that you wanna ask, you know and

Martha Wright [00:26:08]:
That might be a good strategy for someone who feels like, you know, I don't I'm questioning. I have an old story in my head that I am not this type of person or I'm not an extrovert. But maybe there's just one interesting question that could be anything from what was the craziest or most fun thing you did all year. Now that's Oh. And coming in, I think we really, give ourselves a disservice in thinking that thinking of things ahead of time like that is too prescribed or too artificial. I think that is not true at all. I think it's

Susan [00:26:49]:
I agree.

Martha Wright [00:26:49]:
Crazy because on that spur of the moment, I mean, if you just ask me, blurt out a question, I feel like, oh my gosh. I can't remember what movie I saw last night. I can't remember. And so what's wrong with kind of thinking through, taking 5 minutes before we go to an event, and I'm kind of, like, getting my voice a little quieter, calmer, taking 5 minutes before we enter an event and just thinking, like, again, who is this for? Who is this important to? What are the ways I might engage people? What are some connections I have with people that are here? But, anyway, just coming in with one question that could be a nice breaker that says anxiety for someone. But more than that, talk about connection. You're gonna get some answers. What's fun is, you know, other people, they might what it can help do is dispel this idea we have that drinkers that alcohol makes people fun. Why? Just observe.

Martha Wright [00:27:56]:
If you are not drinking this season, I think we underestimate how powerful it is to observe. Maybe some people think, oh, I think I'm watching and judging. You're not judging. That's just human nature. There's nothing wrong with watching what is happening. And notice. Are people that are drinking, are they suddenly magically having witty, scintillating conversations? Probably not. You know? You might see both.

Martha Wright [00:28:27]:
You might see examples of it, but you're also really likely to see examples where people are just having some pretty boring surface, no big deal conversation. And when you get to realize and your brain gets to see, oh my gosh, I'm the one that came in with a question that got these fascinating responses. You know? I just had no idea that he or she did this, you know, amazing thing last year, and it led to, you know, some crazy conversation about, you know, rock climbing somewhere or whatever it is. So

Susan [00:29:00]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Martha Wright [00:29:02]:
That could be a strategy. Yeah. And I think dress, if we're looking again, they're on show up to events the way you want to. So it's you know, I'm not saying dress up, but if you want to dress up, that can be a fun way, one of making you feel really good, which again is just a boost for your brain and how, you know, how you feel being alcohol free. I can say too that for many hosts, that is really welcome, and that's another way of signaling in a totally nonverbal way this event mattered to you. And that's a lovely thing to indicate to a host, you know, when we talk about what makes a good guest. But, again, as you are comfortable. And, of course, that doesn't even have to mean dressy.

Martha Wright [00:29:54]:
Wear something if that's, you know, the ugly Christmas sweater thing.

Ruby [00:29:59]:
I was just gonna say that. I was just

Martha Wright [00:30:02]:
I'm gonna give this quick example because it was so weird to an event I had. It did have a botanical theme to the event, and I was trying to think of how to really engage with the event, and I had a corsage made for me. Now the reason this is weird is what a weird idea. I've never worn a corsage in my life. I've never ordered a corsage for myself. I talked to the florist. I specified some colors. She came up with something very creative, and they always don't picture, like, prom, you know, something, it carnations or something.

Martha Wright [00:30:38]:
This was a very modern arrangement, and it was gorgeous and got so many compliments. It is kinda signaled to the event organizer. Yeah. You cared about this event enough to kinda be in theme here, but it also had a lot of conversation. So I felt sort of just a little more involved and playful. You know, there are little things that we can do like that. Or where you know, suddenly, if you're wearing, you know, your grandmother's ring and it just makes you feel good and it's something that you don't always wear, but it just gives you a little lift. Things can be very, you know, very small.

Martha Wright [00:31:23]:
You can also play, I pump you up or calm you down, song. People will come out. And I think music is one of the kind of underutilized tools that we have at our disposal that's, you know, completely free and easy, easy. And it can make a big difference very, very quickly. You know, if you wanna arrive somewhere feeling kind of energized and playful, there's a song for that. If you wanna feel really relaxed and get off on those edges, there's plenty of songs for that. You know, so some of those things, I'm gonna give one more example. My sister and her family, her husband and grown kids walked into our big family holiday, and they had Styrofoam snowballs.

Martha Wright [00:32:20]:
They pelted us with them as I mean, I cannot think of anything cheaper, easier, and just silly and playful that set the tone from their arrival. Didn't take a whole lot. You know what I mean? It was just Yeah. Well, she's not big, she's not a drinker. And, just there are these things that we can think of. And I think the magic here is that what we're all what we're doing is we're challenging, And that's, you know, that's really important. We're challenging the idea that alcohol brings to the party. And let's get a little more creative.

Martha Wright [00:32:59]:
Is it fair to say that in our culture, we are collectively, and we all just grew up in it, so we just inherited these ideas that we were leaning on alcohol too much to be the event, to be the energy, to be the whatever, and it has really serious consequences. So in this way we get to use our creative brains to say, wait, what are other ways that don't have a downer effect that are just all up and sustainable? Be really, really simple ways to just inject a little energy and a little playful way of saying, I'm really glad. It. Here.

Susan [00:33:41]:
That's awesome. I love that so much. I was just thinking one of the ideas I was thinking of is to bring the guest. I mean, bring the host as a guest. Bring the host a bath bomb for, like appreciate you hosting this for later. This is for you. Don't give this away or a pretty candle or something. Like, light this tonight when you go up. You know? Or a pretty flower if you know that they love gardening or something like that to just show that, like, intimate touch versus just a bottle of wine, which is so, you know, boring and easy and and, you know, yeah, just something that's special that says you care about them and appreciate them as a host and know that they're gonna need some downtime afterwards to relax after hosting an event.

Martha Wright [00:34:25]:
It's so good. That's such a perfect touch that is, again, very thoughtful to the host. Another really fun way to just bring kind of more meaning and bonding and connection is to think about ways, things we can do as a group. So if you're hosting or you're a guest and you wanna, you know, suggest this, but people love being invited to contribute. Yes. So, you know, it can be as simple as a DIY bar to make hot chocolate and to make ice cream sundaes or, you know, anything. I'll be a DIY bar for a, make your own drink where there's so many beautiful nonalcoholic things. And if others want to add alcohol to theirs, that's fine.

Martha Wright [00:35:22]:
Love is that it promotes interaction, but it could also be a tamale making, you know, little party. It's kinda popular around.

Ruby [00:35:31]:
We do that.

Martha Wright [00:35:32]:
Do you do that? 

Ruby [00:35:32]:
Love that at Christmas.

Martha Wright [00:35:35]:
The chefs that I worked with years back did, you know, did that. And it's fun, isn't it? When our hands are busy, it's amazing how conversation flows around the table.

Susan [00:35:46]:
Yeah.

Martha Wright [00:35:48]:
Invited once to a party where they had us crack crab to then go on the salad that we were gonna be eating, but it meant that we just sat around together talking. The tip I got, because I really like to dig into this stuff and think about, what are some somewhat universal things that humans like? And again, anyone listening just picks and chooses, you know, what sounds good to you, but friendly competition is another one. So if you say we're gonna have a pie baking contest, each family brings their favorite family recipe. It's, you know, it's friendly. It's low steaks, but there is something fun about it. You can turn lots of things into a little mini tournament. It's also a great time of year for something like back to sort of being AF. We can always look for ways that we can contribute an idea that is fun, is all about togetherness, and is not centered around alcohol.

Martha Wright [00:36:56]:
So if we're the one saying, let's do a Santa run, a friendly, kid friendly, all ages friendly kind of, you know, family trot around the neighborhood, you know, I think people are gonna say, that's so fun and cool and how nice that you thought of that and organized that. I don't think that's gonna person's gonna be saying, you're not drinking enough alcohol in your life. You know, it's like, what? Yeah. Your contribution of thinking of something that got everyone together and is playful and we're gonna wear our Santa hats, you know, it is just nice. And I think that's fun when we can think of ideas that we wanna do.

Susan [00:37:42]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love that so much. Well, we are at the point of our episode. We're gonna have to have you back. So we're gonna have you back in the spring to do, like, a spring episode because there's so much to talk about about entertaining and our social life, and that's something that's really big on my list is how do you have an amazing social life alcohol free? Because, again, like you said, we wanna give our brain a better offer and, and go all be able to go all in and say, hey. How amazing can my alcohol free life be? But we always ask our listeners what they are doing to feel lit.

Susan [00:38:19]:
And you are probably one of the most lit people I know in such an organic way. I love what you use in a juicy way. Juicy, not dry. So what is it? Is there some way that you stay lit and juicy.

Martha Wright [00:38:31]:
Okay. I love that question. So for me, I have realized that I'm a 7 Enneagram like Ruby. And so the idea of new discoveries and exploring and novelty, but I can say that even no matter what your Enneagram, the human brain does like new things. It's just up to each of us to find what balance that is. Some might be we have multiple that are less frequent, some more frequent. But in general, it is helpful to our brain. A strategy, what I do is I just push myself to all it takes is signing up.

Martha Wright [00:39:11]:
And so I just wanna tell anyone that feels like, but I'm not. I'm not good at thinking of that, or I'm not bearing in mind that all you need to do is look up something like Airbnb experiences or Meetup or one of those apps or, you know, community centers in your area. Let them have the idea. Let them be the one that organizes it. Let them take all the, you know, the risk and the time. Just sign up. And really giving ourselves permission to dabble, that's something that I do. I think dabbling gets a bad word. We sometimes think we have to do something and then become an expert in it.

Martha Wright [00:39:51]:
And I definitely think that, you know, it is ridiculous. Just trying things once, so stimulating, and it's fine to just try things. So that is all that is for me about meeting people. And that's what makes me feel completely lit is putting myself in a place where I'll, you know, meet people and just make new connections.

Susan [00:40:19]:
Amazing. 

Martha Wright [00:40:20]:
I love that. 


Susan [00:40:21]:
I see that on your Instagram, which is what it's at, make alcohol small to make alcohol small is your Instagram?

Martha Wright [00:40:29]:
Well, it's to make a small alcohol coach. So, yeah, I love sharing those kinds of things. Running a running group here in Paris or I just before this call with you, I was on Babble, the app, and just joined in for a live French learning session. I didn't even know they offered that. And now I'm so excited because it feels more playful than what I was formerly doing to learn French. So my new thing, I'm all I'm all excited. I met some people. You know, they were other people in Germany, and one was in Ukraine.

Martha Wright [00:41:09]:
And, I think that, you know, strangers just by touch of a button, strangers come together, and we're practicing French. That was pretty fun.

Susan [00:41:17]:
That is amazing. Oh my gosh. Well, you never cease to amaze me. And, yeah, you too, Enneagram sevens, always trying new things. I'm more the one that gets nervous trying new things. I'm in Enneagram 3, but I, like I don't know. I have social anxiety, and I know a lot of clients that I work with have some social anxiety. And Mhmm.

Susan [00:41:36]:
So I love it. It's like you don't have to figure it out. Just find something and try it and be willing and I did that. I've signed up for a pickleball lesson, and I went. And I was just so proud of myself because I went and I didn't feel nervous or anything. I just thought

Martha Wright [00:41:51]:
I'm just gonna go and see how it

Susan [00:41:52]:
goes and if I like it, and I did. And it was great. So, yeah, you can, you don't need to be the one to to think it up. You can just sign up for something already organized. And it

Martha Wright [00:42:03]:
can be it's all what is someone's speed. So right now, if what sounds good is having a few minutes to yourself and exploring a bookstore on the other side of town or and, you know, sitting with a cup of tea, self or meeting up with someone. That's great. 

Martha Wright [00:42:23]:
Going back to the beginning of our conversation, we each get to decide what is it that we want more of because we're gonna define this holiday by not what we're giving up, but what do you want more of? And that could be taking away some chaos. You know, it doesn't necessarily mean adding to your list. You know, that could be a great way to have more peace is to take some stuff off your list that is unnecessary chaos.

Susan [00:42:51]:
Yes. I love it. Oh my gosh.

Martha Wright [00:42:53]:
I love that. That is such a

Susan [00:42:54]:
great place to end. Thank you so much. But there's so much more to say, so we will have you back for sure. And you can find out all about Martha and where to find her in the show notes. She's at Clear Power Coaching, and we'll have all the links. And she has a great newsletter where she shares so many reviews of new alcohol, of new drinks and, yeah. So we're so excited that you were here with us, Martha.

Martha Wright [00:43:23]:
Susan and Ruby, this was a real treat. Take care. Yes.

Ruby [00:43:28]:
Bye, Martha.

Susan [00:43:30]:
Bye. Thanks

Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show? All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellitpodcast.com
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time!