Breaking Free: Overcoming the Obsession With Alcohol / EP45

Welcome to Episode 45 of the "Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast"!  Join hosts Susan Larkin and Ruby Williams as they take you on a transformative journey to alcohol freedom.

This episode, we shine a light on breaking free from the gripping obsession with alcohol. We answer a FB member's question: "Its been 2 years since I’ve quit drinking and I can’t stop thinking about it and starting again. Talking myself into how I can start again and I’m afraid. Mostly sad, will this ever go away? I don’t want to be obsessed either this anymore."

Can you relate? Ruby shares her raw, personal struggle with managing the desire for more, despite setting limits, and reflects on experiences with relapse and shame. How can we shift from feeling powerless to truly alive and in control?  Together with Susan and Ruby, we explore the game-changing coaching framework which guides you from dependency to freedom.

Ever wondered how societal norms and hidden beliefs fuel our dependency?  We uncover these dynamics, emphasizing the power of shifting from self-criticism to curiosity and self-compassion. Ruby and Susan’s heartfelt stories highlight the importance of viewing setbacks as data points and learning opportunities.

This episode is packed with insights and practical tools—think grounding exercises and emotion-based goals—to help you embrace a healthier, more vibrant life. Ready to uncover your subconscious triggers and create new thought patterns?

Timestamp
00:00 Struggling with obsession post-drinking cessation - help?
03:40 Finding community support through recovery and challenges.
06:41 Discovered compassion, redefined relapse as data point.
15:26 Grace and compassion are the secret sauce.
18:06 Empowerment journey: Uncover and reshape core beliefs.
20:36 Focus on emotion-based goals for lasting change.
26:00 Alcohol's not a friend; it's an enemy.
27:25 Tools to help feel good without alcohol.
32:44 Listener question inspires core coaching mission discussion.

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Your question could be the highlight of a future episode!

Grab our Feel Lit Weekend Guide! https://feellitpodcast.com/Guide

Join our Feel Lit AF Facebook Community for amazing support and connection!

Watch Episode on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@FeelLitAlcoholFreePodcast/videos

Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are 2 former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Coach Susan [00:00:39]:
Welcome back to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast. I'm coach Susan, and I'm here with my amazing co host, Ruby Williams. Hello. Yes. We are so excited to be here. When we get together, you know, and talk before we start an episode, we just start to go, oh my god. We just love this so much. This is such a labor of love for us Truly.

Coach Susan [00:01:02]:
To, yeah, to really come together and talk about this, you know, questions that we get in our Facebook group. And when people join, we have a little questionnaire. And this question came from a new member, in the last couple months that, you know, added this question on the member questionnaire. And we are really excited to answer this question today, because it's really an important one. I think, gosh, I just feel really, yeah, privileged to be able to address this, because it's the thing that keeps us, it can keep people stuck. So I'm gonna go ahead and read the question, and then we will dive right in. So today's question is, it's been 2 years since I've quit drinking, and I can't stop thinking about it and starting again. Talking myself into how I can start again, and I'm afraid, mostly sad, will this ever go away? I don't want to be obsessed with this anymore.

Coach Susan [00:02:12]:
Ugh. It just is like it hurts my heart because I know where this person's coming from because I've felt this way before. How about you, Ruby?

Coach Ruby [00:02:23]:
Yeah. I just yeah. Exactly. It's like in my heart right now, and I'm feeling it. And this is so I want you, the listener, the Facebook group person we know who you are. We're not gonna say your name. I just want you to know that this is so common. And I hear this all the time, especially with people that have gone through AA and, all the reasons why you drink and really turned them out.

Coach Ruby [00:02:48]:
We're gonna go into our methodology later, but it's like this, you're white knuckling. You know, that's the phrase that I hear all the time. People just want it. They're out. They always want it. They always are, like, obsessed. And I actually wanna just say really quickly that true freedom to me is getting rid of that obsession. That, to me, when I say, like, I'm alcohol free or alcohol freedom, it, to me, it's that obsession and that, like, thinking about it all the time.

Coach Ruby [00:03:15]:
So I really, really, really relate. I guess, I'm gonna share where we start usually with our stories, and I wanna share that and I haven't, I'll be honest, I haven't shared this with anybody, except I shared it with Annie Grace. But I haven't, like, shared it out in the world yet. So when I was in AA, the first real time I tried to get alcohol free, I went through AA, which a lot of people do because that's all I knew.

Coach Susan [00:03:40]:
That's all.

Coach Ruby [00:03:40]:
Yeah. I mean, there's AA rehab or do it all on your own. I didn't know there were all these, like, communities and coaches, and this was all new. But so I was about 6 months alcohol free, and I was doing the steps, and I had a sponsor, and I was going to all the meetings. And I loved the fellowship, which is what they call the community and the connection with people, especially the women's groups. And they were my people, right, at that time. And then, I don't know if you remember, but back in 2000 it happened in 2017, then it happened in 2019, and then I think it happened again in 2020 or 2021. We've had fires in my area, in Sonoma County, and it was pretty traumatic.

Coach Ruby [00:04:23]:
So I went. It was terrible. Like, thousands and hundreds of homes were and so, in 2017, I was drinking. And then, in 2019, I was at my 6 month alcohol free. But I had so much PTSD from the first fire, where they literally tell everyone, pack up your car. You've like right now, what are you, what are you gonna bring, like, if your whole house burns down? Like Oh my god. So I had you pack up your car, and you grab your loved ones and your pets, and it was so traumatic. So then when I got to the second time this happened, I was alcohol free for 6 months, but I hadn't slept the night before. All this trauma, and I couldn't find anywhere to stay.

Coach Ruby [00:05:09]:
That was kind of like, I asked friends. I asked my family. If you have it, if you take a picture of it. The entire county had to be evacuated. So all the people that I knew, I couldn't go stay with them because they were also evacuated. It was a crazy time. Cray cray.

Coach Ruby [00:05:24]:
But what happened was I ended up staying with my aunt who drinks. And, like, I walked into the front door exhaust like, literally exhausted, like, at my last, like, wire, whatever the phrase is. But, like, she just said, Why don't you have a drink? Like, that was her first words, and it just happened. And the thing is, it was so interesting. My it, like, my reward center of the brain, like, lit up. I left her house and went and got a bottle of wine. It was so crazy. It just spiraled like that within minutes.

Coach Ruby [00:06:04]:
Like, it felt like within hours, I was already back to my old self, which was so weird. But the point is there was all this shame around it, and I didn't tell my sponsor. I didn't tell the group. And I had to. I just said to myself I said this. I said, I'm gonna pretend it didn't happen. I'm just gonna pretend it didn't happen. What happened? You know? It's just I'm gonna so I did. I went the very next day back on my alcohol free journey, but then I felt like a liar because I was lying to myself, lying to everyone.

Coach Ruby [00:06:41]:
When you when you in AA, you have you go up and you get your month chip, and I would go up and get my chip and be like, I didn't but but what's so fascinating, you guys so instead of living with, like, this, I had I had a relapse, and I didn't tell anybody, and I was lying. When I discovered this Naked Mind methodology, it's so much about it's so much grace and compassion and, like, a data point is what I did. I have rewritten my story to it's just a data point. It doesn't mean anything. I can still say I'm 5 years alcohol free, which I am, with one data point, or I don't even talk about like, it's it's it happened for a reason. I was that stressed and burned out and freaked out with the fire, and it just happened. And it's not a big deal. And, you know, I'm still 99.9999% alcohol free if you wanna go, like so, anyway, I just wanna say that I really relate to you, and I was finally able to share my story about that.

Coach Ruby [00:07:44]:
And, anyway, Susan, sorry I've taken up so much time, but will you share your story?

Coach Susan [00:07:49]:
Yeah. Well, I think that's fascinating, and it hurts my heart to even think of you going through that. And I went through the same thing earlier, though. I had a span of 5 years between my AA experience and finding the snake in mind, but I had a very similar experience. And my drinking wasn't even around a catastrophic event. I just decided I was gonna drink because it was a Christmas party, and I wanted to drink. You know? Yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:08:17]:
And I hear that all the time. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:08:19]:
It was like, I'm just gonna have a little, and then the same thing. It lights up your pleasure center, and then you just feel the obsession kicking in, like Mhmm. More. Is anybody noticing that I keep going back and getting more? Or then you want more on your way home. Like, let's stop by the liquor store and get more even though I know, because I stuck to what I said I was gonna do at the party, which was whatever, 2 drinks. But then once you're alone, it's, like, exactly the same with you, you know, same thing as you. Went and got a bottle, and it just and then but I did tell my sponsor, that point I was let's see. June, July, August, September, October, December.

Coach Susan [00:08:55]:
Oh, 6 months. Interesting.

Coach Ruby [00:08:57]:
Interesting. I do think there might be something to 6 months, but anyway Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:09:01]:
Yeah. So I did tell my sponsor, and then but then I still had the same shame. You have to do the walk of shame. You have to tell, you know, everybody goes around and says how many days they have, and now you're back to 1 or 0 or whatever. And it was just so and I already have a shame you know, I already had a shame cloud about, you know, my drinking or and just me in general. You know, like, a big shame response. Shame, which is different from guilt, is, you know, guilt is I did something wrong, shame is I am something wrong. And I already Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:09:33]:
It was a shame Mhmm. Going for me in other areas of my life. So it just, you know, you know, that shame, you know, just followed me around. So and what, you know, what we've discovered, both of us are are the Naked Mind trained coaches, and what we discovered, both of us went through the programs to become liberated, is this is that and this Naked Mind really illustrates this so well, is that it it takes you on this journey from asleep to alive. So at sleep, you're just not aware you even have a problem. You're just drinking and no problems. Then you're aware. Aware is the worst.

Coach Susan [00:10:10]:
Okay. That's where you know you have a problem, and you can't do anything about it. Yes. Mhmm. I'm gonna say yet. But you are conscious that there's a problem, but you are not capable. So you're conscious and incapable. And then you move within the state of mind.

Coach Ruby [00:10:27]:
Can I segue really quickly that the average that people stay in Aware is 7 years? Oh, that's such a painful place. Yeah. It's a painful place, and people stay there for you. I was there for probably 7 years. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:10:43]:
Yeah. So let's see. If I started my journey in 2020 and yeah. Mine was 5 between AA and and the snake in mind of being aware and trying to work on it, etcetera. Mhmm. So then you go from a sleep where you don't think you know, you're just oblivious.

Coach Ruby [00:11:00]:
I'm a normal drinker. Bliss.

Coach Susan [00:11:02]:
Yeah. And then you go to awareness, like, oh, I might have a problem here, and then you're negotiating. And then you go to awake, which is you have some tools or even if it's white knuckling, willpower, let's say. But in this naked mind, we teach you other tools so you don't have to be white knuckling, but you're aware you are awake to some ways of staying alcohol free or sober, but it takes a lot of effort. So you're capable with effort, and you're aware.

Coach Ruby [00:11:34]:
And it's awkward. Conscious.

Coach Susan [00:11:36]:
Yeah. Yeah. Awkward. Yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:11:37]:
And you're feeling the feelings that you've. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:11:40]:
So it's still sometimes you feel really good, and sometimes you're it's messy middle is what I call it. Like, it's this and everyone's like you know? And I work with clients, and they're like, well, how long is a messy middle?

Coach Susan [00:11:51]:
Well, it depends on how fast we do this work. You know?

Coach Susan [00:11:55]:
It takes what it takes, but then the next stage is alive. And when I chose to go through the This Naked Mind program at the time in 2020 was when I heard a webinar with Annie Grace, and she talked about being alive. And I was like, that is what I want. I wanna feel alive, because I didn't feel alive, and I didn't feel alive the time before when I tried to get alcohol free with AA. So I was like, That's what I want, and that was my goal. That was my emotion. And based goal, and yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:12:26]:
And freedom from the obsession, right, is alive too.

Coach Susan [00:12:30]:
It's alive. Yeah. And feeling lit, like the name

Coach Ruby [00:12:33]:
of our our, our podcast. You know, Feeling Lit is Feeling Alive. Right, Susan? Yes.

Coach Susan [00:12:38]:
Yes. So that's what we do with our clients, and the process of doing that is this methodology, is finding those hidden beliefs. So I would say going back to the question is to to this listener's question, how much are they using willpower? And if they're still obsessed, then they must have some lingering beliefs, whether they're conscious of them or not. They're in their subconscious. This programming that we have around alcohol in our culture, in society, about ourselves, about the substance, you know, oh, all Italians drink wine with dinner, so that's weird that you don't drink wine, or you must drink red wine when you have a steak. That would be about the substance. You know? The society is that, you know, if you don't drink, then you must be an alcoholic, or all those messages. And then self is, I need this to relax.

Coach Susan [00:13:35]:
I am not fun without alcohol. How am I gonna have sex, you know, and loosen up without you know, it's all these selfie things. Or even more subversive, it could be like it can be, you know, from old trauma where I'm not safe, and alcohol is my escape, and I need that escape. You know? I need a way to escape this pain that may come up from a trigger. And so a lot of this is just digging down the road. We dig deep. Dig. We get out our shovels.

Coach Ruby [00:14:05]:
And then we're like, are you sure? Are you you know, coaching, we just keep there's there we uncover so many beliefs and so and that are Yeah. Unconscious or subconscious because you might say, oh, I really I know I wanna quit alcohol, and I get it, everything, but why am I still drinking? And that's exactly what we help you with. Yeah. 

Coach Susan [00:14:27]:
Or why do I still have what we call data points? Mhmm. And to even flip from the shame of the data point, to flip it is, the data points are when you drink when you didn't intend to, it's a clue that there's still a hidden belief there. And if you just like, you know, when you just wanted to ignore it, which is totally understandable because at that time, you didn't have this training Mhmm. It is to ignore then you're just pushing it down again, and it's gonna pop back up. So we wanna dig in. Mhmm. How we wanna dig in with our magnifying glass, but we wanna do it in a grace filled way of, like, hey. I did this.

Coach Susan [00:15:03]:
Do you know? And I'm gonna get all the data out of it so that I make sure it doesn't happen again. Yeah. That's a totally different attitude about it than, oh my god. I can't believe I drank. I suck. What is wrong with me? There's something wrong with me. Why can't I get this? You know? That's what I would, you know, say to myself if I had a data point. I was at you know, I had a black belt and beating myself up.

Coach Susan [00:15:26]:
That was just a habit. Like, do you know? And a lot of times, we think we have to whip ourselves into shape. Right? You know, there's and and that is furthest furthest from the truth. I mean, you think that that's what's gonna work, and it's completely counterintuitive to have self compassion and kindness, but that's the secret sauce, really, is grace and compassion. It truly is. Because it allows you to dig in and go, okay. What's happening here in my subconscious? Why do I feel like I'm reaching for this tool of alcohol, and then what are other ways I can meet this need without alcohol? And that's and that's truly what we talk about on our podcast when we go into the feel lit section. I mean, it's not just like, hey.

Coach Susan [00:16:11]:
These are fun things. It's actually resources to help you feel good in your alcohol free life that is going to help you stay alcohol free. So yeah. Yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:16:23]:
What are your thoughts about this, Ruby? Well, I just keep going back to the question, so I can see the question here. And it's just, you know, it's also about thoughts and feelings are temporary, and they think it's okay to have sad feelings too. Like Mhmm. And it's okay to have thoughts of drinking. Like but the way I read this question, it's like it's it's obsession. But what if it's just normal to have these thoughts and feelings? And it's like, I love this kind of imagery of, like, a cloud. Like, a cloud thought comes. You know, you're out to a party.

Coach Ruby [00:17:06]:
Everybody else appears to be drinking, and you have a thought. You know? And it doesn't have to mean as much as you know, that the word obsession is quite a strong word, and I use that same word too when I was drinking. But now it seems things are just a little lighter. Like, I just I can't say more about, like, data points. And, like, you could take it to the end too. You could go, well, what if I did have a data point? It would actually only mean that you have something else to learn. And it doesn't have to mean relapse. I failed.

Coach Ruby [00:17:41]:
I have to start over. You know, I have to have day 1 again. I and all of my coaching, it's about, okay. Will that happen? That's okay. Let's have compassion for that person. It just happened. Old neural pathways, you know, got and and you'll it happened. And then you just kinda go, well, what can I learn from it? And then I have a whole list of, like, questions to, like, dig in.

Coach Ruby [00:18:06]:
What were you feeling? What was the circumstance? What were your thoughts? What are your beliefs? And then I uncover we, you know, with our clients, we uncover, like, a belief, an underlying belief. And you know what happens? Almost everyone I've seen has thousands and thousands of people. It's like a real deep tree trunk, big belief. You know, there's lots of thoughts like leaves and branches, like other beliefs, but the big belief is oftentimes, like, I am not worthy, or I'm not unlovable. So, oftentimes, this becomes a journey of empowerment. So once you become completely empowered to love yourself and know that you're worthy, you won't wanna put toxins into your body, and you won't be obsessed if you start working on all of these different beliefs. And data points are actually the key. Right? Right, Susan? They actually are the key.

Coach Ruby [00:19:04]:
It's like an arrow, like a big arrow going, here's the problem. We gotta work on this a little bit more.

Coach Susan [00:19:10]:
Yes. Yes. Yeah. They're the clues. They're even if you don't have a data point, if you have the feelings. So, like, people go, oh, I went to this party, and I had the urge to drink. What? I'm so mad at myself. And I'm like, why? This is a clue.

Coach Susan [00:19:23]:
Yeah. So your feelings of course, your brain is like a computer, and it says oh, when we go to parties, we drink. So naturally, it's gonna come up. So I'm like so when you can face it like that, of like, oh, yeah, of course I'm gonna have this thought, because I always drink at parties, and now I'm not drinking at parties, but my brain is gonna be like, don't we don't we normally drink at parties?

Coach Ruby [00:19:41]:
Yeah. Exactly.

Coach Susan [00:19:42]:
It's just gonna bring it up, but if you don't, you don't have to act on it, and then there's nothing wrong with you. There's nothing wrong with you that you had the thought. And then it's like, okay, but let's dig in. Mhmm.

Coach Ruby [00:19:53]:
You

Coach Susan [00:19:53]:
know, where is there a hidden belief there? Mhmm. And it's so they're just clues. In fact, bring on the clues. You wanna know. We wanna unearth these. So in some ways, can you even change your emotions around having an urge to drink, or a thought to drink, to be like, Oh, good, here's a new

Coach Ruby [00:20:13]:
Yeah. Curious. Curiosity. Yeah. It's one of our pillars. You know, awareness, you're aware of the thought, aware of the feeling, and then curious, Why am I having that thought? Why am I having that feeling? And to get to lasting change, which is what this listener really wants, and that's what we're hearing, like, the underlying things. She wants this, like, lasting change, not obsessed. And there's 2 ways.

Coach Ruby [00:20:36]:
I'm gonna talk about emotion based goals, and then you are gonna talk about positive emotion. But I'll talk about emotion based goals first. It's not about, like, just eliminating the alcohol. It's about how you wanna feel. Mhmm. When you really live your life towards what we call these emotion based goals, where you wanna feel freedom or you wanna feel healthy, you wanna feel energized, then so I keep bringing this up with clients because that is what helps lasting change, rather than it's not what you're gonna give up. It's what you're gonna gain. Right? It's so important to understand this concept, like, life, alcohol free and living alive, like you said, that last stage, where it's just unconscious, you're capable of doing it, you have all these other tools, which I'm gonna do a tool later.

Coach Ruby [00:21:28]:
But, alright, Susan, you wanna talk about what you were coming up with? Yeah. Well, yeah.

Coach Susan [00:21:33]:
Because like I explained in the beginning, alive, becoming alive was my emotion based goal. I was like, I want that. And that's what made it so different from any this was not the first my first rodeo either or my first program. And but that, it made all the difference, because I was like, I'm going for this. I wanna feel alive, and I'm gonna do everything I can towards that goal. And that just made it so different than, I guess, I'm not gonna drink. 

Coach Ruby [00:22:00]:
You know what I mean? Right.

Coach Susan [00:22:00]:
Right. The This Naked Mind methodology, which is affectiveliminal psychology, that is the process. And it's a process of unearthing those subconscious beliefs and deconstructing them. And the deconstruction process is about getting new information, so like the new science. So, say, for example, I used alcohol to de stress, and I believed I needed it to de stress. So then, when you think about not drinking, you're like, well, how am I gonna deal with stress? But then, when I learned the science that actually alcohol creates more stress hormones in my body, that's just not true. Alcohol doesn't help you de stress. It actually causes more stress.

Coach Susan [00:22:40]:
So that's new information. But then I need to practice that new information because I have a lot of old neuro pathways that still say, well, it still helps you de stress. And so, I had to practice. So it's repetition of the new mindset experience. So, you know, experiencing bodily experience of, okay, using new tools, like we talk about here, and Ruby's gonna share a tool, to deal with stress instead of alcohol. So that repetition and then the linchpin or secret sauce is positive emotion, or what Annie likes to say is resourceful emotion. Because sometimes, using positive emotion can kind of flip us into this toxic positivity. And then people are like, well, I don't feel that positive.

Coach Susan [00:23:25]:
But do you feel determined? I was really determined. Mhmm. You know? Committed. Committed. Committed. Mhmm. Determined. Angry.

Coach Susan [00:23:34]:
Anger can be a very resourceful emotion. Because once I learned a lot about how the alcohol industry markets wine to us and how they, you know, perpetuate it to make it romantic, and it's so ingrained in our culture, and a lot of the information about the health risks around alcohol are just sort of shoved down to the bottom because of the huge alcohol lobby. I just got pissed off. And so yeah. For, like, 2 months, I was just like fueling me, it's still fueling me.

Coach Ruby [00:24:04]:
Susan, that is that anger, I used it to good. So anger can be used for good. And in that exact example, I worked in the wine industry, and I was so angry. Like, I'm still sorry. And when I say it but it's a good because it's got me to be an alcohol freedom coach. I am so committed to being alcohol free and helping others, like, I think. Yeah. But one I use a lot is, like, high fiving myself in the mirror.

Coach Ruby [00:24:28]:
I love that. You know, that kind of positive emotion, like, you go, girl. You could do this, Ruby.

Coach Susan [00:24:34]:
Mine was similar, but it was also, like, a deep relief and well, I don't even know what the word is, but I could look myself in the eye and just, like, I finally can look myself in the eye and not be saying, you're such a jerk. You're an idiot. You're so stupid. How could you possibly be doing this? This is I couldn't even meet myself in

Coach Ruby [00:24:57]:
the eye when I'm in

Coach Susan [00:24:58]:
the movies. Or if I did, it was, okay. You suck. You know? And when you could finally like it, I started looking myself in the eye and saying, hey, lady. I got your back. Yeah. We're doing this for us.

Coach Ruby [00:25:09]:
And I trust you finally. Yeah. And you're looking better. You know? You get 2 weeks alcohol free, you start to be less puffy, and you start to look better, feel better. Your eyes from bloodshot or, you know, when I was drinking in the circles, it disappeared. And then the whites of my eyes got so clear. And yeah. It's really

Coach Susan [00:25:30]:
And that's the repetition too. It's like looking yourself in the eye and going, oh my gosh. Yes. I do look better. And really practicing those new thoughts, practicing this new awareness, and that's where it's so active. And so it's not just about new information. It's also practicing the new information that we are gaining and the new bodily experience, somatic experience that we're experiencing and just sort of turning up the volume on that. So I'm always telling people, write a sticky note.

Coach Susan [00:26:00]:
If I'm working with a client, and they're like, Alcohol used to be my friend when I'd feel lonely, da, da, da, da, da, da. And then we'd do a turnaround, and we'd poke, I call it poking holes in that. Is alcohol really your friend? And we'd kind of work through that, and then they'd be like, no. Alcohol's not my friend. Alcohol's my enemy. And I'm like, okay. Write that on a sticky note, put it on your mirror, and read it every day because that's a

Coach Ruby [00:26:22]:
new thought. Alcohol's your enemy. Yeah. You keep saying it.

Coach Susan [00:26:25]:
Ingrain that thought because we have the old thought has a neural pathway. Thoughts are things. They create neural pathways in our brain, and so that old one's grooved. We need to groove the new one of the new reality, the new truth that is true for you now that we've kind of deconstructed that. We need to practice it. So everybody's like, oh, she's the sticky note queen. And I'm like, I got them right here. Yes.

Coach Susan [00:26:47]:
I'm always telling people, write it on a sticky note and put it on your mirror. Yeah. See it. So yeah. I mean, this is just so I mean, I think both of us are, like, just so emphatic about this because we want people to be free. That is why I became a coach.

Coach Ruby [00:27:05]:
Yes. I do because Yeah. We both said, we wanna help this person so much because I know what that I know what that feels like to be in that obsession place. And you can be there forever until you actually do this kind of work where you find true freedom. You live alive. You feel lit.

Coach Susan [00:27:25]:
You know? Yeah. So yeah. So, yes. Well, so, Ruby e, why don't you take us through something that will help us feel lit? So that's something that can help us in our alcohol free journey. And this is why, again, we do this feel lit section, because these are resources that help you feel good in your body Mhmm. In your mind, and are tools you can use instead of drinking when you are triggered and feel like drinking. And yeah. That is the practicing these things, finding the tools that work for you and practicing them over and over again, not only when you're in distress, but but just is, like, oh, I'm gonna try this tool, and I'm gonna try it every day till it becomes a tool that's in as ingrained as grabbing a bottle of wine.

Coach Susan [00:28:10]:
Because Mhmm.

Coach Susan [00:28:11]:
I always say, if you don't practice it and you pull your tool out, and you're like, well, how the hell do I use this? And you just throw it away and grab the bottle because that's the one you're used to using. So we need to practice the new tools. Right?

Coach Ruby [00:28:21]:
Mhmm. Yeah. And if feeling lit is what your life goal was, where you wanted to feel alive, like, that is how Susan wants to feel. That's how I wanna feel. That's, I mean, that's how people we just wanna feel feel better or feel alive or feel free or feel healthy or feel energized. I mean, so what can we do? So, yeah, I have a grounding technique. I'm gonna talk about grounding. Grounding, to me, is so key.

Coach Ruby [00:28:53]:
I mean, we had talked about earthing many months ago in the beginning, and earthing's cool too. That's a type of grounding, right, to actually use the ground. But there's a grounding technique that you can use anytime, anywhere, and I'm gonna walk you through it. It's called the 54321 grounding exercise. So it's 5 things you can see. So what you do is you start to feel, I don't know, maybe it's anxiety or sadness or anything that you're not feeling lit on. You know? You're not feeling great. So you're feeling what we like to say is below 50%.

Coach Ruby [00:29:24]:
It's another kind of phrase we use, but you can ground yourself in the moment, in your senses. So 5 things that you can see. You wanna just breathe calmly, but you're gonna have your eyes open for this part because you're gonna look. You're gonna go, okay. Maybe you're experiencing, like, your heart racing, sweaty palms, something like I'm gonna give an anxiety example. So you just go, okay, there's a wall, there's a lamp, there's my computer, there's my glass of water. You know, it's 5 things you can see, and really take in each item with your eyes. Then you're gonna do 4.

Coach Ruby [00:30:03]:
So we did 5. Now, 4. It's 4 things you can touch. You know, touch the chair or couch you're sitting on, touch your clothing. You can touch yourself. You can even do a little havening. Like, you can touch. Right? Then it's 3 things that you can hear.

Coach Ruby [00:30:22]:
And just you're gonna pay attention, get quiet. Maybe you hear birds chirping. Maybe you hear, I don't know, the fabric moving on your clothing. Maybe you hear the sound of your own breath or a sound of a refrigerator or heater or air conditioner, some sound in the house or cars driving by. Next, you're gonna do 2 things you smell. And you just, what do you smell? And what you know, maybe it's a candle or, your own perfume or your own scent. Maybe you have an animal by, and you're like, there's my dog. I can smell him.

Coach Ruby [00:31:03]:
I don't know. Or you could also use this as a time to imagine your favorite scent. You know, you can go, I love the scent of vanilla or citrus, but what can you smell? You know, and then it's one thing you can taste. So just what's what's on your tongue? What are you tasting? For me? I just drank some coffee this morning. So I'm tasting coffee, but it could've been the last bite of food you had or maybe gum or something or toothpaste if it's early in the morning. So this exercise just really helps ground you and anchor you in the present moment, and it gauges your senses. And you can give it a try anytime. You can be on the subway.

Coach Ruby [00:31:46]:
You can be, you can actually be driving or something, and as long as you don't close your eyes. But you could use this 54321 at any time, any day, at work, you know, anywhere. No one else even knows what you're doing, thinking. You're just I

Coach Susan [00:32:03]:
was just doing it with you when you just Yeah. Led us through it. So yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:32:08]:
That's great. Cool. So you can come back to this and listen to this. This is the very end of our episode, you know, at around, you know, 30 minutes or whatever. At the end of the episode, you can come back and listen to this a couple of different times until you've got it. You know? It's 5 things you see, 4 things you touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and one thing you taste. 54321. Okay?

Coach Susan [00:32:33]:
I love it. I love it. Yeah. I love it when I've eaten chocolate, and that's the thing I do. Yeah. Yeah. I know. Oh, that's so good, Ruby.

Coach Susan [00:32:44]:
So good. Well, you know, this question from a listener was so impactful to me anyway, and I was just thrilled to be able to to really talk about this because this is I think it gets right to the core of why we became coaches is to help people feel this freedom and not be stuck in this obsession, in the fixation mode, and to help people reach liberation or that alive stage. So I'm so thankful that this listener and Facebook member brought this question to us. And I would love, if you haven't joined our Facebook group, for you to join us because we have a lot of fun over there, and we share resources. And we have a really great group who are super supportive of each other. And we have people getting sober in that space and, you know, posting their days and saying that listening to the podcast is helping them. So really encourage you, if you haven't joined yet, that you would pop over there and join. There's a link in the show notes.

Coach Susan [00:33:41]:
And, you know, we

Coach Ruby [00:33:42]:
have some really great episodes coming up around Thanksgiving and Christmas Yeah. And the holidays and New Year's Eve. Like, we yeah. And maybe some special surprise guests. We will let you know. You have to listen in.

Coach Susan [00:33:57]:
Alright, everybody. Okay. Well, have a wonderful, wonderful day, and feel it. Feel it, alcohol free.

Coach Ruby [00:34:05]:
Bye bye. 

Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show? All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellitpodcast.com
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time!