Achieving a Stress-Free, Sober Thanksgiving: Insights and Strategies / EP 46

Welcome to Episode 46 of the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast!  This Thanksgiving special is brought to you by your inspiring hosts, Coaches Susan Larkin and Ruby Williams. Ever wondered how to truly savor the holiday season without a drop of alcohol?

Join us as we dive into the transformative journey towards an empowered, alcohol-free Thanksgiving. Ruby and Susan, once avid wine drinkers themselves, share their most powerful insights and strategies for navigating festive gatherings without the pressure to drink.

How can you confidently declare your choice to stay alcohol-free? What practical steps can you take to ensure your first sober Thanksgiving is memorable and enjoyable? Discover the art of crafting a compelling statement, the magic of visualization techniques, and the joy of new traditions! 

Through personal stories and heartfelt experiences, learn how an alcohol-free lifestyle can lead to deeper, more meaningful interactions with loved ones. Whether you're preparing for those "firsts" or seeking to infuse your holiday with gratitude and joy, this episode has you covered.

Ready to embrace a season of gratitude and find joy in family, food, and festivities without alcohol? Tune in now and let’s transform Thanksgiving together! 

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Your question could be the highlight of a future episode!

Grab our Feel Lit Weekend Guide! https://feellitpodcast.com/Guide

Join our Feel Lit AF Facebook Community for amazing support and connection!

Watch Episode on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@FeelLitAlcoholFreePodcast/videos

Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are 2 former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Coach Ruby [00:00:33]:
Welcome to the feel lit alcohol free podcast. This is our special Thanksgiving episode. I'm so excited. Thanksgiving's in, like, 2 days, yeah, when we launched this episode. But right now, we're still at the end of October. But I am thinking about Thanksgiving, excited.

Coach Ruby [00:00:55]:
It's like my favorite holiday of the whole year because I love the food. That's like my favorite kind of food, the Thanksgiving turkey, mashed potato type meal, and then I love just being with family and thinking about, you know, being thankful and grateful. So it's like some of my favorite things. Yeah. We have a really awesome question, and I am hoping a lot of you can relate to this. So this is from one of our listeners. I'm spending Thanksgiving with my husband's side of the family this year, and they're big drinkers. So will you give me some suggestions on how to get through this holiday? So we thought we'd do a tale of 2 Thanksgivings where we're gonna share what it's like to have Thanksgiving drinking, and then what it's like to have Thanksgiving alcohol free, and share our tips.

Coach Ruby [00:01:44]:
So that's the episode today. We're so excited. So Susan, what do you wanna say about this question? I'll throw it to you.

Coach Susan [00:01:52]:
Yeah. Well, the first thing that really popped out to me when we got this question was this idea of getting through.

Coach Ruby [00:02:00]:
Mhmm.

Coach Susan [00:02:01]:
Right? Mhmm. And that's why I would drink because I had that mindset. How am I gonna get through this holiday? I've got guests, and we used to always have Thanksgiving at our house in Connecticut, and my in-laws would come. And, you know, I love them. They're my in-laws. You know? And the stress of I did the whole pretty much the whole meal myself. Sometimes people would make a little this or that, but even sometimes having people make parts of the meal if they don't do it correctly or do it. You know what I mean? Not correctly, but you know what I mean.

Coach Susan [00:02:35]:
Like or they just don't do it. Like, we'd be sitting around having, like, our appetizer, and I'd be sitting there going, shouldn't you start the potatoes? If you're doing the potatoes, shouldn't you

Coach Ruby [00:02:43]:
start them? Because

Coach Susan [00:02:44]:
you know, because you're trying to get the meal. So my drinking days, Thanksgiving, drinking was why I got through it. Right? Because I had that mindset of how am I gonna get through this. And so for an alcohol free holiday, I would just love to flip that on its head, and it's like, instead of how am I gonna get through this, think about what are all the things that I love and that I have here to enjoy besides drinking?

Coach Ruby [00:03:16]:
Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:03:16]:
Right? Because I wasn't really using drinking as a way to enjoy. I was using it as a coping mechanism, right, to get through. Mhmm. I mean, I would start right after I put Mhmm.

Coach Ruby [00:03:22]:
I mean, I would start

Coach Susan [00:03:24]:
right after I put the bird in, you know, which was probably, like, at 10 AM. You know? And so, honestly, the difference between a nonalcoholic Thanksgiving for me and drinking Thanksgiving was that I was actually able to enjoy the meal. Like, I don't think after slaving all day on this meal, by the time I, you know, sat down to eat, I'd already had so many glasses of wine that I wasn't even really able to enjoy it. I was so out of it at that. But I wouldn't say I was out of it. I was obviously talking with everybody. I just wasn't hungry, you know, and I just didn't really enjoy the meal. So the way that I would approach it is one of the tactics that I would use is just to to flip that is like to really look at, okay, what are all the things that I want to enjoy about this holiday alcohol free? You know? Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:04:23]:
You know, family, food, you know, the cozy atmosphere depending on where you live. Is it cool? You know, nice crisp walks. Yeah. So that's the first thing I would say. What about you, Ruby? Well,

Coach Ruby [00:04:40]:
I just really wanna share what it was like for me, because what's coming to my mind when you're talking is, like, yeah. I was the one that hosted. So for probably 10 years, I was hosting. It was big too. Sometimes it was 20, 20, 30. I don't know, 15 to 30 people. It varied. And my aunt would come over because she was the one who cooked the turkey, and she would use my oven, and she would come at 10 in the morning really early, and she'd already have mimosas.

Coach Ruby [00:05:11]:
She'd bring several bottles. I would have all kinds of champagne. She would have champagne and orange juice, but I never really had did you ever have this, Susan, where I'd be like, Yeah. I'll have a mimosa. Hold the orange juice. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And I

Coach Susan [00:05:25]:
was like, Why would you put orange juice in my alcohol? Yeah. I don't wanna I don't wanna water it down.

Coach Ruby [00:05:30]:
But she was a huge mimosa fan. So we would start drinking at 10 AM, and the family would arrive at 3. And I know I just would already be, I would feel so bad. Luckily, I'd have cooked most of the food or people were bringing food, but I wasn't a very good hostess, to be honest with you. I wasn't present. I remember just barely keeping up with it. I could ask people by 3 o'clock, what do you want for your first drink? But then I was just stressed, overwhelmed. I remember my son even, one Thanksgiving, or many Thanksgivings, he would sit me down and be like, Mom, you're so stressed. You need to just meditate or relax, and I couldn't even because I had already been drinking, but I wanted to be the perfect host.

Coach Ruby [00:06:19]:
Right? I mean, you mentioned that too. And I remember I wouldn't have patience with the kids in the family. Sometimes I'd be, at the end of the night, the weepy, drunken mess. Like, that was me. I would call this a total shit show, like, to be honest with you. And I remember waking up the next morning and just being so regretful that I didn't connect with people. I didn't ask my nieces and nephews questions. I would have this sinking feeling the next morning that I wasn't there.

Coach Ruby [00:06:49]:
Like, what did I even do? I wouldn't even have the memories even. And it was like this deep sense of sadness almost always the day after Thanksgiving, because that's not how I wanna show up in the world, the sadness. I don't know if anybody can relate to that's listening, but it was about family and wanting to be perfect. And then I used to work in the wine industry, as you know, in wine marketing, and every holiday, I even use this initiative. It has to start with a champagne toast. That was part of my marketing messaging, and it would be families having Thanksgiving or Christmas, and you had to have wine on the dinner table. Every holiday needs to start with champagne, and it's just so not true, because now I think the opposite is true.

Coach Susan [00:07:40]:
Yeah. That's so good. I could totally relate, Ruby. You're bringing up so many things that now remind me, yes, the weepy mess, yes, or crabby, you know, towards the end, and then getting in an argument with my husband. But also, I wanted to also add, I was starting Thanksgiving already hungover because we always had guests, and they were from out of town. And we would have a party the night before, and, usually, we had, like, pizza the night before and wine and stuff because I didn't wanna cook the night before. So we would, you know, just get pizza with everybody. And, yeah, and, usually, the guests would arrive on Wednesday.

Coach Susan [00:08:17]:
They'd be spending the night at our house. And so the party started Wednesday night, so I was already starting Thanksgiving behind the 8 ball, so to speak, because I was already hungover. So half of my drinking was just to, you know, scratch the itch of the withdrawal from the night before.

Coach Ruby [00:08:35]:
But, yeah.

Coach Susan [00:08:36]:
So I also wanted to touch on when you. This is a tactic that I use then on my alcohol free Thanksgivings when you brought up like every Thanksgiving has to have this champagne toast, or every Thanksgiving has to have these beautiful wine bottles on the table. And so one of the things I did on my first Thanksgiving, alcohol free Thanksgiving, is I bought these beautiful blue I can't remember what brand it was, but beautiful blue bottles of sparkling water.

Coach Ruby [00:09:05]:
Oh. I know. I thought you were talking about.

Coach Susan [00:09:08]:
 We get that too now for Thanksgiving. Put those on the table so that there are these beautiful bottles on the table, but they weren't wine. Right? And we still, you know, the people who come for Thanksgiving still drink. I don't drink, but some people do, and they have their wine. And I have a little corner in the kitchen, and that's sort of like the alcohol beverage corner. And that's where they put their wine, and then they go help themselves there. But I don't, like, put it on the table. I make sure there's water glasses.

Coach Susan [00:09:35]:
Buy some beautiful water glasses for your table so that your table's set very nicely and you have these beautiful water goblets and make sure everybody has plenty of water, including yourself. But that was one way to kind of take Like I say, keep the ritual, ditch the alcohol. Take that idea of this beautiful table with these beautiful bottles on it, but just switch it up, and they're these beautiful water bottles. Yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:10:02]:
I went through so much cognitive dissonance around my first alcohol free Thanksgiving because I was the one hosting, and I really did a lot of work around this because I had made a commitment to myself. So I'm single, and I made a commitment that I would no longer have alcohol in my home. And I still live up to that. I see it as poison now, so why would I put poison into my home? I made a firm decision, but that's the way I am. When I put my line in the sand, I stick to it. So what I did was I said because I didn't want my aunts and uncles to not have wine if they wanted, so I just asked my mom. I said, Mom, can you host Thanksgiving? And I will cook most of the food. I will even come over and set the table, and I'll do the floor arrangements.

Coach Ruby [00:11:01]:
I'm gonna do it all. It's at my house, but I have this strong commitment to myself. I stood up for myself. I don't know. I felt really proud of myself because it was a hard conversation to have with her. And so, yeah, no alcohol in my home. That's a boundary. And my mom said, Sure.

Coach Ruby [00:11:21]:
So I arrived super early, hours early, armed with flowers. I brought my favorite mocktail or alcohol cocktail. I brought all the board games because I was gonna play with the kids since I felt like I was not focused on connection. I was gonna play games. I had my signature side dish, and I just made a firm decision. I think the decision if we go back to the listener's question, I think it's about deciding to instead of get through, what are you excited about? So for me, I was excited about the food. I was excited about playing games with the kids. I was excited about connecting with people, really connecting, because when I went back to my story that I shared just a second ago, I was so devastated the next day that I didn't actually connect and was not present.

Coach Ruby [00:12:16]:
You know? That was just When I shared with you, this is literally my favorite holiday, and the top of the list is gratitude and connection with family and then food. Alcohol doesn't even come in there anymore at all. It's just not even But I'm 5 years alcohol free, so I've really made the mindset shift and done the work. It's been a lot of work, but it's beautiful work. Yeah. And

Coach Susan [00:12:46]:
you know what? It's also something to keep in mind. I love what you said about making that firm decision. Absolutely. And I call it making a micro decision. Like, you may have made a decision, and you're 60 days, 90 days, 6 months, a year. This might be your first Thanksgiving, but you've been alcohol free for however many years or however many months. But a lot of times, these events need a micro decision around them because in the back of your mind, your subconscious is gonna be like, well, it's a holiday. You know, we don't, this is your first, it's an FFT.

Coach Susan [00:13:16]:
It's an effing first time, and we don't know what permission to give thoughts. That goes back to our episode taming the lizard brain where those permission giving thoughts come up, and it could be just like, you know, you don't know what's gonna come up for you. So already just knowing that you need to kinda bolster your decision and make that firm decision. Mhmm. And then what's your plan? You know? And, you know, what is the plan that you're gonna put together to if it's if it works for you to have mocktails or alcohol free wine, if that works for you, keep the ritual, ditch the alcohol mindset. That worked for me really well. When everyone else is standing around with their wine glass, I'm standing around with my wine glass. Mine just doesn't have ethanol in it.

Coach Susan [00:14:04]:
You know? And so there's not this sort of I'm different from everybody else. You know? I'm, you know, enjoying my alcohol free wine, which I don't really do on a daily at home on my own, and so it is something that I save for a special occasion to be honest with you.

Coach Ruby [00:14:22]:
Yeah. Yeah. And And you can still start with, like, a champagne toast, but in my glass, I would put sparkling water. Yeah. Right? If my family still wants to do that, but you know what, Susan? Here's the secret. Again, 5 years alcohol free, there's less and less and less wine. In fact, last Thanksgiving, I brought an NA wine. Everybody tried it, and I noticed that the last holiday, another holiday, there wasn't even wine on the table, which is shocking to me because my stepdad was a winemaker.

Coach Ruby [00:14:56]:
So we're just going away from that as a family, which is so cool to me that I can change. I can be a part of the change for my own family traditions. You know?

Coach Susan [00:15:06]:
That is so amazing. Oh, my gosh. I love that so much. My family, so this year, we're going to my families for Thanksgiving. Things have changed a lot too, and change is just part of life and also dealing with those feelings. Right? So it's gonna be different. If you're used to drinking and now you're not drinking, it's gonna be different. So just plan on it being different.

Coach Susan [00:15:28]:
Different doesn't mean bad. Your brain might try to tell you that, like, this is you know what I mean? Like, this isn't the way it is. You know, a lot of you know, really listen to the things that your subconscious is throwing up. Like, oh, you're left out. You're the only one not drinking. Right. You're no fun. Da da da da da.

Coach Susan [00:15:45]:
Like, all those thoughts. If the thought is wants is wanting to lead you to drinking, it's a permission giving thought from your subconscious going you know, trying to get that reward or trying to or noticing that it's a little bit uncomfortable, noticing that this is a little bit different, and it's your safety monitor kinda wanting you to scurry back to that place of safety and that place of familiarity. And so, yeah, not drinking on a major holiday, your first time, is not familiar to you. It's gonna be uncomfortable. It might be it, you know, it might be. So planning on that, but also planning on what are the things to enjoy because there's so much more to enjoy at a holiday than just dumb old alcohol. Right? Keep dumb old wine.

Coach Ruby [00:16:32]:
And having your what did you call it last week? Your statement. Oh, yes. I love having a statement. So my statement for my first, alcohol free, my FFT, which, again, is friggin' first time, you know, your fabulous first time. It's my first. So, again, when you have a first, first Thanksgiving alcohol free, it is. It's a little awkward. Things are different.

Coach Ruby [00:16:55]:
But if you have planned in advance, I think I stick to having truth in mind, but you don't have to. I mean, you could say whatever you want, but just to have something there. And it was about health. Right? I'm trying to lose weight. I'm on a keto diet. I feel better. But even then, I remember my aunt, like, you can just have one I remember she was trying, and I but I was very again, I I decided. I made that firm decision, which we also call going into duck mode.

Coach Ruby [00:17:22]:
You make that firm decision. You let everything else roll off your back, and you go, I've decided, and I'm gonna say this, and I'm gonna drink this. And I brought a mocktail recipe so I could concoct something in the kitchen, so it was kind of fun. And I have brought lots of I love LaCroix. I brought the limoncello. I think that's one of my favorites because it tastes so and the coconut. Fun flavors. So I can have some fun too and feel like I have some special drinks.

Coach Ruby [00:17:55]:
That's awesome. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:17:58]:
Yeah. Having your, yeah, elevator pitch, I call it, or your position statement about why you're choosing not to drink, and have it planned, have it so it can roll off your tongue, and in some yeah. Yeah. And making it from a place of truth and keeping it short and sweet, and then switching the subject. So it's like, mine was I took a break from drinking. I noticed that my anxiety and depression is just so much better, and I feel so much better. So I'm not drinking.

Coach Ruby [00:18:28]:
Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:18:29]:
And then, hey. You got a haircut. You look great, or what's going on with your career? Or, you know, blah blah blah. Something that turns it you know, gets this gets it off the subject of that. I mean, now at this point, you know, you at 5 years, me at 4 years, people in our family pretty much know that we don't drink. And, obviously, we're coaches. We have a freaking podcast. You know? Not that our families listen to the podcast.

Coach Ruby [00:18:57]:
I always wonder if my mom listens to my podcast, but I don't think so. One cousin does, but yeah. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:18:59]:
Well, I know. I think it sometimes makes people uncomfortable too that we're making this choice, that we're judging them. So I always make a point of just being like, yeah. Go ahead. You know, you drink, da da da da da da. You know, around my family, that is like no big deal. You can have your because it doesn't bother me. I mean, I literally have no desire.

Coach Susan [00:19:21]:
So you can stand there and tell me how amazing this is my brother-in-law, how amazing this champagne is from France that costs $200 blah blah blah, and I'm like, that's great. Enjoy. And I have my, you know, alcohol free toast or whatever. And, you know, he'll even say, shake his head like, okay. And I'm like, yep. Okay. You know, I just laugh it off a little bit, but it is but that can be uncomfortable. Those conversations can be uncomfortable.

Coach Susan [00:19:50]:
Don't cave. That's all I have to say is just let it be uncomfortable. Getting comfortable with a little bit of discomfort is part of the price of admission for the early days of exploring your drinking, of choosing an alcohol free lifestyle, which is the best. And we, you know, keep telling everyone that it's so worth it. And, you know, I love your, you know, plan, preplan, preplan, pre decide, bring your own drinks, or if it's at your house, you know, obviously, you have a lot more control over that, and plan what you're gonna say. And that goes all the way back to one of our episodes that we talked about, like, going to a happy hour or whatever. It's the same principles.

Coach Ruby [00:20:33]:
You wanna plan for, honestly, for the whole 1st year or a lot longer too. Like, I still plan. Like, what am I gonna drink? Oh, yeah. What am I gonna say? But I don't know if it's after you have lots and lots of these firsts, it gets easier and easier and easier, and I swear to you. And what I wanna convey to our listeners out there is that this is their first alcohol free Thanksgiving, like, if you're gonna be so proud of yourself. Like, I don't know how, I was so proud of myself, and I really had so much fun. And I got to wake up the next morning and go, I connected with every single family member. In some way, I felt present.

Coach Ruby [00:21:13]:
It wasn't this shit show like it had been in all those years before where I was, like, maybe crying or or being irritated or not listening. I remember not listening. When I would drink, I would maybe ask a question and then walk away. Or I don't know what I even did. I don't have memories sometimes, or the memories I have are like, did I really act like that? Did I really say those nasty things? It was like a totally different personality came out. Yeah. And I wasn't proud of it. But to be alcohol free, I was so proud of myself.

Coach Ruby [00:21:51]:
I have this little thing I wanted to share, Just envisioning, like, how do you want to be this Thanksgiving? Really get maybe take a little candle and light a candle, get out a journal, and sit with yourself, maybe even something that smells good, and maybe turn the lights down lower. And just really, how do you wanna experience this Thanksgiving? And just sit calmly, take some deep breaths. And what I came up with was that I really wanted to be present, and I wanted to connect with love and gratitude. And really, this is the best gift you can give yourself is to be present with your family. It's like for yourself and for your family.

Coach Susan [00:22:40]:
You know, it's like a gift. Yeah. Yeah. I totally think that's a great exercise. Visualization is so powerful. We do it all the time, and we don't realize it. We usually visualize the worst case scenario. Right? We're really good at that.

Coach Susan [00:22:55]:
Right? That's when we future-trip, etcetera. But we can also use it for the positive. We can sit there and go, okay. I'm gonna visualize myself getting you know, doing this amazing badass thing of doing my first alcohol free Thanksgiving. I'm gonna visualize myself enjoying it. I'm gonna visualize myself having my drink. I'm gonna visualize what I'm gonna enjoy, the food, the fellowship, the smells, the candles, a delightful, crisp walk outside, like, you know, all the things. Visual just visualization, though, we again, we do it all the time.

Coach Susan [00:23:33]:
So if you think, oh, I can't visualize. Oh, yes, you can because you probably visualize the worst case scenario, right, all the time. So it's just practicing visualizing the positive. And visualize how you're gonna feel the next morning. You're gonna feel like such a badass. And if this is hard, which it might be, like, on a scale of 1 to 10, maybe it's, like, a 9. Like, wow. That was a lot harder than I thought.

Coach Susan [00:23:55]:
I had a lot of drinking urges or just crazy permission giving thoughts that I, you know, was dealing with. The next time you do it, it's not gonna be an 8 if that was a 9. It's gonna go down to a 4. That's how this works. It really does. Compound interest. You're gonna just like, the first one is so worth it. It's like a notch on your belt, and then you're going to roll into Christmas going, I got this, or my god, I'm about to celebrate.

Coach Susan [00:24:20]:
You are It's

Coach Ruby [00:24:21]:
just true. You just practice for your next holiday. But each holiday, you build on your successes, and you kinda regroup on where it was difficult and go, okay. Yeah. I'll do this next time differently and give that a try. My other suggestion, and I love this idea, and I do it every time even now, is I have a getaway plan. Oh, yeah. Always stay till the bitter end anymore.

Coach Ruby [00:24:49]:
Definitely, when I was drinking, I would be the one drinking. I wanted to keep drinking. Right? So I would be the last standing kind of person, but now I even tell my mom. I will say especially, okay, on that first Thanksgiving, I said, You know what, Mom? Because I was going to my parents' house. I'm probably only gonna be able to stay for 2 hours. And that gave me an out. If I was having a lot of cravings and urges and just not enjoying it as much as I thought I would, I had a way to kinda leave early. I still got to be there.

Coach Ruby [00:25:23]:
I still got to give this a try, still got to see everyone, but I didn't have to stay when people got drunk because that's what happens at my family. And I get so uncomfortable. Actually, drunk people are obnoxious, and I'm sure I was too. In fact, I know I was. But, yeah, so I drive myself or I make sure I've told wherever I'm going that I might need to leave after, say, an hour or 2 hours, or you pick your time. But having a getaway plan and bringing it up in advance can be really, really helpful.

Coach Susan [00:25:54]:
Reframe. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So for all of you people who are like, well, I can't have a getaway plan because it's at my freak my freaking house, You still can have a getaway plan. It's called going for a walk.

Coach Ruby [00:26:05]:
I love that.

Coach Susan [00:26:06]:
It's called go into your bedroom, lock the door, and do some tapping or do some havening. Some of the things that we shared here on the podcast, some of these tactics, do some tapping, do some havening, do some deep breathing, take a break, go outside, go on the deck, yeah, go for a long walk, decide, oh, you know, we forgot ice cream. I'm going

Coach Ruby [00:26:27]:
to the storm. Or or have a boundary too. This party ends at, you know, 9 o'clock or whatever. Like, it Yeah. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:26:35]:
You can. Or you know what, everybody? I love you all, and I'm going to bed, and y'all clean up and turn out the lights if everybody's

Coach Ruby [00:26:42]:
staying with you. That's another one.

Coach Susan [00:26:44]:
And you have your tea, your Tulsi tea, which we've talked about here. Like, all the things that we've talked about in all of the episodes are all tactics that you can use to soothe your nervous system, to take care of yourself. You have a bubble bath planned, your bath bomb ready to go with candles in the bathroom, and that's your reward at the end of the night too. And speaking of the end of the night, that's another tricky area. So whether you're going home or you're having it at your home after the event, with the let down of maybe not trying so hard, but, yeah, working on staying alcohol free at this event, the let down is also an area of where you can be susceptible to reach for a drink. Because in the back of your mind, you're either rewarding yourself, or you let your guard down, and then all of a sudden, you find yourself drinking. Because now, this happens, because it's happened with a lot of clients. It's happened to me too.

Coach Susan [00:27:46]:
My first alcohol free Thanksgiving, which before I had any of these tools, because it's when I was in AA, I got through Thanksgiving because that was my mindset, right, at the time. And then I drink the next day because I'd let my guard go.

Coach Ruby [00:28:06]:
Too with clients. Yeah. Yeah. Or if you if it's it's there's also a dopamine rush. I wanna talk about dopamine here. When you're getting ready for a holiday or a wedding, there's so much anticipation, and your dopamine's high, and then it drops the next day. So what I would suggest is having, like, something you're looking forward to the next day, like a walk, a hike, or a special breakfast out,

Coach Susan [00:28:34]:
or, you

Coach Ruby [00:28:34]:
know, just something like another reward. It doesn't have to be alcohol, but something that you're looking forward to. I love that, Susan. I'm glad we brought this up because Black Friday shopping or buying yourself something. Yeah. Black Friday. Yeah. Yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:28:47]:
Uh-huh. That's true. That's true. You guys, in 3 days it is Black Friday shopping. Yay.

Coach Susan [00:28:53]:
I hardly ever do that. Like, we usually do a big spaghetti party. Like, our Thanksgivings with my family, which now, because my father-in-law died, we don't do Thanksgiving at our house, or we do it every other year, but it's much smaller. And when we go to Thanksgiving at my parents' house, that's another FFT. Right? Also, different Thanksgivings can be a different FFT. Right? Thanksgiving at your house is an FFT that's different from maybe Thanksgiving at somebody else's house. Thanksgiving at my parents' house, my side of the family, is always a huge event. Like, we have like 40 people because the whole family comes together, and it's so fun and so amazing.

Coach Susan [00:29:32]:
But also, there's people then, even this year, at 4 and a half years alcohol free, who may not know that I don't drink. So it's kind of an FFT in a way that, like, there's gonna be more, maybe, questions, so I gotta polish off my elevator speech. Elevator speech and and also and anticipate a little bit that it's, like, it's a rolling party that starts, like, when everybody gets there, like, Tuesday, and it rolls right through Saturday or Sunday. So we're not talking about one day. We're talking about a whole week off so the next day after Thanksgiving is the spaghetti dinner, which is part of a tradition in our family. Because when I was growing up, we used to go for Thanksgiving to my grandfather's ranch, which is in Northern California, and we'd all stay out at the ranch house. And my father would go hunting, pheasants, and the kids, we would all run wild on the ranch.

Coach Ruby [00:30:27]:
So fun.

Coach Susan [00:30:28]:
Yeah. And so now my grandfather has passed, you know, away, and we don't have the ranch anymore, but we still carry on this big tradition of a huge family Thanksgiving, which is really bringing together everyone on my mom's side of the family, and it's really special and fun. But it's not just one day. It's like really

Coach Ruby [00:30:48]:
multiple days. Yeah. I hear that a lot. It's a whole weekend or week. Yeah. It's a lot.

Coach Susan [00:30:54]:
It's a lot. And it depends on your personality. Leave early, or I like to challenge myself. And so I would be like, how much fun can I have at this and hang with all these drunk people? And 1 year, we went to karaoke and at this dive bar that we all used to it was it's like on the way in the shopping center that's near the high school, and I remember as a kid, like, we'd always walk by the captain's chest and be like, oh, who goes in there? And life gets super seedy and divey, and so it was like everyone's like, let's go to the captain's chest. Like, everybody's already drunk. And a part of me was just like, oh, I don't wanna do this. And then when I decided to do it, because I have this, like, I wanna show everyone that you can still have fun and be alcohol free. I can still do everything and be alcohol free and hang with y'all.

Coach Susan [00:31:45]:
And so oh, my gosh. Everybody so I like, we're doing karaoke, and I'm, like, getting nervous. And then I'm, like, why am I nervous? Everybody's completely bombed. And so I'm just having fun and singing and having a great time doing karaoke. And yeah. And so it's like, what are the things that you can enjoy? I love singing. I did Immigrant Song, which is a Led Zeppelin song, which just blew everybody away, and my husband loves it when I do that song. But yeah.

Coach Susan [00:32:12]:
So it's, like, kind of my mindset, like, can you challenge yourself? If you're that kind of person who's, like, who that that kind of thing you know, what is your personality too? You know, that worked for me. It's like, I'm gonna go and have as much fun as everybody else, but I'm doing it alcohol free, and that was my challenge. Right? And, like, how much fun can I have? Which is a totally different mindset than, how am I gonna get through this? Right?

Coach Ruby [00:32:36]:
Yeah. If we go back to the questions, not about how you can get through it, but how much fun you have. Really use that curiosity and experimentation and awareness. You'll be present. And, yeah, for me, it meant bringing lots of games so I could play with the kids. If the adults were in the other room drinking, you know, I remember I was hanging out with all the kids. They were like preteens and teens, and I brought really fun games. And my son, we just played.

Coach Ruby [00:33:10]:
I just kept and then the adults and some of the adults started playing games. I realized that not everybody was drinking a lot are not drinking.

Coach Susan [00:33:17]:
As we think. Yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:33:18]:
I always thought that everybody drank, and that's not true.

Coach Susan [00:33:22]:
No.

Coach Ruby [00:33:22]:
But I just didn't notice because I was the one drinking. Yeah. Yeah. But listen to your intuition. Yes. I mean, especially if it's your first alcohol free holiday or Thanksgiving, really listen to your intuition and do what feels good for you, whether that's going to bed early or going out to karaoke. You get to decide. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:33:44]:
Yeah. Well, that's not my first Thanksgiving. That was my second or third.

Coach Ruby [00:33:49]:
Yeah. So with the second or third, you might be. But so the first one, really pay attention to yourself. And but this is the time, Susan, where we care. So this is, again, our Thanksgiving episode. Like, what do you do to feel it? I'm going to add on Thanksgiving.

Coach Susan [00:34:09]:
On Thanksgiving.

Coach Ruby [00:34:10]:
I'll add in. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:34:12]:
Oh my gosh. Well, I mean, I love the Thanksgiving Day Macy's parade, like, having a tradition, finding new traditions, putting that on TV in the background. We've gone to it for 1 year because we live in Connecticut, and we can get to New York, and that was kinda cool. We, you know, now that I'm going to my parents, which is in California for Thanksgiving, what I do is and this is part of the preplanning because I've made this mistake before thinking I could find any beverages at their liquor stores. Although, I think it's getting better. Like, Total Marketing carries more things. But in the past, because we're talking, like, four and a half years ago, when I, you know, started out, so I usually go online and and make an order of some fun drinks that maybe I even wanna try, stuff I haven't even tried yet, or and I send that order to my parents' house and go, mom, you're gonna you're gonna get an order from, you know, wherever you

Coach Ruby [00:35:12]:
are from. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:35:14]:
Yeah. And there's kits now. What's that one called? Raising the bar that sends you this whole mocktail kit with fun, with all the ingredients and the garnishes that makes it super fancy. So maybe even treating yourself to something like that where they, like, put it together for you or, you know, if you're a creative person. And you know what's neat though is my sister has really gotten into it with me. Like, she sends me mocktail recipes all the time, and she's like, let's try this one. And so she's even going to have a lot of times when we have Thanksgiving, like, you have the champagne toast, my brother-in-law likes to have a signature cocktail. Oh my gosh.

Coach Susan [00:35:54]:
I remember this is another bad story. I remember we had a signature cocktail for Thanksgiving, and I tasted it a lot. I had to taste it a lot before we served it, and I was bombed before, like, everybody even got there because I had to keep tasting it. Good lord. And so but we're gonna have my sister and I, we're gonna have the alcohol version of the signature mock or signature cocktail for Thanksgiving, and we're gonna have the nonalcoholic cocktail.

Coach Ruby [00:36:24]:
That's a great idea.

Coach Susan [00:36:25]:
And a lot of times, the kids the tea and they're not kids. We call them the kids, but our kids are in their twenties. Right? They will have the nonalcoholic one. They will try it and be like, this is really good. And it's like I feel like it's also showing them, like, 1 year I brought toast, and one of my nieces was, like, drinking that with me going, I really like this. And then there was leftovers after I you know, after Thanksgiving, and I'm like, oh, give it to Emily, you know, because she liked it. I'm not gonna bring it home with me. And so it's just giving kids also this idea that we don't always have to drink at all these holiday events.

Coach Susan [00:37:01]:
Not everybody's drinking. Yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:37:03]:
So, yeah, I wanted to chime in and just say, yes. That's what I was gonna say too. Stock up on your NA options. And this is a perfect time to try a fancier wine. We just had Josh on our episode recently, and he gave us that code. I was looking for it right now. If you wanna go to his website, because he's got all the nonalcoholic beverages, it's Zeronimo10.

Coach Ruby [00:37:31]:
Is the link to get a discount. But I mentioned another episode, Joyous Wines.

Coach Susan [00:37:38]:
Yes. Either.

Coach Ruby [00:37:39]:
I really was when we were sober in the city in Seattle, I loved them. I really loved them. If you want something in a can, there's the H two of that that Susan and I had together. We hopefully all get to see you when you're in California, so maybe we'll even be together and do a little, I don't know, something together, I hope, on our Facebook group. So please do join our Facebook group. We go live there sometimes, and we post about, I don't know, our favorite recipes sometimes or what we're doing, asking you guys to post, what you guys are doing to feel it alcohol free. And we're creating a really great community there. And people are getting alcohol free.

Coach Ruby [00:38:20]:
I love it too. I love it so much.

Coach Susan [00:38:22]:
Yeah. Me too. Me too. And honestly, if you're just new to our podcast, I would recommend going back and listening to some of the earlier episodes. Honestly, we share every episode tactics and topics that help you stay and stay alcohol free if that is your goal. And people have written to us and said, I'm 60 days, and you're out and your podcast has been helping me. So, yeah, I recommend, you know, listen to some of the earlier episodes. Yeah.

Coach Susan [00:38:53]:
Taming your inner lizard brain because that'll prepare you for some of the things that your brain might bring up at, you know, some of these FFTs, you know, the permission giving thoughts, the green light thoughts. Yeah. Well, from from Susan and I, we wish you

Coach Ruby [00:39:10]:
a very, very happy Thanksgiving. And if you decide to have an alcohol free Thanksgiving, I hope you're present, and it's a gift to yourself. I just hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with gratitude and love. So thank you for listening, and I'll see you. We'll see you again soon.

Coach Susan [00:39:30]:
See you next time. Bye bye.

Coach Ruby [00:39:33]:
Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show? All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellitpodcast.com
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time!