Resilient, Empowered, Alcohol-Free: Toni Will's Ultimate Success Story / EP 47

 Welcome to Episode 47 of the "Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast," where we are thrilled to have the inspiring Toni Will join us as our special guest. Toni, an accomplished leader and the first female General Manager on the ECHL Board of Governors for the Kalamazoo Wings hockey team, shares her journey of resilience and strength.

As we explore Toni's empowering experiences as a female leader in a male-dominated sport and her alcohol-free lifestyle, we capture the essence of viewing life's challenges as opportunities for growth. Her commitment to helping the next generation and fostering a mindset of abundance and support among women underscores her mission. Join us as Toni reveals her strategies, from her meticulously organized routines to the emotional and mental tools she employs to navigate her alcohol-free journey. Get ready to be inspired by Toni Will's courage, mindset, and her dedication to living a life of authenticity and purpose.

Ready to transform your perspective on challenges and embrace an alcohol-free lifestyle? Let's dive in!

About our guest Toni Will:
In addition to her career in professional hockey, Toni launched her lifestyle coaching business, Mindfulness Elevated, in 2021. She helps others find freedom from substances and reach fitness and nutrition goals. In 2023, Toni expanded her business to include professional development coaching with Toni Will Coaching. She is passionate about helping emerging leaders and entrepreneurs break through their own glass ceilings.    In 2024, she launched Women In..., a podcast that celebrates women in all walks of life and the people in their lives who are lifting them up and shaping them into the person they are today.

Toni resides in Kalamazoo, Michigan, with her husband, Josh, and their three young adult children - Grace, Landon, and Chloe.

Where to connect with Toni: https://mindfulnesselevated.me/    https://www.toniwillcoaching.com/

Women In Podcast:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/women-in/id1745524618

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Your question could be the highlight of a future episode!

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Watch Episode on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@FeelLitAlcoholFreePodcast/videos

Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are 2 former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Susan [00:00:39]:
Hello, hello, and welcome back to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast. We are so excited because we have a special guest with us today, the amazing Toni Will, and she is here to share all of her wisdom with us, and I'm just gonna introduce her briefly. So Toni, Toni went through the Naked Mind training with me, and so we've been friends ever since. And, I'm so excited to have her here. She has 25 years of work experience in leadership and is the general manager and governor for the Kalamazoo Wings, a men's double professional hockey team in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Toni is the 1st female GM to serve on the board of governors in the ECHL. And in addition to her career in professional hockey, Toni launched her lifestyle coaching business, mindfulness elevated, in 2021, and she's an amazing coach. She helps others find freedom from substances and reach fitness and nutrition goals.

Susan [00:01:37]:
And then in 2023, Toni expanded her business to include professional development coaching with Toni Will Coaching. She is passionate about helping emerging leaders and entrepreneurs break through their own glass ceilings. And in 2024, she launched her own podcast called Women in that celebrates women in all walks of life and the people in their lives who are lifting them up and shaping them into the person they are today. And in the beginning when we were just chatting, she's also gonna be on a TED Talk. She's writing a book. Like, you cannot stop. Tony will. You cannot like, it's just like, what is Tony? It's like, we should have a podcast about what Tony is doing this year.

Ruby [00:02:19]:
Welcome, Tony.

Susan [00:02:21]:
Yay. Thank you, ladies.

Toni Will [00:02:22]:
Oh, this is fun. I mean, not only are we friends, but it's just to see how far we've all come, like, since we've all met is just so, so cool.

Susan [00:02:31]:
And come on our alcohol free journey. Right? All this started with becoming alcohol free.

Toni Will [00:02:36]:
Yeah.

Ruby [00:02:36]:
Right? Absolutely.

Susan [00:02:37]:
None of this would have been possible. Removing one thing makes so many other things become possible, and I just love seeing that with my clients too. It's like, oh, all of a sudden, I'm alcohol free, and I'm getting a new job, and I'm all of a sudden doing this and that, and it's just and you're a prime example of that. And, you know, the only female leader in the hockey league, professional hockey league. So how is that, though, being alcohol free? That must come with some unique challenges because sports is a very drinky drinky culture. Absolutely. Yes.

Toni Will [00:03:11]:
So I've been in my role now for 10 years, and I've been alcohol free as of last week, 4 years. And so for the 1st 6 years in this role 4 years. So for the 1st 6 years, I was doing this, I was doing it AF, but I called it alcohol fueled, and not alcohol free. So, yeah, the sport is very alcohol centric, and I sell part of my role as general manager is I sell sponsorships to alcohol companies wanting to advertise. And so Interesting. Here's the thing. It doesn't bother me in the least because I also sell hot dogs, and I don't eat meat either. So it's not like there's any conflict there or cognitive dissonance.

Toni Will [00:03:49]:
It's just what it is. It's a business.

Susan [00:03:51]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Toni Will [00:03:52]:
So I'm a minority in two ways, really. I'm a minority as a female general manager of a men's professional hockey team. And just a fun little star that's in my TED Talk, which is 97% of professional hockey is white male. So I'm part of that 3%. And then in the drinking culture, and you ladies know this on your podcast, which I do listen to, 13% of Americans are non drinkers or abstain from drinking thereabout. So I'm a minority in 2 ways, and quite frankly, I celebrate that. I I lean into that. It really feeds my rebel spirit.

Toni Will [00:04:29]:
I've always been kinda unique and different in my personality. And so that really kinda lit a spark in me. And there's this Mark Twain quote that I really and it's in my TED talk too, which is, like, if you find yourself in the majority, it's time to pause and reflect.

Ruby [00:04:46]:
I love that quote. I've heard that before. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. And I Yeah. It resonates.

Toni Will [00:04:52]:
To me, it's just it's been it's it sounds I mean, like, this gross oversimplification, like, yeah. I don't drink anymore. Yeah. I run a men's hockey team, but a lot of work went into that. Not just physical work, but more work up here in my noggin thought work.

Susan [00:05:05]:
Yeah. Because what's it like when you show up and people are women? That's weird. Or you don't drink? That's weird. Like, well, what is that like? Yeah.

Toni Will [00:05:14]:
Yeah. That's exactly what's happened over the years. Yeah. So I'm always kinda prepared with how I answer it depending on, like the question I get is, how did you get that job?

Susan [00:05:24]:
And Well, you yeah. That kind of is like It's

Toni Will [00:05:28]:
because I'm a woman. It's like, well and they'll say, did you play hockey? I go, no. I didn't. But, you know, I'm born and raised in Kalamazoo. I know how to run a business. I'm passionate about community centric endeavors like the Kalamazoo wings, and so I talk about that. And gender doesn't play a role. I think everything is figure-out-able.

Toni Will [00:05:50]:
Right? And, that's just kind of how I've applied everything in my life. I may not know how to do it, but I'll figure it out. And the same holds true to being alcohol free. That one's a little easier because, generally, what I say is I cashed in on my drink tickets. And so using a little bit of humor, people Yeah. Really resonated. And I gotta tell you, there are so many people that are like, I wish I could do what you were doing, Tony, especially in the world of alcohol.

Susan [00:06:16]:
Yeah. Yeah. That's so great. That's so great. So now how do you handle what are the support systems that you have for handling the stress of your job alcohol free? Because I know I used alcohol to deal with the stress in my job, and then it worked until it didn't. And so, like, what are the support systems you found that are effective for you in maintaining your alcohol free lifestyle in well, with everything you have going on, TED talk. You know?

Toni Will [00:06:46]:
Yeah. So I would say the first thing there's two main things I would say. The first thing is I always put myself first. I do not suffer from feeling selfish about that. I actually feel self full because I know if I come as the best version of myself, then the ripple effect is so positive. So I'm a better boss. I'm a better mom. I'm a better wife.

Toni Will [00:07:06]:
I'm a better daughter. I'm better at everything. So if I take my Tony time out, which is first thing in the morning, so what I call set the table for the day. So I get up 3 hours before I need to be in my office, which is where I'm at right now, and I get up. And this is exactly the order in which I do this. I can go in any order, but my whole mission in life is to get my butt to the gym. I love orange dairy. So I pack everything the night before.

Toni Will [00:07:35]:
I pack all my food. I pack my clothes. I get ready at the gym. So as I'm driving to the gym, it's a 30 minute drive. I listen to 30 minutes of an audiobook or podcast because I read so much each year. Yeah. And then I do a meditation when I get to the gym in the car, then I go work out for an hour, then I shower, get ready, then I go to the office, and I eat a very healthy breakfast, and that really sets the stage for me for the entire day. So my day can go upside down backwards. It could be great.

Toni Will [00:08:07]:
It can be shitty. It can be anything, but I got that time in because I found that I respond and react much better when I've taken care of myself. So that's setting the table for the day. That's a big one.

Susan [00:08:19]:
Right.

Toni Will [00:08:20]:
And then, the second one is I'm, as you ladies are, I'm very vocal about how proud I am to be alcohol free, And I don't wear it as a badge of honor. It's a strength, it's not a weakness, and so I'm vocal, which means other people can feel the same way. Because I'm so, I believe it's a silver bullet, quite frankly, when I coach to that. And if people don't wanna tell, that's cool, but let's dig into why. Yeah. Our head coach for the K Wings, he stopped drinking 3 months after I did, and our broadcaster and PR director, he stopped drinking 11 years ago. So I have a little tribe here.

Susan [00:09:03]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Toni Will [00:09:04]:
Right? And that's just here. I've got season ticket holders. I've got people come up to me all the time and say, Tony, thanks for telling your story so openly because I struggle with that. And then I've got interns who are young and they listened to my TED Talk yesterday. I make them listen to it because I have to practice and they were like, oh my gosh, that's so helpful to hear the word alcohol free. I never thought of it that way Or that saying no is a positive, and it's okay. No is a complete sentence and all that stuff. So a very long answer, but that's how I do it.

Susan [00:09:34]:
Yeah. So it's a mindset shift, really. Is this a positive, like you said, silver bullet. This changed my life in so many positive ways. Yeah. That's so good. They're

Toni Will [00:09:45]:
just being anonymous. Yeah. And owning your mornings, yeah, is really cool.

Ruby [00:09:46]:
Fierce morning routine. I love that. And it's not every morning.

Toni Will [00:09:51]:
So I just want to be clear. I'm not up at 6:15 on Sunday mornings. No. I sleep in a little. I am a morning person, and I read the book The 5 AM Club. And I'm not saying, like, you'll see it on social media and stuff like, oh, you have to get up at 5 AM. No. I mean, I go to bed at 10, and I get up at 6.

Toni Will [00:10:07]:
Like, I, you know, I try to get up

Susan [00:10:09]:
getting up at 4 in the morning to do this 3 hour routine.

Toni Will [00:10:13]:
No. Sleep is very much a priority to me. Sleep is my Achilles' heel. If I don't get enough sleep, I feel like my thoughts are different. My attitude is shitty. Like, I just so sleep is really, really important to me.

Susan [00:10:26]:
Yeah. Yeah. So what advice would you give people who are in this stage of life juggling their career, but also because you have a family, you have children and Yeah. Yeah. 3 children. Yeah. How do you juggle that and all of these endeavors that you're doing? Because it's amazing.

Toni Will [00:10:45]:
Yeah. So I, if you saw my calendar, it is color coded, and I have help. I want to be very clear. I have help. You know, I have my assistant at the k wings, and she keeps me on top of things. But even before that, everything is very organized. It's all about efficiency. I know exactly, you know, when I'm driving from the arena back home or where I need to be for the kids.

Toni Will [00:11:12]:
And the other thing too is, I raised my kids to be very independent because I was working, and I wanted them to see that I was a working mom, and my husband picks up a lot. He works from home and he's so supportive of all my endeavors. So it's a partnership at home, in the office, and so there's organization, but there's knowing when to ask for help. And, yeah, I would just say that I'm really articulating what my priorities are. Like, I have it written down on a piece of paper, like, what my priorities are, and if I'm out of alignment with that, I tell the people that are closest to me, tell me. Tell me I'm out of alignment. You know, be a mirror for me, and I want to be coached. I also have a coach.

Toni Will [00:12:02]:
You know, so there are ways to help me because there are times I feel overwhelmed or I think, what are you doing, Tony? Like, how much more can you put on your plate? As long as I'm hitting those certain checkboxes, enough sleep, you know, my, you know, things are routine. Relationships are balanced, and I just go with my I go where my calendar tells me.

Susan [00:12:23]:
That's great. Yes. I have these panic moments where I'm like, what am I, what am I supposed to be doing right now?

Ruby [00:12:28]:
I check my calendar. Yes. Like, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah. Well, tell

Susan [00:12:33]:
me a little bit about when you made the decision to go from Tony party time, which you shared with me to, you know, to making the decision to stop drinking. Because I know it's it's that decision of, like, you know, it's hard. It's hard for people to make. Yeah. And you've been so open about it, but I'm sure there was that moment of, okay. I'm really gonna do this.

Toni Will [00:12:57]:
Yeah. It was really hard, and it wasn't just one moment. I had, like, thousands of day ones. You know? Like, I'm gonna quit like a lot of us. So I had one big one in 2016. I stopped drinking for 15 months through AA, and I really liked the culture, not the culture, the community of AA. The stories I loved, but it started to have thoughts that it felt kinda culty. I didn't like step 1, you're powerless.

Toni Will [00:13:25]:
I do not subscribe to that at all. It was a 100 year old framework, you know, and I desired something more modern, but I did 15 months, and then I decided I thought I could moderate again, and I went out and had 3 years worth of data points and, you know, and really a data point of learning. I was just sick and tired of being sick and tired. And then in October of 2020, that was the year, obviously, of the pandemic, and in Michigan, hockey was like, everything was locked down. So while I was still working, it was remote. I used that extra time to just start to focus on what I really wanted to tackle. And so I put myself on a 30 day Tony time out from drinking, and that I didn't I just picked what I was like, I'm so I'm just sick of this. I'm sick of myself.

Toni Will [00:14:13]:
And so, the first couple weeks were really hard, emotionally. Like, I was sitting at the island talking to Josh, my husband, saying, how can I be so successful in all these other areas of my life, but I can't get my arms wrapped around this? And so I googled, other methodologies to stop drinking besides AA and This Naked Mind popped up. So I bought both books. I bought This Naked Mind, the live alcohol experiment. 2 weeks later, I signed up for the November 2020 live alcohol experiment. 2 months after that, I signed up to be a coach. And a year later, in November of 2021, I was coaching in that same alcohol experiment that I took a year earlier.

Ruby [00:14:51]:
So cool. I love your journey, your trajectory is so cool. It's so amazing.

Susan [00:14:55]:
Yeah. And I have the same feeling. I had the same meaning, what you just described is exactly an AA. Me too. Years, years of moderating, then coming to the end of myself and the same thoughts. How can I be successful in so many areas of my life and I can't get this together? And it's because it's an addictive substance. Right? And you can't tackle it. I say, you know, with all the moxie, the grit, everything that we put into our careers and and all the areas that were successful in doesn't work to quit drinking.

Susan [00:15:29]:
It's surrender. It's self compassion. It's such an what? Non intuitive process. Like, it doesn't make sense, but then it works. Right? Yeah. And it takes as much time as it takes. I And I think that sometimes the people that are super successful, almost

Ruby [00:15:49]:
it takes longer in a way because they're like, Well, I've, you know, watched every video, and I've done every single homework assignment, and I've journaled every single day. I've done it. Why am I still not drinking? So it's it's not it's not about getting a plus in college or something. It's Right. It's different. It's totally different. It's about really leaning into maybe the discomfort or fear that you might have around social situations or just being by yourself or leaning into boredom. I used to drink because I was bored.

Ruby [00:16:19]:
We were Yeah.

Toni Will [00:16:21]:
There was just so much shame in it. Like alcohol use disorder. At least that's what I was diagnosed with. I just decided, like, I'm not gonna be ashamed of this anymore because what was hard about all that journey, and I talk about this very openly with my clients, this isn't for me, it wasn't a light switch. I didn't say, oh, I don't like my drinking, and just flipped the switch. It wasn't spontaneous sobriety. It was a lot of thought work. And it was more around a lot of work that there's nothing wrong with me because I got addicted to addictive substance because and that's where I struggled with AA because it felt like that in order for me to be, and I don't subscribe to this label of alcoholic, but to fit that, that I had to be like I was the child of, you know, yeah, drinking parents.

Toni Will [00:17:09]:
Like, it felt like I was actually created in a vacuum because that's not what I was brought up in. And so I was like, how did this happen to me? You know? Like and so I by pulling away from that and really struggling for 3 more years and then finding other methodologies that explain what the heck was going on in my brain, then the light bulb went off, but it still didn't make it easy because to Ruby's point, it's like doing reps in every little pocket of my life, being at a hockey game after a hockey game when we'd normally go across the street and drink at the bar, traveling. I mean, I travel all over the country. You know, so flying on an airplane, you know, sitting in the airport

Toni Will [00:17:49]:
On a Tuesday night.

Ruby [00:17:50]:
Yeah. I know. We call them first. That ends in y. Yeah. We call them first, and you really that's why, I think a year or many months of a program is really beneficial working with a coach for 3 months, 6 months, a year. I mean, a year is really the sweet spot because then you get all those, like, first, your first Thanksgiving, your first Christmas, your first birthday, the first time you go to a hockey game. But then it's not only one time.

Ruby [00:18:14]:
You know? It's like you kinda have to explore it multiple ways like you just described. Yeah. Because I hear that often with clients. They're like that, but I I had my first time at a restaurant, and I was fine. But then the second time I went to a restaurant, it's like, well, who are you with? What kind of a restaurant? So it really is interesting.

Toni Will [00:18:32]:
Yeah. What time of year is it? What was the vibe? It's different if you go at lunch versus if you go at dinner and there's a fireplace and the sun is setting. Like, you know, you go to the grocery store and you hear a certain song on the radio and you happen to be walking by the alcohol aisle, and then all of a sudden, you're you'd it is something that you need to do rep after rep after rep after rep.

Ruby [00:18:54]:
Yeah. Yeah. 

Susan [00:18:56]:
That's where maybe building your alcohol free muscles.

Ruby [00:18:58]:
Yeah. And you said you were like an Ironman. Can you tell me I'm really curious about that. Tell me a little bit about that background, because that's when you know reps. Right? Like

Toni Will [00:19:06]:
That was a lot of reps. You're absolutely right. In my late twenties, I decided to be a group fitness instructor in my twenties, and so I taught, like, Les Mills programs, if anyone's heard of those. And then, I was always into fitness and nutrition. I'd lost, like, £50 after I had my son, Landon, and, and I taught myself how to do it. And then in my late twenties, I decided, well, I wanna do something harder. Shocker. My personality.

Toni Will [00:19:35]:
So I set out to, like, run a marathon in 2009. So I ran the Detroit marathon, and then I'm like, oh, triathlon sounds interesting. So I dove into that sport. Shocker. Something harder. And, I worked my way up. There's 4 different distance triathlons. There's sprint, Olympic, half Ironman, and full Ironman.

Toni Will [00:19:52]:
So over the course of about 5 or 6 years, I worked my way up to training for a full Ironman. And so, I've done 2. I've done 2 full Ironmans, 5 half Ironmans, and, like, 60 other shorter distance races. And so a full Ironman is a 2.4 mile swim, and then you go right into a 112 mile bike. And then you go right into a marathon, which is 26.2 miles. And so you cover 141.6 miles in, my first Ironman was in Louisville, Kentucky in 2014, and I did it in 13 hours and 56 minutes.

Ruby [00:20:31]:
My gosh.

Toni Will [00:20:32]:
My second Ironman was in Chattanooga, Tennessee, and that one took me 15 hours and 20 minutes. And that was when I was 39, that last one. And when I crossed the finish line, I'd been racing for about 11 years, and I decided that that chapter of my life, I got out of it what I was supposed to. And I have not done a triathlon since 2017.

Ruby [00:20:53]:
My big question though is were you drinking during these, and did you train drinking? Because of one of our recent episodes, we talk about, you know, how detrimental it actually is for your health when you are training and then drinking. So what was that like?

Toni Will [00:21:09]:
So my first Ironman, yeah, I mean, that I was drinking. That was my reward. Work hard, play hard. And I laugh so hard now at the ridiculousness of that belief that I had. And I'm and if anyone has that belief, please don't think I'm minimizing it because I had it.

Ruby [00:21:26]:
Yeah. Why were you?

Toni Will [00:21:27]:
I was busting my ass for a year prepping for this thing, working out up to 17 hours a week, and then I'd undo all of it by drinking, but I didn't know. I just didn't know. Right. 

Susan [00:21:37]:
I just didn't know. Yeah.

Ruby [00:21:38]:
Yeah. You celebrate with a beer. You celebrate with a glass of wine or whatever. Right.

Toni Will [00:21:42]:
Yeah. But the second Ironman, I was alcohol free. What I find hilarious, though, is that the first one, I was much faster than the second one, but it's not because of the alcohol. It was actually, Chattanooga is just really, really hilly, so that just makes it hard. Okay.

Susan [00:21:58]:
Yeah. Wow. My gosh. Do you know what? We have been friends and talked, and I've been on your podcast, but I didn't. I didn't know some parts of your story. And so I'm just so grateful

Toni Will [00:22:10]:
Love this.

Susan [00:22:10]:
Glad to have you on and to and I didn't realize how much I related to your story, even though I haven't done an Ironman. I did a half marathon in 2006, and then my hip had bursitis afterwards, so that was the end of that for me. And training for that, though, was well, I was still drinking at that time myself. And, you know, it's science. That's what's missing. Like, I love the community of AA also, but the science and I didn't ascribe to the powerlessness or that I have a disease. And I also felt like what's wrong with me and how did I end up like this? And, you know, and so yeah. But just finding out the science that you are normal, that your brain is actually doing the normal thing when you do become dependent on an addictive substance, especially when you're using it as a coping mechanism Mhmm.

Susan [00:23:01]:
For stress, you know, and that's what I was doing. And or if it's just in your life in so many areas, like, every day that ends in y.

Toni Will [00:23:09]:
That's amazing.

Susan [00:23:11]:
Yeah. Yeah. And then how much undoing of that is. Right? Like you said, it's, you know, it's celebratory, but it's also sitting on the couch with Netflix. It's when you're sad, happy, you know, if it's associated with every single emotion, you're gonna have to go through all those reps. Like you said, I love using that.

Ruby [00:23:29]:
I love the root word reps too. Term reps.

Susan [00:23:31]:
Yeah. And really undo the beliefs that you have that alcohol is a value. And as you undo those beliefs, that's how you become completely free.

Toni Will [00:23:41]:
100%. And I know, Ruby, you said a year, and I agree with that, and I'm gonna add 1 more year onto it because for me, what I have found is the 1st year, absolutely, it's the first of all those.

Ruby [00:23:55]:
Yeah.

Toni Will [00:23:56]:
It's this I have found that it was the 2nd year for me because it was almost harder because I had done the first, like, a little bit of adrenaline I had pumped into because that's just my kind of personality. Like, I look at something as a challenge, and I'm like, oh, fun. I'm gonna tackle this. So it was that 2nd year where it wasn't a I did all the reps, you know, year 1 reps.

Susan [00:24:17]:
Yeah.

Toni Will [00:24:17]:
So really, it was year 2 where I felt I really started to feel freedom. Now if the path where we all have coached 2 years long, people would be like, running away. I would not I probably would never put a 2 year program on because remember when we were just considering this life and if someone like me said, hey, 2 years from now, you got this, I'd be like, I am that so far away.

Susan [00:24:39]:
Yeah. But it

Ruby [00:24:40]:
it's it's it goes fast and people dip their toe in. We have a freebie that's called a wine free weekend, or an alcohol free weekend, like try a weekend free. Then people try the 30 days, like the dry January or sober October. And then when you get to about 30 days, you go, wow. This feels amazing. But then you have that mind, like Susan was saying. So I also agree that it is longer. It's actually a lifestyle for the rest of my life, and I'm gonna learn for the rest of my life.

Ruby [00:25:14]:
But for me, the 2nd year was about therapy, getting digging into trauma, figuring out my emotions, repairing relationships. Like, that was kind of my whole 2nd year was around that, which then, yeah, give me freedom, like you said, Toni. Yeah. That's where freedom comes from.

Toni Will [00:25:33]:
Yeah.

Ruby [00:25:34]:
Yeah. It was amazing. Yeah.

Susan [00:25:36]:
Yeah. And the adrenaline of that first yeah. The next year is like, oh, this is just my life. Yeah.

Toni Will [00:25:42]:
Bingo.

Susan [00:25:44]:
Okay. Now what do I wanna do with this though? And that's where building a life that you don't wanna escape from Mhmm. Starts to come into play where I love, like, you have your Tony time in the morning, like that pillar of I need this time in the morning to set myself up for success. And I have an evening routine, morning routine, evening routine, knowing and honing the tool. So not just sitting there with like, I was telling Ruby this morning, I was having some anxiety about some family stuff going on. It's like, okay. I have tools that I know I can do when I have anxiety in my body. And what are my thoughts? Okay.

Susan [00:26:17]:
What am I thinking? You know? What can I do to relieve some of it? Because sometimes you change your thinking or you start to, you know, oh, yeah. That's not true. Dada. Dada. But you still have anxiety in your body. And I'm like, okay. I know what to do there. I do a little yoga or I do some breathing exercises.

Susan [00:26:31]:
You start to hone those tools.

Toni Will [00:26:33]:
100%. And, we were talking off air, and this might be a good time to bring it up. But as I have been for this TED talk. It's been one of the most challenging spaces I've stepped into. And because I'm a little naive, but I've had to really tap into those tools during this and really ask for help for my mindset because it has been hard, it's harder, and I love to speak in public. I thrive in it, but TED is a whole different beast.

Susan [00:27:04]:
Is it? Oh my gosh. I'm so excited. So this will have aired by the time we air this episode. What is the date that your TED Talk is airing?

Toni Will [00:27:11]:
So I step on the stage a week from today on October 25th, and so it should be released on the TED website out around the end of December is what I'm told. K.

Susan [00:27:23]:
Awesome. Okay. Well, we'll put a link in the show notes so everybody can see your TED Talk because I'm so excited for you. So, what are some of the main tools that you're using that you use to navigate this? Great question.

Toni Will [00:27:35]:
Like managing stress or doubt. So number 1 is talking about it. So I can't emphasize that enough. I don't think people think about that as a tool, but it really is taking whatever is going on up here in my head and saying it out loud to someone that I trust and really knows when I'm in a tough space. And so I will talk about it. I said, I'm trying to find words for how I'm feeling about this. And sometimes, I have a hard time finding the words. I feel a little overwhelmed.

Toni Will [00:28:08]:
I feel I'm doubting myself a little bit, and I'm overthinking. And those three things are areas that I generally don't do. And so I generally walk in and say, oh, I'm gonna talk, and I don't overthink it. And I write 3 little bullet points on a Post it note, and I'm off and running. And I don't doubt any of that, But this is not how TED works, and so it's stretching me in a way that and then it's the turnaround stuff. Right? Like, okay, Tony. This is like an Ironman. You prep, prep, prep.

Toni Will [00:28:41]:
It's hard, and then you wanna peek at them on race day. So I wanna peek on delivery day. Yeah. And when it's over, it is something that you will be proud of your entire life. And so it's that mindset of knowing you're gonna be uncomfortable and comfortable. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt, and then you're going to do it and you're going to be beyond happy that you set this goal and accomplished it.

Toni Will [00:29:03]:
So there's that mindset part of really thinking of, you know, turning it around and having a willingness to consider that it's worth it.

Susan [00:29:12]:
Yes. And a willingness to be uncomfortable. I say that to my clients all the time. Any goal worth achieving is not gonna be easy and is gonna cause discomfort. Even achieving an alcohol free lifestyle, right, or quitting drinking is going to create some discomfort. That is you have to have a willingness to be uncomfortable.

Ruby [00:29:31]:
Step outside of your comfort zone.

Susan [00:29:32]:
To reach your goals, but it's worth it. It'll be something you're like you said, you'll be proud of for the rest of your life. I love that. Wow.

Toni Will [00:29:39]:
Percent. I mean, I have it like, I have, my Ironman tattoos here. They're just little, but it's kinda like a tradition in the community, and they get giant ones. But that's not my style, and so I have these little ones. Ones and no matter if I was in my thirties when I did this, or when I'm a 100 years old because that's my goal to live to a 100, these are still gonna mean something even when I'm wrinkly. And so the same thing for the TED Talk. Right? Like, I'm just going to tell a story, two stories that I've already shared on here, basically being a female general manager of a men's professional hockey team and then being alcohol free and being a minority in both those spaces and how that's a strength and not a weakness. So and and really for women specifically and I'm sure you ladies see this and have felt this and I know I've been through it too, but I see a lot of women make themselves small.

Toni Will [00:30:27]:
Yeah. And I want to be like, Get those peacock feathers out, ladies. Like, let's let them soar and play big. And so by getting on a stage and talking about this, I would have never thought in a 1000000 years I would be doing that, especially about the thing I was most ashamed of with alcohol. So I'm gonna be really proud of that for a lifetime, and regardless of what comes from it because I don't do these things to grow my business or anything like that. I do it because I wanna help the next generation. I want my kids' generation to have less barriers, less shame, less of the shit that we've been through.

Ruby [00:31:03]:
Yeah. You are speaking my language. Yeah. You're hot.

Susan [00:31:06]:
I love it.

Ruby [00:31:07]:
I love

Susan [00:31:07]:
it. I'd be on that stage. I love it. Yeah. I cannot wait.

Ruby [00:31:11]:
I'm so proud of you, Toni.

Toni Will [00:31:12]:
I know.

Susan [00:31:13]:
I just want you to

Ruby [00:31:13]:
do that.

Susan [00:31:14]:
I wanna be you. I know. I do that. I feel myself starting to shrink down, and I have to breathe into it and go, okay. No. No. You know? Yeah. It's a learned behavior, and they learn it.

Susan [00:31:28]:
We learn it in school. Sit down, be quiet, do your homework, do your homework and show up and everything will be fine. Go to college, be the good girl. You know, don't speak up. Don't make waves. I'm combating that, you know, every day probably.

Toni Will [00:31:48]:
Yeah. And I mean and I know, Susan, just because we were together in our cohort, and Susan and I were the ones that it was funny. We were both, like, we both got our certifications at same time. We both like and we both had an eye on each other in the best way possible and that's the thing about, like and Ruby was the class ahead of us but Yeah. That's why I love to lift other women up is because I want you all to be as successful as humanly possible. And so that's what Born Women in my podcast and you both have been on because I want women to support each other. And I've met on my podcast too because men came from women and it's a collaborative. But I want you to be that badass version of yourself and Ruby's badass version of herself and celebrate this.

Toni Will [00:32:33]:
We're not competing with each other. We're not like, get on that TEDx stage. I'll be more than happy to cheer anyone on. So, and that's what a lot of this work has done too. Like, I live a life of abundance now, not scarcity.

Ruby [00:32:46]:
Me too. Amazing. It's been a mindset shift that's taken years, and I have to work at it still. Like like, a scarcity will creep in, and then you do

Susan [00:32:54]:
some more mindset work around it. Yeah. I've been experiencing that. That's some of the anxiety is, you know, quitting my day job and now just and now not just, but now coaching full time. Part of me in the back of my mind is like, did you lose your mind?

Toni Will [00:33:09]:
I'm in such awe of that, by the way. Like, literally, I want you to know that. And I know that's one of Ruby's favorite words because she was on my podcast. I was listening to it today. But I'm in awe of that because that is so courageous, and I haven't. I'm not ready. I don't have a willingness right now, and you did it. And walking away from Yale, I just think that's so awesome.

Susan [00:33:31]:
Just got this plaque in the mail for this very tiny plaque. I'm like, gee, Yale, like pull out all the stops. This tiny one that says, you know, celebrating 20 years in 2024. And I was just like, oh, okay. But you know what? It was the right decision for me. It was something I needed to do. It wasn't my passion. And you have a passion for what you're doing right now.

Susan [00:33:51]:
And so I have yeah. I needed to open up space in my life to be able to pursue this passion that I felt was, you know, put on my heart. And it's the same as you to to educate, to lift up the next generation, to, you know, be out there with the, you know, the fact that alcohol is an addictive substance. How do we not learn this in the world? You know? We were talking. And also like I saw in our community, they're doing a happy hour to fundraise for the DARE program. Shoot me. I'm like, are you kidding me? Yeah. A happy hour to fundraise for the T.

Susan [00:34:29]:
A. R. E. Program. Crazy. They don't teach that alcohol is a drug or an addictive substance and is actually more addictive than tobacco.

Toni Will [00:34:38]:
Yeah. I I I almost wanna send a note to that person and say

Susan [00:34:42]:
I know.

Ruby [00:34:42]:
Who is chairing

Toni Will [00:34:43]:
this out?

Susan [00:34:43]:
You could do this.

Toni Will [00:34:44]:
Say, can

Susan [00:34:45]:
I talk to you? Yeah. Can we have a conversation? Like, I have some education that we could add to the DARE program that I'd be happy to teach. Yeah. So well, so we're at the time of our episode where we ask our guests, what do you do to feel lit, Tony? So we all inquiring minds wanna know.

Toni Will [00:35:04]:
Yeah. Delivery now. I would say, really, for me, it's setting goals and accomplishing them. And and and one of the things I wanna point out with this is and not accomplishing them. So I I I haven't told this story in a podcast before, but the first Ironman I set out to do, I was 7 weeks away from accomplishing that race, and I broke my shoulder blade in a bike accident. And so I had to pull out. Yeah. And it felt like a failure.

Toni Will [00:35:30]:
And so I was like, no. I'm doing it again. So just like drinking. Right? Like, I didn't get it right every time. I took that 3 year break and that made it even better. So I just say that it's accomplishing goals and finally or setting goals and finally accomplishing them even if I don't get it right the first time.

Susan [00:35:46]:
Yeah. Love that. Love that. That's so great. Yeah. Because that's where self compassion comes in. Yeah. Learn and move forward.

Susan [00:35:52]:
Learn and move forward. That's where we talk about data points.

Toni Will [00:35:54]:
Mhmm.

Susan [00:35:55]:
You have a data point. You fall down. We talk about this being a marathon, not a sprint. You took a little side trip off to get some Gatorade. Now you're back on the road. You know? It's a pretty good game. Moving forward. Yeah.

Susan [00:36:06]:
Yeah. And you learn from it. It's like, oh, I took a wrong turn and I went the wrong street. Okay. Now I'm back on track. Yeah. And that's what it's about. Never quitting.

Toni Will [00:36:14]:
Never. And

Susan [00:36:15]:
that's you, Toni, never quitting, doing amazing things. You are a force.

Toni Will [00:36:20]:
Thank

Susan [00:36:20]:
you. Force. And, yeah, I admire you so much. And that's what's so amazing. I don't have envy. I just love you and admire you. And just I'm like You do. Yeah.

Susan [00:36:29]:
Go, Tony. Go. I like your cheering section and, so excited to hear your TED talk and to see what you are gonna do next.

Toni Will [00:36:38]:
Yeah. That book is next. Next November 25. So I'll hit you. I'll hit you ladies back up so you can have me back on.

Susan [00:36:45]:
Yeah. We will. Love to. Love to. So alright.

Ruby [00:36:48]:
Well, where can our listeners find you and listen to your podcast?

Toni Will [00:36:52]:
So I'm on, there's lots of places you can find me, but tonywillcoaching.com, mindfulness elevated.com, Kalamazoo wings dotcom, and then I'm on all social platforms, LinkedIn, Facebook, Tony Lentini Will. Instagram, I'm Tony Will. And then my podcast is called Women in. Don't forget those dots, and I leave the dots there on purpose because it's an opportunity for all of us, whoever's on the podcast, to figure out what we are in. Right?

Susan [00:37:18]:
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And we'll put all these links in the show notes so you can just click a link and find Tony, and thank you so much for being here. This was so delightful. Tony. I'm so inspired.

Toni Will [00:37:29]:
I love it. I love it. You guys are fabulous. So thanks for being amazing, and I'm so proud of the work you all are doing.

Susan [00:37:35]:
Thank you so much. Likewise. Okay, everybody. Thanks for tuning in, and we will see you next time. Bye bye. Bye.

Ruby [00:37:43]:
Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show? All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellitpodcast.com
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time!