Rewrite Your Alcohol Story: 6 Reasons Why Coaching Changes Everything / EP. 34

Welcome to another enlightening episode of the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast with hosts Ruby Williams and Susan Larkin.
 
Ever wondered why you might need help with alcohol when you’re so disciplined in other areas of your life? You’re not alone. In today's episode we answer a listener's question: "I should be able to do this on my own. Why do I need help in this one area? I'm super disciplined in other areas of my life. Why can't I stop drinking on my own?"

Why is it that conquering alcohol habits feels like an insurmountable challenge, even for the most determined individuals? Today, we dive deep into this question, sharing our personal journeys from struggling alone to finding freedom with the help of coaching. As former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches, we bring you raw and real insights from our own experiences.

What are six powerful reasons to consider hiring a coach? We’ll unveil these transformative reasons, offering you empowering perspectives on living an alcohol-free life.

But that’s not all! Are you ready for a fun twist? We’re challenging you to join our empowering red lipstick challenge—because feeling fabulous is part of the journey too!

So, grab your favorite beverage, get comfortable, and join us as we explore the transformative power of coaching and the liberating journey of living alcohol-free. Are you ready to discover how coaching can change your life? Let’s dive in!

Time Stamp
00:00 Support for alcohol-free lifestyles and overcoming shame.
06:02 Exercise changed body perception and rewired thoughts.
09:06 Determination, accountability, and badassery overcome alcohol urges.
12:18 Unwavering support and honesty for effective change.
15:54 Helping establish an alcohol-free identity and success.
16:54 Resources for stress, burnout, alcohol-free life perspective.
22:54 Red lipstick makes me feel confident and feminine.
23:56 Facebook challenge: wear red lipstick, share selfie.
27:27 Regretting delay, embrace freedom, act now.

We want to hear from you! Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Your question could be the highlight of a future episode!

Grab your copy of our FREE WineFree Weekend Guide to help you on your alcohol free journey. https://feellitpodcast.com/Guide

Find community and connection on the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/feellitalcoholfreepodcast

Watch Episode on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@FeelLitAlcoholFreePodcast/videos

Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychologic...

Transcript

Sick and tired of your love-hate relationship with wine?
Welcome to the feel it alcohol free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams. And I'm coach Susan Larkin. We are 2 former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll feel healthier, freer, and more in control of your life. So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget, grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show.

Susan [00:00:38]:
Welcome back to the Feel It Alcohol Free podcast. I am so delighted that you are joining us here today.

Ruby [00:00:47]:
Welcome. Yay.

Susan [00:00:49]:
Just love getting together with Ruby here and, talking about all things alcohol free and our lit lives. So today, we have a great question. This comes up. I hear this with clients a lot, and they the reader's question or listener's question is, I should be able to do this on my own. Why do I need help in this one area? I'm super disciplined in other areas of my life. Why can't I stop drinking on my own? Oh, I love this because, I mean, I hear in this question I and I had this too. There's a lot of shame there. Like, especially when you're an accomplished woman, like, you have an accomplished career or you've you know, you exercise, you work out, you eat right, but this one area you can't get control of, and you're just so frustrated, but you're also embarrassed.

Susan [00:01:46]:
And you feel, like, embarrassed to to ask for help and shameful. Right?

Ruby [00:01:51]:
Yeah. I really relate. Yeah.

Susan [00:01:54]:
And this couldn't be further from the truth. I mean, really, asking for help is actually makes you stronger. I mean, think of the other areas in your life that you've asked for help with. Like, maybe you have a personal trainer, you go to a gym, you know, where they have curated classes for you, or, you know, I mean, there's nothing wrong with needing help, and actually asking for help is one of the best things you can do for yourself because nobody has it all figured out. Yeah. So what do you think, Ruby?

Ruby [00:02:24]:
I really, truly relate to this listener's question because that was my story too. Like, why didn't willpower work? I tried for probably 7 years on my own, and I would try, you know, different rules around alcohol. I would try, for example, like, I remember only buying half bottles of wine for a while and saying, oh, I can have a whole bottle, but it's a half bottle. Like, tricking my I tried tricking. I tried, not drinking during the week. That didn't work. I tried because as soon as I had a stressful day at work, I would end up doing that, you know, drinking wine to relieve stress, because that was my, probably, my number one, like, coping tool for stress. And, yeah.

Ruby [00:03:11]:
So again, I wanna say, like, 7 years, I think, is the average for women to try something on your own and keep thinking a different what is that phrase like? Doing things over and over again the same way and expecting a different outcome? Yeah. It's the definition of insanity. Insanity. Right? And, that's what it felt like. It felt like I was going insane because I couldn't figure this out on my own. And it just, it was very lonely too. And I also relate with that if that's happening to you or the listener who wrote in this question. But, like, it gets very lonely and isolating.

Ruby [00:03:52]:
And, so we came up with with a few ideas, but I wanna hear your story first, Susan. Like, what what how do you relate to this question? Yeah. I don't know if I thought about it

Susan [00:04:04]:
in terms of willpower, but I thought of myself as a very disciplined person. I was a person who would get up and work out even if I was tired, even if I was hungover. And I had I was a very disciplined person, but I could not the discipline, I couldn't get into a discipline around my drinking. Again, like you, I made rules, but I would break them. And I would just be like you know, I was like, what is wrong with me? I don't eat 5 pieces of cheesecake. Why do I have 4 glasses of wine? You know? Why can't I stop? I can stop after one dessert. Why can't I stop after one glass of wine? And, yeah. So, actually, thinking of a coach around your alcohol is, like, kind of thinking or your alcohol use is thinking about, like, a personal trainer for your brain.

Ruby [00:05:00]:
I love that.

Susan [00:05:01]:
Yeah. Because it's really I always say it's more about your thinking than your drinking. And, so Ruby and I came up with six reasons why hiring a coach can help you with your drinking, to help you change your relationship with alcohol, to help you get the freedom that you are looking for. And, again, like a personal trainer, back in 2 way back in 2011, I joined a gym, a women's gym. It was called Tough Girl. And it helped me change the way I think about health, a healthy weight, about my body, about exercise, exercising to be fit and to be strong versus to be skinny. Like, their their theme was, you know, be more, not less, like, to be powerful. You know? That's why it's called tough girl.

Susan [00:06:02]:
And that thinking just changed the way I even look about, look and think about exercise in such a profound way and really helped me think about my body. And, you know, I had a little bit of body dysmorphia. I've had eating disorders in the past and, like, getting this, you know, boutique type of exercise studio, which is like hiring a personal trainer. It's a group exercise, but there's very small groups. It was hiring a personal trainer, and through doing the work in that gym, I learned and changed the way I think about exercise, and it can be the same with uncovering your limiting beliefs that are keeping you stuck. So I would say that is reason number 1 is that coaches, we are trained and experienced practitioners in techniques to help you recognize the thoughts and beliefs that are keeping you stuck and help you rewire your thoughts. Our brains, as we've talked before on the podcast, have neuroplasticity and they can change. You don't have to be stuck in the behaviors you don't desire.

Ruby [00:07:15]:
I agree. That's number 1. Yes. We are rewiring the brain. And, yes, a coach can definitely help you. I'm gonna say, number 2, you know, the truth is hiring a coach can help you with accountability and really setting goals that can reignite your determination. So accountability is really key. And, I hear this all the time with clients, is that they really need that accountability piece, meeting, say, once a week, and we talk about what worked in the week or what's coming up in the next week that we can kinda get an advance on.

Ruby [00:08:02]:
We set, like, small goals. Maybe it's one day at a time, but I might extend it. I'm there to extend it and say, let's try 2 days, and then let's try a week. You know? And, so setting goals is so important with intention. What you focus on is where you're gonna go. And so, a coach can help you with this accountability piece. So important. You know, if you've ever taken, like, the 4 tendencies quiz, some people need external, you know, accountability.

Ruby [00:08:36]:
I'm that way. I, Susan and I were just talking this week. Like, I have all these accountability buddies because that is how, I can find success. If I have to just do it all on my own, which is proven with my alcohol free journey, I didn't I just took it 7 years of I'll do it I'll do it tomorrow. I'll do it on Monday. You know, I'll I'm making excuses. So accountability and goal setting is, I would say, number 2 on our list. Yeah.

Ruby [00:09:05]:
Yeah. And I love

Susan [00:09:06]:
the word determination. That just is that's a badass word. Right? You dig into your determination and your badassery. Mhmm. And I relate to that as well. Like, when I had a moment, day 89, I'll never forget it, when I definitely had the urge to drink, I had an accountability buddy in in, you know, in my group that I was going through for, for my in my journey, and that kept me from drinking, honestly. It was like, I I'm not gonna let that person down. I would let myself down, but I didn't wanna let them down, which is so interesting.

Susan [00:09:41]:
Right?

Ruby [00:09:42]:
Yeah. And number 3, I'm gonna say is I can't I love this. Because so I think my superpower I don't know if I told you this, Susan, is I'm a hope superpower. I have so much hope. When I am with a client or, anybody that's struggling around this, I just, I can see their success. I can see if they keep working at this. So I am a cheerleader. When your doubt creeps in or a client's doubt creeps in, I even have pom poms, so if you're watching on YouTube, I'm gonna but I am literally a cheerleader.

Ruby [00:10:18]:
Oh, you've got your pink ones. Cool. Because you're not alone with a coach. I mean, some people do, whole group programs. Those are awesome. But also a coach, 2 people are a pack of 2. 2 people, and just, we celebrate wins every single week. So you mentioned neuroplasticity.

Ruby [00:10:38]:
How we rewire brains is also with celebrating the wins. Celebrating every little bit of progress, even when you start again, doubt creeps in or you start to feel, like this isn't you know, it's taking too long. I hear that a lot. It's taking too long or, you know, it takes as long as it takes, but we're gonna keep cheering you on, focusing on the gains, focusing on the wins, celebrating every week. And this, like, right now, I feel this, like, hope and, like, excitement. I'm yes. It's really key part to having a coach, I think, and maybe it's yeah. It's the celebration.

Susan [00:11:16]:
I agree. And you are, like, a hope superpower. You exude hope. Yeah. I and I love that. I love cheering my clients on. That is probably my favorite thing. And my husband will walk by, you know, like, hear me cheering somebody on, and he's like, oh, you're such a cheerleader.

Susan [00:11:35]:
But I guess I'm going to say for number 4, a coach is like your support system, your emotional support system, for And there's 2 factors to that. 1 is allowing you to really get honest with one other person about your drinking. Mhmm. Like really honest. And I've had clients go, Yeah. I don't think I've ever told anyone this. Wow. And and just the dispelling of that, like that dispels so much shame.

Susan [00:12:06]:
As we say, shame cannot survive in the light. And when you bring it out in the light and and and, you know, you can't tell me anything that would shock me or you know what I mean? Like

Ruby [00:12:17]:
I yeah.

Susan [00:12:18]:
And you too, Ruby. It's like, no. You couldn't you can never disappoint me as as your coach. It's like, what you know, whatever happens, I am here for you. We work with whatever's going on. So just really getting honest about what's going on because you gotta be honest for us to really get down to the deep things that are keeping you stuck and support when you are stuck because change is hard. We know as coaches that we are leading you into change. We are trained to hear that you know, our brain doesn't like change, and so your brain will start throwing up resistance.

Susan [00:12:57]:
We're trained in the resistance archetypes, the things that are gonna you know, that may come up for you that have you resist the change, and we can help you work through those and also help you adopt self compassion practices. Mhmm. Because that is key. You cannot hate yourself or beat yourself up into a better place. Mhmm. So, just that emotional support system, getting honest, dealing with resistance, and really encouraging you to go back to a place of self compassion.

Ruby [00:13:34]:
I love that so much, Susan. And I also hear that, I've never told anybody else this. First of all, coaching is confidential. It's a safe space. It's unique to you. Whatever you bring to the table is what we're gonna work on. And as coaches, why you might need a coach, number 5 on our list, is that we have the knowledge, the expertise, all the tools in our back pocket. You have someone on your team that's been there.

Ruby [00:14:11]:
So you might have, like, a therapy appointment, and therapists aren't allowed, I think, I'm not a therapist or a psychologist, but to actually share their stories. And we can actually say, as a coach, as an alcohol freedom coach, I've been there. I remember that. I remember at day 89 having really strong cravings. And we can just really relate, but I wanna just emphasize the knowledge, the skill, the expertise, and to help you find a new perspective. Because as Susan said, this change, you have to be aware of awarenesses first. It's always gonna be first. And then we can change with the liminal process of changing your thinking.

Ruby [00:14:58]:
And we have the knowledge as coach. We've been We're senior coaches, who've helped many, many, many hundreds of people. So we we have that knowledge and expertise and tool and tools to a back pocket. I like the tools in my back pocket. So we can, you know, pull them out, pull them out for you.

Susan [00:15:17]:
So many tools. Yes. And so, like, if that one doesn't work, okay. Please tell me. I love it when clients, you know, come back and go, nah.

Ruby [00:15:24]:
I didn't really like tapping.

Susan [00:15:26]:
That's not gonna work for me. I'm like, okay. Great. Here's another one. Here's another one. You know? Honest with me. If I give you a resource and you try it and you're like, it's like, don't worry. I've got a plethora of tools.

Susan [00:15:38]:
It's like, let me open up my treasure trove, and we'll keep pulling them out like Mary Poppins until the right one works for you. Right? Mhmm. Yeah. So good. So good. And I love what you said about having a new perspective. Yeah. Keeping keeping you focused on that.

Susan [00:15:54]:
And I guess for number 6, I would say helping you prepare for long term success. Because, when I work with gray area drinkers, they can get stopped, but a lot of times they don't stay stopped. So my superpower, I guess, I think would be in helping you establish your alcohol free identity, how you present yourself to the world, what is your story, what are you gonna say, How you, you know, how you can have a vibrant social life, if that's your sticking point. Definitely was a sticking point for me as an alcohol free person. And the resources and the daily practices that you put into place in your life, in your alcohol free life that keep you feeling lit and amazing, that you would never wanna return back to drinking. Right? Right. You don't need to drink anymore. You know, we work on,

Ruby [00:16:54]:
you know, resources for stress and burnout and and just, like I say, a life that you wanna wake up to. Right? I love this, Susan, so much because we are also alcohol's the tip of the iceberg. Right. Once you get a handle on your alcohol free life, it's like, how, yeah, how do I live? What's next? I love when someone's like, okay. Next, I wanna work on my marriage or my health or my job. Maybe you wanna change careers or you wanna improve relationships, but we also, because our name is Feel Lit, it's a lot about feelings. What are the reasons why you drank? And we can dig into all of those reasons and have tools and or, like, just a new perspective, I love the word perspective too, on on life as an alcohol free person. What is that like? Absolutely.

Ruby [00:17:51]:
Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:17:52]:
I mean, yeah, most of my coaching has nothing to I mean, it is originally about drinking in the beginning, but it's really more about the resources Mhmm. And the things that you need to support all of the jobs that you've given alcohol to find new tools. So it's really about working with other tools for stress and burnout and, and and and some underlying selfie feelings and sort of like kind of the way that you operate in the world. Like, mine was beating myself up. I was just always beating myself up. And in order to not need the relief from alcohol, which was the tool I would use to relieve that, I had to learn how to stop beating myself up. Yeah.

Ruby [00:18:35]:
Yeah. So self compassion for both of us, it's like It's huge. Huge. Because and then removing the shame. There's literally a protocol we follow, and it works. This process works. I can't say that enough. To just you're gonna feel lit.

Ruby [00:18:55]:
You're gonna feel better. You're gonna feel amazing in your life. Not every day. We don't have rainbows and unicorns coming out. Of our butts. Yeah. I like that phrase. But overall, you your emotional set point will be better.

Ruby [00:19:10]:
It gets better and better, and you can handle Just yesterday, a client said, I can handle problems better. Actually, I wanna read what she said because, not word for word or anything, but just she's 3 months alcohol free. We'd had a huge celebration. You know, that's the longest. She's been alcohol free since probably college or besides her pregnancies. And she was tearing up because she's exercised every day before work for the last 4 weeks. Her husband has been joining her in exercising before work. She's waking up at 6 AM every day with energy.

Ruby [00:19:50]:
Her headaches and migraines are gone. She used to have daily migraines and headaches. Work is still very stressful, but she can handle things. Yeah. And just, she's been wishing for, this is what she's been wishing for, what she wrote in her gratitude journal. She's been wishing for this for years years years years years. And she finally is feeling this. She was lipped tears.

Ruby [00:20:16]:
It's amazing, you guys. This alcohol free lifestyle is amazing. The things and goals that you wanna accomplish in your life can actually happen when you get alcohol free. Yeah. Yeah.

Susan [00:20:27]:
It is it is alcohol that's holding you back. It truly is.

Ruby [00:20:31]:
It's the it's the big domino. It is. And then it gets the ball rolling. So yeah. So, obviously, we're fans of coaching, and these were the six reasons. Well, and

Susan [00:20:43]:
we have coaches. Like, I have a coach.

Ruby [00:20:45]:
I have a coach. You have a coach. We believe in it. Yeah. Absolutely.

Susan [00:20:49]:
It's changed my life too. Yeah. I love it when a client's like, I can't believe it. I have no no desire for alcohol. They're like, where did it go? But who cares? Right? It's just like I I I never believed this could happen. Never. You know? And that's so amazing. Right? Yeah.

Susan [00:21:06]:
It's so wonderful. So, well, that's a perfect transition too. What are you doing to feel lit, miss Ruby in your life? And you always have the best one, so I can't wait to hear what you're

Ruby [00:21:22]:
talking about.

Susan [00:21:23]:
Well, if

Ruby [00:21:23]:
you if you're watching on YouTube on the video, I have red lipstick. So I have the same red lipstick. So what I do to feel lit is wear red lipstick. And you wanna know where, okay, where I got this from. So remember when, COVID I went back to to work at home. It was March of 2020. And I remember I watched one little short, like, TikTok or YouTube on how do you, like, look good on Zoom? Because, like, just think about this. Just a few years ago, we were doing all this stuff on Zoom.

Ruby [00:21:58]:
I remember it. It was, like, the first and they said, you know, about lighting and this and that. And then the secret, this lady said, was wear red bright lipstick. Wear bright red lipstick. And then it made me think of that movie or TV series Mad Men. I remember it was about red lipstick and that women have their signature color. So mine is called poinsettia. It's poinsettia.

Susan [00:22:25]:
That's

Ruby [00:22:26]:
pretty. It's very dark and matte. And what I do is I put on my face base makeup, and then I wipe off my lips really well so they're super dry. And then I put on this matte lipstick, and it can stay for most of the day. I mean, it's it ends up on my coffee cups. But, why? Okay. Red lipstick to me is, empowerment. It uplifts me.

Ruby [00:22:54]:
I feel dressed up. I can have, like, you know, my yoga outfit on, no makeup, but if I put on my red lipstick, I actually feel feminine and beautiful. And it's like I swear, this one thing, red lipstick gives me confidence, and then I'm gonna add that, yes, I pop on Zoom. Like, people have always, oh, Ruby in her red glasses and red lipstick. You know? And I like, like, I like that. I like having, like, a thing. So will you tell me a little bit about what do you think of red lipstick? And then I have a challenge to talk about.

Susan [00:23:25]:
Oh, I've never been a red person just because I feel like I can't find the right color red. Like, I'm a blue base doesn't work for me. I need a yellow based red. And so so mine my color I usually wear is more of a plummy, mauve color. So the one I have on is called brave, which I love. And it's on I have it on right now, but, I'm open to finding the right red lipstick and and, seeing if I can, join you in the red lipstick club.

Ruby [00:23:56]:
Alright. So this this is a segue. I wanna do, for our Facebook community, a challenge where you go out, unless you have a red lipstick, or just cheap just a cheap one and just try it. Even if you've said to yourself, I've never worn red lipstick. I'm not a red. You know, I I just wear, like, Chapstick. But try it. Like and then take a selfie and post it on our Facebook community, you and red lipstick, and just say, how do you feel? Does it make you feel lit? You know? Because or maybe it feels uncomfortable at first, but give it a try.

Ruby [00:24:33]:
Because, seriously, I feel more confident, empowered. Like, I really do. And you can have a signature color. Like, mine's poinsettia and Susan's is brave, but you can you know? Look look at all the colors. There's hundreds and hundreds of colors

Susan [00:24:50]:
of red. So many lipsticks. Well, what what brand is yours?

Ruby [00:24:53]:
Oh, mine? This is Arbonne. I have a funny story. I was in Arbonne. It's like a it's only through, like, home, like a like a, like a Tupperware.

Susan [00:25:06]:
It's home. MLM. Yeah.

Ruby [00:25:08]:
Yeah. Yes. Yes. So I actually tried this in 2019 for a short period. And I love the products, though, but I didn't really like the whole, like, selling thing. I don't know. Anyway, if you wanna share, if you were if you've done that too, give me a try. But it's called Arbonne.

Ruby [00:25:26]:
But I have lots of other lipsticks, and, I I love it. It really makes me feel dressed up. Like, I could like I said, I can be in sweats and pajamas, but if I put on my red lipstick, I can go on Zoom.

Susan [00:25:41]:
Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome.

Ruby [00:25:45]:
Well, I will yeah.

Susan [00:25:46]:
I feel like I feel like mascara is my thing. Like, if I leave the house with no other makeup on, it would be mascara. But, but no. Lipstick. Red lipstick. Okay. I'm taking the challenge. I'm gonna go to challenge.

Susan [00:26:02]:
Okay. I go to Walgreens, find some Maybelline or something, red lipstick, see if I can find one with, like, a yellow base, not a blue based red and see, like, a like, a poppy color. Yeah. Like, California poppies, so mine might be a little bit corally red.

Ruby [00:26:19]:
Oh, that sounds perfect. Yeah. Any actually, and for you for the listeners, any color. You know? I just we wanna whatever makes you feel beautiful and feel lit, please post a selfie and and then say how you're feeling lit. Yeah.

Susan [00:26:37]:
But then you did a challenge like this. Right, Ruby?

Ruby [00:26:39]:
I did. I got this idea. I did a challenge before, and some some of the women had never worn red lipsticks ever in their life. And it was just really fun. They were taking they were like, yeah. I went to the grocery store on my red lipstick. I felt a little weird at first, but it it it's empowering. So give it a

Susan [00:26:56]:
try. Cool. Yay. How fun. Alright. Well, this was a great episode for us to just sort of, you know, hopefully help you feel like if you're having that thought, like, why do I need help with this to just dispel the shame around that? Because I know I hear that a lot from clients. I felt it myself too. You know? And, but getting help was the best thing I ever did for my life, so I don't need to.

Susan [00:27:22]:
Me too.

Ruby [00:27:23]:
Me too. I needed help. I couldn't do it alone. I know.

Susan [00:27:27]:
I bumbled around for so long. Like, most people are just like, why didn't I do this sooner? You know? That is when you, you know, especially once you get free and you start to feel so much better, you're like, oh my gosh. I wish I had done this sooner. So don't wait. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for joining us. Head over to the Facebook group and post your picture with your red lipstick. We love to see your smiling faces, and we will talk to you soon next week.

Susan [00:27:54]:
Okay. See you next week. Bye bye.

Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show? All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellitpodcast.com
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time!