Alcohol-Free Socializing: Strategies for Navigating Happy Hour / Ep. 06

Welcome to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast! We're thrilled to have you join us for another insightful episode where we dive into topics that matter. Today, we have an incredible question from one of our listeners that we just can't wait to unpack.

So, picture this: You're new to the area, eager to make friends, and you get invited to a happy hour. But here's the twist – you've recently embraced an alcohol-free lifestyle, and suddenly, the idea of navigating social gatherings feels a bit daunting.

But fear not! This is a dilemma many of us face, and we're here to guide you through it. Join hosts Susan and Ruby and explore strategies to navigate happy hours and social events with confidence, grace, and authenticity.

From preparing in advance to embracing the power of visualization, we'll equip you with practical tips to tackle any social situation like a pro. Whether it's choosing the perfect mocktail or gracefully deflecting questions about your drink choice, we've got you covered.

And let's not forget the importance of "Duck Mode" – making a firm decision and sticking to it like water off a duck's back. Plus, we'll delve into the art of planning ahead and crafting thoughtful responses to common questions and scenarios.

So grab your favorite AF beverage,  and join us as we embark on this enlightening conversation. Together, we'll navigate the world of socializing with intention, authenticity, and a dash of confidence. Let's dive in!

Timestamp:
00:00 Prepare, plan, and navigate being alcohol-free.

04:26 Choosing alcohol-free beverages to stay prepared.

09:27 Navigating social situations as an alcohol-free person.

13:07 Think ahead, consider consequences, embrace alcohol-free.

15:28 Reach out to friend, observe, enjoy alcohol-free.

19:30 Supportive community helps in alcohol-free emergencies.

22:47 Avoid surprises to prevent anxiety, consider alcohol-free.

24:26 Encouraging self-affirmation and reflection in the mirror.

27:59 Struggle with self-hate turns into alcohol-free victory.

30:29 Alcohol-free beverages are just as deserving.

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Your question could be the highlight of a future episode!

Grab our Feel Lit Weekend Guide! https://feellitpodcast.com/Guide

Join our Feel Lit AF Facebook Community for amazing support and connection!

Watch Episode on Youtube! https://www.youtube.com/@FeelLitAlcoholFreePodcast/videos

Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Ruby:
Welcome. Oh my gosh, we have such a great question from a listener this time. And a listener wrote in, she says, I'm new to the area and I want to make friends. And a gal invited me to happy hour, but I'm a newly alcohol free and I'm not sure what to do or say. Wow. This is such a good question. I talk about it all the time. So I'm so

Susan: 
yeah.

Ruby: 
excited to cover this topic. How do you, would you, let's kick it off with you, Susan. How would you answer this question?

Susan: 
Yeah, I love this question. Oh, so there's a couple things here, you know, that sounds like she's new to the area wants to make friends. So we're going to answer assuming that you want to go to this happy hour. And we can address that a little bit about that later too. But and you want to get a win under your belt if you're also newly alcohol free, right? So there's a plan that we talk about in our coaching, right Ruby, that is the PPP. which is for social events, prepare, plan, and play it forward. So I'll start with prepare. So preparing in advance, this is what you do before even the event, is look up, if you're talking with your friend and it's like, okay, where are we gonna meet? If you have prepared and know places in your area that you know have mocktails, or that you know Carrie Heineken zero zero, if that's something that you drink, or also you know are not places that are like your old haunts if you, that may be triggering for you, like some place that has a happy hour, but isn't like a bar environment or, you know, cause if the other person wants to drink like a cafe that also has wine, but also you could get a latte or something like that. So just kind of planning in advance. And part of the preparing in advance also I would say would be to visualize yourself walking in, especially if this is your first time, right? You know, go into like a happy hour environment, walking in and visualize and see yourself walking in like the badass alcohol-free person you are and, you know, ordering that mocktail, ordering the Heineken 00, asking really for what you want. Um, just see yourself in all of your strength, you know, grounded just because visualization, our minds don't differentiate between reality and our visualization or our imagination. And what's amazing is then when you do go to that happy hour, if you visualize yourself in advance, your mind thinks, oh yeah, we already done this. We got this. It doesn't feel like you're effing first time, right? And just having a plan and practicing, you know, practicing what you're going to say in advance because also if this is the first time you've ordered something alcohol-free in a bar environment, it's awkward. And I just, I remember this back in the early days before I even had any of the information that I got from this Naked Mind or any of the sober verse is when I was first in AA and went out with my family. And I was… really uptight about going to this nice restaurant where they had wine and what was I going to order. And literally, my son was like pushing the drinks menu over to me like, Mom, you need drinks because I was so uptight.

Ruby:

ha!

Susan:

And of course, I wasn't drinking. And so I was like, what? You know, that's so embarrassing. But, and then when the waiter came around, I just didn't even know what to do because I hadn't practiced. I hadn't prepared. I hadn't looked at the menu. I didn't know what to order. And I'm just like, oh, but Diet Coke, you know, like it just defaulted to Diet Coke. Like I hadn't planned and But I also know other times when I hadn't planned or hadn't prepared in advance, I also felt awkward even ordering like the mocktail. Like, I'll have a, you know, I was just so used to it. So I'm going to unbox, I'm going to unbox. Like I just rolled off my tongue. You know what I mean? But I wasn't used to ordering, oh, I'll have a sparkling water with a splash of cranberry and lime and I'd really like it in a pretty glass. So actually practicing that and like, you know, preparing. what I'm going to say when I order is really helpful because you just feel prepared when you go in and you're not going to be caught unawares, you know?

Ruby:

Yeah.

Susan:

So that's what I would suggest

Ruby:

You know, and I hear this so much from our clients, well, from my clients where if they didn't prepare and they didn't like come up with what they were gonna order in advance and visualize and practice like

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

we're talking, something can just like come out of the blue. And then like you said, oh, I'll just have a Sauvignon Blanc like rolls off your tongue. This happens, I've heard this countless times. So

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

it's so important to just go, I'm gonna order, you know. the Diet Coke if it's a Diet Coke. But my next thing, I love this, it's one of our tactics we use a lot, it's Duck Mode. So Duck Mode is it's like a duck having water roll off his back, okay? So it's about making a firm decision before you go out. Like literally even just, you can,

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

before you go into your happy hour and you walk in the door, you can just say, I'm going to be alcohol-free. I'm not going to drink and totally go into duck mode. Now, the reason why is your brain, it's like a little toddler, right? The little toddler, you know when you take a little toddler to the store and they went, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream. So, you want to

shut your brain down, right? You know with the toddler and you finally say, no, no ice cream. they usually can stop, right? So, totally go into duck mode because if you think you're going into a happy hour or any kind of social event with a maybe, maybe I'll have a drink, maybe I won't, maybe almost always means yes, like you're going to drink. But if you follow our

Ruby:

PPP

Susan:

yeah.

Ruby:

plan, you know, you can have so much success and a win on your belt. Yeah. So that's

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

the duck mode. The second is plan. So of the PPPs, right? It's prepare and then plan.

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

So, yeah, what are you going to drink? What are you going to say? So actually, so what are you going to drink? I know Susan just was like telling you to look at it menu in advance. But if you want a special drink, just have a special drink in mind, but also have a backup plan. My backup is always sparkling water with lime. or anywhere you go, they're going to have most likely sparkling water with lime. Like you can something like that or Diet Coke like Susan brought up. But then what are you going to say? I'll give you some examples. So I was so worried. What if someone asked me, what are you going to drink? Like that question. What are you going to drink? And I would say, just have it totally, so it just rolls off the tongue. Or what if they say, say, yes, I'll have a drink. I'll have a sparkling lime with water or I'll have a Diet Coke or an iced tea or an AF wine, mocktail. You've already got it planned. And then

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

the other thing is what are you going to say? if someone happened to say, ask you, like, why aren't you drinking wine tonight? You know, you want to be prepared for that because I was really kind of anxious and nervous about what if my friends asked me, why aren't I drinking? So I came up with a lot of ideas and I'll share a few with you and maybe Susan has a couple too. Like, my go to was, I'm on a keto diet. I can't drink. You know, you can say, I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

Yeah, I just don't feel like, or I want to take a break. Right now there's like dry January or you could say you're taking a month off. It's kind of becoming more common and this alcohol-free movement is really underway. You can also

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

say I'm the designated driver. You can say I have an early day tomorrow so I'm just not drinking tonight. I also have this one. You can kind of defer it. Oh, I'm so thirsty. I'm just gonna have sparkling water now. Maybe I'll have it later if you can do that too, like defer it. Um, yeah. Is there any that you

Ruby:

can think of that Susan?

Susan:

Yeah, I think the deferring really works at parties where you're not just like sitting across from one person and

Ruby:

Mm-hmm.

Susan:

they notice that you didn't order a wine later. But like at a party when the host says, you know, hey, what do you, what do you want to drink? Oh, I'm so thirsty. I'd really love a sparkling water because then that's like, you know, when you arrive at a party, the hostess or host really wants to make sure you're taking care of it and then they go off and they're super busy and they forget about you. not forget about you in a mean way, but then

Ruby:

Yeah.

Susan:

you're fine. You have a drink. The idea of keeping a drink in hand. So then if you have a drink, nobody's going to ask you if you want a drink. That's key.

Susan:

But in a one-on-one situation, and one-on-one situation, and it's something you just said, Ruby, was, I'm not drinking, tonight. If you say that, it's not the sweeping, then they don't have to go for the rest of your life. Oh my gosh.

Ruby:

Yeah,

Susan:

Or

Ruby:

just tonight.

Susan:

you say, I'm not feeling like drinking tonight. because I have an early morning tomorrow or whatever. And it really depends on who you're with. If this is your bestie and you really are like being committed to pursuing or sober curious and really looking at your drinking and pursuing a lengthy time of alcohol-free time, then you're going to see them again and they'll be like, you're still not drinking. Like, so you may think like, you know, you sort of weigh out who this person is and do how much of their, your story do you want to be telling, you know, complete stranger. You know, do you need to tell the waiter why you're not drinking? You know, my daughter's always getting mad at me for like telling the wait, waiters like my entire life story. Um, but if it's your bestie and you're feeling comfortable, you may just want to be like, you know, I really felt like I was drinking too much and I'm going to take an extended break and you know, but don't worry, you can drink, doesn't bother me at all and I'm going to have this and then just the other tactic too is then to turn it through. the attention and the conversation to them. Like, oh, I'm not drinking tonight. Hey, I noticed you got your haircut. It looks so good. Like just boom, you know, get off the subject. So, um, and the

Ruby:

I thought of one more, Susan. You can also text a friend in advance if you want. If you're ready to tell them, like,

Ruby:

in advance, like, I'm not, by the way, we're going to happy hour, but by the way, I'm not drinking, or whatever your excuse is.

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

And then it's, they've had time to process it. Maybe it's, you've already told, so you maybe won't be as anxious. And once you're at the place to say, to your friend, it won't even have to be a topic of discussion because you've already texted them in advance. So

Susan:

Right, right.

Ruby:

I just thought of that one too.

Susan:

Yeah, yeah.

Ruby:

Yeah. We have so many tactics

Susan:

Yes,

Ruby:

to share. Okay.

Susan:

I know, my gosh, well, also remembering if they really give you a lot of pushback, like, oh my gosh, you're not drinking, I'm gonna have to sit here and drink alone, blah, you know, that usually indicates that they, you're holding up a mirror and then maybe they are questioning

their drinking a little bit, so just don't, if that can help you not take it super personally.

Ruby:

Mm-hmm.

Susan:

The other thing you can plan in advance is your getaway plan. Um, is just, you know, how long do you want to stay and do you have a good excuse if you start getting uncomfortable and you start getting wobbly? Um, so just have your excuse in your back pocket if you need it and maybe plan it in advance, so you're not like making it up on the fly and, um, Yeah, just like, oh, look, I got to get going because I've got, you know, an early morning tomorrow or, you know, look at your phone and go, oh, you know, Luke called me. I need to, you know, get home or whatever. Just have a plan.

Ruby:

Yeah. And drive

Ruby:

Oh, but drive yourself

Ruby:

really important. I mean,

Susan:

huge.

Ruby:

at least for me, it's my like huge one. I don't like, I want to be able to leave when I want to be able to leave. Yeah.

Susan:

Yes, yes, yes. And don't be the designated driver for a big party where you're stuck driving a bunch of drunk asses home.

Ruby:

Oh, good

Susan:

no fun. No fun.

Ruby:

That's no fun.

Ruby:

They can Uber.

Susan:

So a bunch of drunk people in your car. Yeah, exactly. It's just like, no.I did that. I had to do that with my family and my husband

Ruby:

I know.

Susan:

and that was bad. But anyway, the next one. is play it forward 2X. And I know, you know, play it forward is a pretty, pretty common tactic and a lot of people know it. And one of the things that I added to it is this 2X, meaning you do play it forward twice. So if you start to feel wobbly and you start to, or you're getting a little pressure and you're like, oh, maybe I'll just have one glass, you play it forward. Number one, is it gonna really be one glass? I mean, for me, no, never. And how are you gonna feel when you get home you had that three glasses and stuff because it's not going to be just one, maybe two. You know, and how are you going to feel the next morning? You know, like really play it forward. But the 2X is, and I love to end on the second one, is how are you going to feel if you don't give in? You're going to get home. You're going to be able to do your nightly routine and wash your face and take your mascara off and maybe read your book, have some tea. Like if you have a really nice nightly routine, how are you going to feel when you wake up the next morning? Remember, we want to win here. You're going to feel like a bad ass. You are going to feel so good. And once you get that first happy hour under your belt, the next one is easier. The next one is easier. Yeah. So, you know, the 2X and end on the positive one, because you want to be looking for the gain and not always looking at the lack. Right. So, um, so yeah, the play it forward 2X,

Ruby:

Yeah.

Susan:

you know,

Susan:

supercharge it, 

Ruby:

I love Play It Forward. That's one of my favorites. Like, how do you want to feel the next morning? But let's talk about like the actual cravings in the moment. So say you're at, you know, you're at this happy hour,

Susan:

Hmm

Ruby:

you're somewhere out social, and all of a sudden you have a really strong craving and you kind of are getting anxious or in your head. I recommend... I run

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

to the restroom or run outside or like you can excuse yourself even if you're at a restaurant with a big party, you can go to the restroom, right? So I just step away. I do some deep breathing. I might just say, what do I really need right now? And just get grounded. You know, there's lots of grounding tools.

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

Like you can have a bracelet that you can touch or a stone in your pocket. Like ground yourself. Take some deep breaths. Know that you can handle this. I'm gonna take a deep breath right now. And then when you go back, you know, you can also text a friend while you're in the restroom, you know, like reach out for a kind of, you know, friend, somebody

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

who knows what you're going through. And then you can observe others when you go back into the room, observe your friend, if it's just the two of you. You know, if she's drinking or your friend is drinking, or say you're at a big party. What's going on? Like really look, because I was able to look at people and they started to get loud and annoying and repeat themselves.

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

And I was like, oh my gosh, that used to be me. And then I would say, well, I don't have, like you said, I get to go home and get my PJs on and take off my makeup and maybe read or just go to bed super relaxed and not. and have no fear of a DUI. That's something I used to worry about and worry about my friends from out. Like they might, you know, something might happen. And I always loved it. Now I can drive home perfectly alcohol-free and get into bed and then wake up the next day feeling good. So it starts with all of these things, handling your cravings

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

and observing others. And I just wanna say though, You know, back to the original question, you know, new to the area, I want to make friends, invited to happy hour. It's not,

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

you know, you don't have to say yes. You can really listen to your intuition and decide that maybe happy hour is not the right place for you. You can say and set up boundaries where for right now, if you're newly alcohol free, perhaps you go meet for coffee, right? And change it up. It doesn't have to be happy hour.

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

It can be. a Saturday morning coffee date and then going for a walk, right? So, yeah. Really

Susan:

Yeah,

Ruby:

listen to your intuition.

Susan:

Because you're kind of, yes, yes. And you just change it up by just not being available and going, hey, I'm not available at five, but I'm available tomorrow at 10. You want to meet for a coffee. And because if this is a new friend, yeah, you also, you kind of, it's like dating, right? You're kind of dating this person. Like maybe you're not ready to share that you're alcohol free because you don't even know this person yet and you're trying to see if they're going to be that friend. You know what I mean? So Definitely. I love that. I love you can always say, hey, you know, I'm not available at five, but I'm going to this great hot yoga class downtown. You want to do that? And then grab a coffee afterwards and just start, you know, coming up with alternatives to happy hour. Like we just default to happy hours where we always get together with people and there's so many other options. Go for a hike, you know, and we talk about this in our wine free weekend guide. So all of these tactics are in that guide that we put together. And let me tell you, this thing is chock full of everything we talked about in this episode and more, and it's free to you. We put it together because we want to know more. It's like what, 12 pages or something? It's crazy.

Ruby:

I'm sorry.

Susan:

And it is so valuable. It's a valuable resource. So I just want to encourage you. to download that if this is an area that you want some more resources, you can get it at feellitpodcast.com. 

Ruby:

Yes.

Susan:

We also have a link in the show notes. You can go there. Just click on the link, which is so easy. And one of the other things that came to mind that I really wanted to mention when Ruby was mentioning having a buddy, right?

Ruby:

Yeah.

Susan:

If you were you know, texting somebody in advance or we have a Facebook group and you can just go on there and be like, hey, I'm going to a happy hour tonight. Wish me luck people, you know, and then you have accountability. You can come back and go, hey, I did it. And so many people will celebrate with you.

Ruby:

Yeah.

Susan:

Already there are so many amazing people in the group and they're so supportive and just lovely, lovely people who will have your back. You, Ruby talked about like in the bathroom going, I'm, you know, I'm getting wobbly. And I had that when I had, I was at day 89 and I had committed the first time I'd committed to going to a hundred days and I was wobbly and I had my buddy and I had my group and I remember going in there and sending up, sending up a flare, you know, sort of like, you know, when you have an accident on the side of the road, I was sending

Ruby:

Right?

Susan:

up a flare of needs. because I was really, really triggered, really triggered to drink and was in a hotel by myself. And so, yeah, so doing that helped me because once I put it out there, I was, I'm like, I'm a, not a people pleaser, that's not the right word, but I'm a, oh gosh, what's the word? Oh, I can't remember the word, but anyway, I'm somebody who, if I make a commitment to someone else, I'm like, Obliger. Yes, that's the word. I'm more apt to keep a commitment to someone else than myself. I'm doing better at that now, but it was, it's helpful to know your

Ruby:

Mmm.

Susan:

personality. And if I put it out there to you, Ruby, like, Hey, Ruby, I'm struggling, then I'm more apt to do what I said I was going to do so that I could come home and go, Ruby,

Ruby:

Yeah.

Susan:

I did it. I did it for you. I did it for me, but I also did.

Ruby:

I call this an accountability 

sandwich. And it's literally,

Susan:

Ooh!

Ruby:

if you say it out loud, to out loud to yourself, out loud to a group, to a person, or in like a Facebook group or a text,

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

and then you, so the sandwiches, you say in advance, you know, I'm going and I'm gonna be alcohol free. You're like, and that's also making your firm decision and commitment. Then you go do

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

the thing and then you come back. and you say, I did it. So everybody can celebrate you because having an FF, okay, I call this an FFT, okay, a frigging first time. So the first time you go out, it is, it's a little more, you have a little more anxiety, but you know what, if you do follow everything that we've done and look at the guide and follow our planning, you can really, as we say, get a win on your belt. put a new neural path, we'll go to science for a second, you're putting in a new neural pathway that you can go out

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

to happy hour with a friend, you did it, you celebrate that you did it, and then you can rinse and repeat, you know, figure out what didn't work as well, what can I change, but celebrate

Susan:

Mm-hmm.

Ruby:

that you did it. And then the next time your anxiety level goes way down

Ruby:

it's not from a 10 to a nine, it would go from like maybe a nine to a three. So the next time, because you know you've done it, you can do it again. Yeah. It's

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

really important.

Susan:

Yep.

Ruby:

Cool.

Susan:

Absolutely. I love that. I love that. Yeah. And celebrating your wins. And also, it may be awkward. It may be uncomfortable.

Ruby:

Mm-hmm.

Susan:

But that's okay. Of course, it's going to be if it's a FFF frigging first time. You should go in expecting that it may be uncomfortable

Ruby:

Mm-hmm.

Susan:

versus being surprised. You know what I mean? Because I hear that a lot where it's like, well, you know, then I... Because if you get surprised, then you start to go into that feeling. Your subconscious brain will be like hijacked and then you're like anxious and looking around at like, you know, feeling awkward, at least to me, which is like something that my subconscious brain would see as bad, right?

Ruby:

Mm-hmm.

Susan:

And want to change that. And then how do you change that? Well, it would be less awkward if I drank. So that thought would come up. And if you have the thought of drinking also, don't beat yourself up. Of course you're going to have a thought to drink. You're in a bar. Or, you know what I mean?

Ruby:

And

Susan:

Like, okay, it's going to come up. Expect it. Plan for it.

Ruby:

Yeah, and thoughts, cravings, triggers, urges, they're just thoughts. They're just, you're just having thoughts because the last time you were in a bar or a restaurant, you drank maybe. And so the thought's gonna be there and it might show up again and again, but it's just a thought and you don't, you don't

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

have to give it any energy. You don't have to give it any power. You don't have to actually do the action. You don't have to do the behavior when you have a thought. You can just look at it with curiosity. Oh. That's the thought. Ah, that's interesting. I'm aware of it and I'm curious. And then move on. Yeah. Oh

Ruby:

this is the time to move into the, my favorite part where I ask you, what are you doing to feel lit? Yeah, so Susan, are you doing to feel lit?

Susan:

Well, this kind of coincides with what we're talking about today because, and I think I've talked about high-fiving yourself in the mirror in my morning routine, but this is also, it's, it's a little more than high-fiving yourself. It's high-fiving yourself, but it's also this concept of being able to look yourself in the eye. And what I want you to do is when you, before you go to the event is look at yourself in the mirror and look right into your eyes and say, I've got your back lady. That's what I used to say. You can say whatever you want. But like you are able to look yourself in the eye. And when you get home, and this is the most amazing part that I found in my sober journey is when I'm washing my face, number one, I'm washing my face. Cause

Ruby:

Right,

Susan:

But yeah, exactly. While I'm washing my face and brushing my teeth, I could look at myself in the mirror. I could look in my eyes and I could, I could just I remember not being able to even when I was drinking, not even wanted to look at my face. You know what I mean? In the morning

Ruby:

I do.

Susan:

or in the evening. So look at your face, look yourself in the eye and go, you're a badass. You did this, you know, and the feeling of being able to look yourself in the eye and not have shame, blame, hating on myself. I was just hating on myself. all the time. So that high five gives you this little hit of dopamine. Looking at yourself, look yourself in the eye, high five yourself for that win. It feels weird, but it is great. It gives you the dopamine hit that also tricks your brain or shows your brain, this is what I want to do. Right? Because we taught ourselves our brain drinking was what we wanted to do with the big dopamine hit. Now we're teaching ourself, our brain, this is what we want to do. We want to, you know, this is how we want to feel in our life, that we feel lit. And we're high-fiving ourselves to give ourselves that dopamine. We're looking ourselves in the eye. Um, I love looking at myself in the eye in the morning, you know? Um, it's just like, Hey, I can do that. I'm not looking at myself with shame or blame or looking at my face going, how do I repair after this night of drinking? You

Ruby:

right?

Susan:

know, it's, I don't care how I look in the morning. I mean, sometimes, you know, Hey, I don't care how I look in the morning. I always look better. waking up hangover free than I ever did waking up with a hangover. And I don't know, just the ability to be able to look yourself in the eye and love yourself and respect yourself is, I don't know, it's everything to me. It's so worth it. That's just something that's near and dear to my heart. Just finally being able to, at first it was just liking myself, like, you know, and I'm moving towards loving myself. But you know, I hated myself for so long. So it was just so precious to be able to actually look myself in the eye and go, Hey, I like you and I got your back, you know?

Ruby:

That's so beautiful

Susan:

So.

Ruby:

and I have such a similar story. And I love this high-fiving in the mirror. I do it many, many times per day. But I can just echo what you said about waking up in the middle of the night, at that 3 a.m. and beating myself up. And if I happen to look in a mirror, I would just look down or look away. Or if I happen to look at my eyes, I just had so much shame,

 blame, like who? who is that person? Actually, it was always like, that's not me. I don't know who it is. Who's looking back at me? Bloodshot.

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

And I just would then start to say those words that I hate myself and I did it again. And it was just, think about that every morning, every night, so often, so many times. But this high five, like you said, it builds new neural pathways. Another story I can give you with the high five is like, say you... went past a liquor store that you used to stop at or you know you can high five as you're going well maybe drive high five with one hand i don't know or you can do a quick two hands but look in that rear view mirror look in and go i did it you know like i passed the liquor store i passed the gas station that i usually stop at and that's gonna really create

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

a little bit of dopamine a little bit of like celebration and create that new neural pathway that I go past the liquor store and I celebrate. You know, so, so cool. So

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

cool. You guys, if you're just listening,

Susan:

Yay.

Ruby:

you can't see me. I'm doing my high fives like constantly. Yeah. And all day you

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

can like, I got you girl. I say more like you go girl. I love that you go girl. You go girl.

Susan:

You go girl.

Ruby:

You're a badass.

Susan:

I know. I love that. You can put this in your PlayFord 2X too. You can visualize in the 2X part, the second part, I'm going to get home, I'm going to look myself in the eye and I'm going to feel so good about myself and I'm going to high five myself in the mirror and visualize yourself doing that, getting this win. Yeah. So awesome. Oh my gosh,

Ruby:

Well...

Susan:

I think this is such a fun episode. These are favorite tactics and it's near and dear to my heart to help people be able to socialize alcohol-free. That was my goal too, was like I didn't want to feel like I couldn't do something. I wanted to be able to go anywhere and do anything alcohol-free. And not feel limited in my life also because I didn't want to feel like I had to go around with this. the shame of like, oh, I can't drink. So now I can't do these things. There may be things I don't want to do anymore because they're boring or not fun. And they're not fun because I'm not drinking. They're just not fun. But yeah.

Ruby:

But yes, you can drink. It's just sparkling water with lime.

Susan:

Exactly.

Ruby:

Right? You

Susan:

It's a beverage, people.

Susan:

Yes. Oh my gosh. I know we've put so much, I don't know, some sort of magical powers into alcohol to where it's like, I say this to clients sometimes, you know, why they're like, well, if they're drinking and I'm not, that's weird. And I'm like, what do you mean? Like if I had a Diet Coke and you had a Sprite, would that be a problem? If you were having coffee and I was having sparkling water, Diet Coke and I'm having iced tea. Would that be a problem? Why

Ruby:

Right.

Susan:

is it a problem that they're having wine and you're having iced tea? Why? Is that a problem?

Ruby:

Oh.

Susan:

They're both freaking beverages, people. You know?

Ruby:

Well, it's a lot about society's expectations, what we're getting in social media and movies and TV. So

Susan:

Yeah.

Ruby:

we can help you really get into all the different layers, and we're going to help you on different episode. We should probably have maybe continue this conversation another episode. But get our free guide. Did I say free? It's totally free. It talks about all of these tactics and more. So feelitpodcast.com

Susan:

And more. We, yeah,

Susan:

We went a little nuts on it. We like put everything in it. It's a treasure trove for sure. Yeah.

Ruby:

Yeah.

Susan:

I love it. And we want to help you. So

Ruby:

thank you for listening and please see us in the feel at Facebook community. Join us there, we'd love to see you.

Susan:

Yeah, we want to meet you.

Ruby:

Bye.

Susan:

Bye.