Ep.4 If I Can't Stop Drinking Does That Mean I'm an Alcoholic?

Welcome back to The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast where we explore the complexities of living an alcohol-free life. In this insightful episode, Ruby and  Susan, tackle a challenging question that many individuals grappling with alcohol consumption might ask themselves: "If I can't stop drinking on my own, does that mean I'm an alcoholic?" Susan candidly shares her personal struggle with the label "alcoholic" and her journey to finding liberation by delving into the science behind alcohol use disorder.

Their conversation delves into the impact of dopamine on the brain and the significance of creating new neural pathways to transform behavior. Both Susan and Ruby emphasize the essential role of connection and share valuable techniques, such as hyperhydration, for managing anxiety and avoiding triggers. Their discussion highlights the empowering nature of understanding the science behind addiction and the importance of exploring various tools and techniques to build an alcohol-free lifestyle that works for each individual.

As always, the episode ends with what Ruby and Susan are doing to "Feel Lit" today!

Join us in this enlightening episode and embrace the journey to feeling "lit" in an alcohol-free life. 

Leave a review on Apple Podcasts, and ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol-free lifestyle. Your question could be the highlight of a future episode!

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Websites:
Susan Larkin Coaching https://www.susanlarkincoaching.com/
Ruby Williams at Freedom Renegade Coaching https://www.freedomrenegadecoaching.com/

Follow Susan: @drinklesswithsusan
Follow Ruby: @rubywilliamscoaching

It is strongly recommended that you seek professional advice regarding your health before attempting to take a break from alcohol. The creators, hosts, and producers of the The Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast are not healthcare practitioners and therefore do not give medical, or psychological advice nor do they intend for the podcast, any resource or communication on behalf of the podcast or otherwise to be a substitute for such.

Transcript

Coach Ruby [00:00:02]:
Hello. It's so great to be back with you guys. And, the question today is near and dear to my heart, and I can really relate. So if I can't stop drinking on my own, does that mean I'm an alcoholic? It's such a good question because of that term. So, yeah, what do you think, Susan?

Susan  [00:00:23]:
Oh, yes. This is a biggie for me because that term alcoholic was something that was really keeping me stuck because I didn't want to be an an alcoholic.  I was worried that I had a problem, and I didn't wanna have a problem. That was The problem that I was worried and that's why I kept working so hard to get back to being a normal drinker, and that Just kept me stuck for so, so long. And when I learned the science around how alcohol affects Our brain and body, that just set me free. And so the truth is is that the term alcoholic is not even a scientific term. It's alcohol use disorder. And, honestly, in some communities  Using the word alcoholic is sometimes considered offensive, actually.

Susan  [00:01:16]:
It's not a scientific term. It's so, labeling to the person Whereas it's alcohol is an addictive substance, and so it's a substance problem, not a person problem. You know? We don't call ourselves Tobaccoaholics or chocolateaholics or caffeineaholics or you know? And so it's such a label, and it's, like, about the person, that there's something wrong with the person, and that's what was keeping me really stuck. And so when I learned about the science about, again, how alcohol It's your brain and body that there's something called neuroplasticity that you can change your brain can change. That just gave me so much Hope and learning that it was on a spectrum, it allowed me to to kind of place myself and say, okay. I'm here In the spectrum of a disorder or disordered drinking and what am I gonna do about it, then I could take responsibility for it. When it was just this nebulous, there's something wrong with me. I have a problem.

Susan  [00:02:19]:
I have experienced Going to AA where I had to call myself an alcoholic in meetings, and I would literally just, like, choke on it. Like, I'm a. Yeah. I didn't I well, I did it just couldn't come out of my mouth because I didn't believe it either. I didn't believe I had a disease. I was it was it was yeah. That is a loaded term. And if it's keeping you stuck, you can just swipe it away, because it's not, again, even a technical term for, for alcohol Use disorder.

Susan  [00:02:53]:
That's what it's called. So, Yeah. How about you, Ruby? 

Coach Ruby [00:02:56]:
Well, similar. I was just nodding my head and saying or I, Yeah. I totally relate. For me, growing up and just, like, living in the world, it seems like there was just To it was, like, black or white. You're either a normal drinker or you're an alcoholic. Like and then you have some major problem. And I never felt like I had well, until the very end, like, major, major problem. I was still working and functioning.

Coach Ruby [00:03:25]:
 I  know, it's that it's that term. I didn't wanna have to say that. I also went to AA, like you said, and It was I just I just it was so hard for me. Hi. I'm Ruby. I'm an alcoholic, and it just didn't feel right. I knew deep in my heart that it was not this like, the the book the big book was not, like, Scientifically proven, it was more real it felt more religious and, like, I don't know. I really, really resonate with the science.

Coach Ruby [00:04:02]:
It's like when I hear about the science and the brain and the body, it just felt more, like, accessible for me. And it yeah. So, in fact, I would love to talk about, you know, dopamine. I mean, think think Dopamine was one of this really like, if you haven't talked about dope dopamine yet, so dopamine is a neurotransmitter. And neuro is the brain, and the transmitter is, like, how it's moved in the brain, like, the information is is moving around your brain. And alcohol, It creates, like, this huge artificial high in dopamine. And if we go back to say, like caveman days, it's just our basic brain function. Dopamine actually is a survival, neurotransmitter.

Coach Ruby [00:04:58]:
We need it. So in the example I love is, like, say, you're looking for raspberries because that's something you you like. You know, back in caveman days, it was sweet and delicious, and you would your dopamine would would naturally spike for those things that you need for survival. So your brain is working the way it should, meaning Art, alcohol's so much artificially higher levels. Yeah. So think about, like, Video games or shopping or sugar, all of these things are raising your dopamine up and, artificially. And but your brain is I guess, what I wanna know is your brain is normal. Your brain is doing the right thing.

Coach Ruby [00:05:42]:
It's not your fault. If you start to drink more alcohol, it's because it starts to almost equate it with survival. You need alcohol to drink. At least that's where I got to. And so Yes. Like what you were saying before, it's really important to not Blame yourself, and that's what the alcoholic label does. It's like blaming you. But it's really like you said, it's a a substance, alcohol use disorder Spectrum.

Susan  [00:06:15]:
Well, what I loved is when I learned about the dopamine, all this was new to me and also, our brain likes to, conserve energy, so it wants to do the same things over and over again. And so if if So the dopamine hits your artificial pleasure center, but the dopamine actual chemical is the learning chemical. So your brain learns, oh, this is good. So, like, in raspberries, it learns, oh, this is good. They taste good, and they help me stay alive because we need food. But then the dopamine is so artificially high, as you mentioned, in alcohol, but especially when we use it to cope as a coping mechanism, if you're upset about something and it kind of numbs or dulls those feelings, then our brain is like it gets the dopamine hit, and it goes, oh, anytime we're upset, we drink. And so that's like when we talked about all the jobs that you've given alcohol. So every time you give alcohol a job, you get that dopamine hit, and then your brain relates That thing, that job that you gave alcohol to needing alcohol for that job.

Susan  [00:07:21]:
It's that's what we've Taught it. Like, when I learned that, I'm like, oh, I taught my brain this. So I'm like, well, then my brain can unlearn this behavior. And that just gave me so much hope because I'm like, okay. Yes. So it's like we have these I used to use this, like, you know, hand gesture. I where it's like I have these old grooves that I've Gated on all these jobs that I've been given alcohol, and I'm gonna do new things to create new grooves sorta like an old Road that's like a rut.

Susan  [00:07:57]:
And so, you know, when you feel yourself like, I know I felt this way, and I I've hear clients talk about all the time. It's like, I just all of a Automatically, there's a bottle in my hand, and I'm pouring a glass, and I'm drinking it. It's just like a it's like I get on this moving Like, I get into this like, when you're driving and your car goes into a, like, a rut on a muddy road, and then you're just in that groove. Or you could also liken it to, like, an Audubon where it's such a smooth highway. Like, you've smooth this highway, and you can go a 100 miles per hour really easily, but then the new neural pathways, all of the new habits you're creating is like this old bumpy road, and so it's kind of awkward and bumpy and you can't go really fast. But As we continue to go down the new the new behavior that we want to practice, we're creating new neuropathways, and that's Gonna be our new highway as long as we continue to grow that and we weaken the other. And that's I like I love that Visual for me, it made me it helped me with my decision making because I would think, oh, which neural pathway do I wanna feed? Do I want To feed and strengthen the old one, or do I wanna feed and strengthen the new one with new behaviors, new thoughts, trying out, Experimenting, you know, ants and not drinking because drinking always reinforces the old the old mal pathways, and I Wanted to weaken those, and so it gave me kind of just a something I could hold on to and grab on to instead of just this sort of there's something wrong with me, and now I can never drink again. It was sort of like, no.

Susan  [00:09:26]:
No. I don't want to drink, and I know there's a way and there's hope that I can start to strengthen these new neural pathways and become completely free from that old rut and that old highway. So for me, It was huge. It was a huge, huge game changer learning the science. I loved it so much, and I just couldn't get enough of it. I was just, like, reading everything I could get my

Coach Ruby [00:09:52]:
Yeah. And and the brain the brain is not set in stone, you guys. The brain it  changes. It grows. It morphs these pathways. You you weaken the The old pathways and you strengthen new ones, and your brain you there is so much hope that your body can heal, your brain can heal and change, and your emotions can heal. And, You know, the the journey through this though is, I I call it, like, you go from asleep to aware, to awake, to alive. So the 4 a's. And, so I think of I think of, like, a butterfly and how a butterfly, you know, Is in a cocoon and just asleep? And then you're aware. And, it's like It gets start you when you get aware, you start to notice maybe I do have a problem.

Coach Ruby [00:10:54]:
You're starting to ask yourself some questions like, do I feel better When I'm drinking, you know, am I living up to my full potential? These kinds of questions. And and then when you're awake to the actual, like, I wanna I wanna change. It can feel awkward. Like you were mentioning before, there's there is some discomfort in making a change, and I liken it to a butterfly walking. Right? Like a butterfly, when it first comes out, it it has to walk and it's uncomfortable and it It's awkward, and it looks funny at first. And then it flies, though, and that's the, like, alive part. You know, the living alive, making alcohol small and irrelevant, living that life that you don't wanna escape from anymore. So, Yeah.

Susan  [00:11:41]:
And I so wanted that. That was really where what I wanted, the alive. I think I've mentioned that before, but that just that never, just makes my heart feel good. Like, that's what I wanted, and that's what I got from alcohol free living. And that's why I'm I'm here on this podcast. That's why my coach is because I want that for people. So, yeah, when you're aware, yeah, aware sucks. Where I wasn't aware for a really long time, and then you get to a wake where it's tricky because you have a a few skills.

Susan  [00:12:12]:
You're trying out. You're Experimenting these new skills and but you're not really skilled at it yet, and those neuropathways haven't changed. You're in the process. I call it the messy middle. You're in the messy middle of the process. And what I think happens to is is if if you have a what we call a data point, if you do drink you know, because it's just it's still a process. Right? You still it's not perfected yet. And, like you said, that's it's a it's a little butterfly that's, you know, Walking awkwardly, you know, not flying yet.

Susan  [00:12:43]:
You know? So you're not flying yet, and that's okay. You wanna continue the work. Just keep Strengthening the new neural pathways and the shame and blame that at least I encountered if you drank in AA. And I don't mean to bash AA because I know it's really helpful for some people, but just that that idea of I couldn't That idea of failure. Right? It just made my shame and blame even worse. It made me not wanna even keep trying. I just wanted to give up. You know? And, and when you have a different perspective of, oh, this is a process.

Susan  [00:13:20]:
I'm strengthening this one. I'm weakening this one, but it's not quite done yet, And it's just sort of like, no. Pick yourself up and keep moving forward. Keep walking on your little wobbly legs like a little wobbly butterfly. Fly. Right? Right. You're gonna get to fly eventually.

Coach Ruby [00:13:37]:
And it really does help to have A coach by your side and a community and support because, connection is so important. Right, Susan?

Susan  [00:13:49]:
Yes. Yeah. I mean, well, they say the opposite of addiction is connection.

Coach Ruby [00:13:55]:
Mhmm.

Susan  [00:13:56]:
I mean, like, really using the word addiction, but But, again, it's just a word. And if you use it in the term of, like, oh, I'm addicted to caffeine. I have to have coffee every morning. That's fine. But the minute you were use the word addiction in alcohol, it's like, oh. You know what I mean? It's like the a word. You know what I mean? And, I had a client who Who's telling me this story, which I thought was amazing because she's making really good progress, and she was running. She's running has been a really Great outlet for her.

Susan  [00:14:23]:
And she was running, and she said she just had this vision of her ripping the a word off the front of her. Like, it was on her, like, the Scarlet Letter ripping it off and throwing it away. Just like yeah. And I thought that was just an amazing, An amazing visual for her of, like, continuing to to get free, right, and even being free of the stigma and of the word alcoholic or the stigma from the word addiction around alcohol. But Connection. Connection. Connection. Needing help.

Susan  [00:14:55]:
This is not easy. It's an addictive substance. It's not easy Having support and having like minded people, people who real you know, relate to your story, people who have Information that they can share, like, these you know, the information we're sharing in our podcast, getting a coach like you mentioned, Ruby. And we also So are us. We have a little community on Facebook called the feel lit podcast group. It's It's a group that you could join where you can ask us questions and be around other like minded people who are also on an alcohol free journey.

Coach Ruby [00:15:32]:
Yeah. We'd love for you to join there. Mhmm.

Susan  [00:15:35]:
Yes.

Coach Ruby [00:15:37]:
Yeah. So I would love for you to join our, Facebook group. That would be so fun. Exactly. And just it's free, and just join. Well, we always End our, podcast with a question. So I'm gonna ask Susan this question today. So, Susan, what are you doing to feel lit? Well, what I thought I would share today

Susan  [00:16:09]:
is, well, just is a basic in, you know, our nutrition, which is just hydration. But I have a story about it. So I learned about hyperhydration, which is, which is a way to deal with anxiety or anxiousness or even drinking urges because I love the story behind this because, like, if you were, like, say, you know, when our mind gets anxious, it falls into this survival mode, and, you know, it's like you're being chased by Sabertooth tiger. So if you were being chased by a sabertooth tiger, if you stopped to drink some water, you would get eaten. Right? So you wouldn't stop it. So Stopping, pausing to drink water is a way to trick your brain or to show your brain you're not in danger if you're in this sort of fight or flight mode. And, I have a really funny story or not funny, but so This was, oh, at least close to a year in my alcohol free journey. I'd been alcohol free that whole time.

Susan  [00:17:11]:
We were on our way to a concert. It was Elton John in Brooklyn. And we're also packing for a trip. I can't remember where we were going. But, anyway, we're going so we were gonna fly out of New York. So we were packing, and there's a lot of it I think it was the 1st trip too after COVID, and so there was just a lot of old stuff that comes up. Like, I always get anxious when I'm traveling. I get anxious when I'm packing.

Susan  [00:17:35]:
And so by the time we got into the car and then we were running late and then we hit traffic, and I just like, my anxiety was, like, Through the roof, I was just in bad shape, and I was grumpy and anxious. And I'm like, okay. I'm gonna try this. I'm gonna Try this thing. I'm just gonna we had tons of water in the car, and I'm like, I'm just gonna, like we stopped at a rest stop for some reason. My husband went in, and I just I'm like, I'm gonna Pound this water. I'm just gonna drink it as fast as so that's that's the technique. Just drink this water as fast as you can.

Susan  [00:18:01]:
And afterwards, I was like, I do feel better. Oh my gosh. Just like that hyperhydration hydrates your brain, and and it kicks you out of that fight or flight of this the anxiousness. And, so I was like, wow. This thing does work. Because at first, I was like, oh, that's weird. You know? Hyperhydration. Okay.

Susan  [00:18:21]:
You know? But, it did work, and so I have used it. I'm super tired or anxious about something at work. I will just suck down a whole bunch of water, and, it's as long as you have water available to you. I mean, Breathing is also another good way to deal with anxiety, but I love the hydration, this hyperhydration, and just staying hydrated in general. Like, I mean, alcohol is such dehydrating, substance that just, like, getting more hydration into your body in early, days of becoming alcohol free or just in your life in general. Like, now my body just wants hydration. I can totally feel when, like, I haven't drink enough water.

Coach Ruby [00:19:06]:
Yeah. So I have a story too. I Okay. When I I felt very kinda sad or, like, I was feeling really low. I thought of that too where it's it's like taking a full glass of water, Like, 8 or 12 ounces and downing it all at once. It's not

Susan  [00:19:26]:
the Mhmm.

Coach Ruby [00:19:27]:
Sipping a little bit all day long. It's All at once, you have 1 big full glass of water, and it's true. It just changed. I I I felt I didn't I was, like, literally in tears, But I tried this, and it works. So I'd love for you all to try it.

Susan  [00:19:42]:
It really does. Yeah. Yeah. And it's so easy and available. Like, I think think some of these These things that can help, when we get, you know, when we are hijacked. I always use the word I'd like to use the word hijacked versus triggered. And it's not that you can't have your feelings of being sad, but if you feel like it's starting to take over and then you start to have the urge To drink or you start having thoughts about drinking, like, you wanna click out of that because you're in, like, the survival mode, and your little voice is starting to go, Oh, you know, it would help you feel better. You know, it would help relax you, your trusty old tool over here.

Susan  [00:20:20]:
You know? And so having a a different tool to use is key. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Switches. Yeah.

Coach Ruby [00:20:28]:
You know? Switch like

Susan  [00:20:29]:
sharing lots of different tools

Coach Ruby [00:20:31]:
too. Yeah.

Susan  [00:20:32]:
Yes. So this is a really good tool. Keep your Keep some water bottles handy or, you know, just grab a like, it but like Ruby said, you gotta chug it. So sometimes then I even crack myself up because

Coach Ruby [00:20:43]:
I'm like chug, Chug. Chug. Chug.

Susan  [00:20:45]:
Chug. When I'm drinking my water. Chug. Chug. Chug. Like, how fast can I down this this water? It's, like, pouring out of my mouth. So, and that helps too. Just laughing is good is a good It is

Coach Ruby [00:20:59]:
good. Oh, this is So fun to do this podcast with you, coach Susan. Yay.

Susan  [00:21:04]:
I know. I love every single time we sit down together and share things that Really helped us because I hung on every word of so many podcasts, so many books, so many of the coaches that, that I had in my life. You know, anybody who'd gone before me, I'm like, what did you do? You know? I wanted all the information. And you know? But the the Trick is also is that not everything's gonna work for you. That worked for us, but it's just to keep trying and experimenting with things too. I I used to beat myself up. I mean, I'm just I still work on beating myself up, to be honest with you. I am really still working on it, but I used to beat myself up if I tried something and it didn't work or didn't work, and I just was like, meh or something.

Susan  [00:21:50]:
And then I would think there's something wrong with me. That's my initial reaction is there's something wrong with me. So, so I just wanna say that because If you're like me, a perfectionist, or, you know, you're just hanging on everything, it's like you have to experiment and make it your own. That is the thing. Like, try this, Try that and then make your own make your own toolbox of the things that work for you. And, I mean, I would love to Keep sharing these ideas in our Facebook group. So and there's a lot of some of our friends that are alcohol free are in there, and so you're gonna get not only Our perspective, but just a great gang of us that all are living this alcohol free lifestyle, who are Lit and excited about being lit, and everybody can share you can share your ideas. You know, listeners can share their ideas, and we can bring them on the podcast.

Susan  [00:22:43]:
It's another great place, to share. So we will put the, link in the show notes. So you can just Yeah. Click and join if you're

Coach Ruby [00:22:52]:
Join our fearless Facebook community. Yeah.

Susan  [00:22:55]:
Alright. Woo hoo. And tell us how you feel lit.

Coach Ruby [00:22:58]:
Yay. Well, thank you for listening. Alright. See you
next time.