Ruby [00:00:36]:
Hello. Welcome back. We are so excited for today's episode. Hello, Susan. It's so great to do this with you. I love doing the podcast with you. Yeah. I'm great.
Ruby [00:00:50]:
Me too. I know. The rest of the day, I'm always like, what? So,
Ruby [00:00:55]:
yay.
Ruby [00:00:56]:
So we have a great question again today. We're getting such great questions from our community over on Facebook. And this one is from somebody sort of new to the experience, and they wanna know about all the different stages of our alcohol free journey. So here's the question. What were the AF journey stages like for you, coach Ruby and coach Susan? Can you provide a timeline so I know what to expect? Mhmm. Oh, that's so great. Just funny. It reminds me of that book, What to Expect When You're Expecting.
Ruby [00:01:31]:
Oh. Like, what to expect when you decide to go alcohol free.
Ruby [00:01:36]:
Yeah. Doctor. Yeah. Doctor.
Ruby [00:01:37]:
What the different stages will be. So Ruby, how would you start us off in, from, from the very beginning?
Ruby [00:01:46]:
Yeah. Let's start from the very beginning. Month 1. We're gonna we're gonna put these into kinda stages that we've formulated, but, like, month 1 to, say, day 60. I'm gonna look at that time period Okay. With Okay. You know? Yeah. Let's start there.
Ruby [00:02:00]:
So I think we're definitely in the 1st month. This is the time where I remember being the most nervous and unsure, and I just had a lot of questions. I remember that's the time where you might hear people, like, you get a few days alcohol free or maybe a week, and then you go back and have another cycle where you have some data points or you drink again for a period of time. And because that 1st month, you just have a lot, like, future tripping. One of the things I remember, future tripping, which is, like, thinking about things in the negative, like, I'm never gonna get alcohol free, or this is so hard. How am I gonna ever have fun again in the future? How am I gonna hang out with my friends? Like, all these questions. Like, I remember one question too was, like, how am I ever gonna go on a date if I'm not drinking wine? Like, you know, and I just try to, like, overcomplicate things in my head and worry. And I remember thinking, I need this.
Ruby [00:03:07]:
Right? There were so many beliefs that I need alcohol to sleep, I need alcohol to have fun, I need it to relieve stress, until you really work on your mindset. So that's where, as coaches, come in is we can really help you work on this mindset piece, which can take months or even years. People can be in this kind of cycle of trying to figure things out and do it on their own alone for years. At least I did. But what's it like? Yeah. Because the question I'll keep going back to the question is like, yeah, I would say this is the first stage, and you're not alone. If it's like you're cycling in. You might have, you know, data points or drinking days and then go back to alcohol free days.
Ruby [00:03:50]:
And that's actually a really cool time to learn about yourself and discover and get curious and aware as we our pillars are curiosity and awareness and self compassion. I mean, that's that time where you just start to figure things out. And I wanna bring up a tactic here, which is a wind jar. And if you're on YouTube, you can see me showing my wind jar, but you can do any kind of a jar. You can have like hear the noise. You can hear it. But like, say, florist beads or marbles, and it's that sound. So we wanna we wanna light up the rewards in our brain.
Ruby [00:04:27]:
So our brain, in terms of dopamine and brain chemicals, is I'll use a really scientific term here. It's out of whack, guys. It gets out of whack. It's not in homeostasis. And we want to reward our brain when we have alcohol free days or when we have, like, a wins. We call it a win jar because when you, like, move through a craving, you wanna put a beat in and see, yeah, I'm gonna do the sound. See that sound, It's like think about when your phone goes off and like that ding. Right? You wanna have your brain start to reward itself when you have alcohol free days or when you have go through a craving or an urge.
Ruby [00:05:13]:
We also call it an urge jar. Yeah. And it's really about the reward center of the brain, the dopamine. Because again, your body has been getting and your brain has been getting really high artificial levels of dopamine from drinking. And when you it's like it's deprived of it. So, and it's trying to reach homeostasis, trying to get back to normal. And so, Winjar is a really
Susan [00:05:39]:
cool tool.
Ruby [00:05:40]:
We're going to talk about some tools too here to use to help you. But this is the time period, that 1st month to 60 days in your journey, And it's so normal to be all nervous, unsure, have lots of questions or worries. And it's it's a little bit awkward. This is the awkward stage too. So let's start there. And then I don't know. Susan, what's next is, like, kind of the 60 to 90 day? Would would you wanna segue into that? Mhmm.
Ruby [00:06:11]:
Sure. Sure. Would you say the first 60 days is really the learning phase? Like, we had to put a name to it, like, a learning phase? I don't know. Let me I don't know. I was thinking about that.
Ruby [00:06:24]:
Loops. You have to learn, and you go through cycles. And, yeah, it is the learning phase. I love that. Let's call it the learning phase.
Ruby [00:06:33]:
About your drinking habit as you remove alcohol, then you're learning about all the jobs you gave alcohol because that's when you have urges, right? And so it's like, Oh, instead of thinking of this, Oh my God, I have an urge. It's like, Oh, the urge is like a clue to a place where we used alcohol. And then it's like, Oh, okay, now learning new tools so you don't need to self medicate, I think. Yeah. I love that. I think yeah. So that kind of yeah. That helps me segue into the 60 to 90 days because I think that's kind of where you start to hone that.
Ruby [00:07:08]:
Mhmm. This is, I would say, maybe a little bit more of a honing phase of, okay, these are the places I gave alcohol a job. These of the trial and error maybe phase of where it's like, okay, what am I going to use to as a coping mechanism instead of alcohol in this place? So now maybe you're not having as many difficult urges, but you're starting to hone some of those, tools, new tools that you're using and really figuring out the ones that really, really work for you. And also, I think in the 60 to 90 days too, depending on what your original goals were with alcohol, because a lot of people come to it and they're like, I just need to take a break. I just need a reset. And then this is where thoughts of, Oh, I'm okay now. If I could do 60 days, then I could probably drink. I'm fine.
Ruby [00:08:03]:
And those thoughts come in, and then maybe we'll have, you know, experiment. That's what I would say to do. Like, this is, like, if that was the tactic, if you're Right?
Susan [00:08:18]:
And
Ruby [00:08:23]:
Right? And because that's for me. Once I said that question, it was like, nope.
Ruby [00:08:28]:
So Be really honest. Yeah.
Ruby [00:08:30]:
Be honest with yourself. Yeah. But also I would then maybe at this point do an exercise, which we talked about before. I don't know if we've talked about it on the podcast. I know it's a big one for you, Ruby, which is removing all other fun things and just in a room by yourself, try it, have the alcohol. If you're going to reintroduce alcohol, if you're absolutely going to, and you really think, Okay, I really want to see if alcohol is doing anything for me, because you still have those thoughts that, I think I'll go back to drinking. I would do that experiment of having no other stimulation, no other you know, so that you can't say, Oh, it's fun. You can't if it's fun, you can't attribute it to just you can't discern whether it's the alcohol or because you're at a party or a concert.
Ruby [00:09:20]:
Right? So this is why you just sit there, you and alcohol, and drink and see really, truly how it makes you feel and have that burst drink and then do the, you know, record how it makes makes you feel. And and maybe even record yourself so you can see also yourself as you get more and more inebriated. And is this the is this your best self, you know, if you're if you really, really think that you want to return to drinking. If you've kind of been in this place where this is where so I'll just tell the story. When I got to well, 50 days is that right? No. 60 days was my birthday, right? Because there's 30 days in June, and then my birthday is July 30th. So I started June 1, 2020, and 60 days was my birthday, July 30th. And yeah, it was still awkward.
Ruby [00:10:11]:
I remember going out to brunch and being, like, nervous about ordering a mocktail. My daughter my daughter was like, what's your problem? Here. You make or not now? Because there was nothing on the menu. And she's like, can you make an alcohol drink? And then I got this awesome mocktail, but I don't know why I was all nervous. We went to New York. We went to see The Cher Show. That was when The Cher musical was out. It was so good.
Ruby [00:10:33]:
And it was very interesting. We sat down, and we watched the show. Some people came in late, sat 2 seats next to us, just a matinee. And they were late and kind of goofing around and, like and then they proceeded to fall asleep during the show. Now, you know how expensive a New York City Broadway show is, you know, 150 to 250 a ticket, because I think maybe they'd had a little bit too much of a boozy brunch. You know, they were they seemed a little inebriated when they came in. They sat down, and I was just, like, it was just kind of one of those, wow, I am so glad that I didn't drink during brunch, and that I am wide awake away, don't see this awesome musical. And and the musical is so much about Cher and being such a badass and Cher being a badass, and you leave going, yes, I'm a badass.
Ruby [00:11:26]:
And I felt even more so in my alcohol free journey. So I remember taking
Ruby [00:11:30]:
a picture and
Ruby [00:11:31]:
standing next to yeah. And so and then it was about at that time that some of the curriculum that was coming up in the program I was doing, which was called Holding on to Both Worlds. And I think that's the time when I really made the decision of really all in and completely letting go of alcohol and really all in on exploring the alcohol free lifestyle. So I would say recommitting at that point, 60 to 90 days. Mhmm. Revisiting your whys. If you're starting to have the fading effect bias that we've talked about in an earlier episode, and really thinking back about where were you in 30 days and where are you now at 90 days? Because you usually are starting to feel a lot better. Your brain has started to heal.
Ruby [00:12:27]:
You are starting to produce your own dopamine again, if you were having really those flaws in the early days. And so Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I guess I would call that phase. What would I call that phase? I'm just making stuff I know. Being planned. Making stuff.
Ruby [00:12:44]:
I'm like, okay. Making up the phase names. What would you call it after
Ruby [00:12:49]:
How about I wanna talk a little bit, like, your brains online. Maybe you're, like, you're getting back online, something like that, your online phase. Like, things are, like, starting to Clicking. Click. And, what I wanted to mention is you start to get momentum with your, we call them FFTs, friggin' first times, like your firsts. So by the time you're at 60 to 90 days alcohol free, you've had some firsts under your belt. You're starting to have successes. You're gaining your confidence.
Ruby [00:13:21]:
And, again, I love your idea, Susan, to, like, recommit, look at your whys. But just in terms of the brain, it's like your brains. Your brains, like, you're the flip. You know, it's going back on. You you know? And maybe that brain fog is lifted. What did it feel like for me? Or it just it finally felt like I had control again of myself. You know? And, yeah, it was the the beginning. It's still the beginning.
Ruby [00:13:51]:
We're gonna go all the way, and we might make this 2 2 part episode. Right, Susan? Because we have a lot to share.
Ruby [00:13:59]:
Yeah. Yeah. And we don't wanna cut back in any section. Yeah. So then that was 60 to 90 days. The next would be 3 to 5 months. I think you start feeling really good. Like, this is where I remember, like, feeling joy, you know, over overflowing joy.
Ruby [00:14:18]:
You know? Like, woah, I'm starting to really feel true joy, not joy from a bottle. Right? Again, like well, just like what you mentioned, you start to have more momentum. You start you start to feel more confident, especially in day to day life. I maybe still had some you may still worry about special events or something like that and need, like, extra support. But on a daily basis, you've kind of gotten your legs under you. You know, you've you've honed some of your tools. You're kinda clicking along. And, yeah, it's an exciting time, I think.
Ruby [00:14:54]:
I think at this phase, 3 to 5 months, especially if you're committing if you've recommitted, you know, at the 90 day mark and you're like, yeah, I'm all in. I'm gonna keep going. I'm not is to start to think of yourself. You start to to assume this identity of a non drinker, of somebody who's pursuing an alcohol free lifestyle, what does that mean for you? And especially if you're in some support groups in some communities where other people are alcohol free too. And, like, you're kinda like, Oh, I did this alcohol free. I did this. And, you know, you're sharing fun stories or following accounts where peep you know, on Instagram or in your in your community group about, you know, seeing people. Like, I went, you know, hiking in the, you know, Andes or whatever, and I'm alcohol free.
Ruby [00:15:42]:
And, like, it's, like, all the benefits of the alcohol free lifestyle is affording you. All the things now that you can do where, because you have the energy, because you have the joy, because Yeah. I don't know. What do you think?
Ruby [00:15:58]:
You're drinking. And a donut. The Blahs. The Blahs might hit you too. Definitely. Names for this.
Ruby [00:16:05]:
Yeah. That reminds me, this is about the stage where my coach at the time gave me the exercise to set a timer and see what I was feeling. You know, set a timer and just stop when the timer goes off and go, what am I feeling right now? Just start to identify my feelings more, which we've talked a lot about in this on this podcast. I also think at this stage too, you can get on a little bit overload of of what we call let overload, etcetera. You know? So I think, you know, in the 3 to 5 months, I started to listen to other topics. And it's sort of like, what's the next domino? You know, what's the next thing I wanna work on? Alcohol free is kind of cooking. So then it's like it's sorta like when you cross train. Like, okay.
Ruby [00:16:56]:
Now I'm a good runner, but what do I need to do over here at the gym in order to support my running? So it's like alcohol freedom, you know, on a day to day basis is going is clicking along here, but what are the side cross training I need to do? So that time is when I started looking into other resources or other topics like completing the stress cycle, really learning how to you know, learning about stress is is a tool or learning about meditation. Like, I learned about the RAIN meditation at that time. I, you know, I took a class on meditation to see if that was something that was gonna help support my alcohol free lifestyle and the way that I wanted to feel in my life. So I think you know, what I would say this topic name is, is like the next domino, maybe. I don't know. Yeah. Alcohol honing your identity alcohol free identity. I don't know.
Susan [00:17:48]:
Yeah.
Ruby [00:17:48]:
Yeah. Well, I you you would call it maybe the emotions phase. Right?
Ruby [00:17:52]:
Yeah. I thought it's a big thing was Yeah. Yeah.
Ruby [00:17:55]:
Yeah. That's so great. Oh, my gosh. Every time you say eliminating sugar, I just go back to I ate the whole bunny. Bunny. I'm like, I don't think I'm ever gonna eliminate sugar. Maybe. I don't know.
Ruby [00:18:07]:
Someday.
Susan [00:18:08]:
You don't feel. Yeah.
Ruby [00:18:10]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You're right. I've definitely limited caffeine based on how I wanna feel. And I went through that same process.
Ruby [00:18:18]:
I would go to get a second cup and go, do I really how is this gonna make me feel? Am I gonna get get jingly jingly, as I call it jingle jangly, or is this really gonna serve me? You know? And I've hesitated and stopped, and I have really cut back on caffeine in my in my alcohol free lifestyle. It's yeah. But it's based on how I feel. Not like, oh, I should drink less caffeine. It's like, no, this isn't gonna make me feel good. This isn't gonna serve me. So the the same reason why I would, you know, cut back on, on alcohol is it wasn't serving me. It didn't make me feel good.
Ruby [00:18:54]:
And, you know, it was not working at all in my life. Yeah. So now we made it through 6 months. Whoo. That is that's a huge that is a huge milestone too. All of these are milestones. The first 30 days, huge milestone. 1st 90 days, huge milestone.
Ruby [00:19:16]:
And 6 months, awesome. And celebrate. Yeah. 6 months. I use pump on. Every milestone.
Ruby [00:19:22]:
Yes. Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate.
Ruby [00:19:25]:
I have mine. Mine are pink.
Ruby [00:19:26]:
Oh, you got some too?
Ruby [00:19:28]:
No. Somebody yeah. Somebody said you need to get pom ones, like coach Ruby, and I'm like, okay. I will get mine or pink.
Ruby [00:19:34]:
Mine are ruby red, and here's our here's our pink colors. Doctor. Yeah. Doctor. If you have data points.
Ruby [00:19:39]:
Doctor. Yeah. Yeah. And if, you know, if we're we're talking about our experience, if your experience is not mirroring this, it that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. Everybody's experience is valid in your experience. You know, I have also the one thing I wanted to add too is when we were talking about milestones is sometimes you get to these milestones and there's something in your brain that starts to kick up a little resistance because it's like, Oh, okay. Okay, fine. We did 30 days.
Ruby [00:20:07]:
So now You know what I mean? And your brain's like, they're gonna keep going? She's keeping she's gonna keep going. And, like, I don't know what it is, but somebody it just seemed I see this with clients all the time. They're like, I'm so struggling. They're like, I'm already at 45 days, and I was feeling so good. And now all of a sudden, I'm struggling again. I'm having cravings, da da da da. What is going on? And there's just something about these milestones in our minds that we've, you know, set in our minds that, like, oh, by this, I think it's a little bit of an expectation. Oh, by this date, I should be fine.
Ruby [00:20:40]:
By this date, you know, we've kind of set this expectation, but, also, I think our subconscious is, say is, again, like I said, like, wait. She's this we're gonna keep doing it. Well, let me see if I get wait a minute. You know what I mean? Wait. That was fine. 45 days was fine. But now, you know, let's, you know, I'm so it's weird how our thoughts, you know, how our brain still maybe wants us to go back to the way things were. It's like, okay, this change is up long enough, and now I wanna go back to the way things were, you know.
Ruby [00:21:13]:
And and that's just a little bit of resistance. And if you can ride that out or also just be aware of cravings or urges can come at any time based on the cue. The cue could be 45 days, which is weird. But the cue could also be, who knows? All of a sudden, you're you know, hiking and you go, beer sounds really good. You know? And you're like, what? What? It's been 60 days. It's been 90 days. Why would I have that thought? It's just because maybe you haven't been hiking. You haven't been in that situation where you have, you know, where it provided this cue.
Ruby [00:21:45]:
So it's also don't freak out. It's just a thought.
Ruby [00:21:48]:
It's just a thought. I wanna I wanna act you know? I'm yeah.
Ruby [00:21:53]:
Yeah. Just a thought. Mine always sounds like, yeah. Now. Now. Normally, it's raining on vacation. Normally. You know? You could you could this could all be made better by a little wine by the fireplace.
Ruby [00:22:08]:
You know? And that's what mine sounds like. Your your little voice? Familiar with that. Yeah, getting familiar with that voice and just going, Yeah, okay. That's just an old thought, but we're going to do something else. Like you said, not putting any emotional not meaning making behind it. Is there something wrong with you? Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Same.
Ruby [00:22:29]:
Same. Because alcohol is out there in the world and it's gonna, we're gonna have to have a lot of experience drinking. And so those, our brains are like these computers that go, oh, when we go hiking. Oh, yeah. We have beer afterwards, or, oh, it's raining on vacation. We would salvage, quote unquote, this by cracking open a bottle of wine. You know what I mean? Yeah. I do.
Ruby [00:22:52]:
So, yeah, totally normal. And we, yeah, we deal with it. And then that's where community comes in that's really helpful too is to be able to share this and every and other people going, oh, me too. Yeah. Me too. So you don't feel like again, I love it when you always say you're not alone. These things happen to us too. So yeah, well, this is gonna be a 2 parter, so we'll go 6 months and beyond next one.
Ruby [00:23:17]:
So this is the time in this episode where I'm gonna ask you, Ruby, the question, what are you doing to feel lit? New to you. Curious. Yeah. Yeah. Totally new. And so wait. So how are their grounding shoes? Are they made out of, like,
Ruby [00:23:35]:
oh, okay. Like, in terms of think of energy. Yeah. Like, the rub it's it's really cool.
Susan [00:23:41]:
Would you
Ruby [00:23:42]:
I don't know.
Ruby [00:23:42]:
Would you be more susceptible to being hit by lightning with those shoes? We have lightning in Connecticut, but I'm just curious. No, that's really disgusting. And the grounding mat. Okay. I love it. I would not be taking pictures of my feet because I have really ugly feet. But, no, I love gardening. And so getting and usually when I garden, I have gloves on that usually end up coming off, and I'm in there digging with my hands because I really do like to be in the dirt.
Ruby [00:24:11]:
I'm very messy, dirty gardener. I come out just completely pigpen, totally dirty. Love gardening and, yeah, walking barefoot. It's getting warm enough here in Connecticut where maybe I could do that. But, yeah,
Ruby [00:24:23]:
I'm just tough too. At first. Yeah. At first, like, I just remember if you want a super there's, like, apparently, you
Susan [00:24:29]:
can make you
Ruby [00:24:30]:
You guys have to go on YouTube and see my face. I'm allergic to grass to a certain extent. Like, if I sit on grass and then, like, without, like, a blanket or something, then, like, the backs of my thighs will get, like, all itchy. So I can I was just picturing myself fooling around in the grass, you mean?
Ruby [00:24:46]:
And then you're all naked
Ruby [00:24:48]:
and itchy.
Ruby [00:24:49]:
Red and itchy. Yeah. That's funny.
Ruby [00:24:51]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that's so interesting.
Susan [00:24:54]:
I mean Wow. For
Ruby [00:24:55]:
me, when I Cool. Really?
Ruby [00:24:58]:
Yeah. I think people have been wearing shoes.
Ruby [00:25:01]:
No. But they were like they weren't they weren't rubber. It's the rubber. No. Oh, rubber. It's the rubber.
Ruby [00:25:07]:
Gotcha. Gotcha.
Ruby [00:25:08]:
Yeah. Gotcha. Yeah. I don't
Ruby [00:25:10]:
know when they discovered rubber. Oh, you're right. You're right.
Ruby [00:25:13]:
It's it's the rubber.
Ruby [00:25:14]:
Yeah. No. No. No. No. No. I think that's really cool. I'm just being jokey.
Ruby [00:25:19]:
Yeah. But, you know, I love
Ruby [00:25:20]:
yeah. No. There's a connecting. Yeah.
Ruby [00:25:22]:
Well, it's like when I hug a tree. I love hug a tree. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure my neighbors think I'm a whack job, but yeah. And being out in nature just
Ruby [00:25:31]:
is It's so amazing.
Ruby [00:25:32]:
So great. But, usually, I'm wearing tennis shoes or sneakers.
Ruby [00:25:35]:
So give it a try and just see how you feel. Yeah. Just stick there. Grass. Yeah. Just stick in the grass or the dirt. The dirt.
Ruby [00:25:43]:
Or the dirt.
Ruby [00:25:44]:
Yeah.
Ruby [00:25:45]:
And worms crawling through your toes. It's super gnoll
Ruby [00:25:49]:
and crunchy.
Ruby [00:25:50]:
I think I'm losing my mind here. Alright. Well, we are gonna wrap up this episode. I'm you know, if you really wanna see see us, you gotta go over to YouTube because Ruby's always really, really fun. I'm always, like, cuckoo. I can't help myself. I have this, like, super expressive face. And then I look at, like, little snapshots of the of our podcast, and Ruby Sally is all serene.
Ruby [00:26:13]:
And I'm like, what? You know? So, yeah, if you want to see that, head over to if you really head over to YouTube to see the video of our podcast. And if you haven't joined us yet in our Facebook group, we'd love to see you there. We have some fun over there and post videos and and and have some extras from other podcasts. And it's a community, so you can connect with others, ask us questions. We are there for you, and, so we'd love to see you there. Okay. Okay. So Right.
Ruby [00:26:44]:
Right.
Ruby [00:26:44]:
2 parter.
Ruby [00:26:45]:
To beyond. Yes.
Ruby [00:26:47]:
Okay.
Ruby [00:26:47]:
See you next week. Bye.
Ruby [00:26:50]:
Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free Podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show?
Susan [00:26:57]:
All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feelitpodcastdot com. And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time.
