Ruby [00:00:32]:
Hello. Wow. Your podcast adventure starts now, and let's get on to today's topic, which is a before and after question. You know, before and after. The question is, I can't imagine life without drinking. What do you do on a Friday night without drinking? What do you think? Do you want to get us started, Susan?
Susan [00:01:00]:
Sure. I think I may have mentioned before that Friday nights were, like, my hardest night. And, yeah, I probably would have had that question could have come straight from my mouth, and I know I've heard it from a lot of my clients as well where they're just like, I can't imagine. Like, what do you do? And for me, Friday night looked like crawling to the finish line of the week. I couldn't wait to get home and crack open a bottle of wine. And that was I mean, before I even practically set my purse down, it was just like keys on the counter, wine in hand, pouring into the largest glass I could find because I was and and and I would think about this even before the end of the day. You know what I mean? Like, 3 o'clock, I would start.
Susan [00:01:48]:
Like, I can't wait till the end of the day. I can't wait to get home. And thinking about driving on the way home. And, you know, sometimes we would meet for happy hours somewhere and then get a bottle of wine and then come home and watch Netflix or, yeah, I usually watch Netflix and sit on the couch and drink wine. So here I am. You know, this is my house. This is my couch. I have a lot of memories of sitting on that couch drinking wine, right, and watching Netflix, and that's what I did on Friday nights. How about you, Ruby?
Ruby [00:02:08]:
I'm gonna be really honest with you here and say that every night I drink. So it wasn't about Friday night, to be honest with you. My drinking had escalated so much that every night became like a Friday night. Every single night became, you know, that excuse to drink. So Friday night probably would have been the original. When I think back, that probably was what you described is what got me started on the everyday cycle was Friday, then led to Saturday, then led to Sunday. Then maybe I didn't drink on a Monday, but I was you know, I would feel bad.
Ruby [00:02:59]:
So it just became every night for me. And what it was like is kind of how you described. But I would actually have wine in my cup, like a coffee cup or an opaque cup and actually be drinking in the car on the way home. I can't even believe I'm admitting this. But in my mind, I started to think, well, I could have been wine tasting. So I don't know. I just started to think that
Susan [00:03:32]:
Oh, at work. Right? Yeah.
Ruby [00:03:34]:
Right. I could have been wine tasting right before work ended. So, okay, I will do my wine tasting on my commute because I had, like, an hour and a half commute. It's a long commute. So Mhmm. Yeah. So I just I guess so what do you do? You know, like, transitioning you know, when you finally kinda decide, okay. I'm gonna have a Friday night, alcohol free, what do you do? You know? If it's so ingrained in you that I can't figure out a way.
Ruby [00:04:05]:
So what I did was I interrupted my routine. I don't know. Maybe you can relate to this too, Susan, but I would like to. I think I started to do yoga classes right after work, and there's no way I would drink wine before yoga. I mean, I think I have, but that was, you know, like yoga's supposed to be Zen. And so, I would schedule a yoga class right after work. I would eat something right away. I think I was also just hungry, and I had my hunger, you know, my signals for what I really needed were all messed up. And I probably was just hungry or thirsty and would reach for wine, would reach for alcohol.
Ruby [00:04:48]:
Yeah. Did you interrupt your Friday too, Susan?
Susan [00:04:54]:
Yes. That was probably, and I want to clarify. You know? My husband and I would joke around and say that, you know, any day that ended in “y” was a day to drink. So it wasn't Friday night that was the last, you know, the last sticking point for me in my journey. You know? So I, you know, I made progress with my drinking, and then Friday night was just, like, the hardest one. And so that's the one where I needed to throw everything but the kitchen sink at it. And when you look at the habit cycle, when you look at a cue, and then, you know, if you look at how you can interrupt a habit, one of the things you can do is distraction, you know, is interrupt.
Susan [00:05:38]:
You know, they say, if you drive this way home and your favorite bar or your liquor store is always on your way home, change up the way you drive home. Right? Don't go by that, you know, place that's a temptation for you. So for me, I was very intentional about doing this routine for a while until I could get out of that cycle of coming home, putting the keys on the counter, reaching for the bottle of wine. And that was when we started movie night on Friday nights. So we would meet. There was a restaurant across the street from the cinema that was a Thai place that didn't serve wine. You could bring your own, but it didn't serve it. So it wasn't on the menu, so that wasn't a temptation.
Susan [00:06:19]:
So we would go there, have a meal, which was great. I love that you ate something, Ruby. That's so important, I think, because a lot of times we are hungry, angry, lonely, tired, so hungry. And then we would go to the movies. And then by the time we got home at, like, 10 o'clock, I wouldn't drink that late at night. For me in my drinking cycle, that wasn't a temptation for me. And we did this every Friday night until it felt like I was getting some momentum, and I wasn't so triggered when I would come home on a Friday night Yeah. From work directly.
Susan [00:06:56]:
So that was something that really worked for me, and
Ruby [00:06:59]:
I was very intentional about it. I love your intention, and you did it every Friday night for a while. So for me, it was like every Friday, I would have a yoga class. I would eat. And then, I would just take a shower or a bath and go to bed. I would call it a night. I I did. I did make some decisions where I wasn't gonna necessarily go out and party, you know, or go out.
Ruby [00:07:26]:
I was going to be so intentional with this alcohol free journey because I knew how much it felt so good. Oh, by the way, feel it? You felt so much better. Feel it? So what I mean to say is that you interrupt your patterns, you have intention, whatever it is. Maybe it's going for a walk or eating. Maybe it's taking a bath or a shower. And you went out instead of Netflix, you went out to a movie.
Ruby [00:07:59]:
I like that too. You change things. Oh, another thing I thought of because you mentioned a couch. You can change where your couch is located in your house. Change. Change your view. If you've always sat here literally Literally. Yeah.
Ruby [00:08:16]:
Move your chair and your couch and your TV just around in your living room in a different place so that you're looking at a different area. That's another trick I've heard. Yeah. Did you try that?
Susan [00:08:28]:
That's awesome. I love moving furniture around. I love redecorating. That sounds so fun. Well, one of the things I suggest is to do your workout. Like, if your gym has a sauna or something, you know, sit in the sauna. We go to the JCC, which is nearby, but they are closed on Friday nights for Shabbat. So we did not have that option as a Friday night thing, but it's definitely something I know several of my clients are using to really change up that Friday night routine.
Susan [00:09:07]:
And then you just feel so healthy after working out. You come home and it's just a great way to feel better too. It's ‘destressing’ that that was what I thought, you know, I desired from the alcohol was, oh, you know, you get to those, you know, the end of the week, and you just wanna de stress. And exercise is such an awesome way to relieve stress. So, yeah, even if you're not a gym person, you know, just a walk coming home and instead of, you know, putting your keys on the counter and reaching for the wine, it's like putting your tennis shoes on and maybe even leaving your shoes by the door. You know what I mean? So you walk in, you put your tennis shoes on, and you go for a walk. Mhmm. Really being intentional about saying, I've gotta make a change in this for this hard night, for this hard day, you know, in my Mhmm.
Susan [00:09:55]:
In my habit, in my drinking habit.
Ruby [00:09:58]:
Mhmm. Yeah. You can even ask yourself a question, like what would make it easier? What would make it easier for me to get through Friday night? And maybe it's if you come into your house on a, say, a Friday night and it's chaos. You've got kids and husband and spouse or you know? And if it's chaos, this is what I do to help my clients. What if you take a little bit of time, maybe even at work or right before you enter the door, but you just sit in your car and listen to a mindful meditation maybe or just be calm with yourself. I think it's the transition time. And even if you're working from home, maybe you go out to your car and have a real transition. I also hear this too because after COVID, people work from home.
Ruby [00:10:54]:
They're home all day. And they need a real transition time because that can be the place where people, like, get tripped up is this transition. Mhmm.
Susan [00:11:07]:
Yeah. Yes. Yes. I think that's a really great word, transition. I feel like I did use alcohol a lot for transitions, from the transition of coming home to cooking dinner, to being mom, to helping with homework for, you know Right. Yeah. That and when I once I recognized this, it was like exactly what you said, Ruby. What do I need now? What do I need in order to help me transition? What was the job I gave alcohol in order to help me transition, and what is a different tool I could use? Like you said, meditation.
Susan [00:11:43]:
I have some clients that do audiobooks in the car. So they listen to it. They go just go for a drive and listen to an audiobook just to kind of transition, or is it even just changing your clothes? Like, coming in and changing my clothes to comfy clothes that means, okay. Now I'm home and ready to relax and ready to spend time with my family and kids.
Ruby [00:12:03]:
Mhmm.
Susan [00:12:04]:
Versus being businesswoman Susan. You know? Right. Yeah. That's really great.
Ruby [00:12:10]:
These are all, like, practical tactics, but we also want to also talk about changing our beliefs and thoughts and being curious and aware because we're going to always circle back to being curious and aware. The more you can be curious and aware and give yourself self compassion around these transitions, around Friday nights, This is the secret sauce here, right? The tactics we're giving you are distractions, and that can help you in the short term. But then in the long term, it's really your mindset. So, I just wanted to say that.
Susan [00:12:50]:
Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Because I even remember, gosh, a few months ago, coming out of the parking garage and being like, ugh, and feeling like, wow. And I had the thought, this would have been a night I definitely would have gone home and drank. And I was just like, okay. What am I thinking that's creating these thoughts? Do you feel this feeling? And it was kinda like, was this day? Like, I don't know. And I started to question my thoughts, and it was like, is this day so bad that, like, why am I feeling this way? And I just had this thought, like, I don't have to feel this way.
Susan [00:13:25]:
What are the thoughts I'm thinking that are making me feel this way? Is that really true? Not really. The day wasn't that bad, but it was almost like a habit of having that feeling at the end of the day. Like, wow. This day this week really sucked, man. You know what I mean? That was almost a habit of having that thought because having that thought led to having that drink. And sometimes we think the same thoughts over and over again. That drink was seen by my mind, by my brain and my subconscious as a reward. And it said, oh, when Susan thinks, wow.
Susan [00:13:57]:
This week really sucked, I'm just crawling to the finish line, that means ding, ding, ding, we get a drink. So I had to change the way I was even thinking. And when I really looked at it, I was like, no. This day wasn't that bad. Why am I even feeling down? I don't and I put some I was I put some music on and just started singing and started and I started feeling better. And I was like, well, there you go. There you go. We haven't really felt that bad.
Susan [00:14:24]:
It was almost Yeah. It was an automatic negative thought that was a habit. Yeah. Mhmm.
Ruby [00:14:32]:
Yes. And we continue to have these old stories, these old thoughts. And once we're aware of them and just ask that question, I love that question you asked, is it really true? Is it really true that this day at work was the most horrible or something? But, you know, all the things we've gone through, you did it already. You've already figured out ways. We're just finding out new ways to live life, feel life. Right? Feel our lives. We wanna have the thoughts and the feelings that all resonate with how we wanna be in our lives, how we wanna move through the world. Right? And not just reach for that drink, that wine at the end of the day, at the end of our week.
Ruby [00:15:17]:
Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So
Susan [00:15:22]:
Now Friday night actually, it's so interesting that I was working so hard and going out. It's like now on Friday nights, I don't want to go out. My husband will go, do you wanna go to the movies? I'm like, no. I need to decompress. I love my cozy home and maybe it's because it's winter and cold. We're coming out of winter now, but it has been cold. I don't wanna go anywhere. Even though Friday night was a work from home day for me, I just wanted to hunker down and go back.
Susan [00:15:53]:
I kind of think it's funny. It's like a full circle. I've gone back to Netflix and usually watch something funny. We make sure it's pretty light. Like, we, you know, we just started watching Schitt's Creek again. I think we've seen it, like, three times, but I'm like,
Ruby [00:16:07]:
oh, I love that show.
Susan [00:16:08]:
Episode, and they're so funny. We just want something funny and light and fun on a Friday night, go to bed early, and we always get sushi. So that's the new thing. We do get takeout. My husband goes out and gets it, brings it home. So we have sushi and Netflix. No alcohol. Sometimes I would have mocktails.
Susan [00:16:27]:
Sometimes just sparkling water. You know? And it's so funny how it's like I sit in the same place, on the same couch. I'm the way our living room is or family room, there really is no other place to put the couch. But there goes my water. But it's okay. Like, now drinking isn't part of that routine. And Yeah. So basically, I do the same thing I did when I was in the beginning.
Ruby [00:16:51]:
Hilarious, Susan.
Susan [00:16:53]:
I feel amazing about it.
Ruby [00:16:56]:
That's hilarious. And it's okay. It's okay. I guess that's where I had gotten into comedy movies. Yeah. Where I had gotten to was that socializing was the kind of the opposite was happening. Right? Friday nights used to be about maybe happy hour, meeting friends, wanting to, you know, celebrate the end of the work week. But as my drinking got, you know, more and more heavier drinking every day, I ended up not going out.
Ruby [00:17:29]:
Right? It was just the Netflix TV alone drinking. And then now the opposite happens for me. This is so funny. We're kinda well, that's why we're all so different. But now, on a Friday night, I can do whatever I want. That's the point. Like, I can meet my friends, which I wasn't, or I can have time alone. You know? And or but I'd mostly do is probably get my shoes on after on a Friday night and walk my dog.
Ruby [00:17:59]:
Like, I love to do that. Be outside as much as possible. But let me just paint you a picture. It's the freedom, the freedom to do whatever I want instead of being, like, enslaved to alcohol. That's what it felt like. Alcohol had control over me. I have this freedom to do a yoga class if I want, stay home and take a bath and snuggle and watch, you know, my dog, or go for a walk, or do meditation. Or sometimes I
Ruby [00:18:33]:
go to the grocery store on a Friday night at like 10 PM and do all my grocery shopping when no one's there. Well, except for all the people. I look in the baskets, and they're all getting their alcohol, which is so interesting to me because I never used to go out and grocery shop in the evenings. So, it's just whatever I wanna do. I have total freedom, which is amazing. So I wanna have you. I want to paint that picture for you that you don't have to have control over. Alcohol doesn't have to have control over you. Yeah.
Ruby [00:19:05]:
So Yeah. This is the point where I ask you about what you're doing to feel it Susan. What do you think?
Susan [00:19:17]:
Sure. I always feel like you have really good ones. And I'm like but I'm gonna go back to the gym, which I talked about at the beginning, where I I think strength training for me has been a big part of my transition to an alcohol free lifestyle. And what's really interesting is it has been a part of my life since 2011. I started going to this gym in Connecticut called Tough Girl, and it's all about women, you know, strong women. And it's about being strong, not just being skinny. And, in fact, we never talk about being thin.
Susan [00:19:59]:
We just talk about being strong. There's no mirrors. She talks about lifting and lifting heavy for women. And interestingly enough, back when I was exploring my drinking in 2011, 2013, 2014, and throughout this whole journey, I have always worked out. I didn't and I would work out even with a hangover on Saturday mornings and feel so guilty about it. And so I can just see now in my workouts how much further I am able to go in my fitness level with eliminating alcohol, which is amazing. But it's just that idea of being strong in my body and strong in my mind. Strength training for women, I think, is amazing at any age, but especially, you know, in our fifties.
Susan [00:20:52]:
I think it is so helpful. And I don't know if people know. Like, you worry that it's gonna bulk you up, you know, lifting heavy, but it really doesn't. Like, if I were holding a weight in the front and squatting, I could probably hold maybe 40 pounds. Right? That's probably the most I could hold. So I started doing the strength focused workouts in this place, at this gym. And if I do a back squat, like, with the bar you know? And at first, it got so nerve-racking I could barely even move the bar. The bar is 45 pounds as it is, and I could barely lift the bar to put it up.
Susan [00:21:26]:
So I'd stayed away from it for so long or just really going to the super strength side. Like, we lift heavy in the, what they call, the sweat workouts. But I went to the lift workouts this past year and took it up a notch. And, like, I was super intimidated because I could barely even get the bar up, and then there's all these you know, you maneuver things around to have to have things safety for the safety. But, anyway, so I'm up to being able to back squat, which is the bar on your back, a 100 pound, which is so much like, when I just have the 40 pounds on my back, which is what I could, like, I could squat if I was holding it in the front, it feels so light. And I'm yeah. I've gotten up to 100 pounds. And I feel like my legs are so much stronger.
Susan [00:22:15]:
And then when I go for walks, like, around the block, I'm just feeling like, oh my gosh. My legs are just so much stronger. And that's how I wanna feel in my body and my mind is strong. Right? So I just suggest you know, it's a fun thing. I think anybody can do it, and I kind of love it now. I love it even more than cardio. I used to be, like, a cardio maniac, and now I'm like, oh, just give me weights over cardio any day. So, yeah, that is what I do to feel it.
Susan [00:22:48]:
I'm good.
Ruby [00:22:49]:
That's amazing. I just wanna chime in. And since I knew this was the topic today, so I did a little research and, like, there are so many benefits for strength training for women over 40. Bone health, increased muscle math, mass, improved posture. Mhmm. You increase your bone density. You lose weight. You have better mental health, increased metabolism, better sleep.
Ruby [00:23:12]:
It increases your energy. It can prevent you from injury. And bonus, you look younger. You just look younger and feel better. So, I just need to do this. I am not doing this. So, thank you. I'm so glad that we are mentioning this today because to feel lit, it's doing the things that make you sweat and make you feel good and give you energy.
Ruby [00:23:38]:
Right? So, I'm going to do this. Maybe I'll even join a gym. We'll see.
Susan [00:23:43]:
Yeah. Well, this is a boutique gym. This isn't a big gym where, you know, you're there and tons of people around you giving men will come up to me and, like, give me advice, little lady. I'm like, no. This is a different space, and I love that but about it. And, yeah, finding a good trainer, I think, especially if you're gonna lift weights is really important for the safety for sure. But did you also know, here's a great fact, that you burn more calories from weight lifting than you do from cardio because you burn for 24 hours after. Yeah.
Susan [00:24:19]:
And you're only burning calories when you're doing cardio for the amount of time that you're doing cardio. So yeah. Yeah. Wow. Muscles burn more calories than yeah. So muscle mass. Yeah. Increasing your muscle.
Ruby [00:24:36]:
And if we're over 40 or over 50, it's just something that I know I'm gonna I'm gonna add it, Susan. And yeah. And we just met recently. You're so fit. So you look really fit. So I'm inspired. Oh, thank you. Yeah.
Susan [00:24:54]:
Oh, great. Yay.
Ruby [00:24:55]:
So Well, I'm excited for you. I know. This episode was so much fun. Again, like, getting through Friday night, it's a thing, and we're here to support you. And I hope you really got something from this, and we'd love to hear from you. So join our Facebook community. That's where we're gonna be, at least Susan or I, like, almost every other day. We're gonna be in there, and you can ask questions.
Ruby [00:25:21]:
That's a great place to ask us questions there. And maybe we'll even mention your name when we ask a question. All right.
Susan [00:25:32]:
Great. What I'd love is to hear your before and after Friday nights or, you know, some of the tactics you're using for your Friday nights too. Let's crowdsource and share ideas. We've shared a lot of ideas here too, but you guys have so much wisdom. So we'd love for you to share it with us. Yes.
Ruby [00:25:51]:
In our community. Yay. Do something today to feel it. Bye. See you next time. Thanks so much for listening to the Feel Lit Alcohol Free podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show?
Susan [00:26:03]:
All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in
Ruby [00:26:20]:
to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feellipodcast.com
Susan [00:26:29]:
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time.