Susan [00:00:57]:
This has been just A Wild Ride, and I'm just loving it so much. Me too. It's just been great. So we have another great question today, which is a really common question. So if you relate to this, we hear this a lot in some of the work we do with our clients. And the question is, I've tried to stop drinking, but I'm scared I won't fall asleep without wine. So I only make it a couple of days because I'm so tired by day 3 AF
Susan [00:01:31]:
That is a super common question and that and being nervous about not being able to fall asleep, of course, doesn't help you fall asleep. When we've used wine as a tool to help us sleep. It can be kind of rocky in the 1st few weeks, going alcohol free, and we have a resident expert spurt here in coach Ruby because coach Ruby is a certified sleep coach. So I'm just gonna turn it over to coach Ruby to give us all the info and tips and have her take the lead on this. So
Ruby [00:02:07]:
Yeah. Yep. I am certified with Professor Gradisar and his Wink courses, and I am certified. So the reason why I got certified is I know that this is such a common issue. Like, for me, that was one of the main reasons why I drink. I definitely use it as a tool to help me fall asleep. I was so scared. Like, that question, I just pulled it out because it just related so much.
Ruby [00:02:32]:
How will I fall asleep? Like, I I I always had poor sleep even as a child, teenager. And when I found alcohol, it was a tool. Right? It is because it numbs your body. It's anesthesia. You start to slow down, it slows down, so you can fall asleep easily, or I'd call it passing out. Like, my story would be, I used it every night.
Ruby [00:02:58]:
I would agree with myself. I'll just have 1 to help me relax after work. And the next thing I know, It's like 2 or 3 in the morning. So I definitely fell asleep, and I went into a deep sleep. But the thing is when you drink alcohol, You're not getting restful and healing sleep. You're not actually sleeping well. So, yeah, Do you feel like you felt anything from drinking, Susan? Well, I didn't have issues falling asleep after when I went AF, but
Susan [00:03:33]:
I didn't really understand how much alcohol affected your sleep until I started learning about it. And, you know, of course, the 3 AM wake up call in the middle of the night was and with the anxiety and the dehydration and stuff I knew, you know, didn't help my sleep at all. Then sometimes it was hard to go back to sleep. And, I mean, it was definitely a marker for me. It would have been a bad night if I didn't wash my face. If I woke up in the middle of the night and still had my makeup on, that was, like, total shame spiral of, like, oh my gosh, that I because Even if I drink a lot, I still I just have this habit of washing my face, and so I knew it was really bad if I hadn't washed my face. And so yeah. So, yeah.
Susan [00:04:19]:
So once I started learning that my REM sleep was so affected, it just helped me wanna embrace an alcohol free lifestyle for my health and my sleep so much more.
Ruby [00:04:31]:
So Yeah. So let's talk about that, the REM sleep. So when in the first half of the night, let's just say you're having a typical 8 hours of sleep. The first 4 hours or the deep sleep. And you are getting deep sleep when you're drinking, but the second half of the night is when you do your REM. It switches to REM sleep, and that stands for app rapid eye movement. And that's when you're dreaming, making memories, learning, processing emotions. You know, this is a critical time and he and healing.
Ruby [00:05:06]:
You're just healing your brain. I always say it's like a dishwasher for your brain. You know? Like, you're not getting your REM sleep. So someone who's Not drinking might get 6 REM cycles or 3 to 6. When you're drinking, you might get 1 or 2. So it's really huge. Okay. So I wanted to talk about the 1st week because the question was about, like, You know, I only make it 3 days, and then I drink.
Ruby [00:05:40]:
So that is so common. First of all, if that's happening to you, it's very common, and here's why. When you used to go alcohol free that 1st week, your sleep, It's like the opposite insomnia. Instead of easy to fall asleep, but then you might wake up in the middle of the night and have that anxiety that you mentioned, Susan, The opposite happens where it's difficult to fall asleep. But then once you are asleep, you tend to sleep better and you might be getting REM sleep. But what happens, it's kinda like a wave where, say, you go to bed at 10 normally, fall asleep. When you go alcohol free that 1st night, you might fall asleep at 11. Night 2, you might fall asleep by 12.
Ruby [00:06:22]:
Night 3, it's gonna be maybe 1 or 2 in the morning, and then it'll get better. So it's like a wave. So that is a critical time, nights 3 to 4. You will probably be the tiredest you're going to be, but if you push through, your sleep recalibrates naturally. Now many people’s sleep will recalibrate within a week, oftentimes. For some people, it's longer. Some people, it's 30 days.
Ruby [00:06:50]:
Some people, it's a couple weeks. But here's the thing. Once you are alcohol free for about 3 months, That's when you can really start addressing if you do have insomnia. You may actually have insomnia that's not even related to alcohol, so Kinda have to wait for a few months, but I wanna give you more tips. Is this a good time?
Susan [00:07:14]:
We’d love to hear some tips for that 1st week for sure. Yeah.
Ruby [00:07:18]:
Okay. So I talked about the “wave”. I want you to be aware of it and see it. Okay. Instead of like, oh, I'm so scared, and this was me though. I was so scared that I couldn’t fall asleep or I'm never gonna fall asleep. I'm so tired.
Ruby [00:07:33]:
Think of this time. You have, like, maybe 6 or 8 hours extra time that 1st week that you could binge watch a TV show, or listen to an audiobook, or do a project or hobby that you haven't done, or read a book. Like, You can see this as a positive time. I think it's about mindset. Right? Instead of, oh my gosh, I'm not sleeping. Don't just lay there in bed for all these hours. Get up. Go do something that you wanna do.
Ruby [00:08:00]:
If you know you're gonna be awake, like, for 2 or 3 more hours, get up. Have fun.
Susan [00:08:09]:
Get up and have fun. Woo hoo. I'm awake in the middle of the night.
Ruby [00:08:12]:
You're awake. Yeah. It's temporary. It's temporary.
Susan [00:08:16]:
Okay. Knowing that, yeah, would be helpful. Yeah. Well, what do you do about being super tired though those 1st 3 days? Because then you're tired and then you feel like Okay. You're you know, you don't have as much energy to to keep your goals of staying alcohol free. Yeah. So I think the 1st week that you go alcohol free, treat yourself like you
Ruby [00:08:38]:
have the flu. So much double down on that self care. And rest. Power naps are excellent. Instead of, like, long naps, at, like, 20 minute naps, set a timer. Wake up at the same time every day. I totally recommend this. Every day, wake up, you know, if it's 7 AM or whatever time.
Ruby [00:08:58]:
Have your caffeine. Go ahead and have caffeine in the morning and your power naps. Give yourself lots of self care, rest, hydrate, and know that you're gonna be tired. If you know in advance, maybe you can have a, like, a less of a workload or Someone could help you with your kids or try to just know you may be tired. You may feel like you have the flu too. It's that kind of detoxing. Not only is sleep affected, but you might have headaches or feel dehydrated. So it's all about self care that 1st week.
Ruby [00:09:32]:
Just do those things that bring you comfort and soothing and maybe take baths and, Yeah. Binge watch your favorite TV shows. I've yeah. I think this is a good segue too, though, into, like, technology. Yeah. Yeah.
Susan [00:09:47]:
Do you
Ruby [00:09:48]:
Want me to head into that?
Susan [00:09:49]:
When you said binge watching a show, I'm like, oh, I've always heard that you shouldn't do anything electronic before you go to bed. Tonic before you go to bed. Right. I've wondered about using my Kindle because I usually read my books on a Kindle.
Ruby [00:10:01]:
Right. No. That's, like, old. Like,that's old news. Oh. Old news. So in my training, and there were studies that prove this, there's a difference between active and passive technology. That's kind of the difference.
Ruby [00:10:16]:
So think of active technology. I think of it as like using my thumbs. Right? Like, what do you do when you use your thumbs? Maybe texting, YouTube, you're kinda forwarding, Instagram, like social media, any kind of video games like solitaire, like any any games are active, things like that. Now passive technology can actually help you fall asleep, and that's TV because you're not, you know, you're not you're just you're watching a show. It can be audiobooks. It can be your Kindle. So it's not about the blue light so much. It's about active versus passive technology.
Ruby [00:10:55]:
So listen to music, listen to an audiobook, listen to, you know, guided meditations. Those are perfect. And yeah. So That's great
Susan [00:11:06]:
to know.
Ruby [00:11:06]:
Did you learn something?
Susan [00:11:08]:
I did. I'm, like, taking notes, Ruby, because I'm always berating my husband because he loves to fall asleep with the TV on. And I always said, that doesn't help you sleep, but now I guess I can't say that anymore.
Ruby [00:11:19]:
It does. It can really help.
Susan [00:11:21]:
Yeah. Okay. Good. Good to know. Yeah. That's really great information. I know a lot of people still want some sort of something. They're like, I just still need to sleep.
Susan [00:11:33]:
I just can't do this. I have to get some sleep. And I know there are some things that supplements that can help, like sorry. About calm, magnesium. But a lot of people turn to melatonin gummies, you know, because they've heard that melatonin helps you fall asleep. And, you know, I'm not a nutritionist or, You know, I have experienced some you know, I'm just sharing what some people have used the Calm, which is magnesium. It's a powder. You can put it, like, in liquid and Take it.
Susan [00:12:05]:
I tried it, but it gave me diarrhea. So, I mean, it's magnesium, like, TMI. Yep. Of magnesia. Yeah. I know. I'm Sorry. Milk of Magnesia, that's where the Magnesia part of that comes from.
Susan [00:12:18]:
So I was like, oh, this is not for me. But yeah. Yeah. So about, like, melatonin and those kinds of supplements? What would you say about it?
Ruby [00:12:25]:
Okay. I do have some things to say about it. I do think that, You're having, I don't know, a little bit of medication or supplements to help you that 1st week or 1st couple weeks can be a good thing to do. But I wanna just Mhmm. Let you know, like so there's, like, 9 different kinds of magnesium. And only, you know, the main one that helps you sleep is the glycinate. So you're gonna wanna look for the g l y, glycinate magnesium. So don't just grab any bottle of magnesium and think you're gonna sleep.
Ruby [00:12:58]:
And I I don't know too much about the calm you mentioned, but I think it must have the magnesium glycinate. It does that to me too, my stomach. Yeah. Too much magnesium is, yeah. I have to use the bathroom a lot. But I actually have a story about melatonin. So, again, I'm not gonna offer any advice on supplements or but I'm going to share a story because it's kind of interesting. I thought, oh, let me try melatonin.
Ruby [00:13:27]:
You know? I was having some bad sleep during COVID time. And, Here's the thing. It's not just a supplement. Melatonin is a hormone. And it's so interesting that people just think, oh, I'll just take Melatonin, but I really want you to be cautious. And here's the thing, when I took it, I I think I took it for less than a week. And within less than a week, probably within 3 or 4 days, I felt that addiction “feeling”. Like, I literally said to myself, I want to use melatonin forever.
Ruby [00:14:05]:
How am I gonna stop melatonin? I had the same thoughts that I kinda had around wine and falling asleep. And it happened within, like, 3 days. And I had to wean myself off and be super scared again, like, how am I gonna fall asleep? It was so crazy. So I feel like maybe for some people, It can be addictive. Also, I, the next day, wasn't performing on my job very well. It started to affect me, like, I had brain fog in the mornings. I was making a lot of mistakes at work, so be very cautious. That's gonna be my cautionary story around melatonin because I think sometimes people go, oh, it's a supplement.
Ruby [00:14:46]:
It's natural, and then you just take it. But Just listen to your own intuition. Like, listen to your body. If you start to feel like you're Having those thoughts like, I need this forever, like, that was, like, uh-oh. That's a problem.
Susan [00:15:05]:
Yeah. That's so interesting. I'm so glad you shared that. Wow. Well, what are some natural things that we can do? Like, I know they say, you know, have a cold bedroom, sometimes a weighted blanket. The weight of a blanket on you can help you sleep, different Yeah. I don't know. Meditations or some some, you know, people say those work.
Susan [00:15:28]:
What are your thoughts about, know, natural things?
Ruby [00:15:30]:
There are so many things. So if you were to Google, like, sleep hygiene, there's, like, thousands of things you guys. So what's so cool is you just keep trying. It's like you tried this, and it didn't work. Try something else, if that doesn't work. Then try another until this works a little bit. Okay. I'll keep doing that.
Ruby [00:15:50]:
So some of the things you can try are, like, teas, watching your bedtime routine, like getting ready for bed. There's this really cool if you're a ruminator, you know, like someone that wakes up in the middle of the night and starts like, oh, I shoulda done this. Shoulda oh, I got this to do tomorrow. You're one of those ruminators. Then, I have a a tactic for you to try. So about an hour or 2 before you go to bed, you can start thinking about what you might worry about. Like, get on top of it in advance. So, like, a couple hours before bed, get out a journal, and journal, like, what you're worried about, what you might bring up in the middle of the night, and then come up with solutions or say, I'm gonna deal with this tomorrow.
Ruby [00:16:35]:
And then when you wake up in the middle of the night and you start to worry, you can go back to your journal and be like, oh, I'm not I'm not gonna worry about this now. I already wrote it in my journal. I'm going to worry about it tomorrow. You know? Like, you can just know that you've already written it down. There's Yoga Nidra, n I d r a, which is very relaxing. There you mentioned, like, guided meditations, like Calm app, Insight Timer. There's all those different kinds of soothing music. Here's something I do. I just so Yeah.
Ruby [00:17:08]:
All the soothing music doesn't work for me because I can still think. It's like, I'm thinking, thinking, thinking. So I listened to an audiobook that I've heard, like okay. I'll tell you. It's a pride and prejudice audiobook. It's got Rosamund Pike. You know? She's an actor. I love, like, that kinda English accent.
Ruby [00:17:28]:
Put it on at a slower speed. And since I've heard the story 1000 times, I don't need to. It's like I don't listen to the words, but I don't have to, like, listen so much that I'll miss the story. It really helps me. Yeah. And then, like, a body scan. Have you done a body scan? Yeah. I know. It's so cool.
Susan [00:17:48]:
That is Yeah. I didn't know that about you, Ruby. That is so cool, and I love Pride and Prejudice. That's so cool.
Ruby [00:17:54]:
I read it every year. Yeah.
Susan [00:17:55]:
Uh-huh. My gosh. That's so great. I have tried body scans for sure, you know, starting at your feet and kind of even scrunching it up and then relaxing it, and then starting with your calves, scrunching up and relaxing, you know, going through your whole body or scanning to feel where you're holding tension in your body and then specifically, you know, focusing on that part and relaxing that part, and then going to the next body part that you feel you're holding tension and then specifically Relax that part. Yeah. I think that really works. What I do almost every night now is I do feet up the wall, which is a yoga pose that is very easy because basically you're laying on the floor. I have a yoga mat in my room.
Susan [00:18:39]:
I lay on the floor, and you put your feet up the wall so that they're, you know, like an l shape, and it is a great pose. It really helps you relax, and it helps with stress relief and tension relief in your neck, which I have a lot of tension in my neck. It's also supposedly really good for your digestion. Like, I've noticed sometimes well, I won't go into that, but I'm already at TMI.
Ruby [00:19:06]:
No more potty talk.
Susan [00:19:10]:
No more potty talk! I'm so sorry. I also have foot cramps a lot, especially my left foot. I have bad feet, but it helps with foot cramps. It helps elongate, like, your hamstrings. So if you have tight hamstrings if you've been sitting or standing a lot. But I find I do that, and then I read, like, a couple pages or a chapter on my Kindle of a novel, or I've also laid there and and, Just breathe. And then when I get up to go to bed, I just feel so much more relaxed, and it usually really helps Meet, fall asleep faster.
Susan [00:19:48]:
So I've and, again, I experimented with things just like you suggested, and that really did help me. And so it's like, okay. Keep this. Keep doing what makes you feel good. So wait,
Ruby [00:20:00]:
Susan, would you say the feet up the wall is the thing that makes you feel lit?
Susan [00:20:05]:
Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. I mean, it's a part of my night routine, and feeling relaxed is part of feeling lit and feeling, and, yeah, feeling relaxed in my body. I just feel so much better. So it's definitely part of my lit routine in the evening. You know, I've talked about my lit routine in the morning, and that is definitely something. It's cold.
Susan [00:20:27]:
I have to wrap up in my robe. Sometimes it's cold in my house at this time of year. But I I have been doing it consistently, and I see a difference in my body too. Just, you know,
Ruby [00:20:39]:
I just learned something. I'm gonna try it tonight. I mean, I have done my feet up on the wall in yoga classes, and it does feel good, but I've never tried it before bed. So I'm definitely gonna try that. Yeah.
Susan [00:20:52]:
You wanna do it for about 15 minutes if you can. Okay. But, you know, always work your way up to it. If you wanna stretch your legs even more. You can kind of slide them down the wall in a v, and that kind of opens up your lower back and feels really good too. It's like finding what feels good. That's from yoga with Adriene, but I love that saying. Find what feels good for you.
Ruby [00:21:12]:
Find what feels good.
Susan [00:21:14]:
It's usually pretty available to everyone if you can lay on the floor. You know? And if your hammy's are really tight, you know, just, like, having them just Even if they're not straight up and down, it'll start to soften them and loosen them up
Ruby [00:21:27]:
a little bit. So yeah. So
Susan [00:21:29]:
yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Ruby [00:21:31]:
I guess I forgot to say, and I wanna just say before we, I don't know, wrap up that the 4 things to help anybody Fall asleep are, a cool bedroom. Okay. Because your body needs to actually go down in temperature to, like, fall into sleep. It’s that your body temperature drops. So cool bedroom, a quiet bedroom. So look at that. Maybe your husband or spouse is snoring or maybe your dog is in your bed and keeping you up. Like, Quiet is very important.
Ruby [00:22:10]:
So there's 4 things. Cool, quiet, dark. Dark, you might need lines that are darker. Dark is very good and comfortable. Having a comfortable bed is super important, and just sleeping is so much more important. I want to stress that. Like, sleep is one of the best healing and healthy things that you can do for yourself.
Ruby [00:22:36]:
And, oh, tip, you lose weight when you sleep. You lose weight when you get good sleep. So I want you all to know that
Susan [00:22:47]:
Wow.
Ruby [00:22:48]:
Actually getting sleep, maybe taking that sleep aid so you fall asleep and get good sleep. Once I heard that, I was like, no way. I thought you had to be, like, exercising to lose weight. Nope. You also lose weight when you sleep. So that's fun. Fun facts.
Ruby [00:23:04]:
Fun facts from coaching.
Susan [00:23:06]:
So I always, Yeah. When we go to hotels and they have such a bright, like, digital clock, I'm always putting a washcloth over it because it's too bright. You know? And, yeah, the bright, any kind of light in the room. I need quiet. But I'm also a very light sleeper, so I'll wake up at like, even when the heater turns on. So I actually use a white noise machine that kind of just will even out the noise to where if there is a little bit of a noise, it'll be drowned out kind of by the white noise machine. I use that a lot in hotels too because there's always weird sounds in hotels, so you can sometimes hear the people next to you. I don't know if that's something that you know about, but it works for me, definitely.
Ruby [00:23:45]:
I have this white noise. Mhmm.
Susan [00:23:48]:
And I always heard that you shouldn't wear socks to bed because they make your feet hot, and that you will wake up because your body will start to rise in temperature, and that'll cause you to wake up even if your feet are really cold when you first get into bed.
Ruby [00:24:04]:
I've heard that too. You do want to have a cool room and buy a weighted blanket you brought up too. I just wanna mention that. That can be really handy especially if you're a mover. If you move around a lot, the weighted blanket will keep you kind of, more steady or stable, whatever the right word is, when you're falling asleep.
Susan [00:24:23]:
Yeah.
Ruby [00:24:24]:
Yeah. In the middle of the night. Whoo.
Susan [00:24:26]:
I love this. I love all these things. Topic because I think it helps people who are alcohol free, but it just helps anyone, really. You can be alcohol free and still struggle with your sleep. And sleep, like you said, is so important to our health.
Ruby [00:24:39]:
It's, like, one the number one things. Right? It literally is number 1. Breath work, drinking water, and sleep, like but sleep, if you get good sleep and once you do have that, like, 1st night, all night sleep when you go alcohol free whenever that people are just, like, so blissful, and that is feeling lit. Waking up the next morning after sleeping is, like, blissful, and it's the best thing. It's the best reason to be alcohol free.
Susan [00:25:07]:
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Well, one of the things I was gonna add as far as my feeling lit routine, in addition to feet up the wall, which is something I do to feel lit, but also is Aromatherapy, which also can be helpful with sleep. Cedarwood is a good scent or lavender, and if you have, like, a little diffuser near your bed, but, also, what makes me feel lit just in general in life is that smells really affect me.
Ruby [00:25:40]:
Me too.
Susan [00:25:41]:
We live a really old house. And if I walk in the house and it smells like an old house, it just brings my mood down. And so just even having diffusers in different areas of the house that have I love, like, citrusy scents. In the fall, I use, like, an orange and a little bit of a Cinnamon Spice, and it just smells so good. And I don't know. There's just something about when my house smells good, and I use candles sometimes too, but it just makes me feel good. And so, I mean, just little things like this that can just light you up like a beautiful scent and how That can be part of self care. Right? It's just knowing that this is something you enjoy.
Susan [00:26:19]:
This is something that makes your life feel fun and enjoyable and just, you know, full of sense. Yeah. Just to also kind of engage our senses. Like, a lot of times we think, oh, our senses, hearing, seeing, feeling. What about smelling? You know what I mean?
Ruby [00:26:38]:
So do you get the little oils? Like, I I I did Yeah. I don't know. I think it was about before COVID. Like, a few years ago, 5 years ago, I got kinda sucked into the I think it's called Young Young Living, and I, like, got on there. And I ended up having so many of these little bottles, but I had diffusers around the house. And I love, like, the citrus too, and Vanilla is a scent I love. Yeah.
Susan [00:27:09]:
You have to be careful because, Yes. You get into this thing where they just keep mailing them to you, which I did also. I know. And I had accidentally got, like, 2 diffusers. I'm like, I didn't need to order those. So I gave him away as Christmas gifts, and then I had all these extra oils, and I gave those away as Christmas gifts. But then I was like, okay. I have to go in and, like, stop that.
Ruby [00:27:28]:
I want to order what I want. There and there's lots of different companies too that can order the oils, order what I want, and not get on this automatically by sending them to me. So that is something to Oh, wow.
Susan [00:27:46]:
I love them. Yeah.
Ruby [00:27:48]:
I love We have a local company in town that it's all local oils, and That's where I end up going now. It's called Rosemary's Garden. Oh, I guess I'm plugging Rosemary's Garden, but it's just a local little yeah. Yeah.
Susan [00:28:01]:
And you're in Sebastopol, which is in wine country. So Mhmm. That's so cool. I love that idea too, like, looking when you do go to wine country, and I think we're gonna talk about this on an episode, what to do in wine country if you're not drinking, but going to these cute little stores. So there's one you could go to, Rosemary's Garden, and get some essential oils. It's nice to go to a local shop. You know, it's nice too instead of just ordering everything online. I love that.
Susan [00:28:30]:
Yeah. Right.
Ruby [00:28:32]:
Well, we should, what do you think? Wrap up? I guess so. You know? So much fun though, but Me too. I
Susan [00:28:41]:
I know. I never wanna hang up.
Ruby [00:28:45]:
Let's see. So we could, share again that we have our Facebook group and that it's really active in there and super Fund, so please join
Susan [00:28:56]:
Yes. We're getting tons of questions from people, and they are great. And they are going right into our spreadsheet. So we are moving through those questions. And so if you have a question, You know, give it to us either in your review or also join our Facebook group and put it in the feed there, and we will answer it.
Susan [00:29:18]:
And also let us know what you do to feel lit because we want to also share all of your secrets.
Ruby [00:29:25]:
Mhmm. Lots of secrets. Alright. Thank you so much for listening. Take care. Thanks so much for listening to feel it alcohol free podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show?
Susan [00:29:41]:
All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune in to hear your question answered live.
Ruby
Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feelitpodcast.com.
Susan [00:30:08]:
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time.