Susan [00:00:00]:
Sick and tired of your love hate relationship with wine?
Ruby [00:00:05]:
Welcome to the Feel It Alcohol Free podcast. Hi. I'm coach Ruby Williams.
Susan [00:00:09]:
And I'm coach Susan Larkin.
Ruby [00:00:11]:
We're 2 former wine lovers turned alcohol freedom coaches exposing the lies about alcohol
Susan [00:00:17]:
and giving you, our listeners, the tools to break free so you can feel lit. And when you're lit, you'll Feel healthier, freer,
Ruby [00:00:25]:
and more in control of your life.
Susan [00:00:27]:
So relax, kick back, and get ready to feel lit alcohol free. And don't forget,
Ruby [00:00:33]:
grab a copy of our wine free weekend guide after the show. Happy New Year. Happy New Year
Susan [00:00:39]:
2020 Good.
Ruby [00:00:42]:
Yay. This is our 1st episode of our brand new feel it alcohol free podcast. Yay. Thank you so much for tuning in, and welcome. So we know there are Thousands and thousands of women out there who find themselves in this love hate relationship with wine, and they just don't know what to do. At least that was me. Yeah. I was there.
Susan [00:01:06]:
Me too. Me too. Absolutely. I did not know what to do, and I was felt so alone. And we are here to share our Stories with you so that you know you're not alone.
Ruby [00:01:18]:
Yeah. So we're both alcohol freedom coaches, And we actually met in a self compassion workshop, and we've been meeting and talking weekly, and then friends and colleagues for 2 years.
Susan [00:01:32]:
2 years. I know. It's been really amazing.
Ruby [00:01:34]:
And now we get to have a podcast together, so it's so exciting.
Susan [00:01:37]:
Yeah. Yes. It was so cool because you reached out to me. We're in this online workshop, and all of a sudden, somebody hey. I know you. And I was like, oh my gosh. And that was so wonderful. It's so nice to be known, and, like, I was so honored that you wanted to be my friend.
Susan [00:01:53]:
So thank you. So this podcast, we are answering your questions. And today's question is, When did you notice your drinking was becoming a problem for you? So, Ruby, I will ask you this question. You can start us off.
Ruby [00:02:13]:
Alright. Well, that's a good segue to, like, me sharing a little bit about myself and and my journey. So Oh, gosh. I guess I have to start with that. I live in wine country. So wine was definitely what I drink. My stepdad, yeah, my stepdad was a winemaker. So every night, wine was on the table, and Then I ended up working in the wine industry for over 20 years, and it I could take it or leave it at first.
Ruby [00:02:42]:
Maybe you can relate to that. Kinda snuck up on me, but when I really look back to when it started to be a problem was after bariatric surgery or weight loss surgery. Mhmm. So as a teenager, I used to numb my feelings with food. So I would say food was my first kind of, like, disorder or whatever you wanna call that, but I would eat and eat to numb my feelings. Oh, gosh. I would say that was definitely something that I dealt with first. And I what what I wanna say is, I think some of you may have what's called I call it accelerator events, like events in your life that might have pushed you over whether it's food or alcohol or any other kind of addictive thing.
Ruby [00:03:31]:
It might just push you over. You wanna numb or there's a lot of reasons why people drink. I ended up drinking for all of the reasons, But I wanna tell you about weight loss surgery because after I had a home foreclosure, I had a child custody battle with my ex and with involving lawyers, It was really stressful. I took a corporate job, which was very so stressful, and then I had some family things going on, and I was a single mom. You put all that together, and I just wanted to numb with food. And I gained over a £100 in a pretty short amount of time. And the solution, I wanted, like, a quick fix. I I couldn't figure this out, so I'd had bariatric surgery or weight loss surgery.
Ruby [00:04:12]:
And it's so interesting. You might find this interesting, Susan, how it was different. It felt like different in my body where so think about this. And your your stomach gets like, your physical stomach is tiny, so you can't eat food anymore. That was, like, my coping tool. Right. You could I could still drink alcohol. And nothing changed in my thinking.
Ruby [00:04:36]:
I still wanted to numb. Yeah. So it just quickly for me switched from a food, like, addiction to more an alcohol addiction, and it felt different in my body. It was like, It felt like that buzz feeling was very immediate, but then it went away quickly. Mhmm. So I increased my alcohol like, Two glasses, 3 glasses, a bottle, 2 bottles. It was going up and up and up, and then it switched to hard alcohol. And But let me go back to the main question.
Ruby [00:05:06]:
Like, when did I know it was a problem? Probably 7 years before I actually did something about, out. Like, really did something about it. I would just every day have this, like, cycle of I'll stop tomorrow. I'd actually said those words every day. I don't know. I'll just stop tomorrow. Yeah. I need a glass tonight to relieve the stress from work.
Ruby [00:05:25]:
I'll stop tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow. You could do that forever. You can do that for 7 years.
Susan [00:05:31]:
Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And, you know, that is so common that women with disordered eating then it's called behavior swapping, and then they be swapped tube disorder drinking. And I don't think that's really common knowledge that a lot of women who have an eating disorder and I had an eating disorder in high school and college as well. I was bulimic, and that, like I don't know. I think it's even higher than this, but I think statistically, it's, like, 35 5 to 40% of women who had an eating disorder can go on or will go on to develop a an alcohol disorder.
Ruby [00:06:03]:
Yes.
Susan [00:06:04]:
So I love using that same language, though. Disordered drinking, disordered eating. It just sounds just I like that. Disordered. Right? And but it's very common to behavior swaps. So that's fascinating. I I mean, I knew that, but I didn't know, like, all the details and, yeah, an accelerator event. Definitely, my accelerator event was when I took a a management level job.
Susan [00:06:27]:
At the same time, I was getting my MBA. My children were in high school and elementary school, and I was very stressed out. I took the I took the place of someone who had been promoted. And so she wasn't over me, but I was in her position now, and she just criticized everything I did and was did not like me. And I just came home every night and just drank over that. I was so stressed out. And, you know, I just thought, Well, that's what women you know, high powered businesswomen do. You know? We coffee in the morning and wine at night.
Susan [00:07:01]:
And Yep. And yeah. But it was definitely drinking for a coping mechanism. It wasn't social drinking. It was and I didn't drink a lot before that. I drinking was more for, for, like, holidays, special events, vacations. We I didn't drink in my daily life on a regular basis. I was very involved in our church.
Susan [00:07:21]:
I was, like, The on the leadership team, I was, for a while, the church secretary. I was on the worship team, and so and our church just didn't Include alcohol in our social events, and that was most of our most of our social life revolved around the church at that time. And so when I started to notice that my drinking was a little bit getting out of control, honestly, and the times that I said I wasn't gonna drink and then I did Anyway, I started to just feel like this is more than I I knew what the weekly, you know, Acceptable amount is for women. I was aware of that, and I was aware of the increase of breast cancer for increasing you know, the increase of breast cancer for you.
Ruby [00:08:04]:
Those antioxidants, so it's good for you. Right? Right.
Susan [00:08:08]:
Right. Right. Yeah. I hung on all that too. Yeah. Too. Oh my gosh. So but I knew you know? And so I went to my pastor and said, you know, I think that I might be drinking a little too much, and I just kinda wanted some guidance.
Susan [00:08:20]:
And they're like, well, if you think you have a problem with alcohol, you probably do. You should go to AA. Mhmm.
Ruby [00:08:26]:
And I was I was told that too. It go to AA. Yeah. I thought, okay. Well, okay.
Susan [00:08:31]:
I just felt like it was also sort of a I don't know. I just was, like, I was shocked, and I went to a meeting, and I just cried when I left the meeting on all the way home. Just like, Okay. Like, this the disease model. I'm just like, you know, all of a sudden, I just I just it didn't I didn't feel like I fit in there, but I still went. I found a sponsor. I tried to go mostly to women's meetings, but I just never quite bought into that I had this disease. It's like I was just like you know? And it just made me feel even more defective.
Susan [00:09:07]:
And so I just felt like I was Hiding. Like, I would go so far, like, towns and towns away to go to meetings so I wouldn't see anyone I knew. I was So embarrassed. I was so ashamed. Yet at the same time, I was in this black and white thinking of, like, I'm good if I don't drink, and I'm ad if I do drink. And it was very black and white. Right. Feeling also like I'm a terrible Christian because how come I can't give up alcohol for God.
Susan [00:09:36]:
You know what I mean? Like, what kind you know what I mean? Like, I just knew I you know, I was just so struggling and so feeling so Ashamed of myself and just hiding, hiding that I was quitting drinking and you know? And then when I quit AA, then I was hiding that I was drinking. So I was just always hiding. I was always feeling
Ruby [00:09:54]:
Me too. Always hiding. Yeah. I'm
Susan [00:09:56]:
feeling like I had this shame cloud over my head everywhere I went. So then I've So I so I quit AA at a certain point just feeling like this is I felt like I could moderate, and I did for a while. But it was I could tell it was a problem the 1st time I drank again. I mean, it was just like I just but I just was kidding myself, you know, that I could moderate, but I really gave it the old college try. Let me tell you. I Doug my heels in. I was gonna get back to being a normal drinker if it killed me. Whatever a normal drinker is now, you know, that I know better, but I so I dug in, and then I had a second accelerator event, which was when I we bought this music studio.
Susan [00:10:41]:
And so I'm working full time still in my stressful job. My kids are growing. I think my daughter was in college by then. My son's now in high school. We bought this music studio. So I'm working full time. I'm going to the music studio at night, teaching voice lessons, starting a nonprofit theater group, Trying to do the social media and everything for the business to get more business. We would work there till, like, 9 o'clock at night, go to this restaurant down the street because we hadn't eaten dinner, Have terrible bar food.
Susan [00:11:11]:
And 2, they have, like, this nighttime happy hour from, like, 9 to a close where you could get 2 glasses for the price of 1. So I'd have 2 ginormous you know, they you know, when they ask you if you want the the 6 ounce pour, the 9 ounce pour, the 13 ounce pour. I mean Yeah. You have to ask. You know? It's like, bring it on, babe. You know? And so I'm having these ginormous glasses of wine at night and then going home and going to bed. Well, that Pretty soon started to to accelerate to me drinking some wine in my car before going between work, full time work, and then going to the studio to start doing the work there because it was just like I just felt like I needed it. I was tired.
Susan [00:11:52]:
And so for me, alcohol helped me power through. I would say now, looking back, alcohol kept me in a state of burnout. You cannot live like
Ruby [00:12:01]:
that. Yeah.
Susan [00:12:02]:
2 jobs. Like, I had felt like I was drinking in order to Our through to do all the things that I needed to do, and it kept me in a state of burnout. When I finally Quit drinking was during COVID. And both my husband and I, we ended up, at that time, right before I quit drinking, having to close the music studio because of COVID. And then that whole summer, both of us were just so in shock of how burned out we were. Like, we did not even know how burned out we were from that whole process. So That was for me, that was drinking insane. Same.
Susan [00:12:36]:
It was, like, 6 5 well, there was, like, the 1st event in between the 2 events. It was, like, 2 years, and then there was another 5 years between 2015 and 2020 when I I really started exploring my drinking in 2019, and then I went fully alcohol free in June of 2020. And so, yeah, it was just it was It was a lot, and I'm so so relieved and so grateful that I finally found freedom because just to not hide anymore, Just the feeling, like, to get out of that shame spiral is like, I didn't realize how, well, I did realize how my life I wasn't living because that's where I decided to make that change. I woke up 1 morning and said, again, I'm probably gonna you know, I was like, who cares? That's why I woke up. Like, who cares? Yeah. And then I went, wait a minute. I care. I do not wanna live like this anymore.
Susan [00:13:32]:
And I was like and I need to do something about it. And that was just like boom, And then everything changed because I wasn't living. You know? And so that's why I love that we are naming this podcast the Feel Lit podcast. Because for me, I feel more lit now alcohol free than I ever did when I was drinking. And I know, like, feel lit, like, being lit is what we usually we we we refer to that as when somebody's been drinking that they're getting lit, but I feel more lit living an alcohol free lifestyle, and I love This name.
Ruby [00:14:06]:
I love it too. Yeah. Yeah. And and for me, feeling lit is is living to my full potential. It's stepping outside my comfort zone. I started a new career as a as as a alcohol freedom coach. It's it's waking up each morning, like, energized and just grateful to be alive because the exact opposite was happening when I was drinking. Just actually waking up feeling hopeless and in despair every day.
Susan [00:14:34]:
Yeah.
Ruby [00:14:35]:
So I really, really feel So good and energized and ignited and all those words.
Susan [00:14:42]:
Hey. On fire. I let so
Ruby [00:14:44]:
yeah. Yeah. And I wanna say one more thing about our our name. If you say it
Susan [00:14:49]:
fast, it's feel it. Like, feel it. Feel it. It.
Ruby [00:14:54]:
Like, we wanna feel it instead of numbing. We wanna feel the feelings, all the feelings. There's no bad They're all just feelings. Yeah.
Susan [00:15:02]:
Yeah. So we'll talk about that later. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a huge part of this experience is you know, they say the The great thing about sobriety is you feel your feelings. The bad thing about sobriety is you feel your feeling. But that's what we need for emotional safety. Emotional Curity is to learn that there are like you said, there's no bad feelings that we are capable of of dealing with any feeling.
Susan [00:15:23]:
And when you have that Feeling like you know you don't need an outside substance to help you deal with anything. That is so empowering. Yeah. Yeah. So and that's why we're here. We just are here for any sober, curious women who feel like they are drinking too much and are starting to question it.
Ruby [00:15:41]:
Mhmm. And it's not easy to go through this journey alone. Oh. So each week, we're gonna be giving you encouragement, strategies and tips, and we're also gonna give you inspiration. And we wanna answer your questions. So that's kind of the format. Mhmm.
Susan [00:16:00]:
Yeah. We'd love your questions. So if you're asking, like, okay. Yeah. I relate To your stories, I relate to Ruby's story. I relate to Susan's story, and you're wondering, where do I start? Like like us, we were both lost. We didn't know. And that's why we're here too is just offer these things to those of you who are like, I don't know what to do.
Susan [00:16:20]:
And the great place to start is just to start Asking questions. Start questioning, why am I drinking? Is it serving me? And, you know, I always was asking, like, is it bad enough for me to have to do something about it? Or but maybe the question is, is it good enough to stay the same? Like, I got to the point where my life was not good enough. I needed to make a change. You know?
Ruby [00:16:43]:
Yeah. And and just to get super curious. Like, I'd love for you know, just That's the 1st step. Get curious. Ask those questions. Susan gave some good ones. Let me think of some other ones. Like, you know, am I living up to my full potential? Is is alcohol holding me back? Yeah.
Ruby [00:17:04]:
From living authentically, or Am I am I living up to my full values? Like, my values of of I was hiding, and I felt like I was hiding and lying and and not living up to my standards or who I wanted to become. Are Yeah. Are you giving too much control
Susan [00:17:23]:
to alcohol? Like, all of these questions. My gosh. Yes. Authenticity is so amazing. Because even in my case of using alcohol to power through all these things, all those things weren't my things, I realized.
Ruby [00:17:36]:
You know
Susan [00:17:36]:
what I mean? Like, when you say authenticity, that just really speaks to me because I really started looking. I was like, the music studio wasn't really my thing, but I was Giving all you know, actually, alcohol is keeping me from even having dreams. Like, what are my dreams? What are my goals? What lights me up? I was just doing, you know, what I thought I should do. You know? Okay. Take this job. It's a good job. You know? Power through. Do my best.
Susan [00:18:00]:
You know, always trying to achieve, achieve, achieve. That was me. But am I achieving something that is my dream, is my desire? And Becoming alcohol free allowed me to start dreaming, allowed me to start looking at things in a different way. And, Yeah.
Ruby [00:18:17]:
For me, it was more like survival mode. Mhmm. Yeah. When I was drinking, it was more just survive like, Okay. I'm gonna, you know, make sure my my my child I was a single mom. Like, my child's fed. We have a roof over our head, like, all the basic needs. But the things that really fueled me were just and and self care, none of that was happening.
Ruby [00:18:40]:
Yeah. I was just Coming home, drinking, drinking, passing out, watching TV, and then beating myself up. So it's just That cycle kept me from living in technicolor, living, like, my dreams. And this is what we so okay. So feeling lit is living in Technicolor and and living your dreams and owning your mornings and sleeping well. Oh, good sleep. We didn't mention that, but oh my gosh. Sleep is amazing.
Ruby [00:19:10]:
Okay. So in every episode, we're also gonna just answer, What do we do? Like, what
Susan [00:19:17]:
do we do to feel it? Yeah. Self care. Yeah. Yes. So let me ask you that, Ruby, then. What do you do? What is one of the things that you do in your self care routine or just in your life that helps you feel lit?
Ruby [00:19:34]:
I just started to end my showers with cold freezing water. It's so fun. So I start my shower just regular with warm water, and then at the end, I, like, do some Wim Hof breathe, like, and then I Turn it on to the coldest I can, and I try to stay there as long as I can, but it feels so good. I know it's it's cold, But it's like it wakes me up. It I feel all, like, giddy and, like, excited, and I also think It might make us look a little younger. It might be Yeah.
Susan [00:20:06]:
Okay. Maybe I'll try it then.
Ruby [00:20:08]:
Less wrinkles. Okay?
Susan [00:20:10]:
Yeah. Well, I know it's Supposed to reset your vagus nerve, and it's good for your central nervous system. When you said Wim Hof, I have done a cold plunge after I
Ruby [00:20:18]:
did a Wim Hof workshop. But So cool.
Susan [00:20:22]:
So it was really cool, but this is so Ferdinand And Andres and Ferdinand were the 2 men doing this workshop, and so Ferdinand was holding my hand and with me the whole time. And, I mean, yeah, that made I could do that with Ferdinand holding my hands. I remember. Because I was in Spain. This was at an alcohol free retreat, which is like a gift to myself after a year of being alcohol free. And I sent a video to my husband. He's like, who's that Jesus looking guy? And I'm like, that's Ferdinand. He's like, I can't believe you're getting into the ice water, but I Can't I did that, but I cannot seem to get it into my daily life routine, so you are inspiring me to give it another try.
Susan [00:20:59]:
I'll just have to Imagine Ferdinand in my
Ruby [00:21:01]:
shower or something. Cold water therapy is an actual recovery tool and technique. And I'd love to talk about it at a future episode too a little more because I do ocean plunges too. Well, We'll just share that more later in more episodes. Yeah.
Susan [00:21:17]:
Yeah. I think we'll have a special guest for that one. So sometimes we'll have guests, But every week, we will answer your questions, and every week, we will answer this question, what we do to feel lit. And tomorrow's episode, We will answer the question, what are the major challenges that we face or that you face in exploring your drinking? So I hope that you will come and listen tomorrow. Tune in to hear us answer that question and hear more about our stories and more about what we do to feel it. Yeah.
Ruby [00:21:52]:
Thank you for listening, and just happy new year. Happy New Year. I'm so excited to start this new year off with Susan and the Feel It Alcohol Free podcast. Yay. Bye.
Susan [00:22:03]:
Thanks. Thank you. Bye.
Ruby [00:22:04]:
Thanks so much for listening to Feel It alcohol free podcast. Do you have a question you'd like us to answer on the show?
Susan [00:22:11]:
All you need to do is head over to Apple Podcasts and do 2 simple things. Leave a rating and review telling us what you think of the show. And in that review, ask us any questions you have about breaking free from wine or living an alcohol free lifestyle. That's it. Then tune
Ruby [00:22:28]:
in to hear your question answered live. Don't forget to grab your copy of a wine free weekend at www.feelitpodcast.com.
Susan [00:22:38]:
And remember, do something today that will help you feel lit. See you next time.